Podcast/Blog

Ep. 78: Tips To Help You Share Your Mental Illness With Others

7 December 2018

Tips To Help You Share Your Mental Illness With Others

Welcome back to Your Anxiety Toolkit podcast!

Recently on the podcast, I shared my own personal journey of struggling (and now managing) significant anxiety, disordered eating and life stressors. It was a scary, yet brave thing for me to do and I am so glad I did.  Because I am constantly telling others that “It is a beautiful day to do hard things,” I figured I have to walk the walk, not just talk the talk.   It was such an amazing experience to hear many of your reflections and own personal stories on these difficult issues.  

What surprised me was that one of the most common questions I heard from you guys (my lovely CBT School community and YAY Podcast listeners) was, “HOW do I share my story?”  So many people reached out and shared that they wish they had the courage and “know-how” to start telling others about their journey with mental illness.  Maybe you want to empower others?  Maybe you want to get it off your chest?  Maybe you want to reduce the stigma around your own disorder and mental health struggles? 

So, you know what I did? I called the person I most respect when it comes to sharing her story, Shala Nicely.   Together we recorded a podcast episode and talked about what you might want to consider when making the decision to share your story.  Shala shared many beautiful personal examples of her own process of writing a memoir about her journey with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and how she handled the ups and downs of this process.  

Shala and I also talked about HOW to share what you are struggling with a friend or loved one.  Shala gives some wonderful tips to decide who to share with and why it might not be who you would have first considered.  

What no one can prepare you for is your own mental roller coaster that occurs when you share information about yourself.  We also address self-criticism and dealing with what I call “sharing remorse” or what Brene Brown calls a “vulnerability hangover” after telling someone your deep dark secrets.  One of the things I love the most about Shala is that she is honest and open about the ups AND the downs of sharing.  She shares what it is like for her to handle negative feedback and how she manages that through Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP).   I hope this helps you come to a decision for yourself.  

Ep. 77: Managing Perfectionism and Learning To Be Good Enough (with Kim Foster Carlson)

30 November 2018

Managing Perfectionism and Learning To Be Good Enough (with Kim Foster Carlson)

Welcome to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast!  This week, we talk about all things anxiety and mental health.

Today, I am excited to share with you our guest, Kim Foster Carlson.  Kim Foster Carlson is an award-winning broadcast journalist in San Francisco Bay and the author of the book Good Enough: How to Overcome Fear of Failure and Perfectionism To Live Your Best Life.

There is not a day in my office where I don’t see the debilitating anxiety that is caused by perfectionism.  Perfectionism can prevent us from trying new things, paralyze us when we have to perform, and can cause us to be very hard on ourselves.  In today’s podcast, Kim addressed many of the factors that might cause perfectionism, as well as some super helpful tools to manage it.  The difficult part is that we are constantly being bombarded by unrealistic expectations from our family, our social media accounts, from magazines and from our society’s expectations.

In this interview, Kim and I talk about perfectionism, fear of failure, anxiety and procrastination.

Kim shares her history of being an athlete and how perfectionism and the fear of failure caused her to be very hard on herself.

Kim also shares her story of going to therapy and realizing that perfectionism was the cause of her anger, anxiety and poor coping strategies.  She shared how this was triggered by stressors related to parenting and she was so open about how she got through some very difficult times.  Kim details many mindfulness skills that helped her along the road to becoming a “recovered perfectionist.”

One tip that I loved from today’s episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit was Kim’s example of Steph Curry, a professional basketball player.  Kim emphasized the importance of “finding the joy” (Steph Curry’s phrase) in everything we do by practicing gratitude and by verbally thanking someone every day.  I just loved this idea and this is a tool I am going to adopt myself.

I hope you enjoy this week’s episode.

Ep. 76: This is me…doing a hard thing

23 November 2018

This is me…doing a hard thing

Hello there lovely CBT School Community,

You all know how much I adore coming on here every week and sharing cool Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) tips or fun Mindfulness tools with you all!?  As I often say, “these are skills for life” and sometimes we have to stare the dark place of mental illness in the face before we get introduced (and practice) these wonderful tools.   Sometimes, we have to hit rock bottom before we ask for help.  We have to be struggling so much that we have no choice but to double down and learn the tools we need to live a more mindful and healthy life.

This was definitely the case for me.  In today’s episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit podcast, I share with you my story with Mental Illness.

I am not going to lie.  I have felt many emotions about sharing my own story.  This week’s episode is one that has challenged me to be as brave as I can be.

I have been thinking about telling my own story of mental illness/health for some time and it has taken me many conversations with trusted colleagues and family members to come to a place where I felt ready.   So, today, I bravely share with you my story.  This is me….doing a hard thing.

In the episode, I talk about how I moved away from my small hometown to go to university.  Immediately, I was riddled with anxiety and panic.  I felt so painfully alone and I was plagued with the repetitive thought that “something bad will happen.”  I felt out of control and I had no tools to manage these terrifying feelings.  In this episode, I share how I responded to these thoughts in the only way I knew how.   I used what some would consider very positive behaviors and use them in a way that became very problematic.   Before too long, I was restricting my food, compulsively exercising and binge-eating to manage my emotions. I spent hours planning and calculating my calorie intake and I kept it all a secret, in fear that someone would find out how much I was struggling.  I was so afraid of being seen as weak or over-dramatic.  These behaviors stripped me of my joy, comfort and my life.

My hope with sharing my own personal story is to remind you that you can get better.  I also hope that it helps us all feel more connected and a part of the same community.  We all have our own story and struggles, and I wanted to share mine with you so you felt I understood what you might be going through.  While I might not have exactly the same story (or circumstances), we all get to the place where we have to ask for help.  We all get to the place where were feel so out of control that we have to make a change.  That was me.  And this is me….doing a hard thing.

I hope you find it helpful, or comforting.   Please know that you can get better and you can get your life back.

Ep. 75: Learn the Art of Feeling Good with Dr. David Burns

16 November 2018

Dr. David Burns Helps Us Learn the Art of Feeling Good

Hello!  My name is Kimberley Quinlan and welcome back to Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast.

For those of you who are new, welcome!  Your Anxiety Toolkit is brought to you by CBTschool.com.  CBTschool.com is an online resource that provides evidence-based tools and resources for those who are experiencing anxiety, depression, or other mental health struggles.  CBT is an acronym for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.  CBT is made up of Cognitive Therapy and Behavioral Therapy.

Today, I am so excited to share with you one of the masters in our field of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dr. David Burns.   Dr. Burns has been a legend in my mind for many years.  He wrote the book Feeling Good, which I consider one of the most valuable books for the management of faulty and unhelpful thoughts.

Dr. David Burns is an adjunct professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the Stanford University School of Medicine.  David Burns is also the author of the best-selling books Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy,  The Feeling Good Handbook, When Panic Attacks, and has a new book being written called Feeling Great (I cannot wait to read this one!).   Dr. David Burns brings Cognitive Therapy, Buddhist foundations and principals, and Behavioral Concepts into this amazing work.

Dr. Burns also created and copyrighted The Burns Depression Checklist, which is a rating scale for depression that I use very often in my office.

In our interview today, David Burns helps us by teaching how to better approach our faulty cognitions that cause depression.  Burns states that 50% of anxious people will be depressed and 100% of depressed people will be anxious.   He strongly believes that much of our depression is directly related to our faulty thoughts, which I am sure you will all find very interesting and inspiring.  What David Burns teaches us is how to correct our depressive thoughts and come up with strong, powerful statements to counter their incorrect content.  We talk about themes such as hopelessness, helplessness and worthlessness.

Please note, there are points made by Mr. Burns regarding medication, but I really encourage you to speak with your doctor to make sure your medical and medication plans are best for you.  Every person is different and needs specific care.

Dr. David Burns also addresses these topics during the interview:

• Thoughts are the cause for depression.
• If you can change the way you think, you will change the way you feel.
• Recent studies researched Feeling Good, to test if it clinically helps those who are experiencing depression, and results showed it is highly effective for those who suffer from depression.
• How he conceptualizes recovery as either 100% recovery (where all symptoms are gone) and 200% recovery (a stage and experience of enlightenment).

Ep. 74: I challenge you to ONE day of Non-Judgment

10 November 2018

ONE Day Non-Judgment Challenge

Hello and welcome back to Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast.  Today we are talking about an interesting challenge.  

You see, recently I was dared to take an entire day to just listen to my body and feel my feelings and sit in peace.  I thought this was a fabulous idea so I shipped my kids and husband away for one day (I never do this BTW)

What quickly arose was one thing that was taking the joy out of what could have been a lovely day.  That thing was Self-judgment.  Self-judgment is the thing that kept bringing me out of simply spending the day with myself. 

“I should be doing this instead” 

“You are being lazy” 

“Why did you choose that activity?” 

“You have to do it this way because that way is a waste of money” 

“You shouldn’t be feeling this way” 

“You don’t deserve this” 

“Why did you do it that way?” 

“Why are you the way you are?

Here are just a few of the self-judgment statements we say to ourselves during the day.  When you see it on paper, it sounds so awful.  Yet, these are things we say to ourselves without hesitation or even awareness sometimes.   

So, I decided to change the focus of the day away from it being a day of freedom and pleasure and towards a day where I practiced non-judgment.  I called it the NON-JUDGMENT CHALLENGE DATE DAY (or #nonjudgmentdateday on social media).  

So, here is the challenge.  Non-Judgment Challenge Day is a day where you go out on your own for a whole day (or an hour or two) and you practice doing things you enjoy doing.  Do something pleasurable or exciting or new.  As you do this, be very aware of the thoughts in your mind.  During this date with yourself, observe your thoughts, both positive and negative, about yourself and the activity you are engaging in.  

Non-Judgment Challenge Day was a complete eye opener for me and I strongly encourage you to try it.   Listen in to this episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast to hear about my reflections and struggles with my very own Non-Judgment Challenge Day. 

Also, I just wanted to let you know about “What if?”, a collaborative film project by Robin Roblee-Strauss for his senior thesis project at Hampshire College.  “What if?” Is a movie that documents the experiences of living with OCD. The film focuses on the voices of those struggling with OCD as the experts on their own internal experiences and recovery processes. And guess what….you can be involved in its creation! Go to www.whatifocdmovie.com to learn how you can be a part of the project by sharing your story, contributing cinematic or artistic expertise, or donating. By creating a movie with the help of individuals with OCD, Robin hopes to empower sufferers to speak out and show the world a brave and honest look into the struggle with uncertainty and anxiety.

Ep. 73: Tips To Manage Anxiety At Work 

2 November 2018

Tips To Manage Anxiety At Work 

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit.  Today’s topic was a suggested topic be one of the members of our online FB group, CBT School Campus.

One of the members asked for tips to manage anxiety at work.  This is a very important topic, as it is common for some to appear to be highly functioning, but underneath, they are riddled with anxiety and feel like they have no tools to manage their anxiety.

The hard part about managing anxiety at work is that it is a practice of multi-tasking.  Not only are you fulfilling requirements of your job description, but you are also trying to manage intrusive thoughts, uncomfortable feelings and (sometimes) terrifying urges.   These are common symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Social Anxiety, Health Anxiety (hypochondria) and Panic Disorder.

So, this week we are addressing 10 tips to manage anxiety at work, school, volunteering or other activities that you might do.  Don’t get me wrong.  There are many other tools that could be used, but these are some of the ones I thought might be the most helpful.

Here is a quick overview of the 10 tips to manage anxiety at work:

1. Don’t aim for no anxiety.
   • Accept that it will be there
2. Don’t judge yourself for having anxiety
   • There is nothing “wrong” with you for having anxiety.
   • You are not “bad” for having anxiety
   • Your worth doesn’t change because of anxiety’s presence
3. Do a Door check (listen to the episode for more information on this)
4. Pull your shoulders back
5. Create a strength-based statement to get you through the hard times
   • “We can do hard things”
   • “This too will pass”
   • “I am stronger than I think I am”
   • “I have done hard things before and I survived”
6. Set small, realistic goals
   • Focus on only one client at a time
   • Do one job or one assignment at a time
   • Have rewards for work well done
7. Implement a consistent and strong self-care plan: Getting exercise and sleep, as well as reducing caffeine and alcohol, is a good start.
8. Begin a Self-Compassion practice
9. You have to name emotions to tame emotions.
10. Bring on that Anxiety, baby! Try to stare your fear in the face as much as you can.

I hope that has been helpful! Have a wonderful day and don’t forget to leave us a review on iTunes or Stitcher or wherever you tune in.

Ep. 72: The Best FREE Mindful Tool

26 October 2018

The Best FREE Mindful Tool Is…

Clients and the CBT School community are often asking me for tools and tricks to manage anxiety.  Thankfully, we are so blessed there are so many scientifically proven tools and treatment modalities to help those with anxiety, depression, and other struggles.  However, I feel the need to bring us back to a mindful tool that we can use any time we want.   The great thing about this tool is that it is THE BEST FREE MINDFUL TOOL! That’s right! It is the best, and it is free.

Before we do that, I want to look at things abstractly for a second.  I promise it will make sense once I tell it so hear me out.

Let’s say I want to be a great mom.  I want my daughter to think I am the freaking best mom ever.

Here is the thing!  Just because I am her mother, that doesn’t automatically mean she and I will be good friends and have a great relationship.  Or, that she will even like me.

To be a freaking rockstar mom, and to make a lasting impact on her heart and well-being, I am going to have to nurture her and our relationship.

I am going to have to hear her pains.  I will need to sit with her when things are hard.  She will need me to hold her hand and be compassionate when she makes mistakes.  And wipe her tears when she cries.  And most of all, she will need me to not deny her of her anger and sadness and brattiness.  I am going to need to really be with her.

To have a nurturing and healing relationship, I can’t cheat and do it the fastest way.  She is not going to think I am an amazing mom just because I buy her the newest iPad and get her the best clothes and hire the best nanny to take care of her all the time.   Those things are great and will make her happy for the short term, but they won’t result in a good relationship with my daughter in the long term.  She won’t feel deeply loved by me and she won’t feel deeply seen.

If I want to have a lasting and healthy relationship, I have to actually sit with her.  Be with her.  Not disown her because she is angry or being naughty.  I can’t just leave it to the nanny to fix her when she is sad or angry or not cleaning her room.   I can’t buy her a trip to Disneyland and send her off with the nanny and expect that she will feel loved by me just because I arranged it and paid for it.   If I do that, she will understand that I will only be there when she is good, or when it is easy, and she will not feel worthy when she is having tough emotions.   Here is where the healing and growth occurs.

So, here is this week’s lesson.  When it comes to your mindfulness practice, you can’t cheat.  You too have to do the actual “being with.”   Our relationship with ourselves is no different.   We all want to be deeply understood.  We all want to feel worthy of being sat with.   We all know that feeling deeply seen is one of the most healing experiences we can be given.  Here’s the big question for this podcast episode.  Do you try to cheat when it comes to actually spending time with yourself and deeply sitting with your experience?  My guess is you are saying Yes.  We cheat ourselves on self-care and just “being” all the time.

So, let’s talk about how we befriend ourselves.  This is the best FREE mindful Tool I am talking about.  The best free Mindful tool is your breath.

We disregard breath as one of the best mindful tools and we push forward wanting more supercharged, easier tools.  During this podcast, we do a short breathing meditation, in hope to simply honor our “being” and “spend time with” ourselves.   Returning to our breath really is the best free mindful tool.

Before we go, here is a reminder to check out our swag!  WE ARE SO THRILLED TO FINALLY BE OFFERING IT!  We have an array of t-shirts and tanks for men, women, and children.  Each product has our very own CBT SCHOOL motto, “It is a beautiful day to do hard things.”  Check it out at the following link! https://www.etsy.com/shop/CBTschool

Ep. 71: How To Talk To Others About Mental Illness (with Representative Michael Schlossberg) 

19 October 2018

How To Talk To Others About Mental Illness (with Representative Michael Schlossberg)

Hello there and welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit podcast.  Today we have the final episode of the “We can do hard things” series; a series of episodes where we have inspirational and courageous guests who talk about hard and life-changing things.  I have enjoyed this series so much and hope to start it back up again early next year.  I just loved having all of the wonderful guests, who inspired me to be better and brave and more courageous.  

Today we are discussing how to talk to others about mental illness.  I often get asked questions about how to share your story of having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or Eating Disorder or Panic Disorder or depression with loved ones.  If you are wondering how to talk to others about mental illness, this is the episode for you.  

In this week’s episode, we have State Representative of Pennsylvania, Michael Schlossberg.  Michael Schlossberg is not only a State Representative.  He is a mental health advocate and the author of the fiction book Redemption.  Redemption is a science fiction book about a character who defeats depression and anxiety.  If you are interested in reading this book (the first of a three-part series), click HERE.  

During this episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit podcast, Schlossberg talks about his response to Robin Williams’ death by suicide and how that propelled him to be more open about his own depression and anxiety.   We talk about the experience of depression and how it can keep you feeling alone and isolated.  Schlossberg has many pieces of helpful information on how to talk to others about mental illness.  He talked about how talking to others about his mental illness made him feel closer to others and how it helped him to be more accepting and kind to himself.  

The best advice I took from this episode was “There are more people in their rooms crying than you would ever notice.  1/5 Americans have depression. You are not alone.” 

Click HERE to learn more about Michael’s story and his focus on mental health in his governmental work.  Find him on Facebook HERE and Twitter HERE.

Ep. 70: How To Let Go of the Past

12 October 2018

How To Let Go of the Past

This week’s episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast is my response to a question that came directly from the online Facebook group CBT School Campus.  It is based upon the following: how to let go of the past.   

This question was one that the online group agreed was incredibly painful and one that was very difficult to approach.  If you aren’t familiar with CBT School Campus, go check it out.  CBT School Campus is an online group of wonderful people who support each other as they do hard things!  The group includes people who are struggling with anxiety, depression and other mental health issues.  Each member is kind, supportive and helpful.  

Here is the question: 

“One of my obsessive regulars is about things from the past that my mind twisted and has blown way out of proportion (at least that’s what my non-OCD support people tell me. Ha!), but the memories cause me immense guilt/shame because I question my motives and wish I hadn’t done it. I do my exposures to try and accept that I may have had the wrong motive, it may have been inappropriate, I may be bothered by it forever, etc. 

My struggle lies in the yucky, depressed, guilty feeling it gives me as it looms and sucks the joy. That often leads to the worry of suicide if I can never get over it. I try to welcome the yuck, keep moving, etc.  Anything specific that has helped you?”

What a great question!  During this podcast, I talk about how we misinterpret events from the past and use past events to calculate or define ourselves, our worth and our value.  This miscalculation (or rating game) can become a compulsion and as you might already know, the more you review yourself, the more you find to be upset about and the worse you feel.  

DON’T FORGET, THIS WEEK IS OCD AWARENESS WEEK!  CLICK HERE FOR INFORMATION.

WE ARE SO THRILLED TO FINALLY BE OFFERING SWAG!  We have an array of t-shirts and tanks for men, women, and children.  Each product has our very own CBT SCHOOL motto, “It is a beautiful day to do hard things.”  Check it out at the following link! https://www.etsy.com/shop/CBTschool

Ep. 69: Everything You Need To Know About Self-Compassion (Interview with Paul Gilbert)

6 October 2018

Everything You Need To Know About Self-Compassion (Interview with Paul Gilbert)

This week’s episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit is going to blow your mind!  Yes!  You better believe it! If you have been thinking you should start a self-compassion practice for yourself, THIS is the episode for you.  Today we are going to discuss everything you need to know about self-compassion.

This week I am so honored to talk with Paul Gilbert, Professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of Derby and Consultant Clinical Psychologist at the Derbyshire Health Care Foundation Trust.

Paul Gilbert is what I consider a Self-Compassion and Shame “Guru.”  We all know shame and we all know how difficult shame can be when it comes to Anxiety Disorders, such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Social Anxiety, Specific Phobias, Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), and Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRB’s), such as Trichotillomania (hair pulling) and Dermatillomania (compulsive skin picking).  Paul shares with us his beautiful insight and understanding of the human brain and how to apply self-compassion in our daily living.  So much of what Paul has to say compliments the discussions we have had on the podcast already.

Professor Gilbert performed psychopathology research for over 35 years with a special focus on shame and the treatment of shame-based difficulties. Paul Gilbert was the founder of Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) and I am certain you are going to LOVE what he has to say.  Paul Gilbert has written and edited 20 books and established the Compassionate Mind Foundation in 2006. He was awarded an OBE in March 2011.

During this interview, Paul shares everything you need to know about self-compassion. Paul explains his work and research on self-compassion and how he came to practice and develop Compassion-Focused Therapy.  Paul addresses why he thinks we are so hostile or self-critical towards oneself and what he considers the most important tools for practicing self-compassion

The most beautiful part of this podcast episode is that we ALL need to be better at practicing self-compassion.

As a reminder, it’s BFRB Awareness Week (October 1-7)!  Click here for more information on BFRB School, which is a complete online course for Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRB’s).

Lastly, OCD Awareness Week is coming up from October 7-13!  OCD SoCal will celebration OCD Awareness Week on October 7 from 1:00 pm-5:00 pm in Los Angeles, Orange County, and San Diego.  Go to IOCDF.org or search your local area for events.