Podcast

Ep.126: Sex and Anxiety

8 November 2019

Welcome to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast.  This topic has been a long time coming, and highly requested. This week’s podcast is all about anxiety and sex.  In this podcast, we talk about how anxiety and sex can become two peas in a pod and how anxiety can present itself in many different ways.   While I am not a sex therapist, I do have a lot of experience talking with my clients about anxiety and sex.

The truth is, there are many ways anxiety shows up during sex, or sex shows up in our anxiety. This is true for many people and this can become very confusing.  People often report anxiety impacting sex in many ways.  This might include loss of arousal, loss of libido or interest in sex, intrusive thoughts during sexual intercourse, hyper-awareness of sexual-related sensations and many more.  

In this week’s episode, we address the following topics

            •          Social Anxiety:  In social anxiety, people are afraid of being judged by their sexual partner and will often avoid sexual interactions in fear of being judged. For people struggling with social anxiety and sex, they must accept the risk of being judged and work to find a partner who respects them and their fears.  Finding safety in a partner can help immensely. 

            •          Performance anxiety: This involves the fear of not being able to perform well (or perfectly) in sexual interactions.  This is very common and often involves setting realistic expectations for ourselves.  

            •          OCD: There are many ways that OCD can create anxiety around sexual intimacy. This is most common for those who have sexual orientation obsessions, relationship obsessions, or pedophilia obsessions 

            •          Panic Disorder: Symptoms of panic can often come on during all stages of intimacy, not just anticipatory anxiety  

            •          Trauma: Trauma is a very important component to address.  We encourage people who have trauma in this area to seek professional mental health care and work through these issues with a safe and caring clinician.

Find a Sex Therapist: 
https://www.aasect.org/aasect-requirements-sex-therapist-certification

https://www.amazon.com/Passionate-Marriage/dp/B00159T73Q

Ep. 125: How to Prevent Social Anxiety

1 November 2019

Hello there everyone and welcome to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. This week’s episode is all about how to prevent Social Anxiety. I know that the title, “How to Prevent Social Anxiety” might sound a little fishy, but in this episode, we are going to look at some groundbreaking new research on social anxiety that might help us to understand the relationship between shyness and social phobia and how to prevent social anxiety in adolescence. In this incredible new finding, researchers found that there is a direct relationship between shyness and social anxiety in pre-adolescents. For the purpose of this episode, we will define shyness as the feeling of apprehension, lack of comfort, or awkwardness. These symptoms will increase, especially when a person is around other people and in new or unfamiliar situations.

This research found that negative social self-cognitions mediate the shyness – social anxiety link, whereas, social interpretation bias does not. Social interpretation bias, by definition, is the tendency to interpret ambiguous situations in a positive or negative fashion. What does this mean in regard to how to prevent social anxiety, you may ask? Basically, if we can teach pre-teens how to interpret themselves in a more positive way, we might be able to reduce the impact of social anxiety in adulthood. This research showed that prevention should address the negative self-cognition of shy (pre-)adolescents.
So examples such as the below statements might be corrected into more logical and objective statements.
◆“I am a fool”
◆“There is something wrong with me”
◆“I look like an idiot” 

More Objective Statements
◆I am not for everyone
◆Just because there was silence, doesn’t mean I am incapable of being in social settings
◆It’s ok that they didn’t laugh at my jokes. One person’s “funny” isn’t everyone’s version of funny.

Link to research.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0193397318302818

Ep.124: Emotions, Radical Acceptance and POTS

25 October 2019

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast! Do you know what POTS is? I didn’t know either until earlier this year, and my life has not been the same ever since. Let me tell you one thing, we are NOT talking about something that holds plants and something you cook spaghetti in. This episode is all about Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, also called POTS for short.

Why? Because October is Dysautonomia Awareness month and because I have recently been diagnosed with POTS. This episode is aimed at educating you about POTS and also addresses my own experience of being diagnosed with a chronic medical condition. It has been an emotional ride, and my hope is to share with you a few tools that have helped me to manage this news and the ongoing treatment that I will need to adhere to. Thank you so much for supporting me this year. Your messages and kindness has been overwhelmingly positive and I am so grateful for you all.

So, what is POTS? Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) is a condition that affects circulation (blood flow). Basically, for most people, our autonomic nervous system works to control and regulate our vital bodily functions and our sympathetic nervous system, which activates the fight or flight response.

However, if you have POTS you have what is called orthostatic intolerance. What this means is that when standing up from a reclining position, blood pools in the legs causing lightheadedness, fainting, and an uncomfortable, rapid increase in heartbeat. People with POTS have trouble regulating the blood vessel squeeze and heart rate response causing blood pressure to be unsteady and unstable.

Each case of POTS is different. Patients may see symptoms come and go over a period of years. In my case, I have probably had it my whole adult life, but it has worsened enough to need medical attention. In most cases, with proper adjustments in diet, medications and physical activity, a person with POTS will see an improvement in quality of life.

People with POTS usually suffer from two or more of the many symptoms listed below.
• High/low blood pressure
• High/low heart rate; racing heart rate
• Chest pain
• Dizziness/lightheadedness especially in standing up, prolonged standing in one position, or long walks
• Fainting or near-fainting
• Exhaustion/fatigue
• Abdominal pain and bloating, nausea
• Temperature deregulation (hot or cold)
• Nervous, jittery feeling
• Forgetfulness and trouble focusing (brain fog)
• Blurred vision
• Headaches and body pain/aches (may feel flu-like); neck pain
• Insomnia and frequent awakenings from sleep, chest pain and racing heart rate during sleep, excessive sweating
• Shakiness/tremors especially with adrenaline surges
• Discoloration of feet and hands
• Exercise intolerance
• Excessive or lack of sweating
• Diarrhea and/or constipation

Please go to the below website for more information on POTS
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/16560-postural-orthostatic-tachycardia-syndrome-pots

Ep.123: Living with Sexual Obsessions (with Alegra Kastens)

17 October 2019

Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast! Today I am so thrilled to introduce to you this week’s guest, Alegra Kastens, MA. Alegra is not just a guest on the podcast. Alegra is also a very important part of CBT School and has helped me so much since CBT School launched in 2018. Alegra Kastens has been a huge part of the creation of this podcast, uploading it each week, creating a lot of the technological support, creating images and supporting me when I am struggling with all the projects. Alegra is now moving forward with her career and is working as a therapist who specializes in OCD.

In today’s discussion, Alegra told us about the first moment she had her first intrusive thought and how these impacted her life. She also shared with us the process of her finally deciding to ask for help, even though she was petrified and so ashamed. Alegra shared what she found helpful and not helpful from her therapist and how she was supported and encouraged to seek specialized OCD treatment from her therapist who did not specialize in OCD.

What I loved most about this episode is that Alegra Kastens so candidly talks about her experience of shame, guilt, and stigma related to having OCD. Alegra’s main sub-type of OCD was pedophilia obsessions, which caused her to be stuck in self-doubt, self-criticism and complete panic for a very long time. Alegra Kastens shared what it was like to experience sexual obsessions such as pedophilia obsessions and what it was like to undergo Exposure and Response prevention for her OCD symptoms. Alegra shared some of the ERP exposures looked like and the importance of being given psycho-education about ERP before beginning. I loved how much education and inspiration Alegra Kastens brought to this conversation.

To learn more about her story, click HERE to read an article she wrote for IntrusiveThoughts.org.

For more information on Alegra Kastens, visit:

Instagram: @ObsessivelyEverAfter

Website: www.alegrakastens.com

Psychology Today blog: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-things-anxiety

Ep. 122: My Goal For My 38th Year of Life – No More Rushing

11 October 2019

Welcome to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit podcast.

This week’s podcast was recorded from an RV on Pacific Coast Highway.  It was the last day of my birthday celebration and I rented and drove a 35-foot RV to the beach so I could celebrate my new year with my dear friends and dear family.  As I sat back, I reflected on what my biggest goal was for my 38th year. 

My goal for the upcoming year is NO MORE RUSHING. That’s right!  I have made a deal with myself.  NO MORE RUSHING.  No more rushing my kids.  No more rushing my family.  No more rushing my joy. No more rushing my anxiety. 

My hope for my 38th year is to slow down and really drop down into the present moment. My hope is to be present and absorb the joy that exists all around me. Since I made the goal of no more rushing, I have found that I am more aware of all of the beauty in my life and I am more present to really see the amazing people and places around me. 

On this birthday weekend, we sat on the beach and just absorbed the love that we all felt for each other.  We looked up to the horizon instead of focusing on the road and the computer screens and the phones.  We connected and I didn’t rush a thing. 

My hope for this podcast is to inspire you to take on the goal of NO MORE RUSHING and just see how much beauty that comes from this.

OCD Awareness Week, from October 13-19, is almost here!  This year’s awareness-raising campaign is focused on sharing videos of you and your friends facing your fears.  The goal is to educate the public about the realities of living with OCD and the challenge of having to face your fears on the path to recovery. To participate, the IOCDF is asking everyone to create a video or photo of themselves doing something that makes them anxious and then to post on any and all social media platforms with the hashtags #FaceYourFear and #OCDWeek.

Ep. 121: How to Live In the Present (Listener Question)

4 October 2019

Do you ever wonder how to live in the present? Is this a question you ask yourself often? Or, have you already got a good mindfulness practice, but you wonder how to live in the present when it comes to intrusive thoughts, intrusive images and strong emotions and urges? If this sounds true for you, you are not alone. I, too, am constantly on a mission to figure out how to live in the present in a more authentic and mindful way.

In this week’s episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit, we take a CBT SCHOOL listener’s question. A wonderful member of our CBT School community reached out and asked a very important question and instead of replying personally, I thought it would benefit everyone by addressing this question with you all. Considering that I am always on a mission to solve the question of how to live in the present, I thought we could all take a look at this issue together!

The listener’s question is: 
“I work hard to implement mindfulness in my life, and in many ways it makes sense and helps me. But sometimes I feel like I escape when I try to live in the present moment. It’s like my OCD tells me ‘wow, you have learned a new tool…great, but do you know what – if something is contaminated or dangerous it doesn’t matter if you try to live in the present moment. You are just kidding yourself!  You have to take care of the problems from yesterday and you have to make sure you have a future to live in. Don’t be fooled into that mindfulness stuff…’ My mind gets twisted. Do you have any thoughts that can bring some clarity?”

Before we go, I want to remind you of two wonderful awareness weeks!  BFRB Awareness week is happening NOW and ends on October 7.  You can participate by attending local events, joining the conversation online, and more.  Click HERE for more information.

OCD Awareness Week, from October 13-19, is almost here!  This year’s awareness-raising campaign is focused on sharing videos of you and your friends facing your fears.  The goal is to educate the public about the realities of living with OCD and the challenge of having to face your fears on the path to recovery. To participate, the IOCDF is asking everyone to create a video or photo of themselves doing something that makes them anxious and then to post on any and all social media platforms with the hashtags #FaceYourFear and #OCDWeek.

Ep. 118: A Liberated Mind (with Steven Hayes)

13 September 2019

I am honored to have Steven C. Hayes, author of A Liberated Mind: How to Pivot Towards What Matters, back on the Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. He was on Ep. 83 and is joining us again! There is nothing that makes me happier than to chat with Steven Hayes about the unbelievable work he is doing and I cannot tell you how much I adored his most recent book.

In this week’s podcast episode, Steven Hayes addressed how we can reach a liberated mind by improving psychological flexibility and moving away from psychological rigidity.  Not only does Hayes address these important topics using a combination of science and reason, but he also discussed how we can access a liberated mind by practicing compassion and kindness, and by seeking out our own set of values. During this conversation, we touched on some really difficult topics including suicidal ideation, immigration, global warming and other issues that impact the state of the world. Steven Hayes does such a beautiful job teaching us how we can reach be more open to our suffering and be open and flexible with other people’s suffering. 

Steven Hayes also addresses how we overuse problem-solving with our emotions. He talks about how we can create our own “hero’s journey” by choosing a path that feels liberating and freeing, instead of one that is powerless and rigid. 

For more information on Steven Hayes, click below:

Website: https://stevenchayes.com/

TedX: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o79_gmO5ppg

To purchase his most recent book: https://www.amazon.com/Liberated-Mind-Pivot-Toward-Matters-ebook/dp/B07LDSPRYM

A book freebie:https://stevenchayes.com/a-liberated-mind/

Steven Universe video – “Here Comes a Thought”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHg50mdODFM

Ep. 117: Accepting Our Common Humanity

6 September 2019

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit.   Today we are talking all about Accepting our Common Humanity.  You may remember that Kristin Neff was on the podcast (Ep. 87) and she spoke about how Common Humanity is a core component of Mindful Self-Compassion.  In that interview, Kristin Neff spoke about how we must notice that we are all in this together.  Her description of Common Humanity is that we are never alone because all humans suffer and all humans feel emotions similar to what you are feeling, although it might not have the same content and be experienced from the same source of stress. Kristen Neff also addressed how we should not compare our suffering to that of another.  When we do that, we minimize our own suffering and we reject the common humanity that we all experience.

In this episode, my goal was to share with you some of the struggles I have had in accepting my own human-ness.  As I have battled multiple medical issues this year, I have had to face my common humanity over and over again.  I have had to stare my human-ness in the face, which has been both painful and freeing.  I have had to reflect many times on how I am treating myself and how to create a more self-compassionate life that involves me setting realistic expectations for myself, treating myself with love and care when I am not feeling well and being honest with myself about what I can and cannot achieve or do.   

This journey of common humanity has been such a huge one for me and one that I hope brings you some awareness or hope.  I often hear listeners and members of the CBT School community talk about how hard they are on themselves and how they hold themselves to standards that are impossible and outright cruel.  If this resonates with you, this episode is for you.

Ep. 116: Managing Back to School Anxiety (with Dr. Laura Wetherill)

30 August 2019

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit.  Today we are thrilled to introduce Dr. Laura Wetherill who will be talking about school anxiety.  Dr Laura Wetherill is a Formal Research Scientist, turned full-time mom, who has a gift for doodling and supporting students with their studies and their mental health.  Dr. Laura Wetherill now considers herself an online educator and has so much to share with us about managing school anxiety.

During the interview, we address the below questions: 

• What advice to you have for those who afraid of how stressful the year will be? 
• How can students manage comparisons (with students who are “smarter” or “more popular” etc.)?
• Any tips for managing time during the school year? 
• How can one manage the fear of failing a test or a class? 
• How can one manage strong feelings of dread and hate towards school? 

Dr. Wetherill gathered information on how students are feeling about going back to school and learned a lot about school anxiety and fears:

When asked, “How are you feeling about going back to school?” the vast majority reported fears based around friends, exams, time pressures, expectations, etc. We included them for your reference.  

Friends/relationships: • Nervous about not having friends in some of my classes. • Worried about losing friends. • Worried about making friends. • Unresolved conflict with friends. • Bullying. 

Exam Stress: • Many students worried about coping with stress, anxiety and the pressure around upcoming exam time. • One student is worried that she will panic in the exam room. • Students worrying that they’ve failed their exams and must go back to school with “bad” results (worried they’ve let parents, teachers and themselves down). 

General stress: • Scared the year will be too stressful. • Excited for subjects but not about the stress. 

Expectations/Not feeling smart enough: • Worried about not meeting entry requirements for A levels. • Worried about not being smart enough and finding it hard when everyone is competing and being compared against one another. • Worried about being unable to cope with the step up in difficulty. 

Time pressure: • Not having enough time to learn everything. • Not having enough time to finish resources. • Not having enough time to revise. • Feelings of time running out. • Having to miss the first week of school and then worried about catching up with work. 

Predicting Failure: • One student had failed her mocks and is worried that she will fail the real exams. • Students worried that they will fail the exams at the end of this new school year. 

Feeling unprepared: • Unprepared for exams. • Unprepared to leave school at the end of the year. • Unprepared for the year ahead. • Some are not sure how to prepare for the year ahead. • Revising hard but feel like it’s not enough. Coping with ongoing medical conditions that disrupt school. • Having a medical condition that means they might not be able to attend school or sit the exams that they would like to sit. • One student was doing half days and they’re worried that this year they won’t be able to cope if they have to do full days. • Making the wrong choices: • Worried that they’ve chosen the wrong subjects or will not enjoy them. 

Strong feelings: • “I hate school, I don’t want to go back.” • “My friends p*** me off.” • “I’m terrified”. 

New beginnings: • Nervous about starting a new college/6th form/school. • Nervous about starting a new school, in a new country. 

For more information on Dr. Wetherill, visit:

Instagram:@doctormeclever 

Website: doctormeclever.com 

Dr. Wetherill and I created a FREE 7-Step resource to help you bust your procrastination habit.  Click HERE for the info.

Ep. 115: Finding Your Compassionate Voice

23 August 2019

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit. Today I was reflecting on what you might need to hear and it dawned on me that you might need a solid dose of compassion.  So, today we are talking about finding your compassionate voice.  In this podcast, I will lead you through a “Finding your compassionate voice” meditation, created originally by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer.  The script is below, but please note that I did change a few components to match the style of my voice and my ideas for what you needed to hear.  

Finding your compassionate voice involves us bringing what we need to hear to our awareness. Examples of finding your compassionate voice might sound like: 

“I love you” 

“I am here for you” 

“You are enough” 

“You are loved” 

“Everything is going to be ok” 

Finding your compassionate voice is an exercise or tool that might be able to offer you a skill to increase self-compassion, self-kindness, and self-respect.

Finding your Compassionate Voice Meditation

Please find a posture in which your body is comfortable and will feel supported for the length of the meditation. 

Then let your eyes gently close, partially or fully. 

Taking a few slow, easy breaths, releasing any unnecessary tension in your body. 

• If you’d like, placing a hand over your heart or another soothing place as a reminder that we’re bringing not only awareness but affectionate awareness to our breathing and to ourselves. You can leave your hand there or let it rest at any time. 

• Now beginning to notice your breathing in your body, feeling your body breathe in and feeling your body breathe out. Now releasing the focus on your breathing, allowing the breath to slip into the background of your awareness, begin to offer yourself words or phrases that are meaningful to you. Whisper these words into your own ear.  

• Just letting your body breathe you. There is nothing you need to do. 

• Perhaps noticing how your body is nourished on the in-breath and relaxes with the out-breath. 

• Now noticing the rhythm of your breathing, flowing in and flowing out. (pause) Taking some time to feel the natural rhythm of your breathing. 

• Feeling your whole body subtly moving with the breath, like the movement of the sea. 

• Your mind will naturally wander like a curious child or a little puppy. When that happens, just gently returning to the rhythm of your breathing. This is mindfulness. 

• Allowing your whole body to be gently rocked and caressed – internally caressed – by your breathing. 

• If you like, even giving yourself over to your breathing, letting your breathing be all there is. Becoming the breath. 

• Just breathing. Being breathing. 

• And now, gently releasing your attention to the breath, sitting quietly in your own experience, and allowing yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling and to be just as you are. 

• Slowly and gently open your eyes.