Why Your Brain Focuses on the Worst-Case Scenario (and What to Do About It) | Ep. 450

Learn why your brain fixates on the worst-case—and the simple, science-backed practices that help you rebalance attention, reduce compulsions, and live from your values instead of fear.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

• The survival wiring behind negativity bias (and how it hijacks anxiety, OCD, and depression differently)
• The sneaky reason we cling to catastrophizing—and how it quietly fuels compulsions and avoidance
• A step-by-step “Three Good Things I Caused” practice that boosts mood in minutes a day
• Micro, values-based actions that build momentum when motivation is low
• Scheduled Worry: a 15-minute container that shrinks all-day rumination
• How to balance your information diet and add the missing “and”—honoring hard truths and what’s working

When Your Brain Gravitates to the Worst-Case: Understanding (and Softening) Negativity Bias

Do you ever leave an otherwise lovely conversation only to replay one awkward moment on loop? Or finish a productive day while fixating on a single mistake? That sticky attention to “what went wrong” has a name—negativity bias—and it’s a built-in survival feature of the human brain. In this episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit, I sat down with LMFT and educator Emma McAdam (Therapy in a Nutshell) to unpack why our minds do this and, more importantly, practical ways to work with your brain so you can feel steadier, kinder, and more balanced.

What Is Negativity Bias?

Negativity bias is the brain’s tendency to notice, remember, and react more strongly to negative information than to positive or neutral information. From a survival standpoint, this made sense: noticing the one threat (the metaphorical saber-toothed tiger) mattered more than savoring a thousand berries.

The problem today: when you live with anxiety, OCD, or depression, that protective bias can become overactive—driving constant threat-scanning, self-criticism, and avoidance.

 

Why Your Brain Fixates on the Worst-Case

1) Survival-First Design

Our brains are wired to keep us alive, not necessarily to keep us happy. Attention naturally tilts toward potential danger so we can prepare, avoid, or escape.

2) Learning From Pain (and Then Overgeneralizing)

We adapt based on experience. If you had a panic attack in a supermarket, your brain may flag all supermarkets as “danger.” Useful once, unhelpful when it expands indiscriminately.

3) Sensitivity + Perfectionism

Some of us feel emotions more intensely. Add perfectionism (“nothing bad can ever happen,” “I must never make a mistake”), and the brain starts scanning relentlessly for anything that could go wrong.

 

How Negativity Bias Shows Up in Anxiety vs. Depression

• Anxiety: “Something bad is probably going to happen.” The mind frantically plans, worries, and controls to prevent disaster.
• Depression: “I am bad, life is bad, and nothing will help.” The brain filters out positives (“they’re just being nice”) and spotlights negatives (“I always ruin things”).

Both are biased—not accurate readouts of reality.

 

The Confirmation Bias Cocktail (and Why News Feels So Heavy)

Our information diet often amplifies negativity. Scary headlines get clicks; steady progress rarely does. When you’re already threat-scanning, your feed can become a loop that confirms your worst expectations. The goal isn’t denial; it’s balance—consuming information that also reflects what’s improving and what’s in your control.

 

Why We (Secretly) Cling to Catastrophizing

This part is tender: catastrophizing and negativity can protect us from discomfort.

• If “everything is terrible,” I don’t have to risk caring, trying, or being vulnerable.
• If I worry hard enough, maybe I can prevent pain (a superstition many of us carry).
• In OCD specifically, catastrophizing often propels compulsions—and compulsions temporarily reduce discomfort, which keeps the cycle alive.

Seeing the function of negativity (emotional avoidance) helps us choose different responses.

 

The Core Reframe: It’s Not Toxic Positivity

Countering negativity bias doesn’t mean ignoring pain. It means adding the “and.”

“This is hard and there is something small I can do today.”
“I made a mistake and I also showed up for my values in other ways.”

We’re aiming for whole-picture honesty, not rose-colored denial.

 

Skills & Strategies That Work

Below are practical tools you can start today. Choose one or two to build momentum.

1) Spot the Story (Name Your Narratives)

What to do: Write down a recurring story your mind tells (e.g., “Bad things always happen,” “People will leave me,” “I must be perfect”). Label it as a story, not a fact.
Why it helps: Separates you from the thought, creating space to respond instead of react.

Prompt:

• “The story my mind tells is…”
• “Evidence for? Evidence I’m overlooking?”
• “If a friend said this, how would I respond?”

 

2) The “Three Good Things (I Caused)” Practice

How: Every evening for 14 days, note three good things you brought about today—actions, choices, or small efforts (held the door, sent a kind text, took a walk).
Why: Trains attention toward accurate positives and builds self-efficacy. The research version boosts mood and reduces depressive symptoms for months after a two-week run.

Make it stick: Put a repeating phone reminder; text a friend your three each night.

 

3) Appreciation vs. Gratitude (Use Both)

• Appreciation is outward: tell someone specifically what you value about them.
• Gratitude is inward: notice what you’re thankful for (clean water, warm bed, a pet’s greeting).

Relationship upgrade: Try one verbal appreciation per day to a partner/friend. Many people report big shifts without the other person changing—because attention shifted.

 

4) Values-First Micro-Actions

When you feel “I’m a terrible friend/parent/person,” flip it: What value is hidden inside that pain? (kindness, presence, honesty)

Then pick one micro-action today:

• Send a 10-second “thinking of you” voice note.
• Sit on the floor and play with your child for 5 minutes.
• Tidy one surface.
• Step outside and breathe for 2 minutes before your next task.

Key: Action often comes before motivation. Do the small thing, then give yourself credit.

 

5) OCD Corner: Allow the Thought, Reduce the Compulsion

If catastrophic, intrusive thoughts are loud, practice allowing them without engaging:

• “There’s my brain doing its ‘what-if’ thing.”
• Return to what you’re doing.
• Resist reassurance, checking, or mental reviewing.

This is ERP-consistent: tolerate uncertainty and let the worry pass without feeding it.

 

6) Scheduled Worry (Contain the Loop)

Choose a 15-minute “worry window” daily. When worries pop up at 10 a.m., jot them down and tell your brain, “We’ll handle this at 7:30 p.m.”
Over time, worries intrude less, and your days open up.

 

7) Curate Your Inputs

• Follow at least one good-news or solutions-focused source.
• Cap doom-scrolling windows; consider a “no news before noon” rule.
• Add one daily delight: a nature clip, comedy bit, or pet video.

Not because life is only good, but because your attention deserves balance.

 

8) The Micro-Evidence Method (for Depression-Heavy Days)

When the mind says “I’m only bad,” collect tiny behaviors that contradict it:

• Stopped at the crosswalk.
• Returned the shopping cart.
• Fed the dog.
• Answered one email.
  Write them down. Small truths build a sturdier narrative than global judgments.

 

9) Willingness: Feel Both

Negativity bias often protects you from feeling. Practice willingness:

• “I’m willing to feel a bit anxious and do the kind thing.”
• “I’m willing to feel tender and tell my partner what I appreciate.”

Courage is doing what matters with feelings present—not after they’re gone.

 

A 7-Day Mini Plan

Day 1: Name one persistent story (“I’ll mess this up”). Post it where you’ll see it.
Day 2: Start Three Good Things I Caused (set a nightly reminder).
Day 3: Offer one specific appreciation to someone.
Day 4: Choose one values micro-action (≤5 minutes).
Day 5: Create a 15-minute worry window and defer worries to it.
Day 6: Curate inputs: unfollow one doom account; follow one solution account.
Day 7: Practice willingness once (“I can feel uneasy and still email the teacher”).

Repeat. Adjust. Keep it small and doable.

 

Gentle Scripts You Can Borrow

• Labeling bias: “Thanks, brain, for trying to protect me. I’m choosing the full picture.”
• OCD allowance: “This thought can be here without me fixing it.”
• Rebalance: “This is hard and I did three helpful things today.”
• Relationship reframe: “I appreciate that you _______. Thank you.”

 

Common Sticking Points (and What to Try)

• “This feels like toxic positivity.”
  We’re not replacing pain with pep; we’re adding what’s also true so decisions aren’t fear-only.
• “I don’t believe any positives about me.”
  Borrow another brain. Ask a trusted person for two concrete things they saw you do this week. Write them down.
• “I can’t get started.”
  Pair the habit with something you already do (after brushing teeth, text your three good things). Or body-double: do a 10-minute clean-up on a video call with a friend.

 

The Therapist Takeaway

Negativity bias isn’t a flaw; it’s a feature that needs guidance. With small, repeatable practices—naming stories, collecting micro-evidence, appreciation/gratitude reps, values-first actions, scheduled worry, and curated inputs—you can retrain attention toward accuracy and live more from your values than from fear.

You don’t have to silence your brain to build a balanced life. You just have to add the “and” and keep choosing the next kind step.

 

The podcast is made possible by NOCD. NOCD offers effective, convenient therapy available in the US and outside the US. To find out more about NOCD, their therapy plans, and if they currently take your insurance, head over to https://learn.nocd.com/youranxietytoolkit

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Transcription: Why Your Brain Focuses on the Worst-Case Scenario (and What to Do About It)

Kimberley: Have you ever walked away from a conversation and obsessed over one awkward moment, even when the rest went beautifully, or maybe you fixated on a mistake or even after doing so many things right? That. Is a negativity bias at work. And today we’re here to explore why our brains focus on the worst case scenario, and most importantly, what we can do about it. Welcome to your anxiety toolkit. I’m Kimberly Quinlan. This podcast is your space to feel understood, supported, and equipped to navigate your anxiety and related struggles. So let’s dive in. Today’s episode is about something that impacts. All of us, which is called negativity bias. This built in mental habit evolves. Lemme start that again. This built-in mental habit evolved to keep us safe, but for those of us living with anxiety OCD or panic, it can take over and keep us stuck in fear. That’s why I’m so honored to have Emma McAdam, LMFT, the creator of the popular YouTube channel Therapy. In a nutshell, we’re going to explore why the mind clings to the negative and how we can work with our brains to create a more balanced. Life and have more peace. Welcome Emma.

 

Emma: Hey, thank you so much for having me. It’s so fun to be with you.

 

Kimberley: Okay, Emma, let’s get straight to it ’cause I know you’ve done some work on this before. Why do our brains focus on the worst case scenario?

 

Emma: Ooh. I think it’s really important to recognize that our brains are not designed, whether you believe that’s by God or by evolution. Our brains are not designed to make us happy. They’re designed to keep us alive. So if you think about our ancestors, if they were, let’s just imagine. 10,000 years ago, our ancestors were out hunting and gathering.

 

They’re looking for food and they’re in a field with thousands of ripe little berries. And that’s a resource, that’s a positive thing. That’s something that like brings a sense of satisfaction and tastes good, right? There’s a positive thing and there’s one saber tooth tiger in that field. What should their brain focus on?

 

Right? So this is about like attention and focus as a survival skill. It’s really essential. If you wanna live, you’ve gotta pay attention to the one thing that’s dangerous instead of the 1000 little delicious berries that are, are positive. And that’s one way to stay alive, right? You pay attention to that saber tooth tiger.

 

You avoid it or you. You know, gather your friends around you and you pick up your spears and you, you fight it off. So that’s like an attention bias that’s built into our brain. We are gonna be much more likely to pay attention to the one thing that may be threatening or dangerous than we are to pay attention to the other things that are valuable, helpful, resourceful, beneficial in our lives.

 

Kimberley: Okay, so let’s sort of talk.

 

Emma: Mm-hmm.

 

Kimberley: More about this. Can you explain what this negative bias is exactly? Like? Again, you’ve already done a beautiful job of explaining it, but why does our brain go overboard? It makes sense. I’m at the, I’m at a, let’s say I’m at an intersection and I’m going to be looking for danger.

 

I’m going to be of course, looking for it. But for some folks, why is that negative bias so strong?

 

Emma: Yeah, I think there’s a couple things that can make it really strong and, and one of those. Is our experiences. And another one of those, and we’ll go into that. And then another one is like our innate sensitivity. And then, you know, a third one is kind of a type of planning and like perfectionism, like, like wanting to ensure that everything goes perfect.

 

So if, if we go to the first one, which is like our experiences. Expecting the worst is a way to protect us from feeling hurt, right? So let’s say we felt hurt in the past. Like let’s say we had a friend who like. Abandoned us or threw us under the bus. You know, gossiped about us, treated us badly. Um, and that hurt, like that crushed.

 

So then the next time we start making a new friend, or we start meeting other people, there’s this little thought that says, Hey, I might get hurt. Something might happen here. And so our brain is going to be like, I gotta protect my, my person. I gotta protect my person from getting hurt. So we’re gonna be scanning, scanning, scanning for something.

 

Any sign that something bad might happen. Now, if we look at this from an evolutionary perspective, this is great because what we’re doing is we’re learning, right? We’re learning from our experiences, and we’re adapting to those. So this can be really functional. I’m trying to think of a good example of how this is.

 

This is really functional, but it’s like, oh, let’s say like. Oh, uh, this kind of, uh, x kind of berry is gonna make me throw up. If I learn from that, then the next time I don’t eat that berry and I don’t throw up. Awesome. Right. Or like in, in my village, there’s a hundred people and Bob is gonna like. I don’t know, hit me with a rock, right?

 

Like, I’m gonna avoid Bob, I’m gonna scan for Bob. When Bob’s around, I’m gonna avoid him. Or if like, when we’re growing up, when my parents, like, let’s say Sunday nights, my parents get really anxious about the work week, and then they chew me out and they make me do more chores, then I’m gonna start to avoid my parents on Sundays, or I’m gonna scan.

 

For like when they’re drunk or when they’re angry or when they’re stressed at work. And I’m gonna be scanning for this and this is a way to protect myself from getting hurt. So, I mean, you can call it trauma or you can call it just really good, like your brain’s learning. That’s what like, that’s one way to think about trauma is our brain’s trying to adapt to threats and manage those threats by getting better and better at telling when those threats are coming.

 

But the brain is gonna over exaggerate here. The brain is gonna err on the side of thinking like that. These bad things are happening more often than they are. Because it’s better to like, oh, I don’t know if there’s a saber tooth tiger in that field, but I might as well avoid it just in case, right? Like your brain is, yeah.

 

Go ahead.

 

Kimberley: I think this is really good for people and folks with panic, right?

 

Emma: Mm-hmm.

 

Kimberley: have been at a grocery store, had the onset of a panic attack, right? And so now they might perceive pa all supermarkets as being dangerous and like every time you go back in now, now we have to like constantly be aware of the trigger of what could happen at a pan, at a supermarket.

 

Would you, would you agree with that kind of example?

 

Emma: Absolutely. Absolutely. And our, our brain is really gonna key into those things. And, and that’s, I think sometimes people think like, oh, our anxiety’s out to get us, our anxiety’s out to get us. And it’s like, no. Like I think our evolutionary defenses are, we are motivated by emotions. Like emotions are motivational, right?

 

So our brain sometimes tries to protect us by pumping out just a ton of heightened emotional. Chemicals in our body, right? Adrenaline, cortisol to to motivate us to escape things. But it’s just trying to protect us. It’s trying to scan and prevent and protect and keep us safe from anything bad happening.

 

But it’s not like we, we can’t let our brain make all our decisions for

 

Kimberley: Yeah.

 

Emma: it comes down to. Like we can’t let our evolutionary brain like run everything.

 

Kimberley: Yeah. You talked about perfectionism. How, how does that play a role in this negative bias?

 

Emma: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think, I think some of us have more of an innate sensitivity to like. Hurt. And so we’re more likely to want to avoid like any feelings. And one of the ways we control and avoid feelings is trying to, trying to be perfect, trying to make sure nothing bad ever happens. Um, you might see this like with Germa phobia, where people are like, I’ve just gotta make sure I never get sick.

 

Instead of saying like, I’m gonna live my life, allow. You know, I’m gonna get sick a couple days a year. No, that’s impossible. That could never happen. Or it’s like, oh, I, I’m gonna allow myself to hang out with my friends and say what feels natural to me. And every once in a while, I might say something stupid or hurtful.

 

And perfectionism or social anxiety say, I, I must ensure, I must ensure that I never say anything hurtful. That I never make any mistakes around such and such person. And, and this is like really taking this. This to the extreme where we, we end up cutting out so much out of our lives. But, um, I, I think, I think what ends up happening is we end up scanning and scanning for threats to the degree that our brain is now, our fears are now running our life.

 

And, and I think that’s part of negativity bias where, where I lose my train of thought regularly.

 

Kimberley: Well, well, lemme, lemme jump in there

 

Emma: Yeah.

 

Kimberley: What’s the difference with negativity bias with folks who have anxiety

 

Emma: Mm-hmm.

 

Kimberley: versus folks with depression? So like for me, if I were to like, think about what, what I understand is my own negativity bias, it might be like bad things might happen and you know, they might think that or whatever, but when depression is, it’s like, it’s like you are bad.

 

Emma: Mm.

 

Kimberley: bad,

 

Emma: Mm-hmm.

 

Kimberley: things will happen. Um, there’s no hope. There’s no point.

 

Emma: Yeah.

 

Kimberley: is that, like, what are your thoughts in terms of how it shows up and the, the role of negativity bias for folks with depression?

 

Emma: Yeah, I would say with depression, I think one of the most common things I see is people are gonna really filter out the positive and good around themselves. And they’re gonna really highlight the negative. So you’ll hear a lot of, oh, this always happens to me. I was talking to a friend yesterday, she’s like, oh, I’m just driving home from a therapy appointment.

 

And um, and then we were talking about this friend and she’s like, oh, and I said this dumb thing, and it must have hurt her feelings. And I just always make the dumbest comments. I just keep ruining things. And then she caught herself and she’s like, you know what? No, she’s probably okay. I’m probably okay.

 

And I could just see it in action where she was like catching herself in this. Frame of like, everything bad happens to me. You know, I heard an interesting, someone said something to me, um, the other day that I thought was interesting. They said, I have this theory that the even years are good years. Like good things happen in the even years and the odd years are bad years.

 

Like bad things happen in the odd years.

 

Kimberley: Hmm.

 

Emma: And I thought that has got to be. 100% like confirmation bias right there, right? So like I, I don’t doubt something bad happened in an odd year, like maybe their family member died. Maybe they got cancer, like one odd year or two odd years, or three odd years in a row, something bad happened.

 

But what that means is that every even year. Every time something good happens, they’re like, see, look, it’s an even year. See look, it’s an even year. This is so cool. And um, if something bad happens in an even year, they’re gonna kind of downplay it. They’re gonna focus less and less on it. And then in an odd year, every time something bad happens, they’re gonna be like, see, look.

 

Everything bad happens in the odd years. Uh, look at this awful thing. It must be, ’cause it’s 2025 and if something good happens in 2025, that confirmation bias, that negativity bias, it’s gonna downplay it. So I think we have to admit, like, we have to be honest that the way we perceive reality is biased.

 

Like we have to acknowledge our brain is gonna bias this. So someone with depression, they’re gonna notice when they mess up and they’re gonna minimize it when they do something good. When someone compliments them, they’re gonna say, oh, she’s just being nice. And when someone criticizes them, they’re gonna be like, I know I’m such a screw up.

 

Right.

 

Kimberley: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

 

Emma: yeah. And someone with anxiety, they’re gonna be like constantly, just like something bad’s probably gonna happen, right? Something like, I’ve gotta keep my eyes out, I’ve gotta worry about it to prevent it from happening. We don’t realize we’re playing that game, but we’re like, I’ve gotta worry, I’ve gotta plan, I’ve gotta structure, I’ve gotta control to just, or else something bad is gonna happen, you know?

 

Kimberley: So what can we do? You’ve talked about negativity bias, you’ve talked about confirmation bias, and we’re looking at through the lens of. How it shows up for anxious folks and how it shows up for depressed folks or both.

 

Emma: Mm-hmm.

 

Kimberley: Um, what would be some really like, solid strategies in identifying this,

 

Emma: Yeah.

 

Kimberley: and maybe changing behavior?

 

Emma: Yeah, I think the, like the very first step, and this is a hard one to do on your own, like this is easiest to do with a friend or therapist, like a very, a very wise friend or a wise therapist, is to really get an idea of what your stories are. Like. We have these stories we tell ourselves, um, and I think there’s a lot of common ones out there.

 

If you were to ask someone, is the world getting better or worse right now, what do you think the average person would say?

 

Kimberley: What a difficult question. They would seem worse.

 

Emma: Yeah, most people would say it’s definitely getting worse. Like, look at what’s going on. Look at the political divisions. Look at the war. If we look at this question statistically, statistically, and with numbers, and you could read the book Enlightenment Now to get like a thorough, like. A thorough analysis of this, but there actually is less war and conflict than most likely ever, at least in the recorded history of the world.

 

There’s less war and conflict, there’s less murders and killing. Crime is actually less in the developed world, children are living longer. There’s less infant mortality, there’s less polio. We have freaking antibiotics like, like kids these days. Are they worse? Or are they better than ever? And it’s like most people say, oh kids these days.

 

But people have been saying kids these days since ancient Babylon, they have a Q Formm tablet with this guy saying the youth these days are so lazy, right? Like Socrates and people around the time of Play-Doh were saying the kids these days. So we have this, this bias, like the world is getting worse and the reality is.

 

Holy cow. Like we have access to grocery delivery, but we forget about it, right? We have access, like their smallpox is basically eliminated. I mean, we’ll see how that keeps going, but like, like there is so much good going on and we have these stories. That are common stories that have been going around for thousands of years that tell us the world is worse than ever.

 

People are meaner than ever. The world is more dangerous than ever. You can’t let your kids play outside. Like all of this is neg. This is our natural negativity bias. So we have to look for these stories. Someone with anxiety might be, I be thinking, I have to worry and control and analyze and overthink everything to be safe.

 

Someone with depression is gonna have stories like, oh, bad things always happen to me. People always mistreat me. I’m such a failure. So that’s like the first step is like, can you just see these as as stories instead of reality?

 

Kimberley: Let me jump in really quick because, uh, number one, thank you for saying all that. I actually feel like this lighter shoulder feeling it right now,

 

Emma: Yeah.

 

Kimberley: you’re saying that I’m noticing this like, lift because no one says that

 

Emma: Yeah.

 

Kimberley: one is saying things are getting better. I mean, I’m sure. course that’s a negative bias too, because I’m sure there are people who are saying it, but it’s so nice to hear. and I’m thinking of my listeners and they’re probably thinking, or they’re probably having maybe a strong reaction to you saying that,

 

Emma: Oh, right.

 

Kimberley: no, like rights are being taken away or, you know, um, you know, war and everything like this. So what is that? Is that.

 

Emma: Mm-hmm.

 

Kimberley: might be having a part of their negative bias.

 

About their negative bias. I know that’s getting very meta, but like what, what is the, we’re we are going to have a strong reaction to this.

 

Emma: Yeah.

 

Kimberley: I remember talking to clients before and talking about like. what a different story would be. And they get very stuck. Like, don’t take my negative story away from me.

 

Like

 

Emma: That’s right.

 

Kimberley: I, I believe it. So what would you say to people who are having a reaction right now?

 

Emma: Oh my gosh. I’m so glad you brought this up because I also am deeply concerned about so many things. From global warming to like the political situation without going into any details, we’ll just leave it at that.

 

Kimberley: Yeah.

 

Emma: Uh, like I, I feel deeply concerned and there’s a big difference between saying like, huh, I am concerned about climate change, so therefore what actions can I take that are gonna be really helpful

 

Kimberley: Hmm.

 

Emma: and saying.

 

Oh my gosh, everything’s getting so terrible. The world is so much worse than it’s ever been. People are so much worse than it’s ever been. So I would say the difference is generalizing. The difference is generalizing. And it’s not that there aren’t problems in the world, and I would never wanna deny that there’s pain and suffering and starvation happening right now.

 

Like I could cry right now if we talk about this, but it’s, the story is things are getting worse and they’re always getting worse and everything’s terrible, and, and that story is. False.

 

Kimberley: Yeah.

 

Emma: I think we’re more accurate and more intentional and more actionable. Like we are better able to take intentional actions that line up with our values when we let go of these over generalized stories that are built on bias.

 

And when I talk about bias, I think we also have to acknowledge that the media that we consume. Takes advantage of our negativity bias. So you could take two stories. One story is, oh my gosh, it’s been the warmest summer ever in Utah in 130 years of measuring summers in Utah with the least amount of moisture in 130 years.

 

And this is terrible. Right. Great. Good. There’s a new story. Makes me click. Right? Or you could say, Hey, changing your lawn mower from a gas mower to an electric mower saves like 120 pounds of carbon every week. Which story is gonna be clicked on more? The story. The story that’s like, this is a terrible drought, right?

 

Kimberley: Yes,

 

Emma: Like

 

Kimberley: yes.

 

Emma: and in Utah. Let me just give one more example of this. I think we have to be intentional. What I’m trying to say is we have to be intentional. About how we consume information because these scary stories will take advantage of our negativity bias in a way that the positive stories will not. So in Utah, two years ago, we had a bad drought or a very dry year, and that was all over the news.

 

Dry year. Dry year, running outta water, da dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. That winter we had the wettest winter we’d had in like forever. We got like 12 feet of snow in Salt Lake and um. Instead of the stories saying, oh my gosh, all the reservoirs filled up this winter. It’s so great. The stories were, holy cow. Look at this picture of this one house that’s roof collapsed, like in, in like out of 2 million inhabitants in Utah, like three roofs collapsed.

 

What are we gonna focus on? We’re gonna focus on the scary or the dramatic news. And that’s ’cause it sells. It literally sells. And it sells because our brains are wired to look for negativity. Our brains are wired to scan for threat. They’re not wired to be negative. They’re wired to scan for te for threat, and to help us question that.

 

So, okay, I could get all worked up on this, we could move on, but I think when we feel like everything is terrible, we have to ask ourselves. I is, is it like, is it actually, and I think that takes us to, that takes us to like some really practical things that we can do each day.

 

Kimberley: I was thinking about this from a different angle, actually, is maybe like 10 years ago. Um, my husband and I, we were going through like a rough patch. Which every marriage does. We’ve been married 20 something years,

 

Emma: Mm-hmm.

 

Kimberley: and I remember reading that appreciation is really one of the most important pieces of a relationship.

 

Emma: Yep.

 

Kimberley: you know, when you’re really mad at somebody and you’re having like a whole fight with them in your head and you’re like, you’ve, you’re like, you’re playing it out

 

Emma: Mm-hmm.

 

Kimberley: I read this and I was like, appreciation, like he doesn’t deserve my appreciation until I really stopped and I was like, wait, Kimberly I made a conscious effort to practice appreciating him for even like the littlest things, and I have the best husband.

 

It’s not like,

 

Emma: Mm-hmm.

 

Kimberley: know, I, I didn’t have to pretend too hard,

 

Emma: Yeah.

 

Kimberley: I noticed was. I was focusing on everything he did wrong.

 

Emma: Yep.

 

Kimberley: I was focusing on how he didn’t soothe me the right way, or I was focusing on how he didn’t greet that neighbor the way that I would’ve greeted the neighbor until I was like, oh, that this is so interesting, like. And it was a practice, right, of like,

 

Emma: Yeah.

 

Kimberley: going to practice appreciating this person. And so much changed without him changing one thing,

 

Emma: Mm-hmm.

 

Kimberley: without

 

Emma: Mm-hmm.

 

Kimberley: changing one thing. He didn’t change how he lived in his body or whatever,

 

Emma: Yeah.

 

Kimberley: was huge for me. So, I don’t know, I just wanted to share that as a part of this is that it, sometimes we have to catch that that narrative, which I as a therapist, missed.

 

Emma: Oh, absolutely. I, I actually did, I’ve done the exact same thing two years ago. For me, I was like feeling pretty bitter about my husband and feeling mis misunderstood and not well treated and like, just kind of like, and I would just think and dwell on like, oh, he didn’t do this and he did do this, and dah, dah, dah, dah.

 

Or like, you know, it’s just so much easier. When you’re like, you’ve been doing it for 10 years, being married to someone for 10 years to notice the things that bother you. And yeah, I did the exact same thing. So I started, uh. A, a little note in my phone and every night before I went to bed, I started writing down things I appreciated about Ryan.

 

And I started to realize, oh yeah, he did the dishes today. He did the laundry today. And those are things I just would ignore because it’s just like, oh yeah, well, he is supposed to, right. That’s negativity bias, right?

 

Kimberley: yeah,

 

Emma: Oh, yeah. He, he took care of the kids while I went for a run. Like, oh, well he should. Of course he should.

 

And I could still appreciate it, you know?

 

Kimberley: But I think, I think that that what you’ve just sort of, you’re sort of saying the appreciation piece is also a part of this work for us

 

Emma: Mm-hmm.

 

Kimberley: I think you mentioned perfectionism before and I think we think that, um, it should be, the expectation is so high that. are left with nothing but a negative bias because the expectation and the level and of perfectionism that’s required to feel worthy in today’s

 

Emma: Yeah.

 

Kimberley: is so high that, yeah, we’re gonna let be left feeling like it’s not good enough.

 

Emma: I, I think so. I think so. And like. I mean, as much as I’m a feminist, whenever I read like feminist like, uh, social media posts about like mental labor of women and stuff, it just makes me really start to be like, oh, look at all the things I’m doing and how he’s not, and you know, it’s. So easy to go down that rabbit hole.

 

And I think when we can acknowledge that our brains have a natural builtin negativity, bias, they’re trying to protect us. Thank you brain. Thanks for trying to protect me. I’d also like to be happy and I can, I can also feel joy in my relationship or joy in my life when I kind of manage my brain. Like I get a little more intentional about my, my focus.

 

Kimberley: So for folks who are like maybe willing to consider

 

Emma: Mm-hmm.

 

Kimberley: to this negative bias or this like catastrophization, um. I’m also wondering, ’cause I’m assuming I’m pretty in my head of my listeners, but I’m also wondering if they’re feeling like, well isn’t that just like positivity? Like, like, and I think that

 

Emma: Yeah.

 

Kimberley: swing from negative to a, assuming the solution is the complete opposite, which is like. Gross degrees of positivity. Um, what would you encourage people to do if they’re, if they’re noticing that their brain naturally catastrophizes and is,

 

Emma: Yeah.

 

Kimberley: a strong negative bias, to what degree should they pivot?

 

Emma: Yeah. I would start with a few practices. This is what I would recommend on a like really practical level, and I think. Yeah, we’ve gotta come back to the function of this. So I don’t know, do you wanna talk about like why we resist this first, or should we talk about why, why we resist this second?

 

Kimberley: No, let’s just, that’s where we’re at.

 

Emma: Yeah.

 

Kimberley: at. So let’s do it.

 

Emma: Yeah. So catastrophizing like we like to catastrophize because it excuses us from taking basic, like value-based action. If I say everything is awful. Everyone hates me. My boss is so completely unfair and he’s probably gonna fire me. That excuses me from taking action to like put in hard work at work.

 

Like it gives me an excuse, and I don’t mean like you’re just trying to be lazy and excuse, but like our brain is very good at creating like protections and defenses against caring. Right. Oh, the world’s just going to hell in a hand basket. That is very, that’s very protective from like, I’m gonna try to make my neighborhood a better place.

 

I’m gonna love my kids. I’m gonna like take cookies to the new move-ins. Right. I’ll attend city council, whatever it is. Right. And if it’s like, um, yeah, nobody likes me. Yeah, I just, I just ruin every relationship I’m in then it’s an, it’s an excuse. It’s protecting me from getting hurt by trying to get in a new relationship or make a new friend.

 

Kimberley: Yeah.

 

Emma: worry is another like sneaky form of self-protection. Yeah, and so like we have to admit that you secretly like negativity bias ’cause it protects you from taking action in line with your values. But in the end, it’s not working out for you. Like it is not leading to the like rich and joyful life that comes with also feeling a little anxiety or working or putting your heart out there and getting it stomped on occasionally.

 

Kimberley: I think you just hit the nail on the head right here. Something just came alive inside me is, is I also think, and I’m gonna speak directly to folks with OCD here, ’cause they’re a part of our community. Is, I think that our brain catastrophizes because it is a really good way to propel you into doing compulsions. And for as long as you’re doing compulsions, you’re keeping that condition alive.

 

Emma: Right.

 

Kimberley: Um, and I think that you just hit something on the head is sometimes I think if we catastrophize and it does keep us in that compulsion, we, we kind of, as much as we don’t wanna do compulsions. We do because it stops us from having to feel

 

Emma: That’s it.

 

Kimberley: uncertain.

 

Emma: That’s

 

Kimberley: stops us from

 

Emma: it?

 

Kimberley: to feel levels of anxiety

 

Emma: Mm-hmm.

 

Kimberley: vulnerable or whatever the feel, guilt, whatever it

 

Emma: Mm-hmm.

 

Kimberley: So I think that that is a really good breakdown of like catastrophization or this negative, strong, negative black and white thinking does keep us in behaviors so we don’t have to feel.

 

Emma: That’s right. And if we look at negativity bias, for example, it’s like, oh, me just noticing the negative from my husband. Protects me from feeling it protects me from feeling a little bit of like hurt by being angry or numb and or being jaded, right, or resentful. And it protects me also from feeling love and joy and connection with him because that might lead to more.

 

Like, I might get hurt too, right? It’s, it’s this very sneaky form of emotional avoidance.

 

Kimberley: Hmm.

 

Emma: And I think we, so, so when you said, you know, well, what if you say, well, you should try to experience, I mean, okay, the basic practices for treating or managing or like managing your brain’s negativity, bias are appreciation, gratitude, noticing the positive, right?

 

And then we have this knee jerk reaction that says, no. The world’s terrible. That’s toxic positivity. This is just blowing smoke up my whatever. Right? Like so we have this defense and if you notice that defense, that defense is trying to protect you from feeling both. Joy, joy and sadness.

 

Kimberley: Yes.

 

Emma: defense is there to protect you from caring enough to pick up trash in your neighborhood.

 

That defense is there to, to, to try and protect you from feeling hurt. So then the solution, like the deeper solution is willingness. Like can you allow yourself to say, you know what, I’m gonna go like sit with my neighbor at her immigration hearing. Even though this is very stressful,

 

Kimberley: Yes.

 

Emma: right? Like this is uncomfortable and joyful at the same time, like, I’m gonna go do something good with this.

 

Kimberley: Yeah. Yeah. Uh, I feel like it’s, it’s such an important point. I cannot tell you how many clients I have sat with who have said I’d prefer to think negatively

 

Emma: Yeah.

 

Kimberley: now to prevent myself from being hurt or having, you know, they’re like. They’re grieving ahead of time

 

Emma: That’s right.

 

Kimberley: worrying ahead of time that if I just worry now, I might protect from that future thing.

 

So I think that is a huge piece of, of what we’re ultimately talking about here. So it a matter, would you say, is it a matter of. Being curious about other stories first, um, and then feeling and being willing to feel, or is there maybe some micro steps between those two that you would recommend?

 

Emma: Yeah, I mean, like, I, I love talking about this stuff, like the deep, the brain science and also like, oh, here’s the function of these behaviors. Right? But when it comes down to when the rubber hits the road, like there’s a couple. Basic practices and I would say like, start with these practices and then when you notice your resistance, get curious about that resistance and look for your stories.

 

Um, because I did that too. One thing, you know, I learned from Nick Wigell about this whole scheduled worry thing and how to worry less by just.

 

Kimberley: Yeah.

 

Emma: You know, scheduling in a time to worry. And I, I started doing it and I was like, holy cow, I am worrying so much less. And I was driving down the road one day and I had this thought, come to me.

 

What if God sends more trials my way because I’m not worrying enough to prevent them. And then I was like, oh my gosh, there, it’s, that’s the thing. That’s why I’ve been worrying so much. I have this like, very superstitious idea. Um.

 

Kimberley: Yep.

 

Emma: And I still believe in God. I just don’t think he’s like that. Um, and so like, yeah.

 

Kimberley: there. Tallying your hours and minutes of

 

Emma: Yeah.

 

Kimberley: wait a second.

 

Emma: Yeah. If Emma worries six hours a day, I don’t have to have like anything hard happen in her life ever. It’s like, yeah, right. Yeah. So then it’s like, okay, let’s do these basic practices. The basic practices are like, could you do a three good things practice every day? So three good things is like, what are three good things that you brought about today?

 

And you write it down. I, I often do things like this just in my notes app on my phone, but it’s great if you text it to someone else. And there’s also, um, there’s a bunch of little journaling apps that you can do this in. But, you know, the research shows that they did this with college students. They, they took college students, they had ’em do three good things every day for two weeks.

 

They tracked the positive benefits. They found that their mood improved, their energy improved, their positivity improved, their depression scores decreased, and then they checked in on ’em three months later. And those who had done the activity were still had higher mood and better energy, like better like decreased depression scores.

 

And then they checked six months later and it still had an impact. So doing two weeks of like noticing, and this is a very specific one, it’s not just noticing like what you’re grateful for, but it’s noticing what are three good things that you brought about. Today, it’s like a five minute exercise that can have really good

 

Kimberley: good.

 

Emma: benefits.

 

Kimberley: so

 

Emma: And like I often find myself as a mom, I’m just like, oh my gosh, like am I doing a good enough job? Like did I support my child this way? I kind of yelled at this thing, the house is a mess, like da, da da, da. And then I just sit down and I’m like, oh my gosh, Emma. I hugged every one of my kids today. They had clothes.

 

They had food. I showed them that I cared about them. I spent. Time with them. I like, I, I and I, I just, it’s just so easy to just notice like all the bad things we do.

 

Kimberley: Yeah.

 

Emma: It’s easy for me.

 

Kimberley: Yeah. Okay. So again, I’m, I’m thinking out loud here.

 

Emma: Yeah.

 

Kimberley: Um, everything you’re saying is so beautiful. And, and I think for, for some people, I think that they also just have to be willing if their brain is particularly gnarly, they just have to let their brain have a tantrum and say all the negative things and not engage with it.

 

Right?

 

Emma: Yeah.

 

Kimberley: our brains get stuck.

 

Emma: Yep.

 

Kimberley: But you just talked about how like your kids have clothing and your kids have food and you hug them all and you gave them time. What about folks right now who aren’t Uh, according to their values, like they aren’t doing those basic things. They have maybe some

 

Emma: Mm-hmm.

 

Kimberley: that they’re very hyper aware of that they didn’t do, or they didn’t do something well, or they made a mistake, or they’re, maybe they’re depressed and they’re not getting outta bed. Like is it that you have to do the behavior change then use that with a negative bias, or would it be working on your negative bias? you can do the behavior change. Is it a combo? Like I’m, I’m wondering if people are feeling like, yeah, but I believe this isn’t a bias, it’s a, I believe in my heart that I’m terrible and bad.

 

Emma: Yeah.

 

Kimberley: what would you, what would you, what would you suggest.

 

Emma: Hmm. That’s a good question. I. Would, I can think of a couple things. I would try, I would test and see like which of this would be workable? Because it’s always looking for the low hanging fruit when you’re really stuck, right? You look and see what is gonna be, what’s gonna get you, like just a little bit of momentum and first thing I would say is, well, what do you value?

 

Like, okay, let’s say all day long you yell at your kids and your house is trashed. Okay, what does that say about what you value? Like if you feel bad about this, then you value a little bit of kindness and you value a little bit of cleanliness. And if your brain is saying, well, I can’t be perfect at these, so I might as well not bother, then you say hello, black and white thinking.

 

Thank you. Like, let’s just try one thing. Right. And I, I would say action usually precedes mental change. I would say that, I would say action usually precedes mental change. And I think values clarification is really helpful. So if you’re feeling like you’re a terrible friend, then you say, then that means I value.

 

Being a kinder friend. Okay, what’s one small way I can do that today? We line our actions up with those values and then we give ourselves a lot of appreciation and acknowledgement. We write it down, we say it out loud, we record it in our journal. We take a picture, something to reemphasize that to our brain that is steeped in negativity.

 

Um, because motivation is, is very circular, but it usually comes like after it’s motivation starts after a behavior, not before a behavior. So you do the behavior and then you give yourself credit and you acknowledge the good you do. If you can’t get yourself to do any behavior. I mean, there’s a lot of ways to jumpstart behavior, but like get a body, double, get someone to do it with you.

 

Build an accountability partner, try some medication. Uh, try a completely different exercise that you’re willing to do. Like, oh, you’re not willing to go, like clean your house, but you’re willing to go for a walk. Okay. Like any kind of physical movement is helpful there. Um, and I guess the, the other thought that I had was like, what are you consuming?

 

Like, what are you consuming Are, are you like, and by consuming, I mean usually, I mean like social media and news, and there are really good positive sources of information. Out there so I make sure to follow like the good news network. I make sure to follow like positivity daily. I make sure to follow like the Instagram channels that sometimes make me cry because they’re really sweet, like and happy.

 

I make sure and watch like funny cat videos every day like

 

Kimberley: Yep.

 

Emma: because there is good news and you just probably didn’t hear about it ’cause it’s not as loud. So like you can change your perception. By like what you consume, you can start like, even like in my marriage, like you, you know, you just start looking for it and writing it down.

 

That’s a practical step to challenge negativity bias. You look for the good every day and you write it down and, and it’s stuff like, there’s always something. There’s always something good.

 

Kimberley: Yep. And I think that what comes to mind, and I, I’ve, I’ve talked to clients about this before, is it might be that you have to get mi like, know, micro, aware of little things that you haven’t noticed. Like I

 

Emma: Yeah.

 

Kimberley: I had a client, a conversation with a client not long ago, and we were talking about this, like, they were like, I’m just a terrible person.

 

I do all things bad and I am bad and I have bad thoughts and I am just bad, bad, bad.

 

Emma: Mm-hmm.

 

Kimberley: okay, that’s cur, like, so how did you get here? Well, I drove. Okay. Did you stop at the stop sign?

 

Emma: Right.

 

Kimberley: Like. Because people were walking them by that. That’s a pretty cool thing. Like you naturally, you didn’t even have to think about it.

 

You stopped at the stop sign and you let someone cross the road. Tell me about going to the grocery store. Oh, you put your cart in the little section where you’re put your, supposed to put your carts

 

Emma: Yeah.

 

Kimberley: Yeah. All right. Let’s keep looking. Let’s keep looking like,

 

Emma: Mm-hmm.

 

Kimberley: a dog and you patted the dog.

 

Oh, how lovely. I’m sure that made a big difference in that dog’s day. So I think it’s like sometimes we have to get really micro too, like simple, basic. And again, I think our negative bias like yours is like, well, that’s not enough. Like, but

 

Emma: Right.

 

Kimberley: to get ba basic to, to move from that low, low level of negativity.

 

Emma: Oh, I, I love what you’re saying because you’re so in tune with how like people do get stuck in these like molasses of like, I’m just, I’m only bad. And it’s like, but yeah, like, and, and usually when, when we’re, we’ve built this habit or this mental rut of only focusing on the negative in ourselves, we literally cannot come up with on our own.

 

Like the positive things that we do, like they were completely, we’re completely blind to those things. We often need, someone’s help,

 

Kimberley: Yeah,

 

Emma: often need someone’s help to see that.

 

Kimberley: you’re amazing. Thank you for having this conversation with me. ’cause I feel like it’s so important, you know, and I, I do believe, and I don’t know if there’s research, but I think if we can catch this negative bias, we protect ourselves from

 

Emma: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

 

Kimberley: factor in having this. Tool in your toolkit. So thank you so much. Is there anything that you feel like we’ve missed on this topic that, you know, you wanna drive home or you wanna sort of, I’m even okay if you need to meander from a different direction, but is there anything that you feel like folks need to hear?

 

Emma: Hmm. I mean, I just think that the three essential practices are appreciation, which is showing other people like that you can appreciate them. Um, gratitude. Which is being grateful for what you do have. I think sometimes people feel guilty and and bad doing that, but just even noticing like, gosh, I have running water today.

 

It’s clean. That’s really cool.

 

Kimberley: Yeah.

 

Emma: um, and then, and then the third, you know, is the three good things. Exercise. Like I would just say like kind of build a system. You’ve gotta build a system into your day to, to make these happen because your default is not gonna be. Noticing these things. So whether, whether that’s meditation or journaling or prayer or expressing it to someone, like sharing it with someone, like, you’ve gotta put a reminder in your phone or This is not gonna happen.

 

Kimberley: Yeah, I agree. And for those folks I just finished by saying those folks with OCD or intrusive thoughts that are very repetitive, like it’s also okay just to let them be there and not. Give them your attention always and just be an observer to them if they’re really relentless. And you know, you’re feeling stuck in, you know, for those especially who have these all day, I’ve had clients say like, I, that means I would have a full-time job of having to counter all these negative thoughts.

 

And I’ll say, don’t do that. Go live your life like you said.

 

Emma: Yeah.

 

Kimberley: and sometimes that just allow and observe those thoughts to be there. So, and of course, always we talk about being as gentle and kind as you can. Um, ’cause this is gnarly sometimes our brain can be gnarly.

 

Emma: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Okay. I have two more thoughts. I have two more thoughts. One of them is sometimes when it’s very hard to show compassion to ourselves, it’s easier to start showing compassion to other people like you Start practicing that and then you can start. Framing that toward yourselves, right? So it’s like, oh, I hate myself.

 

I’m such a terrible person. It’s like, okay, can you just go say kind words to other people? Now, some people clearly have a bias where they can say kind things to others and not to themselves, but that’s one way to start exercising that compassion, right? And the, the, the last thing I would say is countering a negativity bias is not about having a positivity bias.

 

It’s not about just seeing the positive, it’s not about only noticing the good. It’s not about just being blindly optimistic and ignoring that there’s bad things happening. Countering a negativity bias is bringing in the, and it’s saying, yeah, there are some bad things in the world, or, I did make some mistakes and I’m gonna be.

 

More freaking honest about observing and noticing what’s around me, and I’m gonna be honest about noticing the good that I do too. I’m gonna be more honest about adding in both the joy and the pain. Oh my gosh. I love my husband. I really appreciate that he did the laundry and I’d, I, I would, I am feel hurt that he didn’t do the recycling the way I wanted him to.

 

Kimberley: Yes.

 

Emma: And it’s holding both. It’s holding both. It’s getting better at feeling. Instead of just trying to not feel sad anymore or not feel hurt,

 

Kimberley: Oh my gosh. I’m so glad you brought it home that you said that. ’cause I think that is true. It’s not swinging the other direction into like always being positive and

 

Emma: yeah.

 

Kimberley: forth. I love it. It is in the end. Okay. Tell us where people can come to learn more about you. Your YouTube channel, your services.

 

Emma: Yeah, I’ve got a YouTube channel. It’s called Therapy in a Nutshell, and I try to make mental health, uh, education free and easy to access. So I’ve got a couple really cool courses. One of ’em is called How to Process Your Emotions, and it’s entirely free on YouTube. You could Google that. And I have another course on anxiety breaking the anxiety cycle, and it’s also free on YouTube, so you can check those out.

 

Kimberley: Amazing. Thank you so much for being here with me today. It’s always fun to chat with you. I love it so

 

Emma: Uh, thanks so much for having me. Really appreciate it. Love talking with you. So have a great day.