Today, I am thrilled to have guest, Alison Dotson on the Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast.
During this podcast, Alison shares her journey from not even knowing what OCD was to what helped her with her recovery. Alison and I had a fun time also managing technological hiccups, which ended up being a wonderful practice of mindfulness.
In this book, Alison shares her personal journey with obsessive-compulsive disorder and includes some of the most heart-wrenching details. Her genuine goal is to spread awareness and helping teens and young adults with OCD.
Today, we have an AMAZING guess on the podcast, Dave Trachtenberg. Dave is the Program Director at Minds Incorporated. Minds Inc. is a non-profit dedicated to empowering Washington DC-area schools by teaching mindfulness-based practices to students, educators, and parents.
During the Podcast, Dave shares how
Minds Inc. teaches students, starting in elementary school (and their educators, and parents) simple daily mindfulness practices. Dave speaks about how these teachings increase focus and attention, reduce stress and anxiety, create resilience and the capacity to handle difficult emotions, and build compassion.
As discussed in the podcast, sometimes when I get down about the state of the world, I find myself doing late night Google searches on how I can make it better. In my searches, I found Minds Inc’s website and came across Dave. Dave shared some beautiful stories about helping young children and teens and also shared his own struggles with OCD, Tic Disorder, Depression and Self-worth.
Dave answered the following questions:
Tell us about Minds Inc?
What got you involved in teaching meditation to Teachers, Students and Parents?
What is your personal experience with meditation and Mindfulness?
What at some experiences/examples of situations you have had with youth at Minds Incorporated?(successes, struggles, changes made)?
What type of meditation does Minds Inc. teach?
What special tools/practices do you use for living mindfully?
What advice do you give for those starting out with meditation?
Tell us how you manage struggles with meditation?
How can we teach our children?
This was one of my favorite conversations and I am so thrilled to share it with you. I would love to hear your feedback.
src=”https://html5-player.libsyn.com/embed/episode/id/6032697/height/90/theme/custom/autoplay/no/autonext/no/thumbnail/yes/preload/no/no_addthis/no/direction/forward/render-playlist/no/custom-color/88AA3C/” height=”90″ width=”100%” placement=”top” theme=”custom”Well, Lets be honest! Sometimes I get so excited about practicing and teaching the deep and helpful concepts of Mindfulness that I forget to remind y’all of how simple it can and should be!
Often, when we experience anxiety (or other strong emotions), we often forget everything we have learned and are left standing helpful and afraid. In this podcast, we return to one of the most simplest and easiest Mindfulness tool available.
Check it out! And, if you are noticing how basic and thinned out this blog is, that is no accident. This week, we are practicing simplicity!! See you next week!
Vulnerability: The Road to Courage, Self-Compassion and Self-Worth
In today’s podcast, I wanted to dissect the concept of Vulnerability.
Brene Brown, reknowned researcher on Vulnerability defines Vulnerability as
“Uncertainty, Risk and Emotional Exposure”
I find this somewhat ironic, as Uncertainty, Risk and Emotional Exposure are the worst nightmare of someone who experiences anxiety, OCD, an eating disorder (such as Anorexia Nervosa or Bulimia Nervosa), trauma, grief or depression.
I think many humans struggle with these concepts, but I feel that it is significantly difficult for those who struggle with these mental health disorders. In many cases, there is a complete rejection of vulnerability.
I believe we think that if we avoid vulnerability, we
can rid ourselves of shame, embarrassment, being judged, feeling sad or hurt.
However, all we end up doing is numbing.
When we have anxiety, we think that if we avoid vulnerability, we could rid ourselves of possible bad or catastrophicoutcomes.
However, all we end up doing is becoming compulsive.
In this podcast, I detail the workings of those who are successful at being vulnerable and take a look at the outcomes that result.
We will outlines ways that you can practice vulnerability in large or small steps.
We look at the repurcussions of staying safe and avoiding vulernability and we detail the research’s findings about self-worth and conectivity.
I hope you enjoy it!This is one of my favorite subjects.
Episode #24: Willingness-Leave It All Out On The Field!
I LOVE the term, “leave it all out on the field!”
There is something totally radical and badass about the idea of “leaving it all out on the field!” It means we are committed to the hard work. It demonstrates that we are ready to feel some discomfort. “Leaving it out on the field” describes giving it your everything. I LOVE it!
How does this apply to Mindfulness? The degree that you “leave it out on the field” is a great way to describe Willingness. Willingness is radically accepting and giving consent to our present experience.
We can conceptualize Willingness as scale, similar to a continuum.
0/10 Willingness implies we have absolutely NO willingness to be uncomfortable (or have anxiety, intrusive thoughts, panic, have uncertainty).
We reject all feelings of discomfort
Fear makes our decisions (causing us to do more compulsions)
Disown any negative experience
10/10 Willingness is saying 100% “YES” to whatever experience of discomfort that arises
Radically accepting the feared outcome
Allowing yourself to have anxiety, fear and intrusive thoughts.
You LEFT IT ALL OUT ON THE FIELD!
Listen to hear ways to increase your WILLINGNESS, even if it is just a teeny, tiny bit.
Hi there guys! I couldn’t finish the day without checking in with you and sending you my support after such a difficult day. This podcast was not planned and I kind of threw it together at the last minute. I hope it is helpful.
For anyone in Las Vegas or Puerto Rico or any other place where there is destruction and pain, please know that I am praying for you and I hold you in my heart.
These scary events can trigger our already high anxiety, so please listen for some tips and tools to manage your anxiety about the current events and affairs in the news.
A couple of important points:
Anger Sadness and Anxiety/Fear are all very human responses to these horrific events.
Obsessions to look out for:
“Will this happen to me, or a loved one?”
Intrusive Imagery (Mental images of people suffering from traumatic events, shootings, hurricanes, earthquakes etc)
Intrusive sounds (Gun shots, people crying, sobbing, screaming, sirens etc)
For those with Harm OCD: “Am I capable of doing such an act?”
Compulsions to look out for
Mental Review or Mental Compulsions about the event or possibility of this happening to you or a loved one
Reassurance Seeking (checking news, checking phones, asking a loved one if they will be ok etc)
Avoidance (future vacations, work, school, thought blocking, etc)
How to Heal Self-Blame with Self-Forgiveness using Ho’oponopono Meditation
If you are anything like me, you are quick to blame yourself for any of the below reasons:
You have not achieved some level or expectation.
You tried to better yourself and you “failed.”
You made a mistake (unintentional) or had an accident (I call this, “You Did a human” AKA Making a human mistake)
Especially for you, if you have OCD; You have “bad” thoughts, intrusive thoughts, thoughts you deem “unacceptable.”
You feel like you are a BAD person who doesn’t EVER deserve to be forgiven.
You are attempting to work through your mental health issues.
You struggle to do exposures or follow some treatment goal.
You experience self-disgust (for having pimples, cellulite, intrusive thoughts etc.
My main message in this podcast is this:
HUMANS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE PERFECT!
HUMANS ARE ALWAYS AND FOREVER GOING TO MAKE MISTAKES!
This podcast details a practice called Ho’oponopono. Ho-oponopon is a spiritual practice of harmony between people, nature and spirit that has been used in Hawaiian and other Polynesian cultures for centuries.
Ho’oponopono Key Concept: We can heal our own wounds and then we can then go out and heal our world.
Ho’oponopono Meditation Foundation:
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
I love you.
Thank you.
Here are some ridiculous reason to not practice Self-Forgiveness:
You only deserve Self-Forgiveness after you make the world better (giving service to others).
If you forgive myself, you will stop caring and let yourself go and become and even worse person.
Once you are perfect, then you can forgive yourself.
If you blame myself first, it will hurt less if someone else blames you or notices your imperfections.
Please do not let these reason stop you from freeing yourself from Self-Blame.
Give it a try and see if it works for you! I found it to be a very powerful practice.
I am honored to share with you a recent interview I did with OCD ROCKSTAR and dear friend, Shala Nicely. Shala is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Atlanta and treats OCD and OCD Spectrum Disorders using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
I briefly outlined the conversation and left all the links discussed during the podcast.
Enjoy!
Shala recently wrote an awesome blog post article about a top women’s magazine that posted an article encouraging readers to “be a little OCD!” Shala declared enough was enough and got writing. Shala and her ROCKSTAR mom are doing so much to advocate for the OCD community. See the below link to check it out.
How do you respond when people say, “I am SO OCD?”
Shala reports that she always aims to never shame anyone. For this reason, she talked about polite and non-shaming ways to educate others on what OCD and how painful and debilitating it can be.
How does it feel when you hear someone say “I am so OCD”?
“First, frustration”, but then desire to educate others about the severity of OCD and other mental health disorders.
Are people with OCD, “SO OCD?”
In today’s society, being “SO OCD” is generalized to describe someone who is meticulous and likes symmetry and neatness. This is not typical for someone with OCD. Someone who has severe OCD might be entirely ok with a dirty bedroom and not need symmetry or cleanliness at all. It is important that we educate people about the specific sub-types of OCD so that people better understand the complexities and variety of OCD symptoms.
Go to Iocdf.org for more information
How can we manage the shame and guilt that comes with having OCD or another mental health disorder?
Brene Brown has written some AWESOME literature and has done amazing research about shame and guilt. Because Shame and Guilt are so common amongst those with OCD, Anxiety, Eating Disorders and Body- Focused Repetitive Disorders, we both strongly encourage listeners to read any of her books.
Kimberley also discussed Brene’s explanation of how to identify if you can trust someone. Check out the link below to watch.
There is an urgency that is ruining us in today’s culture. We must have everything right away and we get upset when we don’t get our way. When I catch myself in these behaviors, and I am mindful enough, I ask, “Why am I behaving this way?” The answer is always FEAR! We are afraid of being late. We are afraid someone will judge us or be upset at us for being late. We are afraid of not checking off everything on our list of things to do, which will make us feel unsatisfactory. We are afraid if we don’t do it fast enough, we won’t get home early enough to have a moment to ourselves, where we can breathe and find some peace. So, we clench our teeth, take the corners too fast and we fail to take in any of the joy of that moment.
We keep forgetting is that peace lies in this moment. The problem here is that rushing and insisting things go to our expected timeline is setting us up to have discomfort.
Patience requires us to accept and tolerate difficulties and delays, without getting angry or upset. So, how do we practice patience when we are being followed by anxiety all day, every day, particularly for those who have an anxiety disorder such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety (GAD) or a specific phobia? This questions also applies to those who have other disorders such as and Eating Disorder (Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa or Binge Eating Disorder), or Body Focused Repetitive Behavior (hair pulling or skin picking)?
Lets take a look at a few examples of how anxiety requires patience.
“I want anxiety to go away now”
Patience involves the practice willingness to feel anxiety. Patience is going about your day while experiencing the anxiety you have. This is the golden rule for managing anxiety. If you are running from anxiety or pushing too fast through it, you are creating an anxiety monster. Patience is willingness and compassion all rolled into one.
Patience will involve not getting angry or condemning yourself for having this fear. We tend to play the blame game when we are struggling, thinking that an appropriate amount of blame and shame will teach us to no longer feeling this way or prevent feeling it in the future. This also applies to not blaming others. Our anxiety is ours. We cannot blame others for it. Even if someone does something that makes us anxious, we must work to heal our own hearts and learn how to manage it.
I want to solve the problem RIGHT NOW! I need to know the answer RIGHT NOW!
This is where patience is needed most; when you want something you have not got. This is where you have to loosen your grip and make a lot of space for uncertainty.
We have to develop a deep respect for the natural unfolding of time. Just because it is unknown, does not mean it must be known. Your job is to be patient with the feeling of “un-knowing” and trust that things will happen at their pace.
Again, loosen your grip, or loosen your reins and take a look around. Consider, that the answer is right in front of you. If you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) or anxiety, and you are on a mad rush to find the answer to an obsession you are having, it might be that patients IS the answer. It might be that madly finding the answer IS the problem. We must slow down. You take a breath and you take note of all the other things that are going on. You notice that the clouds in the sky remind you of a warm winters day when you were a kid. You actually taste the food you are eating. You really look your partner in the eye. You slowly take the corner in your car.
Maybe you are overwhelmed with the societal pressure or self-imposed pressure to be better, faster, smarter, better looking, healthier, free from anxiety.
Sometimes the faster you try to achieve something, the longer it takes. If you choose the fast, wont-stop-for-anyone pace, I can almost guarantee you that you wont make lasting relationships. Its really hard to get to know someone and connect with them when you are living a rushed life, unless they are running at the same pace and enjoy the direction you are heading. The trick here is patience and compassion. We must slow down and acknowledge that we are growing at a pace that is just right for us. You are exactly where you need to be and the pace will find you. This might be hard to take, but that’s where compassion comes in. With compassion, you acknowledge how hard this is for you, right now. You accept that many others (basically any human with a heart beat) must accept that we don’t get everything we want right away, nor should we want to. There is no shame is slowing down.
General life
With patience, we get to slow down and see that a lot of what we own in our house and in our life is filler to make us feel like we are going places faster. When we are patient and mindful, we can observe ourselves better and begin to see a lot of our pure and natural beauty. We get to notice all that we are. It was there all along. We were just speeding, too fast to see it.
Patience is willingness to be uncomfortable and compassion for self and others, all rolled into one ball. It is a skill that will reward you greatly, if you learn to make friends with it.
This is a message to you, for those times when you feel like you are failing.
This is a little bit of a verbal manifesto for you, if you feel like you are not winning the fight against anxiety and you are lost on where to go next.
Maybe you feel like you can’t seem to get relief from your anxiety. Or you are unable to do something that is super scary for you. Possibly you have mastered one struggle and then you have found that a new anxiety or struggle has risen. In this moment, you may feel like you cannot seem to get “control” over whatever it is that you are dealing with. Because of this, your emotions might be raging, despite your attempts to calm them.
Below are my favorite FIVE points to remember when you think that you are failing, or not winning. I hope they find you some peace and give you some ideas to help you keep moving forward.
FIVE things for you to remeber when you think you are “failing”
Thing #1
You cannot “fail” if you are trying.
If you are trying, you are being willing Failing is if you stop trying. There will be times when you have to slow down and stop your work for a moment. You may need some time to reflect (see Thing # 3 for more information on this). That being said, try to remember that slowing down is not failing either.
Thing #2
This struggle is real and IMPORTANT. You are not making this struggle up. If it is hard for you, it IS hard. Just because it isn’t hard for others, does NOT discount that it IS hard for you. Be gentle with yourself. You are not dumb, or stupid, or messed up because this struggle is so hard for you. There is no rhyme or reason why this struggle chose you. All I can say is that it is yours and you are correct. IT IS HARD.
Thing # 3
Make the “fail” or the struggle count. There is knowledge in each struggle. I can be helpful to ask yourself, “What message is there that we could learn from?” Possible obstacles that might be getting in the way could include concepts such as-
I cannot let go of control.
I am struggling with concept of uncertainty
I am struggling with accepting my physical discomfort
Once you have identified the obstacle, you might review (by yourself or with your therapist) if it would be helpful to go back to identifying and correcting your irrational thoughts about your fear. You might also want to revisit your willingness tools. An important tool that we often forget is to apply TONS of compassion. Or maybe just a little bit, if compassion is a hard tool for you to access. You could use this “fail” to dispel the misconception that you should be ashamed of having this struggle. Can you share it with someone your trust? We all, even those who seem happy and lucky, have struggles. You are not alone. Don’t hide it all to yourself. Reach out and ask for a hug. Allow yourself to be comforted. Brene Brown’s research on trust has shown that others trust us more when we share our own struggles with others.
Thing #4
Beating yourself solves NOTHING. Do you look back on past events and say, “I am so glad I beat myself up over that!” I am sure you do not. J Could you allow this struggle to be hard just for the present moment? Sometime when we allow things to be hard, miraculously, they become jus a little easier, or the heaviness of them becomes less.
Some Yoga Instructors say that there are some advanced moves that require you to fall 1000 times before you can master a pose. If you didn’t know that it took 1000 falls to master the pose, you would probably give up pretty fast. I like to use this as a metaphor for dealing with anxiety. Remind yourself that you will have to fall a few times at least (more likely 1000) when dealing with anxiety. If you find that infuriating, try not to judge the process. Allow yourself to fall, knowing that the falls are accruing towards a great outcome.
Thing #5
“Failing” is a point of view. Remember, you cannot fail if you are trying. If someone tells you your trying is not enough, that’s ok. They can have that opinion. However, no one knows your struggle. No one gets to tell you how your recovery should look. Just keep looking at the steps you are taking.
Be SUPER careful of looking too far ahead. If you are climbing a mountain (which I am sure this is how it feels to you right now if you are listening this far into the podcast), just focus on the steps you are taking. If you look too far up the mountain, you WILL trip and then you will feel like you are “failing”. Sound familiar. Try to just stay here, on this one step. Master this one step and give yourself time and compassion for how hard this step is.
Consider “failing” as proof of bravery. If you are listening to this, in my mind,
YOU are a winner. You are brave, just for trying to conquer something hard. It takes courage to admit to having struggles. It would be so easy to go and hide and let whatever it is that you are dealing with just keep happening. It takes a lot of courage to fight through something instead of run away or fight it with anger or self-criticism. Open yourself to allowing the struggle to be a part of your story, instead of fighting it all the way. Every good story or movie needs a struggle. I see your strength. I see your possibilities. Keep your fire alive.
I believe you can do this. I have seen some pretty amazing stuff in my career. I’ve seen people tell me they “will never beat this” and they did. Keep trying!
As discussed in the podcast, sometimes when I get down about the state of the world, I find myself doing late night Google searches on how I can make it better.
Shala recently wrote an awesome blog post article about a top women’s magazine that posted an article encouraging readers to “be a little OCD!” Shala declared enough was enough and got writing. Shala and her ROCKSTAR mom are doing so much to advocate for the OCD community. See the below link to check it out.
This struggle is real and IMPORTANT. You are not making this struggle up. If it is hard for you, it IS hard. Just because it isn’t hard for others, does NOT discount that it IS hard for you. Be gentle with yourself. You are not dumb, or stupid, or messed up because this struggle is so hard for you. There is no rhyme or reason why this struggle chose you. All I can say is that it is yours and you are correct. IT IS HARD.