Podcast

Ep. 130: You Cannot Skip the Line

3 January 2020

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit.  Today I talk about how “you cannot skip the line.” This podcast episode is about an event that happened to me a few weeks ago that blew my mind. It pretty much punched me in the gut. Yes, you read that right. It was a hard, hard day. In this episode, I speak about attending a meditation class and being given a very hard lesson. The lesson was, “You cannot skip the line”. Let me tell you more.

In this class, I asked what I thought was a simple question. Without expecting it, the teacher taught me a very important lesson that I think will impact me for quite some time. 

She responded with “There is a lesson for everyone here. It is important that you do not skip the line here. You must do the work. If you haven’t wrestled with this practice over and over, do not come to me for the answers.” 

I was embarrassed. I felt ashamed. I felt called out. I felt anger. 

But, after some time and contemplation, I asked myself, “Is there a pattern here?” And guess what?!  There was. The lesson was that you cannot skip the line to the “know” the answer. When you “skip the line”, you prevent yourself from learning the real process. Knowing will only help for the first time or two. After that, it takes practice and patience. 

In this episode, I will walk you through a 4 step process to help you lean in and do the work instead of just asking questions. 

These steps include being aware that you cannot skip the line and then catching yourself when you are doing such behavior. The steps also involve being honest with yourself when you are engaging in such behavior instead of staying in the unknown. The goal is to be as patient as you can along the way. And lastly, the most important step involves Compassion, Compassion, Compassion. 

I hope this helps you in some way to notice when you are “skipping the line.”

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Please check out this excellent blog post by the amazing Shala Nicely, LPC on the problem with saying “I’m so OCD.”

Ep. 129: I successfully Failed 100 Times

29 November 2019

Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. In this week’s podcast, I want to talk with you about how I failed 100 times this year. Wait, What?!?! Yes, you heard right! In 2019, I made the goal to fail on purpose 100 times. The goal was to set my goals so high that I was forced to fail. And guess what? I failed 100 times. I possibly failed 1000 times. I failed so many times I lost count.
In this podcast, my hope is to share with you my personal experiment in changing the way that I feel and respond to the thought of failure. 

Here are examples of how I failed 100 times: 

•    I asked a lot of people to come on the podcast.  A lot of people said no.  I knew they would, but I figured it was worth a try.  But, do you know what I learned? I learned that a lot of people I didn’t think would say yes did.  

•    I took a course that was so hard and out of my line of skills and really struggled to complete it. 

•    I started playing the ukulele even though I was so afraid of being terrible at it (which I am). 

•    I pitched a book to a publishing company (more on this later). 

•    I said yes to being Room Mum for both of my kids (knowing I would not be the best at it).

•    I aimed to increase registration for ERP School and we did it. We reached the highest registration yet. 

But here is the thing. I also failed 100 times at things I never set out to fail at. I had to accept in many ways that I cannot push my body to do things that I simply could not do. This was the hardest part about failing. I had to stare my fear of failing at the easy stuff over and over again. 

Here are examples of how I not only failed 100 times, but gave myself permission to fail, even though it hurt so much. 

◆    Remember that course I told you about? I got so sick, I didn’t finish it. I had to drop out and this made me face imperfection and failure head-on.  

◆    I was a less than perfect therapist! I missed sessions with clients, and I double booked clients during times when I was so overwhelmed.   

◆    I gave myself permission to share the struggles I have had with friends. I was so embarrassed to do this, but I am so glad I did.  I learned that when you share your struggles, you actually feel more connected with the people around you.  

But finally, the most important example of how I failed 100 times is the decision I have made to take a month off of the podcast. After much consideration, I have decided to listen to my body and take the month of December to rest, rejuvenate and repair. I fought this decision for a long time, but I know it is what I need.

With that being said, I want to thank you for being so loyal and kind to me. I adore your support. I wish you a very Happy 2019 Holiday! I will be back in January, ready to go. Ready to fail! 

FREE anxiety video training! Learn how to become more intentional with the words you use to describe yourself, your experiences and your future.
Cbtschool.com/thinkwisely

Ep. 128: Are You Struggling with Gratitude? With Shala Nicely

22 November 2019

Are you struggling with gratitude this holiday season?  If so, this episode is exactly what you might need to hear.  In today’s episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit, I spoke with Shala Nicely about struggling with gratitude.  Together, we address why some people might be struggling with gratitude or being grateful, especially if they are also struggling with mental health.  

In this episode, Shala Nicely addresses the personal struggles she has had in the past with gratitude and some incredible tools to manage this. 

Shala so beautifully articulates three common reasons why people struggle with gratitude. The first two struggles fall under the category, that Shala calls, gratitude by comparison. This often occurs when you are supposed to be doing “better” than someone else, but you do not feel very grateful. Shala explains that gratitude by comparison can fall into two separate categories: relief-induced gratitude and guilt-induced gratitude.

The third common struggle is forced gratitude.  An example of this might be, “I should be grateful and I’m not. What’s wrong with me?” or, “You have everything going for you. Why can’t you just be thankful for what you have instead of focusing on the negative?” 

I love that Shala addresses how forced gratitude quickly becomes what we know clinically as toxic positivity. 

Some great tips if you are struggling with gratitude might be: 

            • Mindfulness 

• Practicing wonder, curiosity or beginners mind

            • Non-Judgment 

            • Give yourself permission to not practice gratitude over the holidays

BFRB SCHOOL is here!
A COMPLETE ONLINE COURSE FOR BODY-FOCUSED REPETITIVE BEHAVIORS (BFRB’s)
Trichotillomania (Hair Pulling)
Compulsive Skin Picking
Compulsive Nail Biting
https://www.cbtschool.com/bfrb-school-online-course-trichotillomania-skin-picking

Free Video Training for Anxiety! Cbtschool.com/thinkwisely

Check out these other fantastic episodes featuring Shala Nicely!

Ep. 127: Using ACT to Get you Unstuck with Giulia Suro, Ph.D.

15 November 2019

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. Today we have a very special guest, Giulia Suro, Ph.D., who is going to talk to us about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and how we can use ACT tools in our everyday life. Giulia is a psychologist in private practice in the Washington, D.C. area. She is passionate about ACT and helping her clients develop a new way of looking at their thoughts and feelings. Giulia does such a beautiful job of bringing these ACT tools to us in a compassionate and articulate manner. Thank you, Giulia!

In this episode, we address how Acceptance and Commitment Therapy centers on the concept of mindfulness. We learn that ACT is really quite unique because anyone can use the tools regardless of the struggles they are facing. Giulia discusses how fighting or resisting those struggles can impact us in the long term and we learn that ACT involves moving towards our values. We also address the core ACT tools that Giulia uses in her daily life and in her practice, such as, the Bullseye worksheet (link below). 

Giulia Suro beautifully addresses the following questions with grace, care, and expertise: 

What is ACT? 

Why do we use ACT In everyday life? 

How can it complement our recovery/wellness plan? 

What tools does she use with her clients? 

What tools does she personally use? 

What struggles does she see some of her clients go through when practicing ACT?

Giulia’s Website: www.giuliasuro.com
Instagram @drgiuliasuro
Workbook: Learning To Thrive

Bullseye Worksheet
file:///Users/kimberleyjquinlan/Downloads/Bulls%20Eye%20Values%20Exercise.pdf

BFRB SCHOOL is here!
A COMPLETE ONLINE COURSE FOR BODY-FOCUSED REPETITIVE BEHAVIORS (BFRB’s)
Trichotillomania (Hair Pulling)
Compulsive Skin Picking
Compulsive Nail Biting
https://www.cbtschool.com/bfrb-school-online-course-trichotillomania-skin-picking

Ep.126: Sex and Anxiety

8 November 2019

Welcome to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast.  This topic has been a long time coming, and highly requested. This week’s podcast is all about anxiety and sex.  In this podcast, we talk about how anxiety and sex can become two peas in a pod and how anxiety can present itself in many different ways.   While I am not a sex therapist, I do have a lot of experience talking with my clients about anxiety and sex.

The truth is, there are many ways anxiety shows up during sex, or sex shows up in our anxiety. This is true for many people and this can become very confusing.  People often report anxiety impacting sex in many ways.  This might include loss of arousal, loss of libido or interest in sex, intrusive thoughts during sexual intercourse, hyper-awareness of sexual-related sensations and many more.  

In this week’s episode, we address the following topics

            •          Social Anxiety:  In social anxiety, people are afraid of being judged by their sexual partner and will often avoid sexual interactions in fear of being judged. For people struggling with social anxiety and sex, they must accept the risk of being judged and work to find a partner who respects them and their fears.  Finding safety in a partner can help immensely. 

            •          Performance anxiety: This involves the fear of not being able to perform well (or perfectly) in sexual interactions.  This is very common and often involves setting realistic expectations for ourselves.  

            •          OCD: There are many ways that OCD can create anxiety around sexual intimacy. This is most common for those who have sexual orientation obsessions, relationship obsessions, or pedophilia obsessions 

            •          Panic Disorder: Symptoms of panic can often come on during all stages of intimacy, not just anticipatory anxiety  

            •          Trauma: Trauma is a very important component to address.  We encourage people who have trauma in this area to seek professional mental health care and work through these issues with a safe and caring clinician.

Find a Sex Therapist: 
https://www.aasect.org/aasect-requirements-sex-therapist-certification

https://www.amazon.com/Passionate-Marriage/dp/B00159T73Q

Ep. 125: How to Prevent Social Anxiety

1 November 2019

Hello there everyone and welcome to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. This week’s episode is all about how to prevent Social Anxiety. I know that the title, “How to Prevent Social Anxiety” might sound a little fishy, but in this episode, we are going to look at some groundbreaking new research on social anxiety that might help us to understand the relationship between shyness and social phobia and how to prevent social anxiety in adolescence. In this incredible new finding, researchers found that there is a direct relationship between shyness and social anxiety in pre-adolescents. For the purpose of this episode, we will define shyness as the feeling of apprehension, lack of comfort, or awkwardness. These symptoms will increase, especially when a person is around other people and in new or unfamiliar situations.

This research found that negative social self-cognitions mediate the shyness – social anxiety link, whereas, social interpretation bias does not. Social interpretation bias, by definition, is the tendency to interpret ambiguous situations in a positive or negative fashion. What does this mean in regard to how to prevent social anxiety, you may ask? Basically, if we can teach pre-teens how to interpret themselves in a more positive way, we might be able to reduce the impact of social anxiety in adulthood. This research showed that prevention should address the negative self-cognition of shy (pre-)adolescents.
So examples such as the below statements might be corrected into more logical and objective statements.
◆“I am a fool”
◆“There is something wrong with me”
◆“I look like an idiot” 

More Objective Statements
◆I am not for everyone
◆Just because there was silence, doesn’t mean I am incapable of being in social settings
◆It’s ok that they didn’t laugh at my jokes. One person’s “funny” isn’t everyone’s version of funny.

Link to research.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0193397318302818

Ep.124: Emotions, Radical Acceptance and POTS

25 October 2019

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast! Do you know what POTS is? I didn’t know either until earlier this year, and my life has not been the same ever since. Let me tell you one thing, we are NOT talking about something that holds plants and something you cook spaghetti in. This episode is all about Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, also called POTS for short.

Why? Because October is Dysautonomia Awareness month and because I have recently been diagnosed with POTS. This episode is aimed at educating you about POTS and also addresses my own experience of being diagnosed with a chronic medical condition. It has been an emotional ride, and my hope is to share with you a few tools that have helped me to manage this news and the ongoing treatment that I will need to adhere to. Thank you so much for supporting me this year. Your messages and kindness has been overwhelmingly positive and I am so grateful for you all.

So, what is POTS? Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) is a condition that affects circulation (blood flow). Basically, for most people, our autonomic nervous system works to control and regulate our vital bodily functions and our sympathetic nervous system, which activates the fight or flight response.

However, if you have POTS you have what is called orthostatic intolerance. What this means is that when standing up from a reclining position, blood pools in the legs causing lightheadedness, fainting, and an uncomfortable, rapid increase in heartbeat. People with POTS have trouble regulating the blood vessel squeeze and heart rate response causing blood pressure to be unsteady and unstable.

Each case of POTS is different. Patients may see symptoms come and go over a period of years. In my case, I have probably had it my whole adult life, but it has worsened enough to need medical attention. In most cases, with proper adjustments in diet, medications and physical activity, a person with POTS will see an improvement in quality of life.

People with POTS usually suffer from two or more of the many symptoms listed below.
• High/low blood pressure
• High/low heart rate; racing heart rate
• Chest pain
• Dizziness/lightheadedness especially in standing up, prolonged standing in one position, or long walks
• Fainting or near-fainting
• Exhaustion/fatigue
• Abdominal pain and bloating, nausea
• Temperature deregulation (hot or cold)
• Nervous, jittery feeling
• Forgetfulness and trouble focusing (brain fog)
• Blurred vision
• Headaches and body pain/aches (may feel flu-like); neck pain
• Insomnia and frequent awakenings from sleep, chest pain and racing heart rate during sleep, excessive sweating
• Shakiness/tremors especially with adrenaline surges
• Discoloration of feet and hands
• Exercise intolerance
• Excessive or lack of sweating
• Diarrhea and/or constipation

Please go to the below website for more information on POTS
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/16560-postural-orthostatic-tachycardia-syndrome-pots

Ep.123: Living with Sexual Obsessions (with Alegra Kastens)

17 October 2019

Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast! Today I am so thrilled to introduce to you this week’s guest, Alegra Kastens, MA. Alegra is not just a guest on the podcast. Alegra is also a very important part of CBT School and has helped me so much since CBT School launched in 2018. Alegra Kastens has been a huge part of the creation of this podcast, uploading it each week, creating a lot of the technological support, creating images and supporting me when I am struggling with all the projects. Alegra is now moving forward with her career and is working as a therapist who specializes in OCD.

In today’s discussion, Alegra told us about the first moment she had her first intrusive thought and how these impacted her life. She also shared with us the process of her finally deciding to ask for help, even though she was petrified and so ashamed. Alegra shared what she found helpful and not helpful from her therapist and how she was supported and encouraged to seek specialized OCD treatment from her therapist who did not specialize in OCD.

What I loved most about this episode is that Alegra Kastens so candidly talks about her experience of shame, guilt, and stigma related to having OCD. Alegra’s main sub-type of OCD was pedophilia obsessions, which caused her to be stuck in self-doubt, self-criticism and complete panic for a very long time. Alegra Kastens shared what it was like to experience sexual obsessions such as pedophilia obsessions and what it was like to undergo Exposure and Response prevention for her OCD symptoms. Alegra shared some of the ERP exposures looked like and the importance of being given psycho-education about ERP before beginning. I loved how much education and inspiration Alegra Kastens brought to this conversation.

To learn more about her story, click HERE to read an article she wrote for IntrusiveThoughts.org.

For more information on Alegra Kastens, visit:

Instagram: @ObsessivelyEverAfter

Website: www.alegrakastens.com

Psychology Today blog: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-things-anxiety

Ep. 122: My Goal For My 38th Year of Life – No More Rushing

11 October 2019

Welcome to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit podcast.

This week’s podcast was recorded from an RV on Pacific Coast Highway.  It was the last day of my birthday celebration and I rented and drove a 35-foot RV to the beach so I could celebrate my new year with my dear friends and dear family.  As I sat back, I reflected on what my biggest goal was for my 38th year. 

My goal for the upcoming year is NO MORE RUSHING. That’s right!  I have made a deal with myself.  NO MORE RUSHING.  No more rushing my kids.  No more rushing my family.  No more rushing my joy. No more rushing my anxiety. 

My hope for my 38th year is to slow down and really drop down into the present moment. My hope is to be present and absorb the joy that exists all around me. Since I made the goal of no more rushing, I have found that I am more aware of all of the beauty in my life and I am more present to really see the amazing people and places around me. 

On this birthday weekend, we sat on the beach and just absorbed the love that we all felt for each other.  We looked up to the horizon instead of focusing on the road and the computer screens and the phones.  We connected and I didn’t rush a thing. 

My hope for this podcast is to inspire you to take on the goal of NO MORE RUSHING and just see how much beauty that comes from this.

OCD Awareness Week, from October 13-19, is almost here!  This year’s awareness-raising campaign is focused on sharing videos of you and your friends facing your fears.  The goal is to educate the public about the realities of living with OCD and the challenge of having to face your fears on the path to recovery. To participate, the IOCDF is asking everyone to create a video or photo of themselves doing something that makes them anxious and then to post on any and all social media platforms with the hashtags #FaceYourFear and #OCDWeek.

Ep. 121: How to Live In the Present (Listener Question)

4 October 2019

Do you ever wonder how to live in the present? Is this a question you ask yourself often? Or, have you already got a good mindfulness practice, but you wonder how to live in the present when it comes to intrusive thoughts, intrusive images and strong emotions and urges? If this sounds true for you, you are not alone. I, too, am constantly on a mission to figure out how to live in the present in a more authentic and mindful way.

In this week’s episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit, we take a CBT SCHOOL listener’s question. A wonderful member of our CBT School community reached out and asked a very important question and instead of replying personally, I thought it would benefit everyone by addressing this question with you all. Considering that I am always on a mission to solve the question of how to live in the present, I thought we could all take a look at this issue together!

The listener’s question is: 
“I work hard to implement mindfulness in my life, and in many ways it makes sense and helps me. But sometimes I feel like I escape when I try to live in the present moment. It’s like my OCD tells me ‘wow, you have learned a new tool…great, but do you know what – if something is contaminated or dangerous it doesn’t matter if you try to live in the present moment. You are just kidding yourself!  You have to take care of the problems from yesterday and you have to make sure you have a future to live in. Don’t be fooled into that mindfulness stuff…’ My mind gets twisted. Do you have any thoughts that can bring some clarity?”

Before we go, I want to remind you of two wonderful awareness weeks!  BFRB Awareness week is happening NOW and ends on October 7.  You can participate by attending local events, joining the conversation online, and more.  Click HERE for more information.

OCD Awareness Week, from October 13-19, is almost here!  This year’s awareness-raising campaign is focused on sharing videos of you and your friends facing your fears.  The goal is to educate the public about the realities of living with OCD and the challenge of having to face your fears on the path to recovery. To participate, the IOCDF is asking everyone to create a video or photo of themselves doing something that makes them anxious and then to post on any and all social media platforms with the hashtags #FaceYourFear and #OCDWeek.