What 99% of People Get WRONG About Intrusive Thoughts | Ep.442

In this episode, Kimberley Quinlan breaks down the most common misconceptions about intrusive thoughts and shares powerful, compassionate strategies to help you respond in a way that reduces anxiety and stops the OCD cycle.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• The #1 mistake most people make when responding to intrusive thoughts 
• Why the content of your thoughts doesn’t matter as much as you think 
• How to stop treating every scary thought like an emergency 
• A simple mindset shift that rewires your brain’s response to fear 
• What it means to “zoom out” instead of getting caught in mental loops 
• How self-compassion becomes your greatest tool in managing OCD

What 99% of People Get Wrong About Intrusive Thoughts (And What to Do Instead)

If you’ve ever had an intrusive thought and thought, “What is wrong with me?”—you’re not alone. But how you respond to that thought matters more than you think.

In this episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit, Kimberley Quinlan, anxiety specialist and OCD therapist, shares the most common misconceptions about intrusive thoughts and the practical, compassionate tools that actually help. Whether you live with OCD, anxiety, or perfectionism, this episode offers a new way to relate to your thoughts without getting stuck in fear.

First: What Is an Intrusive Thought?

Let’s clear up a major misconception. Social media might tell you intrusive thoughts are just odd little thoughts that pop into your mind once in a while. But for people with OCD, intrusive thoughts are:

• Repetitive
• Unwanted
• Deeply distressing 

These thoughts often target what you value most—your child, your partner, your faith, your safety—and they don’t just come and go. They stick. And they make you feel like something is terribly wrong with you.

The good news? There is hope—and there are tools.

 

What We Get Wrong About Intrusive Thoughts

Mistake #1: Believing the Thought Must Mean Something Important

When an intrusive thought shows up, it feels urgent. Real. Like you must figure it out now. But just because a thought feels important doesn’t mean it is.

The brain with OCD can’t always tell the difference between real danger and false alarms. So instead of reacting like it’s urgent, the first step is to pause and consider: What if this thought doesn’t mean anything at all?

Mistake #2: Making It Personal

Many people believe, If I thought it, it must say something about me. This is one of OCD’s cruelest tricks.

Kimberley reminds us: Intrusive thoughts don’t define your character. In fact, they often go against your values—that’s why they’re so upsetting. Your thoughts aren’t a reflection of your morals or your identity. They’re just mental noise.

Mistake #3: Thinking the Thought Increases the Likelihood It Will Happen

OCD makes it feel like, “If I think this, maybe it will come true.” That’s false. Thoughts do not predict reality. The brain is just trying to protect you from a fear by replaying it—on a loop.

You don’t need to buy into the lie that thinking something makes it more likely. It doesn’t.

Mistake #4: Zooming in on the Content of the Thought

The details of the thought (whether it’s about harm, sex, religion, or morality) are not actually the problem.

The key is to zoom out and recognize the pattern—not the topic. Kimberley teaches that it’s not the content of the thought that matters, but how you respond to it.

The Fork in the Road: How to Respond Differently

When an intrusive thought shows up, you’re at a crossroads. You can go one of two ways:

Path A: Respond With Compulsions

This might look like:

• Mental reviewing 
• Seeking reassurance 
• Avoiding triggers 
• Ruminating or confessing 

These actions might feel like they help in the moment, but they only make the thought seem more important to your brain—and they keep the OCD cycle going.

Path B: Respond With Compassion and Courage

Instead, try:

• Noticing the thought and naming it: “Oh, there’s an intrusive thought.” 
• Saying “maybe, maybe not”—and letting it go 
• Choosing not to engage with the thought’s content 
• Redirecting your focus to what matters most to you 
• Even “one-upping” the thought as a form of exposure (a playful, advanced strategy used in ERP) 

Each time you do this, you’re training your brain to see that these thoughts don’t need to be feared or solved. You’re creating new neural pathways rooted in calm, not chaos.

 

Lean Into the Discomfort—Kindly

This work isn’t about eliminating intrusive thoughts. It’s about changing your relationship with them.

Kimberley encourages us to:

• Make room for discomfort 
• Practice tolerating uncertainty, even for 30 seconds at a time 
• Build resilience through small, consistent steps 
• Celebrate every little win—not perfection, but progress 

And most of all, to respond to yourself with self-compassion.

 

You Are Not Powerless

Having intrusive thoughts does not mean you’re broken, dangerous, or “bad.” It means you’re human—and maybe your brain is firing a little louder than most.

With the right tools, support, and practice, you can learn to sit with those thoughts without reacting in fear.

So next time an intrusive thought shows up, try saying:
“Thank you, brain, but I’m not buying it today.”
Then go live the life that matters to you most.

 

The podcast is made possible by NOCD. NOCD offers effective, convenient therapy available in the US and outside the US. To find out more about NOCD, their therapy plans, and if they currently take your insurance, head over to https://learn.nocd.com/youranxietytoolkit

Transcription: What 99% of People Get WRONG About Intrusive Thoughts

If you’ve ever had an intrusive thought and it caused you to panic and make you wonder what is wrong with me? You’re not alone, but there is a chance that you’re responding in a way that is not helpful. And my goal today is to change that. Today we’re setting the record straight and we’re addressing what 99% of people get wrong about intrusive thoughts, and we’re talking about what.

 

To do instead, welcome. My name is Kimberly Quinlan. I’m an anxiety specialist. You are here on your anxiety toolkit where we give you a virtual hug and all the strategic, helpful, effective, and compassionate skills to help you manage anxiety. So whether you have OCD perfectionism doesn’t matter. Our goal today is to help you manage those intrusive thoughts so that you suffer less, you’re kinder to yourself, and you don’t get caught in OCD’s trap.

 

So let’s go.

 

Okay, so let’s first start with the main point. You’re not here for the fluff. You wanna get straight to it. Number one, what is an intrusive thought? Because this is often what people get wrong. They hear about intrusive thoughts on TikTok and on Instagram and Snapchat, and they have been misled into thinking that intrusive thoughts are just these little thoughts that pop into their head, that there are things that come and go, and that.

 

You know, they might be about how you like your cookies to be arranged, or they might be these fleeting thoughts, but the majority of people who have intrusive thoughts and we all have them, may not have them in the way that folks with OCD have them. When we have OCD, our intrusive thoughts are repetitive.

 

They’re unwanted and they cause significant degrees of distress. And if you’ve had one and you have OCD, you know what I’m talking about here. Now again, research shows that 94% of us have intrusive thoughts, but for folks with OCD. These thoughts are relentless. They occur for up to a minimum of an hour per day.

 

For most people, it’s all day, every day, and they cause us to engage in compulsions to reduce or remove the anxiety, uncertainty, discomfort that they bring with them. Common, intrusive thoughts might be, what if I hit that person with my car? What if I throw my baby off the edge of this balcony? What if I harm my child, harm my dog, harm my husband?

 

What if I touch something and I get a condition or a virus? What if I pray the wrong way and I end up praying to the devil instead of God or Jesus or whoever it is that you believe in? Intrusive. Thoughts have a way of targeting the specific thing we value the most. And if you have OCD, you will know how incredibly painful this is.

 

It makes you question yourself. It makes you question your reality. And I’m here to talk about the specific thing that we get wrong when we have these intrusive thoughts. So the biggest misunderstanding that we have. When we experience intrusive thoughts is we believe that the intrusive thought must mean something important.

 

When we have an intrusive thought, again, it really rocks our boat. It makes us feel like something bad is going to happen, and in that split. Moment in that split second, we have an opportunity to either treat it like it is important. Or treat it like it is not important, and this is a main point I want you to consider.

 

We’re going to slow this down so that you can get some really helpful, effective skills in that split moment when you feel like you have no choice. Now, the truth of the matter is if you have OCD, it’s going to feel like you don’t have a choice, but you do. And with small. Repetitive baby steps, we can slow down in that split second in that moment and determine how we’re going to treat this intrusive thought, and we’re going to practice not treating it like it is important.

 

Now let’s take a look at the specific ways OCD tricks us into making us think that we have to respond to this. Quote unquote important thought number one. The first thing that it does is it makes it feel very real, and we believe innately without anyone training us, we innately believe that if we feel something to be true, it must be, this is a common cognitive distortion that we engage in that causes us to engage in.

 

Panicked catastrophic behaviors. Even when there is no danger present, we end up engaging in compulsions, which is the behavior we engage in. Again, when we have OCD, just in case we’re doing just in case behaviors. Not that anything is wrong in this moment, but we are going to respond. Just in case in that moment, because it feels real.

 

We engage in the behavior of compulsions, whether that’s avoidant reassurance, seeking physical compulsions, mental compulsions, maybe self punishment. We engage in these behaviors just in case, and when we do that, we treat the thought like it’s important, therefore, reinforcing to our brain that it is important and it keeps us stuck in that trap.

 

Now the next thing that we get wrong about intrusive thoughts is we m make it a personal attack on who we are. We think that if we think it, it must mean that we want to do it. We like it, that there’s something about that it that shows who we are at our core. And I’m here to tell you that your thoughts have nothing to do with.

 

Who you are, what you believe in, what matters to you, what your values are. Intrusive thoughts are just that they’re intrusive. They don’t line up with your values. In fact, usually we have these scary, intrusive thoughts about the things we value the most because we wouldn’t. Ever risk those things, they matter to us.

 

We don’t want these bad things to happen. This is just our brain setting off an alarm saying there is a chance something bad could happen. What if something bad happens? And when that happens, again, we move into the just in case behaviors to try and prevent things that have not yet happened. The next mistake we make with intrusive thoughts is we think that just because we’ve had an intrusive thought that that makes it more likely that it might happen again.

 

This is another way we get intrusive thoughts wrong again. Just because we’ve had a thought doesn’t mean it’s more likely that it’s going to happen. It’s again, our brain getting stuck on a what if a fear. Of something that we don’t want to happen in that moment. Now I know. I wanna keep reminding you, none of this is your fault.

 

I am not saying that you’re wrong or bad or silly or foolish for getting caught this way. Absolutely not. We are all doing the best we can and all of the reasons that we get these things wrong, it’s because this is our natural default on how we humans respond to fear. Fierce job is to tell us all the potential things that could go wrong.

 

Fear’s job is to protect us from actual real danger, but we know from the science of our brain that if you have OCD, your thoughts. Get stuck in this sort of repetitive loop, kind of like a record that gets stuck and goes over and over the same word that is occurring in your brain. And we also know that our brain’s brake system that puts the brakes on thoughts so that they don’t become repetitive is a little weak.

 

So there the brake system is weak and we can’t stop these thoughts from just coming and coming and coming. So again, I wanna preface. All of this with, it’s not your fault you didn’t do anything wrong, but you still have an opportunity to change, an opportunity to have growth in this area. Now, another way that we get intrusive thoughts wrong is that we pay a lot of attention to the content we get.

 

Down and dirty into the weeds of what does it mean that I had this sexual thought? What does it mean that I had this aggressive, you know, mean thought. What does it mean that I had a thought about my religion or my morals that. That’s odd, and we get really caught up in that content. Now, a trick here that I’m gonna give you is when you get caught up in the meaning of these thoughts, you are in the content.

 

And I want you to zoom out. And again, we don’t wanna zoom in on the thought, we wanna zoom out and acknowledge that it doesn’t matter what your what if thought is. What matters is is that it’s a thought and we wanna treat it like a thought. Thoughts are not important. They do not all require us to respond immediately with an imminent threat.

 

Thoughts are thoughts. We all have millions of them, and we don’t need to treat each and every thought as if they are imminent threats. Okay, so if you are looking for effective OCD or BFRB treatment that’s covered by insurance. I’m thrilled to announce to you this week’s sponsor no cd. No CD provides live face-to-face video sessions with licensed therapists who specialize in OCD and related conditions.

 

Through exposure and response prevention therapy, a highly effective treatment designed specifically for OCD, their therapist can tailor a plan just for you. OCDs treatment approach is clinically proven to significantly reduce symptoms with an app that helps you stay connected to therapists and PA communities.

 

In between sessions so you’ll always feel supported. No CD is available in all 50 states and even internationally, and accepts most insurance plans, making care affordable and accessible. If you think you might have OCD or a struggling to manage symptoms, there is hope. Book a free call@nocd.com. You don’t have to struggle alone.

 

Big hugs, and now let’s get back to the show. Now let’s talk about that moment. You know what I mean? You’ve had the intrusive thought. Your heart has started racing, your head has started spinning your neck and your chest is tight, and you and that moment have. I always sort of think of it like you’re up into an intersection of a road and it splits.

 

You can choose to go left or choose to go. Right now, if we were to go one direction towards doing compulsions, you would be trying to get rid of. All of that that we’ve talked about, the uncertainty, the discomfort, the anxiety, the threat on your worth, the attack on your values, you would be choosing to reduce or remove that anxiety.

 

By avoiding it, by doing a compulsion. You be trying to negotiate with those intrusive thoughts By mentally ruminating, what does that mean? Am I good or bad for having it? What should I do now? What does it mean that I had this thought? Could that come true? I don’t know. Maybe I should think about it.

 

Maybe I should try to avoid it. That is choice A and choice B is for you to say, okay. I’m observing this thought in this moment. I have an opportunity to change how I respond and to change how my brain responds to these intrusive thoughts. What could I deal where I didn’t treat this thought like it was important.

 

Would I shrug and go, okay, there’s a thought that’s a possibility, but there are also many other possibilities bringing in some flexibility. Another alternative is to again, shrug and say, maybe I’m not sure, but I’m not going to solve that one right now because it isn’t actually happening and I’m only gonna solve problems.

 

That are actually happening. Another option is for you to say, huh. Good one. OCD. Thank you for that. Thought that was scary, but you keep getting me caught in this loop and instead of being caught in this loop, now I’m going to change that response and I’m actually going to say bring it on. I am gonna say to you, fine.

 

If you’re gonna give me that scary, intrusive thought about this topic, I actually have something for you to think about brain. And you come up with something worse or a little more gross, or a little more disturbing or a little more anxiety provoking. And what you’re doing there is you’re showing your brain that we are not running anymore.

 

We are not responding from a place of avoidance and fear and terror and resistance. Instead, we’re going to show our brain that these intrusive thoughts literally mean I. Nothing. They literally mean nothing. I’ll often say to my clients, when I have an intrusive thoughts, I say to my brain, I am not even going to touch that topic with a 10 foot pole.

 

I’m gonna leave it there and I’m going to go into the direction of the thing that. Matters to me most, and I know I talk about this a lot on the podcast, but the reason I do that is because your brain is so skilled at tricking you back into worrying about what it originally came up with. With that intrusive thought, it’s gonna say, oh, no, no, no, no, Kimberly.

 

It’s real this time. This time is the real deal. Or it’s gonna say, oh, no, no, no, no, Kimberly, if you don’t pay attention to this, you are going to regret it. Or it’s gonna say, it’s better to be safe than sorry. Let’s just take route A and do those compulsions just in case. And this is where you make the most compassionate, committed decision to say thank you.

 

But my relationship with intrusive thoughts has to change. I am not doing this anymore. I am paving the way to make new neuropathways in my brain. I. Again, at this point in the fork in the road, your brain is going to want you to ruminate again. Sometimes when we make a solid decision, a compassionate, accountable decision to not engage in these intrusive thoughts, it ups the ante and it says to you, you have to figure it out.

 

We are so much more likely to engage in mental review. It says you have to get reassurance, and we’re so much more likely to go to a loved one and say, are you sure you don’t think this would happen? What would you do if you had this intrusive thought? We’re so much more likely to go and confess our fears or test our fears.

 

We’re going to ruminate in subtle ways again, to sort of. Give it a little bit of our time, but what we wanna do instead is engage in science-based methods like we’re talking about, where we diffuse from the thought and we just observe it and let it be a thought. Again, we say, I’m just observing it as a thought.

 

We face our fears. We face the thing that it makes us wanna avoid. We have the thoughts, we might even have it worse. In our course, which is called your OCD Toolkit, it’s a course we have specifically for people with OCD. I actually train the students how to play a game called One Up, and this is where we have the thought, I demonstrate the whole thing and we actually make it worse.

 

We bring it on, we have, we one up it, and then it comes up with a harder one and we one up that and we show our intrusive thoughts and our OCD and our brain that we will not back down. We also will practice more of a value-based approach. We talk a lot in the course about making value-based decisions, not fear-based decisions, and that is going to be crucial for your long-term recovery.

 

We also talk a ton, of course, about self-compassion. When we have these intrusive thoughts, it is incredibly painful and it’s our job to be the kindest, safest place to be. While we have those thoughts, we commit to not beating ourselves up, not punishing ourselves, not criticizing ourselves for whatever thought an intrusive thought our brain comes up with.

 

So now that you have a little bit of a better understanding about what we get wrong, when it comes to intrusive thoughts, I wanna ask you to make a commitment to lean into uncertainty, to lean into anxiety, to lean into discomfort, and practice having an ability to tolerate experiences of discomfort. Can you do it for one minute?

 

30 seconds, five minutes, maybe 10 minutes, and see if you can slowly inch your way up and up and up so that you build tolerance for it. You build mastery, and you build confidence with being uncomfortable. That’s what this work is all about, but we, again, we wanna do it kindly and gently, and we wanna celebrate every single win.

 

The goal here isn’t to do it perfectly. The goal here is to make small. Baby changes and lean into this beautiful opportunity to be uncertain instead of needing to be certain all the time. Okay folks, that is it for today. We’ve talked about what 99% of people get wrong when it comes to intrusive thoughts.

 

I hope it was helpful. If you’re listening on YouTube or on a podcast, please do follow along. Press the follow button. I’d love to see you next week. If you’re interested in any of our online courses, go to cbt score.com. All of our courses, including your OCD toolkit, is there. I cannot wait to see you next week.

 

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