How to Deal With Setbacks in Anxiety Recovery | Ep. 522

Experiencing a setback in anxiety recovery can feel incredibly discouraging, but today I want to show you how to navigate those difficult moments with self-compassion, curiosity, and practical strategies that help you keep moving forward.

In this episode, we’ll explore:

• Why an increase in anxiety doesn’t mean you’ve lost your progress and what actually counts as a setback in recovery.
• How to stop catastrophizing setbacks and start viewing them as valuable information instead of evidence of failure.
• Three powerful questions to ask yourself when anxiety feels like it’s getting worse, so you can identify what’s changed and what might help.
• Five signs that your recovery needs some extra attention, including avoidance, rumination, reassurance-seeking, and self-criticism.
• Two essential skills for navigating setbacks that can help you respond to discomfort with more willingness and less judgment.
• What to do when setbacks keep happening, including how to make small adjustments, revisit your recovery tools, and recognize when additional support might help.

How to Handle Setbacks in Anxiety Recovery (Without Losing Your Progress)

You’ve been doing so well.

You’ve been working hard on your anxiety recovery. You’ve been practicing your skills, facing your fears, and maybe even starting to feel a little more confident in your ability to handle discomfort.

And then, seemingly out of nowhere, anxiety comes rushing back.

Maybe you experience a sudden wave of panic. Maybe an intrusive thought catches you off guard. Or maybe you notice yourself slipping into old habits of overthinking, avoidance, or reassurance-seeking.

And before you know it, you’re thinking:

What’s happening to me? I thought I was getting better. Am I back at square one?

Oh, my friend. I know how disappointing this can feel.

But today, I want to offer you a different way of looking at setbacks in anxiety recovery. Because what if that difficult moment isn’t actually evidence that you’ve lost your progress?

What if it’s simply information you can use to keep moving forward?

Let’s talk about how to navigate anxiety setbacks with more self-compassion, less catastrophizing, and a few practical strategies that can make a meaningful difference.

First, What Actually Counts as a Setback in Anxiety Recovery?

I want to start by challenging something that I think causes a tremendous amount of unnecessary suffering.

An increase in anxiety does not automatically mean you’re experiencing a setback.

Neither does an increase in intrusive thoughts, uncertainty, physical discomfort, or distress.

These experiences are part of being human. And when you’re recovering from anxiety or OCD, they may sometimes feel particularly intense.

What I’m more interested in is how you respond to those experiences.

For example, let’s say you wake up one morning feeling significantly more anxious than usual.

That alone doesn’t mean your recovery is going backward.

But what happens next?

Do you start avoiding things you were previously willing to do?

Do you spend hours analyzing why you’re anxious?

Do you repeatedly seek reassurance?

Do you criticize yourself for having these feelings?

Those responses can create patterns that make anxiety harder to manage.

And that’s where we want to pay attention.

The goal isn’t to prevent anxiety from showing up. It’s to notice when our response to anxiety is taking us away from recovery.

Why Catastrophizing a Setback Makes Anxiety Worse

One of the biggest challenges I see in anxiety recovery is the meaning people assign to difficult moments.

You experience a spike in anxiety, and suddenly your mind starts telling you a story:

I’m losing control.

All my progress is gone.

What if I never get better?

What if this keeps getting worse?

And now you’re not just experiencing anxiety.

You’re experiencing anxiety about having anxiety.

This is where things can really start to spiral.

I want you to consider something.

What if, instead of treating that spike in anxiety as an emergency, you simply acknowledged it as information?

Something has changed. Something feels difficult. Something deserves your attention.

But none of that automatically means something terrible is happening.

This is one of the most important mindset shifts I want you to practice:

A difficult moment is data, not a disaster.

And I have a personal example that might help explain what I mean.

What Training for a Half-Marathon Taught Me About Anxiety Recovery

I’ve been training for a half-marathon.

And let me tell you, some weeks I feel fantastic.

Every Sunday, I do a long run. And as the weeks go by, I can feel myself getting stronger.

I’m finding my rhythm. I’m building confidence. I’m starting to think, Hey, I’m actually getting pretty good at this!

And then comes a week when everything feels terrible.

I’m exhausted. My legs don’t want to cooperate. My mind isn’t in the right place.

In running, there’s actually a term called bonking, which can happen when your body doesn’t have enough fuel to keep going.

It’s miserable.

But here’s the important part.

Having one terrible run doesn’t mean I’ve suddenly lost all my running progress.

It means something happened that I need to pay attention to.

Maybe I didn’t eat enough. Maybe I didn’t rest enough. Maybe my body needs something different.

A good running coach wouldn’t look at that one difficult run and say, “Well, I guess you’ll never finish a half-marathon!”

Of course not.

They would look at the information and ask what adjustments might help.

And that’s exactly how I want you to approach setbacks in anxiety recovery.

Be a Coach, Not a Critic

When anxiety gets difficult, many of us immediately become our own harshest critics.

We judge ourselves.

We question our progress.

We start making predictions about our future based on how we feel in one particular moment.

But imagine approaching yourself the way a compassionate, thoughtful coach would.

Instead of asking, What’s wrong with me?

You might ask, What’s happening here, and what can I learn from it?

Instead of saying, I’ve ruined everything.

You might say, Something isn’t working as well as it was before. Let’s get curious about that.

This shift matters because criticism often adds another layer of distress to an already difficult experience.

Curiosity, on the other hand, gives us room to make meaningful changes.

And I want to walk you through three questions that can help you do exactly that.

3 Questions to Ask Yourself When Anxiety Recovery Feels Like It’s Going Backward

1. What Was Working Before This Setback?

Let’s start with what was going well.

Before this increase in anxiety, what were you doing that seemed to support your recovery?

Maybe you were:

• Getting more consistent sleep.
• Eating regularly and taking care of your physical needs.
• Practicing mindfulness.
• Being more willing to experience uncomfortable feelings.
• Facing situations you previously avoided.
• Responding differently to intrusive thoughts.
• Spending less time ruminating or seeking reassurance.

I also want you to consider what was happening in your life.

Were you experiencing less stress?

Were your relationships feeling more stable?

Were there changes in your hormones, routines, or responsibilities?

We don’t need to analyze every detail of your life or find one perfect explanation.

We’re simply gathering information.

And I really encourage you to write your answers down.

Ask yourself: What was I doing when things were moving in a helpful direction?

Sometimes the most effective next step isn’t learning an entirely new skill.

It’s returning to something that was already helping.

2. What Changed?

Now that you’ve identified what was working, let’s get curious about what might have shifted.

And please hear me when I say this:

We’re not looking for someone to blame.

We’re not trying to prove that you did something wrong.

We’re simply trying to understand what happened.

Maybe a major stressor entered your life.

Maybe you stopped practicing certain recovery skills because you were feeling better.

Maybe you started avoiding uncomfortable situations again.

Or perhaps you experienced a particularly upsetting intrusive thought and responded to it with fear, judgment, or excessive analysis.

Sometimes the change is subtle.

For example, I’ve noticed that when I feel overwhelmed, my natural tendency is to pull back.

I make my world a little smaller.

And sometimes, taking a step back and resting is exactly what we need.

But I’ve also noticed that when I withdraw too much, I can become less mindful, less compassionate toward myself, and less willing to experience discomfort.

What initially feels protective can sometimes create more difficulties.

That’s useful information for me.

And you can approach your own patterns with that same curiosity.

Ask yourself:

Have I been responding differently to anxiety?

Have I become less willing to tolerate uncertainty?

Am I spending more time trying to make uncomfortable thoughts or feelings disappear?

You might even discover that nothing significant changed in your routine.

Maybe you simply experienced a frightening thought and reacted to it in a way that pulled you into a spiral.

That’s information, too.

The important thing is to recognize the pattern without turning it into another reason to criticize yourself.

3. What Small Adjustments Can I Make?

This is where we begin moving forward.

And I want to emphasize one word:

Small.

When people feel like they’re experiencing a setback, they often respond by trying to overhaul everything.

They panic.

They decide they need to change their entire recovery plan.

They start searching for new solutions, new techniques, and new ways to get rid of anxiety as quickly as possible.

But sometimes that urgency is part of the problem.

Instead, I want you to ask:

What’s one small adjustment I could make today?

Maybe you’ve been avoiding something important.

Your adjustment might be taking one small step toward that situation.

Maybe you’ve been spending hours ruminating.

Your adjustment might be practicing disengagement from those repetitive mental loops.

Maybe you’ve been criticizing yourself constantly.

Your adjustment might be responding with a little more compassion.

Or maybe you’ve stopped practicing mindfulness.

Your adjustment might be spending a few minutes reconnecting with that skill.

You don’t necessarily need a completely new recovery plan. You may simply need to return to the skills that were already helping you.

Small adjustments matter.

And they can help you regain your footing without turning recovery into another source of pressure.

5 Signs That Your Response to Anxiety May Need Attention

Now that we’ve talked about the three questions, I want to help you recognize some patterns that may indicate your recovery approach needs adjusting.

Remember, we’re not judging these behaviors.

We’re observing them.

1. Increased Avoidance

Are you avoiding situations, activities, sensations, or experiences that you were previously willing to face?

Avoidance can provide short-term relief, but it often reinforces the idea that anxiety is dangerous or intolerable.

If you’ve noticed yourself avoiding more, that may be an important area to work on.

2. Increased Rumination

Are you spending more time analyzing your thoughts, replaying situations, or trying to figure out why you’re feeling anxious?

Rumination can feel productive because your mind is working so hard.

But often, you’re simply getting pulled deeper into the same cycle.

If overthinking and catastrophizing have become more frequent, learning how to disengage from rumination may be especially helpful.

In fact, we have an entire course at CBT School dedicated to helping you recognize and change patterns of rumination, overthinking, and mental spiraling.

3. Increased Reassurance-Seeking or Compulsions

If you have OCD, pay particular attention to whether you’ve started engaging in more reassurance-seeking or compulsive behaviors.

Maybe you’re reassurance-seeking more frequently.

Maybe you’re checking things repeatedly.

Or perhaps you’re performing mental rituals to try to feel certain or safe.

These behaviors may temporarily reduce distress, but they can also keep the OCD cycle going.

Recognizing them gives you an opportunity to return to your recovery skills.

4. Increased Self-Criticism

This one is particularly important to me.

Have you noticed yourself becoming harsher toward yourself?

Are you calling yourself names?

Are you interpreting every difficult day as evidence that you’re failing?

Self-criticism can make an already challenging experience feel so much heavier.

And while we can’t always control when anxiety shows up, we can practice changing how we speak to ourselves when it does.

5. Decreased Hope

Finally, I want you to pay attention to your sense of hope.

Are you starting to believe that things will never improve?

Are you feeling increasingly discouraged or defeated?

A significant decrease in hope deserves attention, particularly if you’re also noticing symptoms of depression.

This doesn’t mean your recovery is doomed.

It means you may need additional support, renewed attention to your skills, or adjustments to your treatment.

These five patterns are not evidence that you’ve failed. They’re signals that can help guide your next steps.

Two Powerful Skills for Handling Anxiety Setbacks

Of all the small adjustments you can make, there are two that I especially want you to consider.

Skill #1: Practice Willingness to Feel Uncomfortable

I know this might not be what you want to hear when anxiety is particularly intense.

But one of the most helpful things you can practice is being willing to allow discomfort to exist.

Not because you enjoy it.

Not because you want it to stay.

But because fighting against every uncomfortable sensation can create additional suffering.

I remember being at a conference with a dear friend who had made tremendous progress in their recovery from OCD and anxiety.

Something happened that was particularly triggering for them.

And I remember their response.

They simply acknowledged that the discomfort might take a couple of days to settle.

And then they continued with their day.

I thought that was such a beautiful example of recovery.

They didn’t panic about the fact that they were triggered.

They didn’t decide their progress was gone.

They didn’t demand that the feeling disappear immediately.

They recognized that discomfort might be present for a while, and they were willing to allow that.

Think about how differently we sometimes respond to physical discomfort.

When we get sick, we generally understand that we might not feel great for several days.

We don’t necessarily expect every symptom to disappear overnight.

But with anxiety, we often demand immediate relief.

And when that relief doesn’t come, we interpret it as a problem.

What if you practiced saying:

This might be uncomfortable for a while, and I can allow that.

I don’t have to figure everything out today.

I can continue living my life while this feeling rises and falls.

Willingness isn’t about giving up.

It’s about making room for discomfort without organizing your entire life around getting rid of it.

Skill #2: Practice Non-Judgment

The second skill is non-judgment.

And while it sounds simple, it can be incredibly powerful.

When anxiety increases, notice how quickly your mind wants to label the experience.

This is bad.

This shouldn’t be happening.

I’m doing something wrong.

I’m getting worse.

What if you practiced observing the experience without immediately assigning it a meaning?

Instead of saying, This is a terrible setback, you might say:

I’m noticing more anxiety today.

Instead of saying, I’m failing at recovery, you might say:

I’m noticing that I’ve been avoiding more lately.

Instead of saying, I’m never going to get better, you might say:

I’m having a difficult time right now.

Do you see the difference?

We’re not pretending everything feels wonderful.

We’re simply describing what’s happening without adding a story about what it means for our future.

And that creates space for a more thoughtful response.

What If Your Anxiety Setbacks Keep Getting Worse?

Now, I want to address something important.

Some of you might be thinking:

Kimberley, this all sounds great, but my anxiety isn’t just going up and down. It feels like things are consistently getting worse.

If that’s your experience, I want you to take it seriously without catastrophizing it.

First, if your symptoms are continuing to worsen, I strongly encourage you to seek support from a qualified mental health professional.

Sometimes we need more help, and recognizing that is an important part of taking care of ourselves.

I also want you to consider doing what I call an anxiety recovery audit.

Take an honest, compassionate look at the skills you’re currently practicing.

Are you consistently using the tools you’ve learned?

Are you practicing mindfulness?

Are you approaching your fears?

Are you working on reducing avoidance, compulsions, and rumination?

Are you allowing uncomfortable feelings rather than constantly trying to eliminate them?

And perhaps most importantly, are you practicing these skills frequently enough to support what you’re currently experiencing?

Sometimes Recovery Requires More Support and More Practice

I learned something incredibly valuable from Reid Wilson.

He taught me the importance of matching the intensity of your response to the intensity of the anxiety you’re experiencing.

In other words, if your anxiety has become significantly more intense, the amount of support and skill practice you need may also have to increase.

I remember a period in my own recovery when things were getting worse very quickly.

I could see the pattern.

And I recognized that the level of treatment I was receiving wasn’t enough for what I was experiencing.

I needed more intensive support.

That didn’t mean I had failed.

It meant I needed to adjust my approach.

And sometimes that’s exactly what recovery asks of us.

Maybe you need to practice your skills more consistently.

Maybe you need additional guidance.

Maybe you need a different level of professional care.

The important thing is to make those decisions based on what you’re observing, rather than out of panic or self-criticism.

Needing more support doesn’t erase the progress you’ve already made.

Anxiety Recovery Is Not a Straight Line

I think one of the biggest sources of disappointment in recovery comes from our expectations.

We imagine that recovery will look like a steady climb.

Every day will get a little easier.

Every week will feel a little better.

And eventually, we’ll reach a place where anxiety barely bothers us.

And yes, meaningful improvement is absolutely possible.

I’ve experienced it myself, and I’ve seen it in so many of the people I’ve worked with.

But the journey rarely looks like a perfectly straight line.

There are ups.

There are downs.

There are days when you feel incredibly confident.

And there are days when you wonder whether anything you’ve learned is actually working.

That doesn’t automatically mean you’re going backward.

It means recovery is a process.

And sometimes, that process involves revisiting skills you thought you’d already mastered.

Sometimes it involves recognizing an old pattern and making a new choice.

Sometimes it means allowing yourself to have a difficult day without turning it into a prediction about the rest of your life.

Progress isn’t measured by how rarely you experience anxiety. It’s also reflected in how you respond when anxiety returns.

A Simple Anxiety Setback Recovery Plan

If you’re experiencing what feels like a setback right now, here’s what I’d love for you to practice.

Step 1: Name what’s happening without catastrophizing.

Notice the increase in anxiety, intrusive thoughts, or discomfort without immediately deciding it means something terrible.

Step 2: Get curious about the data.

Ask yourself what was working before, what may have changed, and which behaviors are currently making things more difficult.

Step 3: Identify one small adjustment.

Choose one skill or helpful behavior you can return to rather than trying to change everything at once.

Step 4: Practice willingness.

Allow anxiety and discomfort to rise and fall without demanding immediate relief.

Step 5: Respond with non-judgment and compassion.

Remind yourself that having a difficult experience doesn’t make you weak, incapable, or unsuccessful.

Step 6: Adjust your support if needed.

If your symptoms are consistently worsening, consider whether you need more frequent skill practice or additional professional support.

And then?

Keep going.

Not perfectly.

Not without discomfort.

But with patience, curiosity, and a willingness to continue showing up for yourself.

Your Setback Does Not Define Your Recovery

Before we finish, there’s something I really want you to hear.

Having a setback does not mean you’re weak. It does not mean you’re doing recovery wrong. And it certainly does not mean you won’t make progress.

In all my years of working with people who struggle with anxiety and OCD, I can’t think of a single person who hasn’t experienced difficult moments along the way.

Setbacks are a normal part of the process.

What matters is what you do when they happen.

Can you approach yourself with kindness?

Can you get curious instead of critical?

Can you make small adjustments rather than assuming everything has gone wrong?

Can you allow yourself to experience discomfort without turning it into an emergency?

Those are the skills that make a difference.

And I want you to remember that you don’t have to make enormous changes overnight.

Sometimes recovery is about the smallest pivots.

Returning to a skill.

Choosing not to engage in rumination.

Taking one step toward something you’ve been avoiding.

Allowing yourself to feel anxious without judging it.

These moments matter.

And they are all opportunities to continue building the life you want to live.

Want to Learn How to Feel Safer With Anxiety in Your Body?

If one of your biggest struggles is allowing anxiety to exist without immediately trying to make it disappear, I have another podcast episode I’d love for you to listen to.

In Episode 515, “I’m Gonna Save You Years of Feeling Unsafe in Your Body Using This One Specific Skill,” I walk you through an important skill for allowing anxiety to exist in your body, rise, and fall without constantly fighting against it.

This is such a valuable part of anxiety recovery, particularly when you’re navigating those moments when symptoms feel more intense.

And if rumination, catastrophizing, or overthinking are keeping you stuck, you can also explore the resources available through CBT School to help you practice responding differently to those patterns.

One Final Reminder

My friend, I know this work can feel exhausting sometimes.

I know there are days when you wish you could just be done with anxiety altogether.

But please don’t let one difficult day convince you that all your hard work has disappeared.

You can have a hard day and still be making progress.

You can experience intrusive thoughts and still be recovering.

You can feel anxious and still make choices that support the life you want.

And you can experience a setback without making it mean something terrible about yourself.

I’m cheering for you.

Keep making those small, compassionate adjustments.

Keep practicing.

And most importantly, keep going.

It is so worth it.

Please remember that this podcast and the resources offered through CBT School are educational and are not a replacement for professional mental health care. If you feel you would benefit from additional support, please reach out to a qualified mental health provider in your area.

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Transcription: How to Deal With Setbacks in Anxiety Recovery

You have been doing so well. You have been trying so hard to manage your anxiety, but then out of nowhere, you get hit with a major wave of anxiety. Maybe it’s an onset of new intrusive thoughts that just freak you out, and before you know it, you’re spinning, you’re overwhelmed, you have lost control of the vehicle.

 

And ultimately, what’s happening here is you’re framing this as a major setback, and I don’t blame you. This is so disappointing when you feel like you were on the right track, but then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, something happens, something triggered you, something went wrong, and all of a sudden, that progress you were making has gone away.

 

In this episode, I wanna teach you how to handle setbacks in anxiety recovery, and maybe make you change the way you think about it, which is going to help you suffer so, so much less. Okay, so first I wanna address the elephant in the room, or maybe it’s the anxiety in the room, which is I wanna first get really clear on what is and what is not a setback.

 

A setback is not just the increase in anxiety or distress or uncertainty or intrusive thoughts. A setback, in my opinion, is usually when you’re having these normal daily experiences, maybe they’re a little more intense than it would be for maybe your uncle and aunt, or cousin, or f- best friend, but then what you do is you go into t- a trajectory of responding in a way that’s not helpful.

 

Now, yes, we could technically call that a setback, but what I really want you to know from this episode is let’s not catastrophize a setback. Let’s not catastrophize the ups and downs of recovery. Because if you have these symptoms, and then you go, “Oh my God, something is wrong. Why is this happening?

 

What’s wrong? I’m lo- I’m out of control. I’m losing it. Things are getting bad. I’m gonna get bad,” I don’t blame you, I’ve been there myself, but that response to the setback is actually causing you to spiral more. So what we wanna do is just acknowledge this is just data. Now, let me tell you a story. I am training for a half-marathon, and I know that might feel like it’s nothing to do with what we’re talking about, but it’s not, believe me.

 

I’m training for a half-marathon, which means every single Sunday I have to run a long day. And every week it gets a little bit easier, and I’m starting to get some swagger in my stride, and I’m starting to think I’m really hot, you know? Like, I’m getting this. This is awesome. But then out of nowhere, there will be a week that just sucks.

 

I am tired. I cannot seem to get myself get together. My head’s not in the right place. There’s actually a really funny term for this. It’s called bonking. If you’re a runner and you bonk, it means that you haven’t nourished yourself enough. Your body’s sort of going into sort of rejection mode, and you just go immediately tha- lethargic.

 

Like, you just literally can’t run. It’s a horrible feeling But that’s not a failure either. That’s not a setback either. It’s just data. And so what I want you to recognize here is don’t assign meaning to this, quote unquote, “setback.” Look at it as if they’re, “Okay, we’ve gathered some data. Let’s look at the data and let’s see what we can do.”

 

And that’s what I’m here to teach you how to do today. So here’s what I want you to do. I want you to ask questions about this, quote unquote, “setback,” like you are a coach, not a critic. We’re not here to put negativity on this. We are just looking at the data. The runner has started to not run well.

 

Something went wrong. Let’s look at what went wrong so that we can work on it. We’re not gonna say, “I’ll never be able to run a marathon.” We’re not gonna say that, uh, this is gonna get worse and worse and worse every time. No, that’s not how a coach would look at that. They would go, “Okay, in this recent incidence, the runner, it’s not working.

 

Let’s look at the data.” So let’s see. So first I want to really explore your expectations around anxiety recovery. You probably were hoping that you would slowly, slowly make your way up to the top, that you would make these small, gradual changes, and over time you would just keep on plowing away until you felt a degree where anxiety barely bothered you in your daily life.

 

And the truth is, that is possible. I really want to remind you, that is possible. I feel like I have done that for myself. I have so many clients and students who have done that for themselves. But the truth is, it doesn’t look like this graph. It actually looks more like this graph. This is what recovery actually looks like.

 

There are a lot of ups and there are a lot of downs. And you take two steps forward and you take two steps back. And with appropriate support and with discipline and motivation, and with you just keeping on going, you can make your way to the top. But there are so many mindset things you need to think about as you’re doing this.

 

So what I want you to think about here is one question, which is, what was working before this setback happened? What were you doing in your day-to-day? Were you getting more sleep? Were you eating better or different? Were you less stressed? Was it a different stage in your hormones? Were you, you know, not going through specific relationship struggles?

 

Like really get clear on if you were slowly making your way up that recovery, you know, it wasn’t linear, but it was going, uh, swinging up, what were you doing? What was working? And I want you to write that down. Please do pause and write it down. What was working before this setback? Now, the second question is, what did I change?

 

What changed when this setback? And we’re not doing this to criticize you or to blame you. No, we’re not doing that. But what we’re doing is we’re trying to look for the data so we can understand. Now, a lot of therapists go wrong in this stage, where they spend a lot of time digging around, trying to find solutions, and was it from childhood and all that.

 

And I’m not saying that that’s wrong, but not for now. I don’t want you to go that deep now. I just want you to look at logistically, was there a major stressor? What changed? Did I do something different? Have I started to maybe, like, not use my skills as much? Have I started to not be as willing to be uncomfortable?

 

Did I have an intrusive thought that was particularly triggering, and when I had that, I judged it really, really negatively? Like, what changed in my response to anxiety, uncertainty, physical discomfort in your body? And then we wanna ask why. Why did I change that? Was it that I was feeling overwhelmed, and I naturally…

 

I’ll give you an example, is when I’m feeling overwhelmed, my default is to sort of shut down a little, right? Like, I sort of, like, make my life a little smaller. And I do that intentionally, but it almost always kicks me in the butt. It almost always ends up becoming a problem. In the moment, it feels like the appropriate thing to do, and there is some help to sometimes listening to your body and pulling away.

 

But in this case, the isolation and the contraction around it usually means I’m not as mindful about my discomfort. I’m not as compassionate about it. And so it’s really just looking, what is the data? What changed? Now, if you said to me, “Kimberley, literally nothing changed. I just one day had this thought, and it freaked me out,” right?

 

“And I freaked out. Like, I’ve been catastrophizing, and I can’t stop thinking about it.” Well, then we’ll go, “Okay, what changed is you had a thought, and you responded to that thought in these A, B, C, and D ways So what we’re gonna do in step number three or question number three is really now to ask yourself the question, what small adjustments can I make?

 

And I really want to highlight here, sometimes the biggest mistake people make when they’re in a setback is they super correct, they over-correct, and they go from feeling pretty good to being like, “This is terrible.” And they go to a lot of black-and-white thinking. “I’ll never get better. I’ll always have this problem.

 

I’m such an idiot.” And they over-correct instead of going, “Okay, let’s just call this what it is, which is a setback.” So examples of setbacks might include a significant increase in avoidance. If you have noticed a significantly increasing avoidance, then yes, we’re going to need to target that data today.

 

If you’ve noticed a significant increase in rumination, then yes, we are going to need to target that data. If you’re someone who does ruminate a lot and is spinning and overthinking and catastrophizing over this setback, I’m gonna strongly encourage you to head on over to CBT School. We have a whole course that teaches you how to stop overthinking, how to stop ruminating, catastrophizing, and spiraling.

 

It’s talking about all the actions you need to learn in your head to not engage in this spiral of overthinking. So you can head over to CBT School to check that out. The next data that you’re gonna be looking for when it comes to the setback is a significant increase in reassurance or physical behaviors, especially if you have OCD, that’s gonna be something you’re gonna need to check on.

 

The last two are ones I wanna like get in close with you with here, which is an significant increase in self-criticism or a significant decrease in hope. That’s hopefulness. Um, and often people who don’t have a lot of hope tend to get really depressed, so that is what we’re looking for here when we’re really talking about actual setbacks.

 

And from my history, from the past, here are the things that helped. We’re just first gonna go back and reapply those things. The same goes for me with running. The solution isn’t for me to go and get thousands of dollars worth of physical therapy contracts and completely change my shoes and everything.

 

It might be like, okay, let’s just look at the, what is the most minor adjustment I can make first? My guess is, and my advice for you is, one of the best small adjustments you can make is willingness is the willingness to allow discomfort to rise and fall. I have a dear friend, and once I was at a conference with them, and they are very well recovered from their OCD and anxiety, but something happened that just really pressed their button.

 

And they said to me, “It’s okay. This is probably gonna take a couple days for this to wear off.” And then they went away. They went off to the conference. And that was the perfect framing. They didn’t catastrophize, and they acknowledged, this is gonna take some days to wear off, right? It’s similar to, like, if you’re sick, you’re gonna accept that you mightn’t feel great for a couple of days, and you accept that.

 

You’re not like, “Why am I still sick? This is not fair.” Or, like, if you … I always say with women with their menstrual cycle, right? Like, y- when, on the first day, once your menstrual cycle comes, you’ve accepted for the next five to seven days, this is just the way that it is. And so you’re not catastrophizing if you wake up the next day and something’s still happening.

 

That’s what we wanna do here, is we want to just recognize it might take some days. How can I increase my willingness to have this feeling? The second time, I’m always gonna say, is non-judgment. Do not judge this as good or bad. Just allow it to be what is happening right now. Now, I know there are some of you who are thinking that, “Kimberley, my setbacks just keep going down.

 

My graph is trending downward.” And if that is the case for you- Again, very normal for anxiety recovery. Now, of course, I’m always gonna encourage you to seek out professional care if it is continually trending down. Another thing to do if it is trending down is to really do a full anxiety audit on what is it that I’m doing?

 

What are the things that I’ve learned here on this podcast or other courses, that I’ve learned at this podcast or maybe, uh, during some of the courses that we have on CBT School? What is it specifically that skills that I could be introducing and I actually may need to really increase the duration and frequency of those skills?

 

I will always quote Reid Wilson. He always… I’ll never forget, it was a really, really pivotal part in my learning from him when I did, is he always said, “If your anxiety’s here, you’re gonna have to match it and go a little higher,” right? Like, anxiety’s not gonna accept you managing it from down here at that frequency and intensity.

 

If it’s a 10 out of 10, you’re gonna have to meet it at a 10 and one-up it. What do they say in poker? Like, I’ll meet you and raise you. I don’t know if that’s true, but well, that’s what I’m saying. And so in this case, it will mean that if you are s- continually doing setback after setback, what I’m gonna say is it’s time to double down.

 

I remember in my own recovery, things were spiraling out of control so quickly. I was trending graph down. The data was very clear that I was headed for a nosedive here, is I was like, “Okay, I need intensive treatment. I can’t be doing once a week. I’m gonna need this to be doubled down because I know that if I’m gonna overcome this anxiety, I’m gonna have to get louder and bigger than that.

 

I’m gonna have to be willing. I’m gonna have to use my skills. I’m gonna have to practice non-judgment. I’m gonna have to practice my mindfulness. I’m gonna have to face my fears.” And so if that’s the case, whatever is happening for you, I want you to think about it that way. But only on the data, and this is where I want you to get in really close, because this is not personal.

 

I don’t want you to think that this setback is sign that you’re weak or that you’re wrong or that you won’t recover. That is BS. I have never met a client who hasn’t had a setback. It is a normal part of recovery. But the thing is, how do you handle it? What do you do when you have the setback? How kind are you when you have the setback?

 

That is what matters. Now, if you’re here listening on YouTube or if you’re on the podcast, I’m going to encourage you to go to episode 515. This is where I teach you how to allow anxiety in your body and create safety for that anxiety to exist, rise and fall as it does. That is going to be such a key component of your recovery.

 

Head on over and listen. Again, it’s 515, and the title of it is I’m Gonna Save You Years of Feeling Unsafe in Your Body Using This One Specific Skill. So head on over to listen to that. I love you guys. I want you to know I’m cheering for you. Oh my gosh, if only you knew how much I’m cheering for you.

 

Don’t give up. This is a bit of a grind, but it’s doable, and I want you to know that with, with small baby pivots, that is a tongue twister, you can do it too. All right, I’ll see you in the next episode.

 

Please note that this podcast or any other resources from cbtschool.com should not replace professional mental health care. If you feel you would benefit, please reach out to a provider in your area. Have a wonderful day, and thank you for supporting cbtschool.com.