You Are Not Your Thoughts (Why This Matters in OCD Recovery)
‘You are not your thoughts’ is a term regularly used in OCD recovery. But for OCD sufferers who are tormented by intrusive thoughts that challenge their morality and identity (and feel so real!), it can be difficult to wrap their heads around this notion.
The common misconception here is that we ARE our thoughts.
Within the context of OCD, this belief is crippling and painful.
Sufferers are constantly invaded with disturbing, shocking, violent, and sometimes aggressive intrusive thoughts across a variety of content. Thoughts that make them wonder, “Who am I if I could think such a thing?”
Those with pedophilia OCD may experience intrusive thoughts about inappropriately engaging with a minor.
Those with suicide OCD may experience intrusive thoughts about taking their own life.
Those with harm OCD may experience intrusive thoughts about stabbing a loved one.
These are just a few examples.
If it were true that YOU ARE YOUR THOUGHTS, then it’s clear to see why OCD can be so debilitating and limit our ability to live a rich and fulfilling life.
Because OCD sufferers are unable to separate themselves from these thoughts, they assume it must mean something about who they are.
But this simply isn’t true.
In this article we’re going to show you why ‘you are not your thoughts’ is a crucial learning that promotes effective OCD recovery, and can help you change your relationship and response to those intrusive thoughts.
Content
OCD: The Basics
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental health condition characterized by the presence of unwanted, intrusive, and distressing thoughts, images, urges, feelings, or sensations (obsessions) that are followed by repetitive, ritualistic behaviors or mental acts (compulsions) performed to neutralize or alleviate the anxiety caused by the obsessions.
People with OCD often feel compelled to perform these compulsive behaviors, which can take the form of physical compulsions (such as excessive cleaning, checking, or counting) or mental compulsions (such as repetitive prayers, counting in their head, or mentally reviewing past events).
The compulsive behaviors may offer temporary relief from the anxiety caused by the obsessions, but they are typically time-consuming, disruptive to daily routines, and can cause significant distress and impairment in daily life.
Ultimately, it is in doing these compulsive behaviors that we keep the OCD cycle in motion and strengthen OCD’s hold.
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Intrusive thoughts in OCD
Intrusive thoughts are unwelcome and distressing thoughts, images, or impulses that repeatedly and involuntarily enter a person’s mind, causing them significant uncertainty, anxiety, guilt, or shame.
Within the context of OCD, intrusive thoughts are commonly conceptualized as obsessions.
94% of people experience intrusive thoughts.
But for those with OCD, these thoughts trigger the fear network in our brain and set off alarms that something is wrong. In many cases, we feel the need to do something about these thoughts ASAP. We find ourselves trapped in a loop that only perpetuates uncertainty and fear as we desperately attempt to navigate those obsessions.
Our brains do not cope well with ambiguity, and so when we are met with uncertainty (such as a thought that causes us to doubt ourselves or a circumstance), we feel compelled to try to resolve that uncertainty with great urgency.
These intrusive thoughts become experienced as a sign of “danger” that must be avoided at all costs.
These thoughts almost always attack our values, which is why they feel so urgent and important. For example, if someone with relationship OCD holds that relationship in high regard, OCD may send messages like, “But what if you’re not supposed to be with them? What if you actually want someone else? Maybe you cheated already.”
While non-OCD sufferers can brush these thoughts aside, those with OCD cannot rest without trying to regain a sense of certainty and control.
It’s important to approach the topic of intrusive thoughts with compassion and empathy because these thoughts can be extremely distressing and disruptive to a person’s daily life.
You did not ask for them.
They are not all that you are (as we are soon to explore).
It’s essential to note that intrusive thoughts are not a reflection of a person’s character or morality, and having a thought does not mean you are more likely to act on it.
Why do thoughts feel so real?
Intrusive thoughts are often accompanied by a strong emotional response, such as fear, disgust, or shame, which can intensify the sense of reality and make them more difficult to ignore.
The emotional response comes from the amygdala, a part of the brain that processes emotions, sending signals to the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for reasoning and decision-making.
The amygdala sends out hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol that make us feel like we are under threat.
When you couple these disturbing thoughts with extreme feelings of fear, you will experience these thoughts as if they are real, true, immanent, factual, and worthy of an immediate response.
It feels real because it is a real process that happens in our bodies and makes us doubt the reality of the situation.
No matter how real these thoughts feel, they do not represent a true desire or intention.
Thoughts are not facts, thoughts are just thoughts.
‘You are not your thoughts’ What does it mean?
“You are not your thoughts” is a common phrase used in mindfulness practices and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to help people recognize that their thoughts do not define who they are.
It means that you are not defined by the content of your thoughts, and you have the power to choose how you respond to them.
Our minds produce thousands of thoughts every day, and many of these thoughts are automatic and beyond our control. Some of these thoughts may be positive and helpful, while others may be negative or distressing.
It’s important to recognize that just because you have a thought, it doesn’t mean that it’s true, valid, or reflects your core beliefs or values.
It is precisely because intrusive thoughts do not represent your core beliefs or values that they hold your attention.
When we identify too closely with our thoughts, we can become attached to them, and they can begin to dictate our emotions, behaviors, and decisions. For example, if you have an intrusive thought that you want to harm your mother, and that thought is accompanied with anxiety, you may start to believe this thought and feel guilty or ashamed, even if there is no evidence to support it.
Everyone has thoughts, but when it’s associated with anxiety, that is when it feels dangerous.
The first step to recognizing that you are not your thoughts is to observe your thoughts without judgment or attachment. This will allow you to gain perspective on your thoughts and see them as simple sentences that get projected from your mind.
An effective way to approach your intrusive thoughts is to change how you respond to them. You can choose to respond to them in a balanced and compassionate way rather than with fear and urgency.
If you are not your thoughts, who are you?
Who you are is a complex and multifaceted question.
One way to approach this question is to say that who you are is a combination of your thoughts, feelings, experiences, beliefs, values, and actions.
You are a constantly evolving and changing individual, shaped by both internal and external factors.
Our thoughts are merely objects of the mind; sounds, perceptions, feelings, and ideas.
In the psychological realm, thoughts are often described as passing clouds, to be observed but not dwelled upon.
You are the observer of your thoughts
When you are the observer of your thoughts, first we might just practice noticing the thoughts as they arise. We can then practice accepting them and accepting that we cannot control those thoughts. Followed by the practice of allowing them to come and go as they please, like waves in the ocean.
During this time you must be incredibly gentle with yourself as this is not an easy practice.
This ability to observe our thoughts is a key aspect of mindfulness, a practice that involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment.
Finding that detachment is a big stepping stone toward effective OCD recovery.
When we feel overly attached to those thoughts and believe they represent who we really are, they can feel heavy and all-consuming. It leaves no room to live in the present moment and find joy in day-to-day life.
This is why OCD can feel incredibly limiting.
Sufferers feel trapped in their minds, unable to escape their obsessions, and trapped in their bodies as they cannot escape the urge to engage in compulsions in a bid to find just a moment of peace.
When we watch them as an observer…
We notice them. We accept them. We allow them to come and go.
And we carry on with our day knowing that they do not need to be explored, or fixed, or fought against. They will pass with time and we can practice tolerating the discomfort as they rise and fall.
This is what it means to separate yourself from your thoughts.
With practice, we can develop the ability to observe our thoughts more objectively and with greater compassion. And compassion is key to effective OCD recovery.
Why you are not your thoughts
You are not your thoughts because your thoughts are just one aspect of your mind and do not define who you are as a person. While thoughts can be powerful and influential, they are also temporary and constantly changing.
In people with OCD, the link between certain areas of the brain is what causes someone with OCD to have these repetitive thoughts.
In short, those with OCD get stuck in a loop of ‘wrongness’ that makes it incredibly difficult for them to stop their behaviors, even when they know they should/want to.
An OCD brain responds too much to errors, and too little to stop signals.
Your brain doesn’t have a good break system, and so our brains keep pushing and pushing these thoughts!
While you cannot necessarily control the automatic or intrusive thoughts that arise in your mind, you can choose how you respond to them. You can choose to let go of unhelpful or distressing thoughts and redirect your attention to more positive or productive thoughts or activities.
Many clients come to us wanting to control their thoughts, but this is not the goal of OCD treatment.
We cannot control our thoughts.
We can control our relationship with them (giving them less validity) and our response to them (disengaging in those compulsive behaviors).
How to separate yourself from your thoughts?
Separating yourself from your thoughts can be challenging, but there are several strategies you can try to help you observe your thoughts more objectively and with greater compassion.
Here are some ways to separate yourself from your thoughts:
1. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment. When you practice mindfulness, you can observe your thoughts as they arise without necessarily getting caught up in them or reacting to them. Mindfulness meditation and other mindfulness practices can help you develop the skills to observe your thoughts more objectively.
2. Engage in activities that line up with your values: Engaging in activities that you enjoy (or previously used to engage in before you had these intrusive thoughts) can help you shift your focus away from your thoughts and into the present moment. This can help you separate yourself from negative or distressing thoughts and reduce their impact on your emotions and behaviors. This isn’t the same as trying to ignore or avoid your thoughts – you’re allowing them but choosing to place your attention elsewhere.
3. Get creative with how you respond to thoughts: Sometimes when we have thoughts we take them really seriously and place too much importance on them. A helpful tool can be to play games like singing your thoughts in the tune of the happy birthday song or saying them in a Donald Duck voice and placing humor around the thought to help separate you from the importance you’re placing on them.
The importance of this in OCD recovery
If you believe your thoughts are important you’re more likely to do compulsions, and if you do compulsions then you are more likely to have OCD.
Recognizing that you are not your thoughts is an important part of OCD recovery because it encourages a more compassionate relationship with yourself.
Clients who come to us bring deeply heartbreaking levels of anxiety, shame, fear, guilt, embarrassment, and hopelessness.
Many of them are disgusted by themselves for having these thoughts.
And with these feelings come endless self-criticism and self-punishment. They often believe that they deserve to be punished for having these thoughts.
But it is in believing that these thoughts are valid that we become caught in the OCD cycle and those compulsive behaviors that are done to alleviate anxiety and uncertainty actually reinforce OCD.
The goal in recovery is to resist the urge to do compulsions and stop treating our thoughts with such importance.
How should you respond to your intrusive thoughts?
As a starting point, here are three ways you can practice changing your response to those intrusive thoughts:
- Identify and allow – The first step is being aware of the thoughts, and the second is allowing them. The more you try to stop them, fight them, wrestle with them, or avoid them, the more we are likely to have them. We must acknowledge their presence and allow them before we can move on…
- Accept uncertainty – It is the uncertainty surrounding these thoughts that cause such great distress and anxiety. When you are able to tolerate that uncertainty, you teach your brain that you can manage anxiety without the use of those compulsive behaviors. Over time, this will loosen OCD’s grip.
- Change your response – The hardest but most effective thing we can do, is carry on with our day as normal. This will take time, patience, and practice. But by doing this, you will eventually be able to carry on with your normal daily life, without OCD dictating how you choose to live.
Intrusive thoughts in OCD are not the problem
Many sufferers believe that intrusive thoughts are the problem in and of themselves. But as mentioned previously, 94% of people worldwide will experience intrusive thoughts in their lifetime.
We cannot stop those intrusive thoughts.
If they really were the problem, the world would be in chaos!
The reality is that intrusive thoughts are not a problem until we treat them as if they are a problem. When the brain begins to perceive them as a source of danger, and we trigger uncertainty and doubt in relation to those thoughts – this is when we have an issue.
As soon as we are able to recognize that thoughts are just thoughts and do not represent reality or any real danger, we can begin changing those physical and mental responses that keep us trapped in the OCD loop.
How do I control my inner thoughts?
You don’t!
Think of OCD like the Chinese finger trap, the more you try to pull away the more stuck you become and the harder it is to get out.
This is the primary desire of those struggling with intrusive thoughts, but this is often what keeps us from thriving in life.
Every attempt to control, manipulate, push down, or suppress those thoughts only intensifies them.
The more attention we give them, the more they thrive and stick around.
Best treatment for intrusive thoughts
If you have been struggling with intrusive thoughts and you suspect you may be battling with OCD, we would love to support you on your journey toward a life guided by your values, not your fears.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) combined have been proven to show an incredibly high success rate in recovery treatment.
And this works no matter what the content of those intrusive thoughts may be.
If you’re reading this article, you may be on a journey of self-exploration, looking for ways to navigate OCD. We hope this has been helpful to you! But if you feel like you’d like to take this one step further, there are two ways we can support you:
- Private 1:1 therapy
If you are based in California or Arizona, our team of highly qualified mental health professionals and OCD specialists would love to guide you through your recovery. We welcome you with warmth and compassion, and without judgment.
While we understand that you may feel hesitant to reach out, we only want you to know that the best time to begin is today.
Nothing will be as hard as what you’ve already experienced, facing every day with this disorder. You’ve done the hard part!
Recovery is not easy, but it feels more achievable when you have a professional in your corner and you begin to see and feel how life could be different.
Please submit an initial intake form here; we’d love to hear from you.
- Self-paced online program
If you are unable to access private therapy right now, we have an affordable and accessible alternative.
ERP SCHOOL was created by top OCD specialist Kimberley Quinlan to show you exactly how to manage those intrusive thoughts so they no longer ruin your life, and resist the urge to do compulsions.
You will be given the exact tools and techniques used to support private clients.
And you will understand how to apply them to your specific OCD themes.
You no longer have to feel trapped inside your mind and a slave to your intrusive thoughts. You can regain your freedom, and live life how YOU choose.
