How to Stop Overthinking Every Little Thing (Why Your Brain Will Not Quit and What to Do About It) | Ep. 496

In this episode, I share why overthinking isn’t actually a thinking problem, but a willingness-to-feel problem, and I teach you a simple, compassionate framework to break free from rumination and reconnect with what truly matters.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

• Why trying to “figure it out” is often the very thing keeping you stuck in cycles of overthinking and rumination.
• The surprising emotions that may be hiding underneath your mental loops, and how learning to feel them can change everything.
• My simple ASAP framework that I personally use to interrupt overthinking with awareness, self-compassion, attention training, and practice.
• How to gently shift out of your head and back into the present moment without fighting your thoughts or feelings.
• One of my favorite tools, the Non-Engagement Response (NER), to stop getting pulled into intrusive thoughts before they spiral.
• How building your capacity to tolerate uncertainty can help you spend less time trapped in your mind and more time living according to your values.

How to Stop Overthinking: Why the Real Problem Isn’t Your Thoughts, It’s What You’re Avoiding 

If you’ve been called an “overthinker” your whole life, you might believe it’s simply part of your personality.

Maybe you’ve spent countless hours replaying conversations, analyzing worst-case scenarios, or trying to find the one answer that will finally make you feel at peace. And despite all that effort, your mind just keeps looping.

I want to offer you a different perspective.

What if overthinking isn’t actually an overthinking problem?

What if it’s something much deeper?

In this episode, I want to share a mindset shift that has transformed the way I understand rumination and anxiety, along with a simple four-step tool you can begin practicing today.

Overthinkers Aren’t Broken

One thing I’ve noticed after many years of treating anxiety disorders and OCD is that people who overthink are often incredibly intelligent.

They’re thoughtful.

They’re analytical.

They’re excellent problem-solvers.

If there were a genuine crisis to solve, these are the people you’d want beside you.

The challenge is that anxiety doesn’t usually present you with problems that can be solved.

Instead, it hands you questions without answers.

• What if I made the wrong decision?
• What if something bad happens?
• What if I’m missing something important?
• What if this feeling means something is wrong?

Your brilliant brain naturally assumes there’s an answer if it just keeps searching.

So it searches.

And searches.

And searches some more.

That’s where rumination begins.

The Truth About Overthinking

Here’s the idea I want you to remember:

Overthinking is often an under-feeling problem.

That might sound surprising at first.

Most people tell me:

“Kimberley, I already have too many feelings! I don’t want more of them.”

I completely understand.

I’m not saying you don’t experience emotions.

I’m saying that when difficult emotions show up, your brain quickly shifts into problem-solving mode because it believes thinking will help you escape the discomfort.

Instead of allowing uncertainty…

You analyze.

Instead of feeling shame…

You replay every detail.

Instead of sitting with anxiety…

You mentally debate every possibility.

Thinking becomes an attempt to avoid feeling.

The Feelings We’re Often Trying to Escape

For many people, the emotions hiding underneath overthinking include:

• Uncertainty
• Anxiety
• Shame
• Embarrassment
• Guilt
• Fear

These emotions aren’t dangerous.

They’re uncomfortable.

And our brains naturally want relief.

Unfortunately, rumination rarely provides it.

Instead, it keeps us trapped in an endless cycle of mental problem-solving.

Why You Can’t Think Your Way Out

Here’s something important to remember.

When there’s a real-world problem, thinking is incredibly useful.

When anxiety creates an unsolvable question, thinking becomes the trap.

If certainty isn’t available, no amount of mental effort will produce it.

The only path forward is learning to make room for the discomfort that uncertainty brings.

That doesn’t mean you have to like uncertainty.

It means practicing your ability to experience it without immediately trying to eliminate it.

My ASAP Method for Breaking the Rumination Cycle

When I notice myself getting caught in overthinking, I use a simple acronym that helps me interrupt the cycle.

I call it ASAP.

It’s not an official therapeutic model. It’s simply a practical tool that I’ve found incredibly helpful in my own life and with many clients.

A: Awareness

Everything starts with noticing.

Pause and ask yourself:

• Am I overthinking right now?
• Am I trying to solve something that isn’t actually solvable?
• If I stopped thinking about this, what feeling would I have to experience instead?

That last question is often where the breakthrough happens.

You begin recognizing that the thoughts are protecting you from an emotion.

Awareness is a skill.

Like any skill, it improves with repetition.

Journaling, logging your patterns, or simply checking in throughout the day can strengthen this awareness over time.

S: Self-Compassion

The next step is treating yourself kindly. Self-compassion is so important. 

Many people respond to overthinking with criticism:

“Why am I doing this again?”

“I should know better.”

“What’s wrong with me?”

That only creates more suffering.

Instead, I encourage something like:

“Of course I’m overthinking. This feels really uncomfortable.”

“It makes sense that my brain wants certainty.”

“I’m allowed to struggle while I’m learning.”

Self-compassion isn’t letting anxiety win.

It’s removing the shame that keeps anxiety growing.

A: Attention Training

One of the most powerful CBT skills I teach is attention training.

Rather than allowing your attention to stay locked onto anxious thoughts, you intentionally guide it toward the present moment.

Ask yourself:

• What can I see?
• What can I hear?
• What can I feel?
• What can I smell?
• What can I taste?

This isn’t distraction.

It’s retraining your brain to recognize that you have a choice about where your attention goes.

At first, this feels difficult.

That’s normal.

Like strengthening a muscle, attention training becomes easier with consistent practice.

P: Practice

This isn’t something you master once.

It’s something you practice over and over.

I actually prefer the word dabble.

Can you dabble in uncertainty?

Can you experiment with allowing uncomfortable feelings for just a few moments?

Can you practice feeling anxiety without immediately trying to solve it?

Tiny moments matter.

Every repetition teaches your nervous system that discomfort is survivable.

And every practice session expands your ability to tolerate uncertainty.

Come Back Into Your Body

When we’re overthinking, we’re often living from the neck up.

We’re trapped inside our minds.

Instead, I encourage gently reconnecting with your body.

Notice where the emotion lives.

Is it in your chest?

Your stomach?

Your shoulders?

Rather than trying to eliminate the sensation, see if you can soften around it.

Take a slow breath.

Offer yourself kindness.

Allow the feeling to exist without needing to fix it immediately.

This is where real healing begins.

A Bonus Tool: Non-Engagement Responses

Another strategy I love is using what we call a Non-Engagement Response (NER).

Instead of arguing with intrusive thoughts, you respond briefly without getting pulled into the conversation.

Some examples might sound like:

• “Nice try, brain.”
• “There’s my anxiety again.”
• “Good one. I’m not taking the bait today.”
• “You really love creating drama.”

The goal isn’t to convince yourself the thought isn’t true.

The goal is to stop feeding it.

By refusing to engage, you interrupt the rumination cycle before it gains momentum.

What Recovery Really Looks Like

Recovery doesn’t mean you’ll never experience uncertainty.

Recovery means becoming more willing to feel uncertainty without handing your day over to rumination.

As your willingness grows:

• Thoughts become less sticky.
• Anxiety becomes less urgent.
• Your attention returns to what truly matters.
• Your life gets bigger than your fears.

Instead of spending your day wrestling with intrusive thoughts, you begin investing your energy in your relationships, your values, your hobbies, your purpose, and the things that bring you joy.

You Don’t Need Perfect Certainty

If there’s one message I hope you take away, it’s this:

You are not overthinking because you’re weak.

You are not overthinking because you’re broken.

You’re overthinking because your brain believes it’s protecting you from discomfort.

But freedom doesn’t come from finding the perfect answer.

It comes from building your capacity to experience difficult emotions with compassion, courage, and practice.

The next time your mind starts looping, remember:

ASAP.

Awareness.

Self-compassion.

Attention training.

Practice.

Little by little, you’ll teach your brain that you don’t have to think your way out of every uncomfortable feeling.

And that is where lasting recovery begins.

As always, it is a beautiful day to do hard things. I’m cheering you on every step of the way.

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Transcription: How to Stop Overthinking Every Little Thing (Why Your Brain Will Not Quit and What to Do About It)

You have been called an overthinker your entire life, and maybe you’ve even started to believe it, like it’s just who you are. Or maybe you think your brain is wired differently, and there’s nothing you can do about it. And so you’ve tried everything to make it stop. You’ve relentlessly gone over all the worst case scenarios. You’ve tried to talk it through with anyone who will listen, and you think, “If I could just figure this out, I could feel okay again.” And still, the mental looping just never, ever ends. Here is what nobody has told you about overthinking. Overthinking is not actually an overthinking problem. It’s an under-feeling problem, and once you understand that, everything changes. Now, this is exactly what we’re here to talk about today, and I’m gonna give you a simple acronym that I use in my life in the day-to-day all the time, and then I’m gonna show you a specific tool that you can use to help you with this problem so that you are not spending your day overthinking and doing these mental loops. So let’s get into it. In my experience of being an anxiety specialist for over 15 years, the over thinkers are very, very intelligent. They are problem solvers, and if there is an actual problem, they are the people you want in that room. But the problem is, when they have thoughts or feelings that are irrational, things go awry. They get really frustrated at the fact that they cannot solve this problem, that it’s not figureoutable, or that they can’t come to a conclusion and wrap it up in a nice bow and have it be completed. I often use the calculation with clients that if you match an over thinker and you add an unsolvable problem, that results in a rumination frenzy. They feel incredibly stuck, and they get stuck in their brain. You probably feel this way too, because you’re probably one of those people. They get stuck in their brain, just consistently going round and around, trying to solve the problem. But the reason that you’re so stuck is because the, number one, the problem isn’t something you can actually solve, and number two, there is a feeling that you would have to feel to lay that overthinking to rest. And that feeling is often feelings like uncertainty, shame, embarrassment, guilt, anxiety. These are the emotions that us over thinkers, and yes, I am one too, or at least I used to be… These are the emotions that we have not built capacity to allow in our daily lives. As soon as they show up, instead of feeling them, we go into thinking to try and solve that feeling and make it go away. Now, I get it. This feels logical in the moment. It feels like the accurate thing to do, because in every other area of your life, when there is a problem, you find the solution and you solve it, therefore leaving you with the result of feeling relief. But when it comes to uncertainty, there is no solution except to Feel the feeling. Allow that feeling to rise and fall on its own. And I understand it’s uncomfortable. I don’t blame you for not wanting to feel it. Once again, people who overthink don’t have an overthinking problem, they have an under-feeling problem. Now, often clients will say, “That makes no sense to me. I have all the feelings. They’re too much. I don’t wanna feel them.” And I understand that, and we’re not saying that you don’t have feelings, we’re saying you are not willing to feel them. And that sucks, I know. I’m not here to give you a hard time. I’m not here to bully you into this. I just want you to recognize the pattern. For me, I know that when I start to ruminate and I’m overthinking, I usually think about the fact that everything I’m doing is from my neck up. I’m thinking through the problem. Instead, the solution is unsolvable, it’s uncertain, and therefore, the solution is to drop down in my body and to practice feeling those feelings. And we’re going to do it as compassionately as we can. So let’s really talk about this acronym that I use for myself when I’m going through. Now, I wanna preface this, this is not a CBT scientifically proven acronym. This is one I use for myself that I find really, really effective, and the acronym is ASAP. Now, I know you wanna get rid of that discomfort ASAP, so I have a solution that actually works. The A is for awareness. So when you notice that you’re overthinking, that you’re doing a lot of this neck up problem-solving, I want you to pause and catch yourself. So I want you to pause and ask yourself, “Am I overthinking? What’s going on right now? Is this a moment where I am overthinking?” That’s that awareness piece. And the next question as a part of that is, specifically what emotion would I have to feel if I wasn’t overthinking or if I chose not to overthink? Now, that might take a little bit of time. Building awareness is a skill that we have to practice doing a lot of reps. And I’ve had clients even say building this awareness skill is 90% of the work. And so I’m gonna strongly encourage you to journal, log, do whatever you can to increase that awareness. Now, as you know, I have a private practice. I have six amazing therapists in Calabasas, California. However, we do not take insurance. Now, if you are looking for insurance-covered OCD or BFRB treatment, I wanna let you know about NOCD. NOCD provides face-to-face live video sessions with specialized licensed OCD therapists. Now, their therapists use exposure and response prevention. We know this is the gold standard for OCD, so you can be absolutely confirmed that you’re in the right place there, and they have a clinically proven app that helps you stay connected to your therapist and others who have OCD between sessions, so you’ll always feel supported. Now, the cool thing is NOCD is available in all 50 US states and even internationally, and they accept most insurance plans, making it affordable and accessible. We love that. Now, if you think you might have OCD or you’re struggling to manage your symptoms, you can book a free call. Just click the link in the show notes at nocd.com. I am honored to partner with NOCD. I want to remind you that recovery is possible. Please do not forget that. Now, big hugs, and let’s get back to the show Now, the S of our acronym is self-compassion. Now, as we proceed, we’re not gonna beat ourselves up. We’re not gonna tell ourselves, “Oh, you idiot, you’re overthinking again. You shouldn’t be doing this.” We are going to acknowledge, of course I’m overthinking. It makes complete sense that I’m overthinking because this is really uncomfortable. Or, again, as I said, most of you other overthinkers are incredibly intelligent. Yes, you, I’m talking about you, and it really sucks when you can’t solve a problem, right? It’s not easy. It doesn’t feel good when there’s something looming over you. And so let’s be really gentle and compassionate and validate the discomfort that you actually feel. So now we’re gonna move to the third letter of our acronym, which is back to A, but this A is about attention training. Attention training is a skill we use, a cognitive behavioral therapy skill that we use to help us bring our attention and zoom our attention into what matters to you. We have an online course called The Rumination Reset, where I teach this specific skill, and it’s all about bringing our attention to the present moment, and being very clear about what we are going to give our attention to. Are we going to indulge in the anxiety that we feel or the intrusive thought that we have, and mull over it and try to figure it out, and really, like, really dig and stir that up? Or are we going to practice with compassion, slowly pivoting our attention, allowing that discomfort to be there, and bringing our attention to what do you see? What do you hear? What do you smell? What do you taste? What sensations can you feel? Bringing your attention to those things. Now, this is a very difficult skill. It might sound very simple, but it is difficult to practice, and it does require many reps. But I have found it to be one of the most powerful CBT skills I have learned in my entire life and in my career. So if you want to learn more about that, head over to The Rumination Reset, all the links will be in the show notes. Now we move over to the last of our acronym, which is P, and I’ve already said this word, but it is practice. This is something we are going to do on repeat. It’s not just working through these four acronym letters and being done. This is about practicing it over and over and over again. Now, I like to think of… Instead of the word practice, I prefer to use the word dabble. We wanna dabble in these skills. We wanna see, hmm, it’s like an experiment. If I were to allow myself to have this uncertainty and dabble in it, how long could I feel it for? What would be tolerable for me? Could I dabble in the emotion and practice being non-judgmental about it? Could I dabble in just practicing little s- baby, baby, baby steps of feeling this feeling, and bringing myself down out of my head into my body, and actually feel the sensations? Often, when it comes- Say you’re feeling the feeling of uncertainty. I might go, “Okay, where is the uncertainty? Oh, it’s in my chest. All right. Can I let… send loving kindness to my chest? Can I do a breath and breathe into it and soften around it? Can I allow it?” Right? If, let’s say, it’s a, a really, really strong intrusive thought that is repetitive and just won’t stop, you might be like, “Okay, I’m gonna practice allowing that intrusive thought.” If it’s panic and you’re fully, fully activated by panic, it’s going to be dabbling and practicing allowing the sensations of panic, and recognizing that while they’re really, really uncomfortable, they’re not dangerous. They’re not gonna kill me. They’re not gonna do damage. This is really important as we practice and do those reps of allowing feelings instead of thinking our way out of it. ‘Cause at the end of the day, you won’t solve the problem, and you’ll still have the feeling. In fact, you’ll probably have more of that feeling. So we wanna move through this four-part acronym as many times, and with kindness, as we can. Now, as I promised… There is a bonus hack or a skill you can use that often is really helpful, particularly if your intrusive thoughts are gnarly and very persistent, and that’s going to be the use of what we call a non-engagement response. We call it an NER in clinical speak. And so what you are going to do is when you observe the intrusive thought, you’re gonna be… Again, ideally, once you’ve practiced this, you will be able to be aware and observe that you’re engaging in mental compulsion so well that you might even catch it before you start engaging in that mental rumination. And so that next time that intrusive thought does come up, you have a non-engagement response for it. Now, these non-engagement responses are usually a little bit funny and sassy. It might say, “Good one, brain. Nice try, but I’m not falling for it this time.” Or it might be like, “Good one, bro. I love the way that you always bring the drama.” That is what we call a non-engagement response. It’s you having anxiety, having the intrusive thought, but practicing setting a limit, setting a, a something… You’re saying, you’re talking to it as if it’s a third person, and being like, “Nope, we’re not doing this today.” Now, if you like this idea and you want some ideas, I created a video called the 13 Sassy Things to Say Back to Anxiety, and that is full of my favorite 13 non-engagement responses that you can use. So you can click the end card at the end of this video if you’re interested in learning about that. But again, these are another way that we can pivot and, and intervene into a feeling of discomfort before we move into having rumination and overthinking. Okay, so let’s do a little recap. We know that overthinking usually comes because you’re trying to solve something that isn’t solvable. If it was solvable, you, the intelligent person that you are, would’ve solved it already. The reason you’re overthinking is because you’re not wanting to feel whatever feeling comes along with that experience. The reason you’re overthinking is because you don’t want to feel whatever feeling goes along with that intrusive thought or intrusive feeling or a sensation, urge, or image. We wanna identify what is that feeling that you don’t wanna feel, and then we wanna practice compassionately and non-judgmentally allowing that feeling, bringing it with us, and your job is to build a wider capacity to feel that feeling without looping and engaging in it again, and while bringing your attention to… back to what matters to you, what’s important to you, what you value. That way, you’re not in a ruminating wrestle with thoughts all day long. Thoughts can come, and you bring your attention to what matters. which is you, what you value, your hobbies, the things that you love, the things that bring you joy, the things that get you through the day. All right? The acronym is ASAP, and you can also practice those non-engagement responses if you want those as well. Okay, so I hope that has been helpful. It has been an absolute pleasure to be here with you. As always, it is a beautiful day to do these freaking hard things. I am here cheering you on. Just imagine me. Pretend you’re running a marathon, and all those people at the very end of the marathon, and they’re cheering, and they’re yelling, and they’re clapping, and they’re just so delighted in the hard work that you’re doing. I want you to imagine that’s me towards you. All right? I am sending you so much love. I will see you in the next episode, and have a wonderful day. Please note that this podcast or any other resources from cbtschool.com should not replace professional mental health care. If you feel you would benefit, please reach out to a provider in your area. Have a wonderful day, and thank you for supporting cbtschool.com.