The Rest To Productivity Ratio | Ep. 393
Finding Your Perfect Rest-to-Productivity Ratio
The Burnout Dilemma
Ever felt like you’re constantly running on empty, juggling a never-ending to-do list, and battling that nagging voice that tells you you’re not doing enough?
You’re not alone.
In a world that glorifies hustle and productivity, finding the right balance between rest and work can feel impossible.
But what if I told you that striking this balance is not only achievable but essential for your well-being? Today, let’s dive into the concept of the rest-to-productivity ratio—a game-changing approach to ensure you’re resting enough to fuel your productivity and thrive without burning out.
The Challenge of Self-Compassion
I often hear from people, especially on social media, about the struggle with self-compassion, rest, and self-care.
One comment I received perfectly encapsulates this struggle: “I adore the idea of rest, but my inner voice tells me I should be stronger and not waste time resting.” This inner critic is harsh and relentless, pushing us to do more and rest less.
Let’s break down these faulty beliefs and find a healthier approach.
Faulty Beliefs and Mindsets
“For Them, But Not for Me”
A common faulty belief is thinking that rules of rest and self-care apply to others but not to ourselves. This belief often protects us from feeling vulnerable emotions like shame or a sense of not being good enough. To combat this, we need to practice self-compassion and allow ourselves to experience these emotions safely.
Strong People Don’t Need Rest
Another misconception is that strong people don’t need rest. In reality, those who are truly successful and productive have a solid rest-to-productivity ratio. They understand that rest is crucial for sustainable productivity and mental well-being.
Life is Short, Don’t Waste It Resting
While it’s true that life is short, it’s also long. Like running a marathon, you need to pace yourself with adequate rest to sustain your efforts over time. The urgency you feel is often a sign of anxiety, not an actual indicator that time is running out.
Stop Being So Broken
Feeling broken is a mindset that needs to be addressed with validation and compassion. Recognize that feeling broken is just that—a feeling. Instead of dismissing it, we need to tend to it, much like we would with a physical injury, and support ourselves through the healing process.
Creating Your Rest-to-Productivity Ratio
Personal Experience and Experimentation
My journey to finding the right rest-to-productivity ratio involved much experimentation. I’ve had to adjust my approach multiple times, taking sabbaticals and adjusting my work schedule to prioritize rest. Scheduling rest first and building a calendar around it has been essential for maintaining my mental and physical health.
The Healthy Mind Platter
David Rock and Dan Siegel’s Healthy Mind Platter outlines the essential components of daily life for mental wellness, including rest (or downtime). Incorporating rest into your routine is crucial for creativity, stillness, and overall well-being.
Flexibility and Adaptation
Your rest-to-productivity ratio will change with different seasons of your life. Sometimes, you might need more rest, and at other times, you can be more productive. Being flexible and willing to adjust your ratio as needed is key to maintaining balance.
Embrace Rest with Compassion
In summary, finding your perfect rest-to-productivity ratio is an ongoing process of experimentation and self-compassion. Be mindful of the faulty beliefs and inner critic that hinder your ability to rest, and remember that rest is a vital part of productivity and mental health.
I encourage you to practice self-compassion and prioritize rest in your schedule. It’s a delicious and necessary part of a balanced life. Sending you much love and encouragement on this journey. See you next week!
Transcript:
Today we’re talking about the rest-to-productivity ratio. Now, the rest-productivity ratio is something that I have designed for myself as a fellow human being who’s imperfect because I too struggle to find a balance between resting enough and being productive enough. I constantly felt burnt out. I constantly felt overwhelmed. I constantly was putting myself down, not letting myself rest enough. I have had to work on this for the last five years, doubling down. Today I want to talk to you about how you can create the most delicious rest-to-productivity ratio for yourself. Let’s go.
Hello, my name is Kimberley Quinlan. I’m an anxiety specialist. I am also a therapist, and I am the owner of CBTSchool.com, where we teach people how to create their own step-by-step program for themselves to overcome anxiety.
Now, often, I hear people specifically on social media beat themselves up around the ideas of compassion, rest, taking care of themselves, and self-care. In fact, this was actually a question or a comment that came in from somebody on social media as a response to a post that I made around making sure rest is a part of your mental health plan.
They said, “My dear, I read this and I adore it, but when I apply it to me and my real life, my inner voice says, ‘No, no, no, you should be stronger. Life is short and you’re wasting it resting, so stop being so broken. Other people have figured it out and are living their lives. You are waiting at the bus stop instead.’” It goes on to say, ‘You need to function. You’re wasting your life. Life is passing in the meantime.’ They said, “I’m not sure how to apply the very nice words that you have in this post. Could you give me your feedback?”
My guess is your inner voice sounds very similar to this. It’s like mean, and it’s like, “You’ve got to do more and no rest for you. You have to be stronger. You’re different from everybody else. The rules don’t apply to you.” It can be so painful, so mean.
Here on Your Anxiety Toolkit, we talk a lot about compassion, but I wanted to actually break this one down because there are a lot of faulty beliefs in this statement. My guess is, again, you’re having some of these two, so I’m going to go through them. I’m going to break it down word for word and hopefully give you some tools that you can use to create your own rest-to-productivity ratio.
Now, before I start that, let me share with you my personal experience with this. I am notorious for overworking. One of my best qualities is I am an optimizer. I optimize everything that I can. I want to squeeze the goodness out of things. I want to squeeze the joy out of things. I want to squeeze the productivity out of things. I want to squeeze the most out of my time. I try to optimize my life, which is why I think I don’t know that I’ve succeeded in some areas. However, I’ve overdone this. My rest-to-productivity ratio has caused me to have massive chronic illness issues, massive burnout, depression, and other illnesses. I have overoptimized, and I’m actually going to do a podcast episode on that soon.
I had to learn the hard way how to create a rest-to-productivity ratio that allowed me to squeeze the most goodness out, but not get pushed over the edge into burnout and complete in hospital mode. I think that that’s the important piece, is that this has been an ongoing experiment for me. I have not gotten it perfect. I have failed many times. I’ve had to tweak the ratio many times, and I’m going to hopefully give you the gift of starting to experiment with it too and finding what’s right for you. But let’s go through what they said and talk about those faulty beliefs. Let’s start with the first one. I’m going to read off my notes here a little bit.
Faulty Belief #1: “It’s Ok for them, but not me”
The first faulty belief I hear in this message and when we are listening to that inner voice, we always want to watch for any rules we apply to ourselves, that apply to yourself, but not others. If there’s any rule where you’re like, “Oh no, for them it’s fine, but for me, it’s not applicable,” we want to immediately double down in that area. We want to immediately catch that there is a faulty belief and a faulty behavior happening here and that this is a recipe for a lot of suffering. Anytime you’re like, “For them, but not for me,” we want to really examine it.
What we want to do here is I’ve found for myself and for many of my patients that when we have this rule of “that’s for them but not for me,” there’s usually an emotion they do not want to feel. It’s usually some kind of vulnerable emotion or shame emotion because, let’s say, in this case, rest is really great for them, but not for me. There’s usually an emotion we have to feel when we allow rest. It might be, “I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy enough.” Some kind of deep sense of not belonging, not achieving that we have to slow down for and be gentle with. We want to have some compassion around that emotion, and we want to have some practice experiencing that emotion in the safest way possible.
Again, this “only for them, not for me”—when we do that, that’s usually because we’re protecting ourselves from having to feel something, and we have to keep an eye out for that. There’s usually a heavy sense of criticism here that dates back thousands of years. Remember, criticism is an adaptive behavior. It creates a lot of suffering, yes, but we do it because that’s how we motivate ourselves to stay in the pack. That’s how we hold ourselves accountable. We engage in self-criticism and these heavy rules, thinking that’s what’s going to protect us and keep us alive. Again, it goes back thousands and thousands of years and we can acknowledge that, but keep an eye on it at the same time.
Faulty Belief #2: Strong People do not need rest
Now, the second faulty belief I want us to look at is that strong people do not need rest. It is actually the opposite. If you look around, the ones who are actually succeeding are the ones who have a solid rest-to-productivity ratio, meaning the rest is what allows them to stay at a sustainable level of productivity. They work, and that empties their cup. And then they rest to fill the cup back up so that they can work and empty the cup. So then they rest to fill the cup back up. It’s this dance, this ratio, and this filling and emptying of the cup that keep them highly functional, highly productive, and successful.
Now, I want to also put something here to remind you that being successful doesn’t just mean successful like winning, making a lot of money, or climbing to the top. I consider successful as also someone who’s happy and enjoying what they’re doing. They’re enjoying the rise to productivity, they’re enjoying the rise to success, and they’re mentally well. You can be very successful and very mentally unwell. So that’s something to think about here when we’re talking about strong people.
Now, there are also people who are just naturally lucky in that they don’t have a lot of anxiety. They don’t have a mental health issue. For them, it might seem like things are easy, and maybe it’s a little easier than it is for those of us who have mental struggles or anxiety. I know that sucks, but it’s important to remember that you are still strong even though you’re having these additional strong emotions.
Now, there is something I talk about in almost all of my online courses, and that’s called the Healthy Mind Platter. This is a concept that was created by David Rock and Dan Siegel, where they created the parts of the daily program that you would need to have to create healthy brain matter, like the food pyramid or the healthy food plate. We’re talking about the things that you should have in your daily life that will help you have a very healthy life.
Now, they have created this for mental wellness, and rest—they call it downtime—is one of those seven parts. It is so important for you to restore it. It’s so important for you to have downtime and rest. That’s where most people’s creativity comes from. It’s where most people feel a sense of stillness and space so that they can come up with great ideas and restore them. It’s important to remember that people who are really successful are engaging in all of those seven, and they’re also making sure that rest is a part of it.
It’s a faulty belief that strong people don’t rest. They absolutely do. They just don’t feel guilty about it. They know the importance of it, and restorative rest allows them to then move on to being more productive.
Faulty Belief #3: “Life is short. You are wasting it resting”
Now, the third faulty belief that we have is that life is short and you’re wasting it resting. Here, let me see something that you might not fully agree with. Yes, life is short, but life is also very long. It’s decades. Just like a marathon, you need to rest. If you’ve run a long marathon, you are not going to just start the next marathon. You go and rest before you run the second one. So yes, life is short, but life is also long, and you’re going to have to prepare for that. You’re going to have to pace yourself. I call it pacing. We pace ourselves with this rest-to-productivity ratio so that you can run the marathon today and again tomorrow. You’re not wasting your time by resting. You need it because life is, in fact, long.
One thing to think about here too is this urgency that you feel like, “Ah, life is short”—that’s actually a sign of anxiety. It’s not an actual sign that there’s danger. This feeling that life is short and time is running out—that’s not an actual sign that life is short and time is running out; it’s actually a sign that you have anxiety, and we want to manage that. Just saying gently and kindly. I love you guys so much.
Faulty Belief #4: “Stop being so broken”
The fourth thing I want you to think about now isn’t actually a faulty belief, it’s a faulty mindset, which is this idea of “stop being so broken.” I want you to first acknowledge that the feeling of brokenness is in fact a feeling, and it must first be validated. If you have the feeling that you’re broken, it’s not true. You’re not actually broken. But we want to have a mindset shift toward this.
When we feel broken, it’s usually because we need tending to. If you have a broken arm, we are not going to be like, “Yeah, you don’t have a broken arm. You’re fine. Just keep going and lifting all the things.” No, we’re going to stop and we’re going to acknowledge and say, “Okay, you’re feeling something. Something is going on. What do you need? How can we help repair this? How can we help heal this problem that you’re experiencing, whether it’s in your mind or it’s actually a broken arm?”
We don’t want to dismiss it and just be like, “You’re so broken,” and use that as a statement of your badness and that it’s a personality trait. No, we want to validate and accept that that’s where you are. We want to be gentle with you. We want to accommodate you wherever we can. And then we want to support you so much that we create a system that works.
In this case—go back to the rest-to-productivity ratio—we want to look at how much you need to work compared to what you need to rest. When I did this for myself, it was experimenting. It was like, “Okay, I had to first take an entire month off work,” like a sabbatical. I’m not joking. You guys may remember, in 2018, I took an entire June off where I just had to repair. I had to accept it, like I was so unwell I had to repair. Then I went back to work, burnt out again because the rest-to-productivity ratio was still off and I had to take off. This time it was only about two weeks, and then I had to play around with, “Okay, let’s try again,” but obviously make enough gaps in my schedule to make sure that I have time for rest.
One thing to think about here too, and we talk about this in our online course Time Management for Optimum Mental Health, is when I’m scheduling now, I schedule rest first. Not work, not sleep, not my workouts, not my social, but my rest and my pleasure. They are the first part of time management for me. I schedule the rest, and then I build a calendar around that. That’s the only way I have been able to sustain and maintain my mental health, my burnout, and my medical health. And that has served me so well. I teach that as a core foundation in Time Management for Optimum Mental Health. You can go to CBTSchool.com to find out more about that.
The last thing I want you to think about here is creating this rest-to-productivity ratio. This takes experimentation, but you have to acknowledge that you are not the exception to the rule. We have to have rest-to-productivity ratios that work for you. Now, there have been seasons in my life where the rest is like, let’s say, five units and the productivity is one unit. It’s a five-to-one. I’ve had other seasons in my life where I could work at a 50/50. I’ve had other seasons where I could push it a little harder, and let’s say it’s an eight-to-two ratio. That’s fine. That’s fine. But there will be seasons.
As it changes, you have to be willing to be flexible and go back to that first point of acknowledging and saying, “Okay, I’m not okay. I feel broken. Something feels off. I’m going to have to renegotiate the rest-to-productivity ratio that I’ve created,” and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean anything’s bad about you. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. It just means something’s changed. Your body’s changed. You’re in a different season. The environment has changed. The stresses have changed.
All of this is wrapped up in a massive bundle of compassion. We want to keep an eye out for that inner critic, that mean voice. If you’re having that, the first thing is just to slow down and be like, “Oh, I see. The mean voice is here. What part of me or what emotion is that trying to protect?” And from there, we can make some movement.
I’m sending you so much love. Have a wonderful day. Please go and rest. It’s delicious. When you take away the shame, the guilt, and all of the self-criticism, it can be quite delicious. You’ll get there with practice.
I love you guys. See you next week.
