How Do You Experience Joy When Having Such Horrible Thoughts? | Ep. 523
In this episode, I talk about something that I believe is incredibly important for anyone struggling with OCD, anxiety, or intrusive thoughts: learning how to experience joy even when uncomfortable thoughts and feelings are present. So often, we believe we have to get rid of our intrusive thoughts, feel less anxious, or reach a certain point in recovery before we’re allowed to enjoy our lives. But I want to challenge that belief. You don’t have to wait for your thoughts to disappear before you experience happiness. I also talk about how shame and self-punishment can make people feel undeserving of pleasure, and why it’s so important to remember that having intrusive thoughts doesn’t mean you need to suffer or deny yourself the things that bring you joy.
I introduce a practice I like to call “dating joy,” which is all about intentionally making small opportunities for happiness in your everyday life. Joy doesn’t have to be a huge, exciting experience. Sometimes it’s enjoying your morning coffee, watching your pets, feeling the sunshine, or noticing something beautiful in nature. I share five important rules for practicing this skill: you don’t have to enjoy every experience, you don’t need to analyze whether you felt enough joy, joy and discomfort can exist together, joy shouldn’t be used to escape or neutralize intrusive thoughts, and you never have to earn the right to experience it. The goal is to approach joy with curiosity rather than pressure.
Most importantly, I explain why actively pursuing joy can be a meaningful part of recovery. For people experiencing depression, intentionally engaging in enjoyable activities is part of a treatment approach called behavioral activation. For those with OCD, allowing yourself to experience pleasure without engaging in compulsions or self-punishment can also become part of exposure and response prevention (ERP). I encourage you to start small, practice consistently, and remember that you can make room for joy and discomfort at the same time. You don’t have to wait until you feel better to begin participating in your life.
