12 Signs You’re an Overthinker | Ep. 526

In this episode, I’m sharing 12 surprising signs that you might be an overthinker, including some sneaky patterns you may not recognize, and how becoming aware of them can help you break free from the cycle of overthinking.

In this episode, I’ll share:

• Why overthinking isn’t always obvious and how it can sneak into your everyday habits.
• How second-guessing decisions, seeking reassurance, and endless researching can keep you stuck in anxiety.
• The surprising connection between overthinking, overwhelm, sleep struggles, and physical symptoms.
• Why trying to control everything around you might actually be a sign of overthinking.
• How overthinking can become a way to avoid uncomfortable feelings and uncertainty.
• The first steps you can take to recognize these patterns, respond differently, and spend more time enjoying the present moment.

12 Signs You’re an Overthinker (And How to Start Breaking the Cycle)

Have you ever found yourself replaying a conversation from earlier in the day, wondering if you said the wrong thing? Or maybe you’ve spent hours researching a decision, asking everyone for advice, and still feeling unsure about what to do.

If this sounds familiar, you might be an overthinker.

Now, you probably already know that you overthink. But what you might not realize is that overthinking can show up in ways that have nothing to do with simply thinking too much.

It can affect your sleep, your relationships, your physical health, and even your ability to enjoy the moments that matter most.

Today, I want to walk you through 12 signs you’re an overthinker, including some sneaky ones you might not have recognized before.

And here’s why this matters: When you can recognize overthinking as it’s happening, you have an opportunity to change how you respond.

We’re not doing this to criticize ourselves or add another thing to our list of worries. We’re doing this so we can spend less time stuck in our heads and more time actually living our lives.

Let’s get into it.

1. You Read Into the Smallest Things

Let’s say you send someone a text, and they respond with a short message.

Immediately, your brain starts asking questions.

Are they upset with me?

Did I say something wrong?

Why did they respond like that?

Or maybe you finish a conversation and spend the next hour replaying everything you said, wondering whether you could have handled it differently.

This is one of the most common signs of overthinking.

Your brain takes something small and turns it into something that feels enormous.

And sometimes, that overthinking turns into self-criticism.

You might start telling yourself that you should have known better or that you embarrassed yourself.

Here’s something I want you to consider: Not every uncomfortable interaction needs to be analyzed.

Sometimes a short text is just a short text. And sometimes we say things imperfectly because we’re human.

Try this: The next time you catch yourself analyzing someone’s tone, expression, or words, gently ask yourself:

Am I solving a real problem right now, or am I trying to get certainty about something I can’t know for sure?

That little question can help you recognize when you’ve entered the overthinking cycle.

2. You Constantly Second-Guess Your Decisions

Have you ever made a decision, felt good about it for a moment, and then immediately started questioning yourself?

Maybe you chose a new job, made a purchase, or decided how to handle a difficult conversation.

But instead of moving forward, you start reviewing every possible alternative.

What if I made the wrong choice?

What if something goes wrong?

What if I regret this later?

Overthinkers often want to make the perfect decision because they believe that doing so will protect them from regret, guilt, embarrassment, or uncertainty.

But here’s the problem.

You can make a thoughtful decision without being able to guarantee the outcome.

And if you’re waiting to feel completely certain before moving forward, you might find yourself waiting a very long time.

One of the most important skills we can practice is learning to make decisions while allowing some uncertainty to remain.

You don’t have to keep reopening a decision just because doubt shows up afterward.

3. You Fall Down Research Rabbit Holes

Oh, this is a big one.

We live in a world where information is available at our fingertips.

You can Google almost anything. You can ask AI a question. You can read hundreds of articles, reviews, and opinions.

And while these tools can be incredibly helpful, they can also become part of the overthinking cycle.

Here’s what happens.

You have a question. You research it. You find an answer.

But instead of feeling satisfied, your brain comes up with another question.

And another.

And another.

Before you know it, you’ve spent hours researching something that you originally thought would take five minutes.

The problem isn’t necessarily the research. It’s what you’re hoping the research will give you.

If you’re researching because you need useful information to make a decision, that’s one thing.

But if you’re researching because you’re desperate to eliminate every bit of uncertainty, you may be feeding your anxiety instead.

Try this: Before opening another browser tab, ask yourself:

Do I actually need more information, or am I searching for a feeling of certainty?

Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is close the browser and practice allowing the unanswered question to exist.

4. You Constantly Ask Other People for Reassurance

When researching doesn’t give you the relief you’re looking for, you might turn to other people.

You ask your partner, your friends, your family, or someone you trust.

What do you think I should do?

Do you think everything will be okay?

Are you sure I made the right decision?

And here’s what’s interesting.

Even when someone gives you a perfectly reasonable answer, your brain might still respond with:

But what if they’re wrong?

This is something I see frequently with my clients.

They describe feeling as though they’re working on a puzzle, and there’s just one missing piece.

They believe that if they can find that final piece, everything will finally make sense.

But the problem is that the missing piece is often certainty, and certainty isn’t always available.

So they keep asking, researching, reviewing, and analyzing.

The goal isn’t to stop asking for help. It’s to recognize when asking for help has turned into repeatedly seeking relief from uncertainty.

When you notice yourself asking the same question again and again, see whether you can gently step away from the reassurance cycle.

5. Your Overthinking Gets Worse at Night

Does your brain seem to wait until the exact moment you’re ready to sleep before bringing up every unresolved problem in your life?

You’re lying in bed, the lights are off, everything is quiet, and suddenly your mind decides it’s time to solve seven different problems.

I know this one personally.

There was a time when I would wake up at around 2:21 in the morning, and my brain would immediately start working through everything I hadn’t figured out the day before.

And I know how exhausting that can be.

During the day, we have distractions, responsibilities, conversations, and activities.

But at night, when everything slows down, our thoughts can become much more noticeable.

The important thing to understand is that just because your brain presents a problem at 2 a.m. doesn’t mean you need to solve it at 2 a.m.

You can notice the urge to analyze without following it.

You can allow a thought to be there without turning it into a project.

And you can practice responding to your mind with kindness rather than frustration.

6. You’re Always Preparing for the Worst-Case Scenario

An anxious brain is very good at imagining everything that could possibly go wrong.

And sometimes, we mistake that imagination for preparation.

We think:

If I can just figure out what I’d do in the worst-case scenario, I’ll feel safer.

So we mentally rehearse disasters, difficult conversations, embarrassing moments, or unexpected problems.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with reasonable preparation.

If you’re planning an outdoor wedding, thinking about what you’ll do if it rains makes sense.

But there’s a difference between practical planning and spending hours mentally rehearsing frightening possibilities.

When your attention is constantly focused on danger, your body and mind can remain in a heightened state of anxiety.

I like to think of this as repeatedly pressing the gas pedal on your anxiety.

You’re continually giving your brain more threatening material to respond to.

One helpful strategy is to distinguish between productive problem-solving and rumination.

Productive problem-solving has a purpose. It helps you identify a realistic next step.

Rumination, on the other hand, keeps you circling around the same frightening possibilities without moving forward.

Ask yourself:

Is this helping me prepare for something realistic, or am I mentally rehearsing fear?

7. You Keep Telling Yourself, “If I Could Just Figure This Out, Then I’d Be Okay”

This is one of my favorite signs to teach because it’s such a helpful way to recognize overthinking.

I call these if-then statements.

They sound something like this:

• If I could just solve this problem, then I’d feel better.
• If I could just understand why this happened, then I could move on.
• If I could just know for sure, then I could relax.
• If I could just make the perfect decision, then my anxiety would go away.

Do you notice the pattern?

You’re making your ability to feel okay dependent on solving something first.

And sometimes, yes, solving a problem does bring relief.

But many of the things we overthink don’t have clear answers.

We can’t always know what someone thinks about us.

We can’t guarantee that a decision will work out.

We can’t predict every possible outcome.

When you make peace dependent on certainty, you can end up postponing peace indefinitely.

Instead, consider practicing a different response:

I can feel uncertain and still move forward.

You don’t have to solve every question your mind presents before you can participate in your life.

8. You Struggle to Stay Present

Of all the signs we’re discussing, this might be one of the most painful.

Because overthinking doesn’t just take up mental energy.

It can take your attention away from the life happening right in front of you.

Maybe you’re at a birthday party, but instead of enjoying the celebration, you’re replaying a conversation.

Maybe you’re watching your children play, but your mind is busy worrying about tomorrow.

Or maybe you’re giving a presentation, and instead of focusing on what you want to say, you’re analyzing how anxious you feel.

You’re physically there, but your attention is somewhere else.

And I hear from so many people who feel sad about the moments they’ve missed because they were stuck in their heads.

I want you to approach this with loads of self- compassion.

Overthinking is a very human response to stress and uncertainty.

But when you begin to recognize it, you can practice bringing your attention back to the present moment.

Not perfectly. Not all at once.

Just gently, again and again.

You might notice your feet on the ground, reconnect with the conversation happening around you, or return your attention to the activity you were doing.

The goal isn’t to force your mind to become completely quiet.

It’s to practice being present even when your mind is offering you something else to think about.

9. You Feel Constantly Overwhelmed

Here’s a sign that often gets overlooked.

You might think you’re overwhelmed because you have too much to do.

And sometimes that’s absolutely true.

But sometimes, the overwhelm is coming from everything happening inside your mind.

You’re constantly scanning for potential problems.

You’re reviewing conversations.

You’re anticipating worst-case scenarios.

You’re trying to figure out what might happen next.

And all of that mental activity can become exhausting.

I’ve noticed this in myself.

When I’m in a season of overthinking, I often feel wired, overstimulated, and uncomfortable.

Sometimes I don’t even recognize that I’m overwhelmed because I’m so focused on trying to make the discomfort go away.

And when that happens, I might want to withdraw, stay home, or avoid activities.

Now, taking breaks and giving yourself rest can be incredibly healthy.

But here’s what I want you to notice.

If you remove yourself from a stressful situation only to spend the next several hours overthinking, you may not be getting the relief you need.

Rest is important.

And so is learning how to respond differently to the thoughts that are creating so much mental noise.

10. You’re Experiencing Physical Symptoms of Stress

Did you know that overthinking can also show up in your body?

When we’re experiencing ongoing anxiety and mental stress, we may notice symptoms such as:

• Headaches
• Stomach discomfort
• Dizziness
• Muscle tension
• Exhaustion
• Difficulty sleeping

Now, I want to be very clear about something.

Physical symptoms deserve appropriate medical attention.

Please don’t automatically assume that a symptom is caused by anxiety. If you’re experiencing new, persistent, or concerning symptoms, speak with a medical professional.

But what I’ve noticed in my work, and in my own life, is that ongoing rumination and anxiety can contribute to significant physical discomfort.

Think about how much energy it takes to constantly scan for danger, anticipate problems, and mentally rehearse solutions.

Your mind is working overtime, and your body may be responding to that stress.

This is another reason why learning to recognize and interrupt overthinking patterns can be so valuable.

We’re not just working toward a quieter mind.

We’re also learning how to respond to stress in ways that support our overall well-being.

11. You Try to Control Everything Around You

This one is sneaky.

And it’s something I really want you to pay attention to.

When we feel anxious or uncertain internally, we sometimes try to create certainty externally.

In other words, when we can’t control what’s happening inside us, we may start trying to control everything happening around us.

Maybe you become frustrated when your partner does something differently than you would.

Maybe you feel like plans have to happen a very specific way.

Maybe you struggle when someone changes their mind or when something unexpected happens.

You might find yourself saying:

No, we have to do it this way.

I don’t want you to do that.

That’s not how it’s supposed to happen.

And underneath those reactions, there may be anxiety.

If someone does something differently, you might have to experience uncertainty.

And your brain really doesn’t want that.

Now, I’m not suggesting that you stop setting boundaries or that you allow people to treat you poorly.

Healthy boundaries are important.

But there’s a difference between setting a boundary and trying to control another person’s behavior so you don’t have to experience uncomfortable feelings.

Try this: The next time you feel a strong urge to control a situation, ask yourself:

Am I responding to something that genuinely needs my attention, or am I trying to prevent myself from feeling anxious?

That question can reveal some really important patterns.

12. You Think So You Don’t Have to Feel

We’ve made it to the final sign.

And in many ways, I think this is the most important one.

Because underneath so much of our overthinking is something we don’t always recognize.

We’re using thinking to avoid feeling.

Let me explain.

When uncertainty shows up, you might feel discomfort in your chest, your stomach, your shoulders, or somewhere else in your body.

You might experience fear, doubt, regret, guilt, or anxiety.

And instead of allowing those feelings to be there, your brain immediately goes into problem-solving mode.

How do I make this stop?

How do I figure this out?

What can I do to feel better?

So you start thinking.

And researching.

And reviewing.

And asking questions.

Not necessarily because there’s a problem that needs solving, but because you don’t want to experience the uncomfortable feelings underneath it.

This is such an important part of understanding overthinking.

Because if we only focus on changing our thoughts, we may miss the reason we’re engaging with those thoughts in the first place.

Learning to Feel Instead of Overthink

One of the most valuable skills we can develop is the ability to allow uncomfortable feelings to rise and fall in our bodies.

I often talk about what I call the four corners of the body.

Imagine the area from shoulder to shoulder and hip to hip.

This is where we can begin noticing the physical sensations that come with anxiety and uncertainty.

Instead of immediately escaping into our thoughts, we can practice making space for those sensations.

We can notice them.

We can respond with kindness.

And we can allow them to exist without urgently trying to make them disappear.

This doesn’t mean you have to enjoy feeling anxious.

It doesn’t mean you have to pretend uncertainty is comfortable.

It simply means learning that you can experience uncomfortable feelings without needing to solve, analyze, or eliminate them.

And that is such an important skill when it comes to changing your relationship with overthinking.

How to Start Breaking the Overthinking Cycle

Now that we’ve gone through these 12 signs, you might be wondering what to do next.

And I want to remind you that the first step isn’t to force yourself to stop thinking.

It’s to become aware of what you’re doing.

Here are a few things I want you to begin practicing.

Step 1: Recognize Your Overthinking Patterns

Start noticing when you’re replaying conversations, researching excessively, seeking reassurance, or mentally preparing for the worst.

You don’t need to catch every single instance.

Just begin paying attention.

Awareness gives you the opportunity to choose a different response.

Step 2: Identify What You’re Trying to Get From Overthinking

Ask yourself:

Am I looking for certainty?

Am I trying to avoid regret?

Am I trying to make an uncomfortable feeling go away?

Understanding what you’re seeking can help you recognize why the cycle keeps going.

Step 3: Notice When Problem-Solving Becomes Rumination

Healthy problem-solving helps us make decisions and take action.

Rumination keeps us mentally circling around questions that may not have answers.

When you notice yourself going over the same problem repeatedly, consider whether more thinking is actually helping.

Step 4: Practice Allowing Uncertainty

This is a big one.

Instead of continuing to search for a guarantee, practice allowing yourself to move forward without knowing everything.

You might gently remind yourself:

I don’t have to figure this out right now.

I can make room for uncertainty.

I can continue with my day even while doubt is here.

Step 5: Make Space for Your Feelings

When you notice the urge to overthink, see if you can bring your attention to what’s happening in your body.

Are you feeling tightness in your chest?

Butterflies in your stomach?

Tension in your shoulders?

Rather than immediately trying to get rid of those sensations, practice allowing them to be present.

This is a skill that takes time, and it’s something you can continue building with patience and self-compassion.

You Don’t Have to Believe Everything Your Overthinking Mind Tells You

Here’s what I really want you to take away from today’s episode.

Overthinking often convinces us that we need to keep thinking in order to feel better.

It tells us that if we just find the right answer, make the right decision, or prepare for every possible outcome, we’ll finally feel safe.

But so often, the very behaviors we’re using to reduce anxiety are keeping us stuck in it.

And I want you to know that I’ve experienced every single one of these patterns myself.

So there’s absolutely no judgment here.

We’re human.

Our brains are designed to look for problems, anticipate danger, and try to protect us.

But we can learn to recognize when those protective instincts are no longer helping.

And when we do, we can begin responding in ways that are kinder, wiser, and more aligned with the lives we want to live.

You don’t have to solve every thought to have a meaningful day.

You can experience uncertainty and still enjoy your family.

You can feel anxious and still participate in the moments that matter.

You can have unanswered questions and still move forward.

And perhaps most importantly, you can learn to make room for your feelings without needing to think your way out of them.

Want Help Learning How to Stop Overthinking?

If you recognized yourself in several of these signs, I want you to know that there are practical skills you can learn to change these patterns.

At CBT School, we offer a short, affordable course specifically designed to help you stop overthinking.

In this course, I share concrete strategies, including the same skills I teach my clients, to help you recognize overthinking patterns and respond to them more effectively.

Because recognizing that you’re overthinking is an important first step.

Learning what to do when you catch yourself is where the real work begins.

And remember, please be gentle with yourself as you practice.

You don’t have to do this perfectly.

You just have to keep showing up and learning.

Thank you so much for spending this time with me. It truly is an honor.

Have a wonderful day, and I’ll see you in the next episode.

Please note: This podcast and the resources available through CBT School are educational and are not a substitute for professional mental health care. If you feel you would benefit from additional support, please reach out to a qualified mental health provider in your area.

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Transcription: 12 Signs You’re an Overthinker 

You’ve been told that you’re an overthinker, and you probably agree, but there are some signs of an overthinker that you probably don’t know about. And one thing I want you to know is in effort to stop being an overthinker, you have to know what the symptoms are. You need to be aware of when you’re doing it.

 

So my goal of today’s video is to show you the 12 signs of being an overthinker so you can catch them in the moment and change your response. That’s the whole work we do here on your Anxiety Toolkit. We wanna understand and be aware of what we’re doing so we can then change our response to being something more effective, kind, wise, and lines up with the goals that you have.

 

My guess is you don’t wanna spend your day being an overthinker. You don’t want to spend your time in your head. You wanna be in the present moment. You wanna be there with your children, with your family, at your job, and squeezing joy out of the moment, not constantly ruminating and going around and round trying to solve something, figure something out, remove your anxiety.

 

Welcome. My name is Kimberly Quinlan. I’m an anxiety specialist. I’ve been doing this for over 15 years. I’m on a mission to help you have the most beautiful life, where anxiety doesn’t keep interfering in your day. I’m on a mission to help over 10 million people reduce their anxiety, and I’m so happy you’re here.

 

In this video, we’re gonna go through the 12 signs that you’re an overthinker. Some of these might be pretty obvious, but I wanna go through them, ’cause there’s some nuanced things that you might be missing. And as we go down the list, there are gonna be symptoms that you may not have identified as symptoms of overthinking.

 

My hope is that you can understand these, grasp these, see these in yourself. Not to beat yourself up, we’re not here to be mean, but we’re here to get an awareness so that you can go on and change those behaviors Okay, so let’s get into them. The first sign that you’re an overthinker is pretty obvious.

 

It’s that you read into the smallest things. Maybe it’s a text, maybe it’s a conversation that you had with someone, maybe it’s their tone of voice. When it triggers off some uncertainty, then you start to overthink. What do they think about you? Why did I say that? I could have said something better. I should have said this.

 

Why didn’t I say that? Sometimes we can even go into critical thinking, like, “You idiot, why did you do that? Why couldn’t you have said it differently?” This is one of the most common signs of being an overthinker. Tiny, tiny things get blown up into big, big deals. The second sign that you’re an overthinker is you go over your decisions, and you review whether you made the right one.

 

You wanna know that you made the exact perfect decision. You wanna know that there won’t be any accidents or things won’t go wrong. You wanna try to avoid regret, avoid guilt, avoid the shame or embarrassment of things not going well. And so what you do is you loop. Once you’ve made the decision, you loop over whether it was the right decision, and you may even go back and undo the decision and go back to all of the drawing boards of all the options that you have.

 

This is what overthinkers do to try and grasp a sense of certainty or grasp a sense of the right feeling, “I made the right decision.” Now, there will be circumstances where you can’t get that certainty, and so what do we do then? Well, often an overthinker will start to research. This is the third sign you’re an overthinker.

 

Once you’ve magnified a problem and you go back and you’re reviewing it, if you can’t get certainty, you will often start to Google or use AI to try and help you get to certainty. It will try and help you solve this problem. This is where people can go down a massive rabbit hole trying to figure out the solution, but you’ve gotta remember here, if it- you haven’t solved it in the first couple of minutes, it’s probably because it’s unsolvable.

 

You can’t accept that it’s uncertain, and so you keep going to the next layer, to the next layer, trying to get this feeling of certainty or relief from the anxiety that you have. The fourth sign that you’re an overthinker is that if you don’t go to research, you go to other people. Again, this is where you’re overthinking the problem so much, and you’ve become so committed to getting relief from the uncertainty or from the unfinished business.

 

Some of my clients call it, like, a puzzle, and they’ll say, like, “I have the puzzle. I’m almost done, but there’s a missing piece, and it just feels so wrong that I can’t figure this out.” And so they go to other people and ask them, “What do you think the solution is?” And what happens here is even if you’ve gone to the top person in that field, you’ve gone to…

 

If you’ve got health anxiety, you’ve gone to the best doctor. If you’ve got a legal issue, you’ve gone to the best lawyer, or the best teacher, or your most wisest friend. Even when they give you their idea of a solution, you still feel doubt. You still feel uncertain. Your brain goes, “Are you sure? Are you sure?

 

What else could go wrong?” Again, it kind of goes back to that magnifying problem of, like, what else could happen, and then you’re left back feeling that same feeling. These are very common signs of being an overthinker. And what we want to be able to do is track these changes in behavior and see, oh, okay, I’m in this hole of overthinking, and I’m just switching behaviors trying to get the same certainty, but then none of them are really, really working.

 

Now, what I want to explain to you is this is about the signs. If you’re actually looking for a solution to this problem, head over to cbtschool.com. We have a whole course that will teach you how to stop overthinking. You can click the link in the show notes to get access to that. Only… I’ve done my best to price it very low, so it’s a very, very specific course where you learn a very, very specific skill, and it’ll help you to have a strategy to help you pull yourself out of these when you do catch yourself in these overthinking patterns.

 

So like I said, head to cbtschool.com, or you can click the link below. I would love to have you join that. It’s a very short course but will give you very, very concrete skills, the same exact skills I teach my clients. Okay, so let’s move on to the fifth sign that you’re an overthinker, and this one is so common.

 

If you are an overthinker, you’re probably overthinking throughout the day, but when it gets really hard is at the evening, when things start to slow down, and things start to get quiet. Once you turn the lights off, and you’re not stimulated with all the things going on around you, that is when your overthinking mind really gets loud and playful.

 

People with overthinking often tend to have sleep problems, or they wake up during the night, and that’s when their brain starts to really rev the hardest. That was very much the case for me. I’d have a 2:21, I’d wake up every morning, and my brain would be like, “Okay, let’s solve the seven things that we didn’t solve yesterday.”

 

Now, that is very, very common for an overthinker, and often people think that there’s nothing they can do about it, but there is. There are strategies and skills that you can learn to pull you out of that, even when you’re in the dark, and there’s no noise. Now, the sixth sign that you’re an overthinker is that you always prepare for the worst case scenario.

 

Now, what this means is, often if you’re an anxious person, like I am, your brain’s always going to offer you terrible imagery of the worst case. But then what we do is we go, “Okay, let’s solve that worst case,” and we start to ruminate on all of what would happen. So we go, “Okay, if that were to happen, what would I do?

 

How would I handle it? What would happen? Who would I, who would I call?” And they start to ruminate and engage in that intrusive thought, trying to solve it. It’s not a bad idea to prepare for things ahead of time. Let’s say you’re getting married. Yeah, you wanna go over what you would do if it started raining.

 

But what happens for overthinkers is they spend so much time in preparing for the worst case scenario, that they are focusing on the most terrifying, most excruciating idea. And when your attention is on worst case scenario all the time, you’re going to notice a massive increase in anxiety, a massive increase in depression, a massive increase in your body being heightened all the time, because your attention is on the worst case.

 

Now, we can engage in problem-solving time, which is a very short period of time where you go over scenarios that could, and you come up with potential helpful s- ways to solve that. But if you’re finding that you’re spending the majority of your day in worst case scenarios, we are fueling anxiety all day long.

 

I think of it just like a gas pedal, where you’re constantly pumping out anxiety hormones through your body, and we have to make sure that we catch that, because that is not good for you, and it hurts you, and it, you don’t deserve that Now, the seventh sign that you’re an overthinker is a very common one, and often I love to teach this to my clients because it helps them to identify this very, very common behavior.

 

It’s called an if-then statement. Overthinkers tend to think in if-thens. “Well, if this would hap…” What they say is, “If I could just solve this, well, then I’ll be okay. If I could just figure this out, well, then I’ll be okay.” And they’re constantly telling themselves that relief is on the other side of that rumination and overthinking.

 

Now, there are cases where that is true. I know that feeling when you solve something and you’re like, “Ah, feels so good,” right? I get it. But the problem here is if you’re planning your day using the if-then statement, it’s forcing you to stay in rumination, ’cause as we’ve talked about, a lot of the things that you’re worrying about and the overthinking are things that actually are uncertain.

 

There is no actual answer f- to these problems. And so if there’s no actual answer, you’re forced to stay in rumination under this false advertising that you will feel relief later, when you won’t, because you’re going to have to keep ruminating about this. So catch those if-then statements. It’s a really, really helpful way to catch when you’re overthinking, and you’re stuck in a…

 

I always say to myself, like, “I’m never gonna solve this problem. Uh, if… I’m just spinning my wheels trying to not feel uncertain.” Now, the eighth sign that you’re an overthinker is probably the most painful, which is that you struggle to stay present in the moment. When I’m talking with students or my clients, the thing they say that pains them the most is that they missed really important events because they were stuck up in their head.

 

They were at the party, but they weren’t really at the party in their body and in their presence. They wanted to feel joy for their family member getting married, but they were looping in their head. Or they wanted to be able to engage in f- answering the questions of their test and giving their best foot forward during the presentation, but their brain was fully, fully taking their attention away and focusing on how bad it’s gonna be or the anxiety that they have.

 

Now, I don’t want you to feel blame here. This is not your fault. This is all just a normal human way of handling stress and anxiety. Our natural default is to go into these, again, overthinking, over-magnifying, trying to solve, asking friends, researching. These are natural human defaults. But again, when we can catch these, we then have a choice to change how we respond, and that is what this whole episode is about.

 

Now, this one is a very common one, and one that a lot of people miss. The ninth sign that you’re an overthinker is that you are in a constant state of overwhelm. Now, here is where this is interesting. I find that when I’m in a season of overthinking, I am constantly overwhelmed. I’m constantly kind of wired, but in the moment, I don’t notice that I’m overwhelmed.

 

I feel uncomfortable, and my attention is on, how can I make this discomfort go away? But I don’t stop to think that I’m overwhelmed because I’m trying to solve something that’s unsolvable. That’s where the overwhelm is coming from. And the more I’m constantly scanning for, where’s the danger coming from?

 

Where’s the next worst case scenario? What did they think about me? Why did they… Why did I say that? That scanning for danger is causing a lot of my overwhelm and my overstimulation. And in those moments when I’m overstimulated, I tend to withdraw. I wanna kinda, like, hide. I wanna stay home. But th- what happens when I stay home?

 

I start overthinking even more. So if that’s the case for you, it is okay to take a break and stay home. But what we wanna be doing when we are staying home, or when we’re taking that break, is we’re using our skills to not just replace going out and being overwhelmed with being home and just overthinking more and more and more.

 

Now we have three to go, so let’s get to them. These are getting… As we said, now we’re starting to get progressively sneaky. The tenth sign that you’re an overthinker is that you have started to notice medical symptoms that are unexplained. Now- If you have medical conditions, please go and see a doctor.

 

But I have seen over and over again, myself included, that a lot of my clients are starting to have stomach aches, headaches, dizziness, all thinking, “Oh my goodness, what is this? Is this a medical issue?” And it may be it is. Again, I’m not discouraging you from going and getting it checked out. But I find that when we are stuck in this ruminative circle of heightened anxiety, and we are going around and around, and we don’t have skills to use, our body does start to tear down, and we do start to have tummy aches, and headaches, and exhaustion.

 

That is very common for anxious folks. Now, what we wanna do here is we wanna slow down and acknowledge, again, this was not your fault. I don’t want you to feel guilty. I don’t want you to feel like your symptoms don’t matter. They absolutely matter. But it’s more of a reason that we have to get these behaviors under control so that your body’s not in a constant state of like a factory trying to figure things out, and trying to get away, and clenching, and in a constant state of arousal.

 

The 11th sign of being an overthinker is a very, very important one, and it mightn’t look like a sign of an overthinker, but it actually is Have you noticed that when you’re anxious, you try to control your environment a lot? And what you’re often doing here is you’re trying to control it so that you don’t get set off, so that you don’t trigger off more anxiety or more intrusive thoughts or more arousal.

 

Now, again, if you are completely stressed out and in a state of arousal, it’s okay to slow down and take days off and have mental health days and take very special care of you. That is healthy coping. But if you’re finding that you’re starting to control other people, and you’re like, “No, it has to be this way.

 

I don’t like that it’s that way, and I’m angry or I’m anxious that it’s… And I can’t control it,” that is a sign that you’re an overthinker. When we haven’t got good skills on managing anxiety, and we can’t control our inner world, we then often start to try and control our outer world. Now, this is not to say that you need to let everybody just do everything they want, and let people walk over you, and not set boundaries.

 

Absolutely not. But we wanna look for these little nuanced, little what I call controlling behaviors. It might be me controlling my husband, saying, “No, no, you can’t do it that way. You have to do it this way.” But I like to do it this way, and I’m saying, “No, no, no, you can’t,” because if he did it his way, I would then have to have anxiety.

 

This is okay. I understand us being this way in our lives. I want to use it as a little mini little flag, like, just a little wave, “Hello,” like, just take notice of me, of just how much you’re letting anxiety and uncertainty control your life and the life around you. Very, very nuanced, very, very subtle, but very important information to take in.

 

When I’m with a client, we do an anxiety audit with them, and when… in a lot of our courses, we do the same thing, where we review all of their behaviors, and this is one of the biggest clues that you are in a place where you’re really letting anxiety run the show. Okay, so we’re here at the last one. We’re at the 12th sign that you’re an overthinker.

 

And I’ve sneakily been feeding you this sign as we go through. Maybe you’ve already caught it, and if you have, I wish I had a prize for you. The 12th sign that you’re an overthinker is that you think so you don’t have to feel. Now, you have probably heard me through this episode talking about how you’re trying to avoid uncertainty.

 

You’re trying to avoid regret or doubt or the feelings and sensations of anxiety. And when you have this discomfort in the four corners, we talk about this on the podcast, the… From shoulder to shoulder to hip to hip, those four corners, when you have discomfort show up in that area, you go up into your brain and start to overthink.

 

You try to solve because you don’t want to feel those feelings. Now, what I want to leave you with today is your ability to stop overthinking 100% depends on your ability to start to allow feelings to rise and fall in your body. It’s about building safety within those four corners, where you create a safe place for these feelings and sensations to be, without resistance, without overthinking them, without trying to get them to go away, and you have a relationship with them that is kind, and gentle, and effective, and wise.

 

Again, that is what we teach in all of our courses, is how to do that. Now, these are the 12 signs you’re an overthinker. Please don’t beat yourself up. I’ve done every single one of these, so there’s no shade. You’re just a human being. We’re all probably doing these at different parts of the day. I just want you to be aware of them so you can keep an eye out for them, and learn to change your behavior.

 

Now, as always, I am so, so honored you’ve spent your time with me. Thank you for being here. It is always an honor to… I know how valuable your time is. Thank you for being here. If you’ve found this helpful, please share it with a friend. Please share it with your loved one who you think might be struggling in this area.

 

Hopefully, it helps them as well. Have a wonderful day, and I’ll see you in the next episode.

 

Please note that this podcast or any other resources from cbtschool.com should not replace professional mental health care. If you feel you would benefit, please reach out to a provider in your area. Have a wonderful day, and thank you for supporting cbtschool.com.