OCD

Ep. 151: Coming Out of COVID-19

29 May 2020

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit. Today I want to talk with you all about the feelings of uncertainty you may have coming out of COVID-19.

As we slowly begin to move out of quarantine, a lot of my patients and clients have started to talk about how scary it is to go back into life because there are so many uncertainties.

Coming out of a difficult time requires us to accept change while staying in the uncertainty. When we begin coming out of COVID-19, we must face this sort of uncertainty, not knowing whether it will stay or whether it will get better or if it will come back. What is it going to look like in six months? What is it going to look like in a year? These are the questions we are all asking and because we are asking those big, big questions, we are going to have big, big emotions about them. Having these big emotions does not mean that you are not handling this well.  It doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you. My hope is to give you permission to have them. My second wish is to ask you to please not judge yourself for what you experience as you begin coming out of COVID-19. If those big emotions show up, before you judge yourself gently say, “It’s okay. It’s okay that I feel this. I’m allowed to feel these emotions.”

Remember, it is normal to feel anxiety. You might have anxiety about having to go back to seeing people in person. You might have anxiety about having to find a new rhythm to life. You may have been secretly benefiting from quarantine because it meant that you didn’t have to be around the thing that scared you before COVID-19. If you have been lucky enough to not see the thing that frightens you, I really urge you to go right back into staring that fear in the face as soon as possible, because the longer you delay it, the harder it’s going to get. 

The thing to remember about anticipation is that is ultimately just about the uncertainty.  It’s about leaning in and saying, “Okay, I radically accept that I don’t know. I’m going to take one step at a time. I am not going to beat myself up. I’m going to do my best to be non-judgmental. And I’m going to try and find a glimpse of joy along the way.” I’m going to look for those teeny tiny shimmers of joy that may be along the way. I still believe that when we open our eyes to joy, we can find it, even if it’s once a day. 

So, I hope you go with intention and give yourself permission to have all the feels. 

ERP School, BFRB School, and Mindfulness School for OCD are all now open for purchase. If you feel you would benefit, please go to cbtschool.com

Ep. 150: Learning to Trust Yourself

22 May 2020

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit. Today we are going to talk about a really important topic: learning to trust yourself. 

Trust is so important for our feelings of safety and security. So often I hear from people who are experiencing anxiety and depression that they do not trust themselves. Today I want to share with you all a metaphor about trust, that I love, and I think it will help you conceptualize how to look at trust.

This is a metaphor that Brene Brown has talked about a lot. She said that when you meet somebody they have an empty jar (metaphorically) and overtime as they show you in little ways, it might be their consideration, their respect for you, maybe they remembered your birthday, perhaps they sent you a little care package, every time they do something nice for you one marble is placed in the jar. If they do another small thing, you put another marble in the jar and overtime that jar fills up. This is how we experience a sense of trust for that person. Trust is something that grows and it often doesn’t come from the big things. It comes from the teeny tiny things. Maybe a little smile when you are having a hard time, or checking in with you, or holding a safe place for you when you are struggling. So, now that we have that conceptualization that trust is something we build over time, we also need to recognize that when somebody has let us down the marbles may come out. Maybe half the marbles. Maybe all the marbles. Perhaps just one. We can always grow trust back even if someone has betrayed us. If we want to build that trust back up, this involves giving the person a second chance. Often when someone has been very seriously betrayed, they make the choice, “I don’t want to trust that person. I don’t want to ever put myself in that position again.” Whereas other people might say, “well I love this person. I’m willing to take the risk.” 

Now, this applies to ourselves too. You begin learning to trust yourself based on the small acts that you do for yourself. It’s about taking care of yourself, making sure you’re well-fed, making sure you’re listening to your body. When you’re frightened, it’s about doing the hard thing instead of the easy thing. Every time we do that we are saying, “I’ve got your back unconditionally even during the difficult times.”  Now, just like I said before if you betray yourself, you ignore your needs, and put yourself down, you take out some of those marbles. If I’ve let a friend down or my partner down or my child down, I will intentionally try to regain their trust, and I’ll do it in very small ways. I will be there for them, be kind to them, show up for them. This is the case for myself as well. If I have let myself down, I will need to show up in small ways with the intention that I want to trust myself. 

A lot of the time, when I’m doing hard work in therapy with clients, they back down because they tell themselves, “I can’t do this. I can’t.” I tell them this is a matter of trust. You think you can’t because you haven’t in the past. This is a part of the process of learning to trust yourself, and it’s an intention that you need to work on every day. Through those small acts, you’ll get there. There will be days when you lose marbles. We all make mistakes, but we can all stand up and make the intention to build trust again for ourselves. It has to be unconditional. That is where our long-term wellness can benefit. So, I’m going to challenge you to think about how full your jar is for the people around you and the one for yourself and then ask yourself how intentional you are about building up that jar of trust.

ERP School, BFRB School, and Mindfulness School for OCD are all now open for purchase. If you feel you would benefit, please go to cbtschool.com

Ep. 149: Becoming a Better Advocate with Heather Hansen

15 May 2020

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit. Today we have on the podcast an amazing guest, Heather Hansen. Heather is a trial attorney, television legal analyst, and author of The Elegant Warrior: How to Win Life’s Trials Without Losing Yourself. Heather shares how we can learn to become a better advocate for ourselves using many of the same tools that she has used in the courtroom. 

In this episode, Heather details the “tools of an advocate” that you can use to help win over your own self jury, that critical voice in your head that may say “You’re not good enough. Things aren’t going to work out. It’s time to be anxious.” 

One of the tools Heather discusses involves collecting evidence when faced with self-doubt or worry. She suggests writing down, at the end of the day, what has made you proud. By collecting evidence, you start to build credibility with yourself. You can’t advocate for yourself unless you believe in yourself. Collecting evidence, building credibility and believing in yourself are the first steps in learning to become a better advocate. 

Another tool of the advocate involves the words that you use and particularly the words you say to yourself. Words can create your reality. If you are anxious and use the term ‘I am freaking out’ you likely will freak out.  However, changing your words to ‘I am concerned’ can actually change how you view a situation. The next tool is perspective. If you view the world as dangerous and scary then the world is going to feel dangerous and scary. There are always many ways to view a situation, Heather challenges us to look at all of those different views and then choose the perspective that best serves you. Finally Heather spends some time discussing how presentation, body language, and tone are also important tools of an advocate.

Heather provides such fascinating information and amazing insight. I was taking notes during the entire interview! I hope you find it as helpful.

You can find more information on Heather Hansen’s blog, podcast, books, and coaching services at heatherhansenpresents.com

The Elegant Warrior: How to Win Life’s Trials Without Losing Yourself

Find Heather on Instagram @imheatherhansen

ERP School, BFRB School, and Mindfulness School for OCD are all now open for purchase. If you feel you would benefit, please go to cbtschool.com

Ep. 148: Anger Is Your Friend

8 May 2020

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit podcast. Today I want to talk to you about anger. I have talked about anger before, but this time is a little bit different. I want to tell you why anger is your friend.

When I say that to people, they usually have a reaction and they say “No, it’s not. Anger is horrible. Anger makes me uncomfortable.” I think we have anger all wrong because society tells us it’s wrong. We are told “You are not allowed to be angry. It is disrespectful to be angry. You’re overreacting. You are so insecure.” Those are the messages we so often receive about anger and they only direct us away from listening to our anger.

Let’s first discuss, what is anger? Anger is an emotion that you feel and it is usually a reaction to some kind of injustice or some kind of threat. If you have been wronged, you feel angry about it. If you feel like you are physically or emotionally in danger, anger is usually the emotion that arises. Anger is just one emotion in our toolkit and it is so important. 

The cool thing about anger is that anger propels us forward. While anxiety pulls us backward, anger pushes us forward into either protection or problem solving mode. Anger is your friend because it shows up with a message that we should listen to. If you feel anger, the trick is to see that underneath the anger is an emotion that has a lot of knowledge and something to tell you. Anger is your friend because it will help lead you to where you work is, whether that is fear, shame, guilt or any other underlying emotion.  

When you feel anger arise, the first thing I am going to encourage you to do is to just validate the feeling. You can say “I feel angry and that is OK or I am noticing anger in my body right now.” Next I want you to meet yourself with compassion. Something has been activated, some kind of pain and all pain, no matter the source, deserves and requires compassion. Finally, once you’ve validated and practiced self-compassion, the next step is to ask yourself what is underneath this anger?  What is it trying to tell me? So in this moment just get really quiet and listen. Are you angry because you are afraid? Are you angry because you feel shame? Are you angry because someone brought up a fault that you didn’t really want to address? These are some reasons we all feel anger so remember you are not alone. 

Since anger is your friend you can use it to propel you forward into solutions. If you listen to the anger, validate it and ask it what it needs, it will usually led you to your suffering so that you can either tend to it or solve it. It is really THAT powerful!

ERP School, BFRB School, and Mindfulness School for OCD are all now open for purchase. If you feel you would benefit, please go to cbtschool.com

Ep. 147: How to Access Your Compassionate Voice

1 May 2020

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Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. Today I want to share with you one of my favorite topics of all time: how to access your compassionate voice.

You may be thinking what exactly does that mean?  Well it means helping you to get in touch with the compassion that lives inside each of you. So often my clients and patients say to me “I don’t know how to access compassion” or “I don’t know what that even feels like.” Here is the thing. Your compassionate voice has always been inside of you, but sometimes other messages are simply louder. If you learn to listen deeply for it than it becomes so much easier to pick up. That little voice inside of you is ready to speak up and it is ready to fill you with a loving sense of self-compassion.

During this episode, I walk you through how to begin to access your compassionate voice. You start by closing your eyes, following your breath and asking yourself some questions. These questions help you to tap into your compassionate voice and to start to become familiar with it. First, what does your compassionate voice sound like?  What tone does your compassionate voice speak in? How would you like your compassionate voice to show up for you? How do you relate to your compassionate voice? Finally, what do you need from your compassionate voice? 

I really hope you will be open and experiment with this practice. It is such a beautiful exercise and the more you do it, the more you will hear and feel your compassionate voice. Even if it seems unnatural at first, I hope you will still give it a try because it can be really helpful for your mental health. Try viewing it as a type of emotional training. You are giving yourself a tool that one day you may need and then you will have it with you and know how to use it. Remember compassion is not about making the pain go away; rather, it is about meeting your suffering with safety. It is about showing up for yourself during the hard times. 

ERP School, BFRB School, and Mindfulness School for OCD are all now open for purchase. If you feel you would benefit, please go to cbtschool.com

Ep. 146: A Compassion Tool (When You Don’t Feel Worthy of Compassion)

24 April 2020

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. Today I want to talk with you about self-compassion and to give you a compassion tool to try if you are struggling with feeling worthy, deserving, or comfortable with self-compassion.

In order to understand this tool, I want you to imagine a scenario. Let’s imagine you are having a moment of fear. In that moment, you may naturally engage in a safety behavior, something that protects you from the fear. Safety behaviors are natural. We as humans have learned to protect ourselves by getting away from danger.

However, a problem that often comes with safety behaviors is the unintended consequence. If you have social anxiety and your safety behavior is to avoid social interactions then the unintended consequence may be that you feel lonely. So if you have a fear and you engage in a safety behavior that leads to unintended consequences, you may then judge yourself for how poorly you handled a situation. Here is where the compassion tool comes in. Before you start judging, I want you to try and catch yourself. This takes a lot of mindfulness.  Try and recognize that these safety behaviors are part of the human experience. Try telling yourself “all humans engage in safety behaviors because all humans have felt fear, sadness, guilt or shame. I am going to show myself some compassion.” 

Another point to remember is that when we have an emotion whether it is fear or sadness or shame and we engage in a safety behavior another unintended consequence is that we are actually making that emotion feel much bigger. The more you don’t want to feel fear, the stronger and scarier it actually feels. Again, I want you try meeting those emotions with compassion. When you notice fear you may try saying “OK I am having feelings of fear. All humans feel fear. This is a normal experience.” Instead of engaging in a safety behavior you might say “Wow fear, thank you for showing up. Thank you for trying to protect me. I am going to send you well wishes because I want to create a relationship with fear that is positive instead of negative.”

I truly hope this compassion tool will be of help to you in those moments of struggle. I hope you will show yourself compassion for all of those emotions and feelings that are part of the human experience.

ERP School, BFRB School, and Mindfulness School for OCD are all now open for purchase. If you feel you would benefit, please go to cbtschool.com

Did you know that we were listed in the top 10 OCD podcasts to follow in 2020? https://blog.feedspot.com/ocd_podcasts/

Ep. 145: The 5 Thoughts You Need to Watch Out for During COVID-19

17 April 2020

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit. Today I want to share with you the five thoughts you need to watch out for during COVID-19. I know we are in a stage right now where we are all trying to adapt to our new normal. Over the past week, I have noticed a few thoughts that have come up with clients about our current situation that I want to share with you. 

Here we go. These are the 5 thoughts you need to watch out for during COVID-19.

1. “I cannot handle this.”  This is really important because if you are telling yourself that you cannot handle it then chances are you probably won’t. What I would love for you to say instead is, “I can do hard things.” You don’t have to do it perfectly, but you absolutely can handle it.

2. “I am going crazy indoors.” It is easy to start feeling claustrophobic if you are constantly reminding yourself that you are indoors or cooped up. Instead try switching this statement to “It’s hard for me to be indoors.” I also think it is really important if you are in a place where it is safe and you are able to try and get outdoors every day. Even if it means just standing outside your front door. Getting outdoors at least once a day is so important for our mental health.

3. “When will it end?” This one is really, really hard. If you are spending a lot of time trying to answer this question then you are probably going to end up frustrated, disappointed and more anxious because nobody has the answer. Instead, I would encourage you to try and stay in the present moment. Try focusing on the present day only, not what might happen next week or next month.

4. “Life will never be the same.” Another one that is really hard because there is a lot of grieving happening right now. You may be grieving that your life looks and feels so different. If we keep telling ourselves that life will never be the same, we end up creating a lot more anxiety and ultimately a lot more grief. I think it is so important to give yourself a lot of compassion if this thought is coming up for you. 

5. “I should” statements. These look like “I should be handling this better. I should be cleaning my house. I should be learning a new language.” No, we are in the midst of a pandemic. You may not have the energy, bandwidth or mental space to be doing any of those things and that is absolutely OK. I would encourage you to shift your language from “I should” to “I could.” Instead of saying “I should be handling this better.” say “I could be handling this better, but I am doing the best I can with what I have.”  

So these are the five thoughts I want you to watch out for during COVID-19. Some of them you may be thinking a lot, some not at all, but I really felt it was important to address these five because it can be so easy to fall into some of these traps!

ERP School, BFRB School, and Mindfulness School for OCD are all now open for purchase. If you feel you would benefit, please go to cbtschool.com

Please join the IOCDF for a live Townhall discussion on COVID-19 & OCD Saturday April 18 at 2 PM EST. There will be a live Q&A session. Please click here for more information.

Did you know that we were listed in the top 10 OCD podcasts to follow in 2020? https://blog.feedspot.com/ocd_podcasts/

Ep. 144: Can Nutrition Impact Mental Health? (with Heather Lillico)

10 April 2020

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit. Today we have Heather Lillico on the podcast.  Heather is a registered holistic nutritionist, yoga instructor, as well as a delightful human being. Today she is going to discuss how nutrition can impact mental health.

Heather shares a little bit about her own mental health journey and how that led her to explore the connection between nutrition and mental wellness.

Heather discusses what it means to be a holistic nutritionist. She explains that she focuses a great deal on the whole person, not only how nutrition can impact mental health, but also how a person’s sleep patterns and exercise can as well. 

Heather shares some really helpful and fascinating information about how nutrition can impact mental health along with some slights changes you can make in your day to day life to improve your mental health. She takes some time explaining the role that a variety of different nutrients play in our mental well being. Heather does a beautiful job explaining to us how we can be a little more intentional with what we put in our mouths and on our forks. She gives some really simple ways that we can incorporate different nutrients and foods into our daily life. Heather also takes some time to explain the connection between our gut health and our mental health.  

I am so excited to share this episode with you at this time. Food keeps us nourished. Food is also a huge source of pleasure. Meal time is when we can join as a family and communicate and have a connection. It’s a huge piece of our mental health right now so I thought this was a really, really great time to have this conversation with Heather and talk about all things food! 

Heather’s website www.heatherlillico.com

Heather’s Instagram @heather_lil

ERP School, BFRB School, and Mindfulness School for OCD are all now open for purchase. If you feel you would benefit, please go to cbtschool.com

Please join the IOCDF for a live Townhall discussion on COVID-19 & OCD Saturday April 11 at 2 PM EST. There will be a live Q&A session. Please click here for more information.

Did you know that we were listed in the top 10 OCD podcasts to follow in 2020? https://blog.feedspot.com/ocd_podcasts/

Ep. 143: You Can Do Hard Things

3 April 2020

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit. Today I want to remind you that you can do hard things!

In this episode, I spend some time talking with you about how important it is to validate all the feelings you are experiencing during this difficult time. With so much going on around the world, there are so many emotions, so many feelings. And I think that we sometimes forget to stop and say, “Wow, this is hard for me,” or “Oh, this is a moment of real suffering and struggle for me,” or “I’m noticing I’m having a lot of anxiety.” It is so important to make space for all those feelings. To acknowledge and validate those feelings and to create a safe place for those emotions to be there as this event rises and falls.

In this episode, I share with you all a little bit about how I am working to validate my own emotions when I am having moments that are difficult. The most important thing I want you all to take away from this episode and to remember during this very, very difficult time is: “It’s a beautiful day to do hard things,” and you are doing hard things.  You were already doing hard things before this happened, right? But every time it gets a little harder, you realize how much stronger you are. Sending so much love to you all!

Did you know that we were listed in the top 10 OCD podcasts to follow in 2020? https://blog.feedspot.com/ocd_podcasts/

Ep. 142: The Poetry Bandit

27 March 2020

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit. You guys, you are going to love this episode with one of my favorite poets of all time, The Poetry Bandit. Jon Lupin, aka The Poetry Bandit joins us today to tell us his story about sobriety, OCD, relationships, mental health and how poetry has helped him through. 

This is a story about honesty, vulnerability, and commitment. The Poetry Bandit shares his story and together we talk about some of the hidden meanings of his poetry. Jon and I got to read a few of his poetry pieces and talk about how he manages his anxiety, OCD, and sobriety while being a father, employee, friend and poet. 

If you get a chance, check out The Poetry Bandit’s books of poetry. The links are below. 

 Encyclopedia of a Broken Heart: Poems

You Only Love Me When I’m Suffering: Poems

My Sober Little Moon

Jon’s Instagram @the_poetrybandit

Please join the IOCDF for a COVID-19 & OCD Live Townhall. Saturday March 28th at 2 PM EST. Bring your questions for Kimberley, Ethan Smith, Jon Hershfield, and Stuart Ralph. https://www.facebook.com/IOCDF/

Kimberley did a FREE Self-Compassion webinar on The Peace of Mind Foundation’s FB page. https://www.facebook.com/peaceofmindfoundation/

Did you know that we were listed in the top 10 OCD podcasts to follow in 2020? https://blog.feedspot.com/ocd_podcasts/