Ep. 130: You Cannot Skip the Line

Ep. 130: You Cannot Skip the Line, Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast Host Kimberley Quinlan  It's a beautiful day to do hard things

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit.  Today I talk about how “you cannot skip the line.” This podcast episode is about an event that happened to me a few weeks ago that blew my mind. It pretty much punched me in the gut. Yes, you read that right. It was a hard, hard day. In this episode, I speak about attending a meditation class and being given a very hard lesson. The lesson was, “You cannot skip the line”. Let me tell you more.

In this class, I asked what I thought was a simple question. Without expecting it, the teacher taught me a very important lesson that I think will impact me for quite some time. 

She responded with “There is a lesson for everyone here. It is important that you do not skip the line here. You must do the work. If you haven’t wrestled with this practice over and over, do not come to me for the answers.” 

I was embarrassed. I felt ashamed. I felt called out. I felt anger. 

But, after some time and contemplation, I asked myself, “Is there a pattern here?” And guess what?!  There was. The lesson was that you cannot skip the line to the “know” the answer. When you “skip the line”, you prevent yourself from learning the real process. Knowing will only help for the first time or two. After that, it takes practice and patience. 

In this episode, I will walk you through a 4 step process to help you lean in and do the work instead of just asking questions. 

These steps include being aware that you cannot skip the line and then catching yourself when you are doing such behavior. The steps also involve being honest with yourself when you are engaging in such behavior instead of staying in the unknown. The goal is to be as patient as you can along the way. And lastly, the most important step involves Compassion, Compassion, Compassion. 

I hope this helps you in some way to notice when you are “skipping the line.”

Sign up for our FREE weekly newsletter. Incredible tools, tips, and mental health resources! Click here for more information.

Please check out this excellent blog post by the amazing Shala Nicely, LPC on the problem with saying “I’m so OCD.”

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Ep. 129: I successfully Failed 100 Times

Ep. 129: I successfully failed 100 times Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast Host Kimberley Quinlan, mental health, therapy, OCD, anxiety, depression, mindfulness

Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. In this week’s podcast, I want to talk with you about how I failed 100 times this year. Wait, What?!?! Yes, you heard right! In 2019, I made the goal to fail on purpose 100 times. The goal was to set my goals so high that I was forced to fail. And guess what? I failed 100 times. I possibly failed 1000 times. I failed so many times I lost count.
In this podcast, my hope is to share with you my personal experiment in changing the way that I feel and respond to the thought of failure. 

Here are examples of how I failed 100 times: 

•    I asked a lot of people to come on the podcast.  A lot of people said no.  I knew they would, but I figured it was worth a try.  But, do you know what I learned? I learned that a lot of people I didn’t think would say yes did.  

•    I took a course that was so hard and out of my line of skills and really struggled to complete it. 

•    I started playing the ukulele even though I was so afraid of being terrible at it (which I am). 

•    I pitched a book to a publishing company (more on this later). 

•    I said yes to being Room Mum for both of my kids (knowing I would not be the best at it).

•    I aimed to increase registration for ERP School and we did it. We reached the highest registration yet. 

But here is the thing. I also failed 100 times at things I never set out to fail at. I had to accept in many ways that I cannot push my body to do things that I simply could not do. This was the hardest part about failing. I had to stare my fear of failing at the easy stuff over and over again. 

Here are examples of how I not only failed 100 times, but gave myself permission to fail, even though it hurt so much. 

◆    Remember that course I told you about? I got so sick, I didn’t finish it. I had to drop out and this made me face imperfection and failure head-on.  

◆    I was a less than perfect therapist! I missed sessions with clients, and I double booked clients during times when I was so overwhelmed.   

◆    I gave myself permission to share the struggles I have had with friends. I was so embarrassed to do this, but I am so glad I did.  I learned that when you share your struggles, you actually feel more connected with the people around you.  

But finally, the most important example of how I failed 100 times is the decision I have made to take a month off of the podcast. After much consideration, I have decided to listen to my body and take the month of December to rest, rejuvenate and repair. I fought this decision for a long time, but I know it is what I need.

With that being said, I want to thank you for being so loyal and kind to me. I adore your support. I wish you a very Happy 2019 Holiday! I will be back in January, ready to go. Ready to fail! 

FREE anxiety video training! Learn how to become more intentional with the words you use to describe yourself, your experiences and your future.
Cbtschool.com/thinkwisely

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Ep. 128: Are You Struggling with Gratitude? With Shala Nicely

Ep. 128: Are You Struggling with Gratitude? With Shala Nicely,Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast Host Kimberley Quinlan, OCD, Anxiety, CBT, therapy

Are you struggling with gratitude this holiday season?  If so, this episode is exactly what you might need to hear.  In today’s episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit, I spoke with Shala Nicely about struggling with gratitude.  Together, we address why some people might be struggling with gratitude or being grateful, especially if they are also struggling with mental health.  

In this episode, Shala Nicely addresses the personal struggles she has had in the past with gratitude and some incredible tools to manage this. 

Shala so beautifully articulates three common reasons why people struggle with gratitude. The first two struggles fall under the category, that Shala calls, gratitude by comparison. This often occurs when you are supposed to be doing “better” than someone else, but you do not feel very grateful. Shala explains that gratitude by comparison can fall into two separate categories: relief-induced gratitude and guilt-induced gratitude.

The third common struggle is forced gratitude.  An example of this might be, “I should be grateful and I’m not. What’s wrong with me?” or, “You have everything going for you. Why can’t you just be thankful for what you have instead of focusing on the negative?” 

I love that Shala addresses how forced gratitude quickly becomes what we know clinically as toxic positivity. 

Some great tips if you are struggling with gratitude might be: 

            • Mindfulness 

• Practicing wonder, curiosity or beginners mind

            • Non-Judgment 

            • Give yourself permission to not practice gratitude over the holidays

BFRB SCHOOL is here!
A COMPLETE ONLINE COURSE FOR BODY-FOCUSED REPETITIVE BEHAVIORS (BFRB’s)
Trichotillomania (Hair Pulling)
Compulsive Skin Picking
Compulsive Nail Biting
https://www.cbtschool.com/bfrb-school-online-course-trichotillomania-skin-picking

Free Video Training for Anxiety! Cbtschool.com/thinkwisely

Check out these other fantastic episodes featuring Shala Nicely!

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Ep.124: Emotions, Radical Acceptance and POTS

Emotions, Radical Acceptance and POTS, Therapy, Mindfulness, Anxiety, Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast Kimberley Quinlan

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast! Do you know what POTS is? I didn’t know either until earlier this year, and my life has not been the same ever since. Let me tell you one thing, we are NOT talking about something that holds plants and something you cook spaghetti in. This episode is all about Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, also called POTS for short.

Why? Because October is Dysautonomia Awareness month and because I have recently been diagnosed with POTS. This episode is aimed at educating you about POTS and also addresses my own experience of being diagnosed with a chronic medical condition. It has been an emotional ride, and my hope is to share with you a few tools that have helped me to manage this news and the ongoing treatment that I will need to adhere to. Thank you so much for supporting me this year. Your messages and kindness has been overwhelmingly positive and I am so grateful for you all.

So, what is POTS? Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) is a condition that affects circulation (blood flow). Basically, for most people, our autonomic nervous system works to control and regulate our vital bodily functions and our sympathetic nervous system, which activates the fight or flight response.

However, if you have POTS you have what is called orthostatic intolerance. What this means is that when standing up from a reclining position, blood pools in the legs causing lightheadedness, fainting, and an uncomfortable, rapid increase in heartbeat. People with POTS have trouble regulating the blood vessel squeeze and heart rate response causing blood pressure to be unsteady and unstable.

Each case of POTS is different. Patients may see symptoms come and go over a period of years. In my case, I have probably had it my whole adult life, but it has worsened enough to need medical attention. In most cases, with proper adjustments in diet, medications and physical activity, a person with POTS will see an improvement in quality of life.

People with POTS usually suffer from two or more of the many symptoms listed below.
• High/low blood pressure
• High/low heart rate; racing heart rate
• Chest pain
• Dizziness/lightheadedness especially in standing up, prolonged standing in one position, or long walks
• Fainting or near-fainting
• Exhaustion/fatigue
• Abdominal pain and bloating, nausea
• Temperature deregulation (hot or cold)
• Nervous, jittery feeling
• Forgetfulness and trouble focusing (brain fog)
• Blurred vision
• Headaches and body pain/aches (may feel flu-like); neck pain
• Insomnia and frequent awakenings from sleep, chest pain and racing heart rate during sleep, excessive sweating
• Shakiness/tremors especially with adrenaline surges
• Discoloration of feet and hands
• Exercise intolerance
• Excessive or lack of sweating
• Diarrhea and/or constipation

Please go to the below website for more information on POTS
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/16560-postural-orthostatic-tachycardia-syndrome-pots

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Ep.123: Living with Sexual Obsessions (with Alegra Kastens)

Living with Sexual Obsessions Alegra Kastens Obsessive Compulsive Disorder OCD Depression CBT ERP Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast Kimberley Quinlan

Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast! Today I am so thrilled to introduce to you this week’s guest, Alegra Kastens, MA. Alegra is not just a guest on the podcast. Alegra is also a very important part of CBT School and has helped me so much since CBT School launched in 2018. Alegra Kastens has been a huge part of the creation of this podcast, uploading it each week, creating a lot of the technological support, creating images and supporting me when I am struggling with all the projects. Alegra is now moving forward with her career and is working as a therapist who specializes in OCD.

In today’s discussion, Alegra told us about the first moment she had her first intrusive thought and how these impacted her life. She also shared with us the process of her finally deciding to ask for help, even though she was petrified and so ashamed. Alegra shared what she found helpful and not helpful from her therapist and how she was supported and encouraged to seek specialized OCD treatment from her therapist who did not specialize in OCD.

What I loved most about this episode is that Alegra Kastens so candidly talks about her experience of shame, guilt, and stigma related to having OCD. Alegra’s main sub-type of OCD was pedophilia obsessions, which caused her to be stuck in self-doubt, self-criticism and complete panic for a very long time. Alegra Kastens shared what it was like to experience sexual obsessions such as pedophilia obsessions and what it was like to undergo Exposure and Response prevention for her OCD symptoms. Alegra shared some of the ERP exposures looked like and the importance of being given psycho-education about ERP before beginning. I loved how much education and inspiration Alegra Kastens brought to this conversation.

To learn more about her story, click HERE to read an article she wrote for IntrusiveThoughts.org.

For more information on Alegra Kastens, visit:

Instagram: @ObsessivelyEverAfter

Website: www.alegrakastens.com

Psychology Today blog: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-things-anxiety

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Ep. 122: My Goal For My 38th Year of Life – No More Rushing

My Goal For My 38th Year of Life No More Rushing OCD Therapy Depression Recovery Mindfulness ERP Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast Kimberley Quinlan

Welcome to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit podcast.

This week’s podcast was recorded from an RV on Pacific Coast Highway.  It was the last day of my birthday celebration and I rented and drove a 35-foot RV to the beach so I could celebrate my new year with my dear friends and dear family.  As I sat back, I reflected on what my biggest goal was for my 38th year. 

My goal for the upcoming year is NO MORE RUSHING. That’s right!  I have made a deal with myself.  NO MORE RUSHING.  No more rushing my kids.  No more rushing my family.  No more rushing my joy. No more rushing my anxiety

My hope for my 38th year is to slow down and really drop down into the present moment. My hope is to be present and absorb the joy that exists all around me. Since I made the goal of no more rushing, I have found that I am more aware of all of the beauty in my life and I am more present to really see the amazing people and places around me. 

On this birthday weekend, we sat on the beach and just absorbed the love that we all felt for each other.  We looked up to the horizon instead of focusing on the road and the computer screens and the phones.  We connected and I didn’t rush a thing. 

My hope for this podcast is to inspire you to take on the goal of NO MORE RUSHING and just see how much beauty that comes from this.

OCD Awareness Week, from October 13-19, is almost here!  This year’s awareness-raising campaign is focused on sharing videos of you and your friends facing your fears.  The goal is to educate the public about the realities of living with OCD and the challenge of having to face your fears on the path to recovery. To participate, the IOCDF is asking everyone to create a video or photo of themselves doing something that makes them anxious and then to post on any and all social media platforms with the hashtags #FaceYourFear and #OCDWeek.

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Ep. 121: How to Live In the Present (Listener Question)

How To Live In The Present Moment Presence Mindfulness Obsessive Compulsive Disorder OCD Eating Disorder Meditation Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast Kimberley Quinlan

Do you ever wonder how to live in the present? Is this a question you ask yourself often? Or, have you already got a good mindfulness practice, but you wonder how to live in the present when it comes to intrusive thoughts, intrusive images and strong emotions and urges? If this sounds true for you, you are not alone. I, too, am constantly on a mission to figure out how to live in the present in a more authentic and mindful way.

In this week’s episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit, we take a CBT SCHOOL listener’s question. A wonderful member of our CBT School community reached out and asked a very important question and instead of replying personally, I thought it would benefit everyone by addressing this question with you all. Considering that I am always on a mission to solve the question of how to live in the present, I thought we could all take a look at this issue together!

The listener’s question is: 
“I work hard to implement mindfulness in my life, and in many ways it makes sense and helps me. But sometimes I feel like I escape when I try to live in the present moment. It’s like my OCD tells me ‘wow, you have learned a new tool…great, but do you know what – if something is contaminated or dangerous it doesn’t matter if you try to live in the present moment. You are just kidding yourself!  You have to take care of the problems from yesterday and you have to make sure you have a future to live in. Don’t be fooled into that mindfulness stuff…’ My mind gets twisted. Do you have any thoughts that can bring some clarity?”

Before we go, I want to remind you of two wonderful awareness weeks!  BFRB Awareness week is happening NOW and ends on October 7.  You can participate by attending local events, joining the conversation online, and more.  Click HERE for more information.

OCD Awareness Week, from October 13-19, is almost here!  This year’s awareness-raising campaign is focused on sharing videos of you and your friends facing your fears.  The goal is to educate the public about the realities of living with OCD and the challenge of having to face your fears on the path to recovery. To participate, the IOCDF is asking everyone to create a video or photo of themselves doing something that makes them anxious and then to post on any and all social media platforms with the hashtags #FaceYourFear and #OCDWeek.

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Ep. 120: How to Manage Perfectionism (with Monica Packer)

How To Manage Perfectionism Monica Packer About Progress OCD Depression Eating Disorder Recovery Healing Mindfulness Perfect Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast Kimberley Quinlan

In today’s episode, we are talking all about how to manage Perfectionism. I am so honored to have Monica Packer on the podcast as this week’s guest, as she has such an inspirational story about how she was impacted by perfectionism and what steps she is taking each day to take her life back from Perfectionism.  This episode is jam packed with tools and strategies to demonstrate how to manage perfectionism in your life.  

In this episode, Monica answered the below questions and delivered some incredible insight into how to manage perfectionism in areas I myself had never considered.  

  • What is perfectionism and how has it impacted your life?
  • What did perfectionism look like for you personally? 
  • We often praise people who are “perfect.”  What are your thoughts on this? 
  • At what point in your life did you realize you were a perfectionist? 
  • What did perfectionism look like for you personally? 
  • How long had you experienced perfectionism? 
  • What was your experience with overcoming perfectionism? 
  • What advice do you have to those who experience perfectionism?
  • Were there any roadblocks/setbacks etc to this journey for you?

If you are early in the process of learning about perfectionism or you are well aware of your perfectionistic characteristics, I am sure you will benefit from this incredible interview.

For more information on Monica, visit:

Instagram: @aboutprogress 

Facebook: @aboutprogress

Website: aboutprogress.com

Before we go, I want to remind you that ERP School for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is available for purchase until October 1, 2019! ERP School is a complete online course that teaches how to apply Exposure & Response Prevention (ERP) to your Obsessions and Compulsions. Click HERE for more information and to purchase.

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Ep. 119: Watch Your Mouth (and other kindness tips!)

Watch Your Mouth Words Kindness Compassion OCD Mindfulness Therapy ERP School Panic Speaking Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast Kimberley Quinlan

This week’s episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit is called “Watch your mouth” and I mean that in the kindest possible way. I know we usually hear the phrase “Watch your mouth” as a phrase of discipline and can often be shocked or intimidated by such a statement. In this episode, we talk all about the words we use in daily life. 

We address how we often say things that simply are not true, or are quite unkind. Because we often unconsciously believe what we tell ourselves, we have be careful not to address ourselves in ways that are unhelpful. Take a quick look at the below examples:
• “I NEVER do anything right”
• “I am so BAD for having this thought”
• “You ALWAYS make me anxious” 

Here are a few examples of ways in which we say things that are untrue and unhelpful. When we do this, we not only feed ourselves stories that are unhelpful but we also create an environment where negativity exists. I can make the assumption that these negative statements are not helpful for you. In this episode, we hope to inspire you to “watch your mouth” carefully and take note when you are speaking in a way that might exacerbate your anxiety

ALSO, We also have fabulous news! Exposure & Response Prevention School is BACK!


ERP School was carefully created to cover the most important components of Exposure & Response Prevention. The ERP School includes the following modules: 
1. The Science behind Exposure & Response Prevention (ERP)
2. Identifying YOUR Obsessions and Compulsions
3. Different Approaches to Practicing Exposure & Response Prevention (ERP)
1. Gradual Exposure & Response Prevention
2. Scripting and Flooding.
3. Opposite Action Skills
4. Interoceptive ERP
5. Let’s Get Creative with ERP
4. Managing Uncertainty and Discomfort with Mindfulness
5. Troubleshooting Common Issues and Concerns
6. BONUS Material: OCD Sub-types and Themes

We like to keep the courses super affordable so that everyone gets a chance to learn the tools needed to manage anxiety, obsessions, and compulsions. Exposure & Response Prevention (ERP) School is $197.  

Exposure & Response Prevention (ERP) School includes 18 videos, supplemental PDF’s and handouts to help you apply the content to your obsessions and compulsions, as well as a BONUS 7 videos on applying ERP to the common OCD Sub-types.

In total, the course is almost 5 hours of the same ERP information and skills I teach my face-to-face clients.

CBT School is committed to supporting you throughout this process. If you have any questions, Kimberley meets bi-monthly on Facebook and Instagram for her LIVE MAGIC MONDAY Q&A hour (every second and fourth Monday at 12 pm PST) where she answers questions and troubleshoots any concerns you may have.

Once you have purchased the course, you will have unlimited access to the videos.

Exposure & Response Prevention (ERP) School is available for purchase just a few times per year. The cart for ERP School will open again September 20th, 2019 so get excited!

For more information on the course and to purchase, click HERE.

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Ep. 118: A Liberated Mind (with Steven Hayes)

A Liberated Mind with Steven Hayes ACT Psychological Flexibility Compassion Values OCD Depression Eating Disorder Mental Health Therapy Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast Kimberley Quinlan

I am honored to have Steven C. Hayes, author of A Liberated Mind: How to Pivot Towards What Matters, back on the Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. He was on Ep. 83 and is joining us again! There is nothing that makes me happier than to chat with Steven Hayes about the unbelievable work he is doing and I cannot tell you how much I adored his most recent book.

In this week’s podcast episode, Steven Hayes addressed how we can reach a liberated mind by improving psychological flexibility and moving away from psychological rigidity.  Not only does Hayes address these important topics using a combination of science and reason, but he also discussed how we can access a liberated mind by practicing compassion and kindness, and by seeking out our own set of values. During this conversation, we touched on some really difficult topics including suicidal ideation, immigration, global warming and other issues that impact the state of the world. Steven Hayes does such a beautiful job teaching us how we can reach be more open to our suffering and be open and flexible with other people’s suffering. 

Steven Hayes also addresses how we overuse problem-solving with our emotions. He talks about how we can create our own “hero’s journey” by choosing a path that feels liberating and freeing, instead of one that is powerless and rigid. 

For more information on Steven Hayes, click below:

Website: https://stevenchayes.com/

TedX: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o79_gmO5ppg

To purchase his most recent book: https://www.amazon.com/Liberated-Mind-Pivot-Toward-Matters-ebook/dp/B07LDSPRYM

A book freebie:https://stevenchayes.com/a-liberated-mind/

Steven Universe video – “Here Comes a Thought”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHg50mdODFM

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