I’m Overwhelmed: A Guided Self-Compassion Break (Emotional Support in Under 7 Minutes) | Ep. 520
Feeling overwhelmed? In this episode, I’m sharing a simple, research-backed, three-step self-compassion exercise to help you quiet your inner critic, navigate difficult emotions, and find the courage to keep going, even when things feel hard.
In this episode, I’ll share:
- Why self-compassion can be a more powerful motivator than self-criticism.
- A fascinating study that challenges what we’ve been taught about motivation and failure.
- A simple, three-step exercise you can use whenever overwhelm starts to take over.
- How to offer yourself kindness and encouragement without trying to fix or eliminate uncomfortable feelings.
- A practical trick I teach my clients to make self-compassion easier to access in overwhelming moments.
- Why the real goal of self-compassion isn’t to feel better immediately, but to help you keep showing up for what matters.
Feeling Overwhelmed? Try This 3-Step Self-Compassion Exercise
Have you ever felt so overwhelmed that you couldn’t think straight? Like everything was happening at once, your emotions were getting louder, and your brain just couldn’t seem to catch up?
And then, on top of all that overwhelm, your inner critic decides to join the conversation.
What’s wrong with me?
Why can’t I handle this?
Why am I not doing better?
Sound familiar?
If so, I want to share something with you that might completely change how you respond to those moments.
We’ve been taught to believe that being hard on ourselves is what motivates us to improve. That if we criticize ourselves enough, push ourselves harder, or hold ourselves to higher standards, we’ll somehow become stronger and more capable.
But here’s the fascinating thing: Research suggests that self-compassion, not self-criticism, may actually be the more powerful motivator.
And today, I want to teach you a simple, three-step self-compassion exercise that you can use the next time you’re feeling overwhelmed.
You can even practice it with me right now.
Content
Why Self-Compassion Is More Powerful Than You Think
Before we jump into the exercise, I want to share a fascinating study that helps explain why self-compassion is so important.
Researchers at UC Berkeley gave a group of undergraduate students a very difficult test. The test was designed so that the students would fail.
Afterward, the researchers divided the students into groups.
One group received a self-compassion message. They were reminded that the test was difficult and that they shouldn’t beat themselves up over their performance.
Another group received encouragement focused on their intelligence. They were reminded that they were smart and capable students who had earned their place at Berkeley.
Here’s where things get interesting.
The students who received the self-compassion message were more motivated to study for the next test.
They actually studied more than the students who had simply been reassured about their intelligence.
Isn’t that fascinating?
Both groups experienced failure. Both were given some form of encouragement. But the students who practiced self-compassion were more willing to get back up and try again.
And I think there’s such an important lesson here.
Self-compassion isn’t about making excuses, lowering your standards, or letting yourself off the hook.
Self-compassion is a clinical tool that can help us build motivation, tolerate discomfort, and face difficult situations with greater courage.
That’s exactly why I teach it to my clients.
The 3-Step Self-Compassion Break for Overwhelm
The exercise I want to share with you is called the Self-Compassion Break, developed by self-compassion researchers Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer.
It’s a simple practice built around three essential components:
- Mindfulness: Recognizing what you’re experiencing.
- Common humanity: Remembering that difficult emotions are part of being human.
- Self-kindness: Offering yourself the support and compassion you need.
Let’s walk through each step together.
Step 1: Notice What You’re Feeling Without Judging It
The first step is mindfulness.
And all I want you to do here is slow down and notice what’s happening for you in the present moment.
That’s it.
You don’t have to change anything. You don’t have to fix the feeling or figure out why it’s happening.
Just notice.
Ask yourself:
- What am I experiencing right now?
- Where is this overwhelm showing up in my body?
- What sensations am I noticing?
Maybe you feel tightness in your chest.
Maybe your stomach is in knots.
Maybe your shoulders are tense, your head feels heavy, or your thoughts are racing.
For me, overwhelm can feel like everything is happening above my head. Everything feels loud and sharp, almost like broken glass.
It’s an intense feeling!
But instead of immediately trying to escape it, I practice acknowledging what’s happening.
I’m feeling overwhelmed right now.
This is a difficult moment.
I’m noticing a lot of discomfort.
Notice how different that is from saying, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I handle this?”
We’re not adding another layer of judgment to an already difficult experience.
We’re simply recognizing what is happening.
And that awareness is the first step toward responding with compassion.
Step 2: Remember That Overwhelm Is Part of Being Human
The second step is what we call common humanity.
This is where we recognize that experiencing difficult emotions is a normal part of being human.
Sometimes, when we’re overwhelmed, our brains convince us that everyone else is managing life perfectly and we’re the only ones struggling.
But that’s simply not true.
Every human being experiences moments of overwhelm, frustration, uncertainty, and emotional discomfort.
You might gently remind yourself:
This is part of being human.
Many people experience overwhelm.
It makes sense that I’m feeling this way.
I want to share a personal example.
Recently, I was at a birthday luncheon with some of my beautiful girlfriends.
It was such a lovely occasion, surrounded by people I love.
And guess what?
I felt overwhelmed!
There were sounds, lights, conversations, movement, attention, and so much love coming my way.
And even though it was a wonderful experience, it was also a lot for my brain to process.
So I put my hand on my heart and reminded myself:
Of course I feel overwhelmed. Given how my brain works and everything happening around me, this makes complete sense.
I didn’t criticize myself for feeling that way.
I didn’t tell myself I was being ridiculous because I was supposed to be enjoying the moment.
I simply acknowledged that my experience made sense.
And I want you to practice offering yourself that same understanding.
You don’t have to justify your emotions to deserve compassion.
Step 3: Offer Yourself Kindness Instead of Criticism
Now we get to my favorite part!
The third step is self-kindness.
This is where we intentionally offer ourselves the warmth, encouragement, acceptance, and support we might naturally give to someone we love.
And I want you to start with a simple question:
What do I need to hear right now?
Not what should I need.
Not what would make this feeling disappear the fastest.
What do I actually need to hear?
For some of you, it might be reassurance that you can tolerate the discomfort.
You might say:
I can let this feeling be here.
I don’t have to make it go away.
I’m safe to experience this emotion.
For others, you might need encouragement.
Maybe your compassionate voice sounds like:
You’re carrying a lot right now.
You’re doing a really good job.
Keep going. You’ve got this.
Or maybe what you need most is permission to release some of the pressure you’ve been putting on yourself.
You might say:
I don’t have to be perfect.
I don’t have to please everyone.
I don’t have to fix everything right now.
And sometimes, self-kindness is simply reminding yourself that you’re going to stay by your own side.
I’m here.
I’ve got you.
I’m going to support you through this.
There’s no perfect script here.
The goal is to find words or gestures that genuinely feel supportive to you.
You might even place your hand over your heart, just as I do.
The important thing is that you’re practicing a different response to emotional discomfort.
Instead of attacking yourself for struggling, you’re learning to support yourself through it.
How to Practice Self-Compassion When You’re Already Overwhelmed
Now, I know what some of you might be thinking.
“Kimberley, this sounds wonderful, but when I’m overwhelmed, I can’t remember any of these tools!”
I hear you!
Sometimes our emotions get so intense that it feels nearly impossible to slow down and think clearly.
That’s why I often encourage my clients to prepare for these moments before they happen.
If you know you’re going into a situation that might feel overwhelming, write down the three steps on a small piece of paper or sticky note.
Keep it in your purse, pocket, or somewhere you can easily access it.
Your reminder can be as simple as:
- Notice: What am I feeling right now?
- Normalize: This is a human experience. It makes sense that I’m struggling.
- Be kind: What do I need to hear right now?
That’s all you need.
If you’re at a social event, you might excuse yourself to the restroom for a moment and read through your reminder.
If you’re at work, you might practice it quietly at your desk.
If you’re at home, you might take a minute to place your hand on your heart and walk yourself through each step.
You don’t need a perfectly quiet environment or a long meditation session.
You just need a moment to practice responding to yourself differently.
What If You Still Feel Overwhelmed After Practicing Self-Compassion?
Okay, now here’s something really important that I don’t want you to miss.
You might complete all three steps of the Self-Compassion Break and still feel overwhelmed.
And that’s okay!
In fact, that’s something I want you to expect.
This exercise isn’t designed to magically eliminate uncomfortable emotions.
Sometimes it might help you feel calmer, but that’s not its primary purpose.
Remember the research we talked about earlier?
The students who practiced self-compassion didn’t suddenly become immune to failure or discomfort.
They became more willing to try again.
And that’s what we’re working toward.
We’re building the ability to experience difficult emotions while continuing to do the things that matter to us.
So instead of asking:
Did this exercise make my anxiety go away?
I want you to consider asking:
Did this help me stay in the situation a little longer?
Did it help me respond to myself with less criticism?
Did it give me the encouragement I needed to take the next step?
Did it help me keep showing up for something I value?
Those are meaningful signs of progress.
Self-Compassion Helps You Do Hard Things, Not Avoid Them
I think one of the biggest misconceptions about self-compassion is that it’s all about comfort.
We imagine bubble baths, candles, relaxation, and positive affirmations.
And while those things can certainly be enjoyable, that’s not what we’re talking about here.
Self-compassion is about learning how to support yourself while doing difficult things.
It’s about being able to say:
This is really hard, and I’m going to keep going.
I feel uncomfortable, and I can make room for this feeling.
I’m struggling, and I still deserve kindness.
This is particularly important when you’re working through anxiety, OCD, or other experiences that involve significant emotional discomfort.
We don’t want self-compassion to become another way of avoiding difficult feelings.
We want it to help us stay present with those feelings while moving toward our values.
Maybe that means staying at a social gathering even though you’re overwhelmed.
Maybe it means continuing with an important task even though you’re feeling anxious.
Maybe it means allowing an uncomfortable thought or emotion to be present without immediately trying to fix it.
Self-compassion becomes a source of support as you practice doing those hard things.
And the more you practice, the more familiar that compassionate response can become.
A Gentle Reminder for the Next Time You Feel Overwhelmed
The next time you notice yourself feeling overwhelmed, I want you to remember something.
You don’t need to add self-criticism to your suffering.
You don’t need to shame yourself into being stronger.
And you don’t have to wait until you feel calm to treat yourself with kindness.
Instead, try taking a Self-Compassion Break.
Notice what’s happening.
Remind yourself that difficult emotions are part of being human.
And ask yourself what kind of support you need in that moment.
Remember, we’re not practicing self-compassion because we want to make every uncomfortable feeling disappear.
We’re practicing because we want to become people who can experience discomfort and still show up for the lives we want to live.
That’s where the real growth happens.
Want to Build Your Self-Compassion Skills?
If you found this exercise helpful and want to explore self-compassion more deeply, I encourage you to check out my Your Self-Compassion Toolkit.
This online course walks you through a variety of practical self-compassion exercises that you can use in different situations, helping you build a collection of tools to support yourself through life’s challenges.
As always, I want to remind you that it is a beautiful day to do really freaking hard things.
I’m cheering you on every step of the way!
Transcription: I’m Overwhelmed: A Guided Self-Compassion Break (Emotional Support in Under 7 Minutes)
If you’re feeling overwhelmed right now and your brain, your critical voice, is saying, “What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you handle this? Why aren’t you better?” We’ve been taught to believe that being hard on ourselves and correcting ourselves and constantly judging will make us better, but research actually suggests something completely different.
And in this episode, I wanna give you a specific self-compassion exercise that you can use next time or right now if you are overwhelmed.
But before we start, I wanna actually give you a piece of research that I thought was so interesting. Now, there was a researcher at UC Berkeley, and they took a group of undergraduates, and they gave them a really hard test. Ultimately, they rigged the test to make sure that they failed. And after they failed, researchers either put them in one group, where they put them through a self-compassion exercise and said, “Hey, that was a really hard test.
You shouldn’t beat yourself up over it.” And in the other group, they … All that they were told was, “Hey, you’re really smart. You got into Berkeley after all,” and sent them on their merry way. And what they learned is the group who were just told how smart they were, they had very low motivation to study for the next test, whereas the ones that were taught self-compassion were more motivated.
They actually studied more. And I think this is so interesting, that the same group could both fail and be going through a very difficult time, and yet one group was willing to get up and act courageously, and the other one kind of brushed it off and, and was not motivated to study harder for that next test.
What I think is so interesting about this is that it proves that self-compassion is not just a fluffy, r- random thing that, you know, we use to get … Let ourselves off the hook. It’s an actual clinical tool that you can use to help increase motivation, increase your ability to tolerate discomfort, and face hard things.
So what I wanna do is I wanna teach you this exercise called a self-compassion break. It was developed by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer. They are researchers in the self-compassion field. And so let’s do this together in real time. So you’re overwhelmed. Things are difficult. I understand. What we wanna do, the first step of this self-compassionate break exercise, is to first notice what is going on for you in this moment.
Notice what’s happening in the present moment. So take a minute. And slow down and observe. What is it that you notice? Where is the overwhelm showing up for you in your body? For me, it’s often way above my head, and it’s just like, “Ah, it’s so loud,” and everything feels like glass, like broken glass. But for you, where does it show up in your body?
Is it in your chest? Is it in your stomach? Is it in your shoulders, your head? What is going on that’s creating this experience of overwhelm for you? Now, step two of the self-compassionate break is to bring in what we call common humanity. This is where you recognize that you’re not alone in this suffering.
And so you might first acknowledge, like, this is a part of being a human. Overwhelm is a normal human emotion. You might even extend that by going, “Many people struggle with overwhelm. I’m not alone in this discomfort.” For me, personally, I like to sort of put my hand on my heart and offer to myself, like, it makes complete sense for your brain that you feel overwhelmed.
Just the other day, I was at a, at a luncheon for my birthday with my beautiful, beautiful girlfriends, and I was overwhelmed. It was overwhelming, the sounds, the noise, the light, the people, the movement, the love, the attention was very overwhelming to me. So I just put my hand on my heart and say, “It makes complete sense that I feel this way.
Anybody with my brain and my situation would feel similarly.” And then the last part of the self-compassionate break is self-kindness. This is where the real yumminess comes in. This is where we offer ourselves words or gestures of love and acceptance and unconditional positive regard. And so for me, it might be asking myself, “What do I need to hear right now?
What do I actually need?” Don’t judge it. What is it that I needed to hear? And for me, in that moment, it was like, just let it be. Let it be there. It’s not dangerous. You’re safe to feel this feeling, that it won’t hurt you. Another kind thing you might do is to say, “You’re carrying a lot right now. This is a big load, that you’re doing well, you’re doing great.
Keep going.” Maybe it’s an encouraging, cheerful, cheerleading voice. Maybe that loving, self-kind voice is offering you some gentle release from the pressure by saying, “It’s okay. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to please everyone. You don’t have to make this feeling go away. It’s not bad or good to have these human emotions.”
Or maybe for you, self-kindness might be just saying, “Hey, I’m here. I got you. I’m here to support you. I promise I won’t abandon you. I won’t hurt you. I won’t say anything unkind.” And so what we’ve done just right there is we’ve taken ourselves step by step through this three-part self-compassionate break exercise, and this is an exercise that you can apply to any situation.
What I often do with my clients, and I’ve talked about it here on the podcast before, is I might even do this before the event. So if I know there’s a event that I’m going to feel really overwhelmed with, and I tend to, like, spiral and I can’t get my thoughts and I can’t seem to use the tools in the moment, I might write it on a sticky note and have the three steps all ready to go and pop them in my purse or my pocket so that I can pull it out if I need it, or when I go to the restroom, pull it out and just remind myself of these three core steps.
Okay, so that’s the self-compassionate break, but there’s one more important point here, which is, let’s just be honest. The chances are that you still have overwhelm is really high. This activity isn’t here to make the discomfort go away. It can- But remember that research I told you at the beginning. The goal here isn’t to have it eliminate all your discomfort and distress.
It’s more about is it creating a muscle or an engine inside you that encourages you to stay, encourages you to keep doing the things that you value, encourages you to, you know, can you hold on for a little longer without fleeing the event? Remember, self-compassion isn’t roses and bubble baths and rainbows.
It’s a skill that we have to help us tolerate uncomfortable and easy emotions. It’s there to provide support for us in those uncomfortable times so that we can stay and show up for our values, and so that we can create safety in our body. Now, if you wanna go deeper into this, I strongly encourage you to check out Your Self-Compassion Toolkit.
It is an online course that takes you through all of the different self-compassion exercises that you absolutely should know and have in your tool belt for any circumstance. You can click the link in the show notes to get more information about that. If you’re finding during this activity you still constantly are on high alert for your intrusive thoughts or these scary thoughts that you’re having, I’m gonna strongly encourage you to watch the episode where I talk about how to stop being afraid of thoughts.
It’s episode number 505, and I think that you are going to love this episode. As always, I hope that you’re having a wonderful day. It is a beautiful day to do the really freaking hard things, and just know that I’m over here celebrating you and supporting you and cheering you on every single step of the way.
Have a great day, everybody.
Please note that this podcast or any other resources from cbtschool.com should not replace professional mental health care. If you feel you would benefit, please reach out to a provider in your area. Have a wonderful day, and thank you for supporting cbtschool.com.
