Mindfulness

Ep. 134: Giving and Receiving Meditation

31 January 2020

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit. This week’s episode was exactly what I needed and I wondered if it was what you needed too. In today’s episode, I am going to share with you my favorite self-compassion tool, giving and receiving. 

This is a meditation that I learned from Christopher Germer himself. Christopher Germer is the co-founder of the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion and the genius behind many of my favorite self-compassion exercises. 

In today’s episode, we are going to learn the art of giving and receiving. No, not gifts. We are going to learn the art of giving and receiving self-compassion. I often use this meditation after a long day in the office or after a hard day, so I hope it helps you too. 

This is the 3rd core meditation of the MSC course. Giving and Receiving Compassion builds on the previous two core meditations: Affectionate Breathing which focuses on the breath and Loving-Kindness for Ourselves which focuses on the layering of compassionate words or images onto the breath. The new element of breathing in for oneself and out for others helps the practitioner to practice compassion through connection by loving others without losing oneself. Students tend to find this meditation both easy and enjoyable. Thank you, Christopher Germer, for this wonderful meditation.

Instructions for Giving and Receiving Meditation:
Please sit comfortably, closing your eyes, and if you like, putting a hand over your heart or another soothing place as a reminder to bring not just awareness, but loving awareness, to your experience and to yourself.
Taking a few deep, relaxing breaths, notice how your breath nourishes your body as you inhale and soothes your body as you exhale.
Now, letting your breathing find its own natural rhythm, continue feeling the sensation of breathing in and breathing out. If you like, allow yourself to be gently rocked and caressed by the rhythm of your breathing.
Now, focusing your attention on your in-breath, let yourself savor the sensation of breathing in, noticing how your in-breath nourishes your body, breath after breath….and then releasing your breath.
As you breathe, breathing in something good for yourself…whatever you need. Perhaps a quality of warmth, kindness, compassion, or love? Just feel it, or you can use a word or image if you like.
Now, shifting your focus to your out-breath, feeling your body breathe out, feeling the ease of exhalation.
Please call to mind someone whom you love or someone who is struggling and needs compassion. Visualize that person clearly in your mind. Begin directing your out-breath to this person, offering the ease of breathing out. If you wish, intentionally send warmth and kindness – something good -to this person with each out-breath.
Now letting go of what you or the other person may need, and just focusing on the sensation of breathing compassion in and out and sending something good. “In for me and out for you.” “One for me and one for you.”
If you wish, you can focus a little more on yourself, or the other person, or just let it be an equal flow—whatever feels right in the moment. Or you can send something good to more than one person.
Allowing your breath to flow in and out, like the gentle movement of the sea – a limitless, boundless flow – flowing in and flowing out. Letting yourself be a part of this limitless, boundless flow. An ocean of compassion. Gently opening your eyes.

OCD Gamechangers – Annual Conference
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/3rd-annual-ocd-gamechangers-tickets-82657196901
https://ocdgamechangers.com/events/
March 7 @ 10:00 am – 6:00 pm MST
Denver Turnverein, 1570 N Clarkson St
Denver, CO 80218 United States

I strongly encourage you all to read Shala Nicely’s amazing blog post about the misuse of the term, “I am so OCD.”
https://www.shalanicely.com/aha-moments/ocd-is-not-what-you-think/

Ep.133: Perfectly Hidden Depression with Dr. Margaret Robinson Rutherford

24 January 2020

In today’s episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit, I speak with the incredible Dr. Margaret Robinson Rutherford. I cannot tell you how happy I am that she reached out for this interview. In this episode, Dr. Margaret Robinson Rutherford talks to us about a term coined, perfectly hidden depression. She talks specifically about how it differs from classic depression and she describes for us the ten characteristics of perfectly hidden depression with number 8 being that it often accompanies mental health struggles such as OCD, eating disorders, addictions or anxiety disorders. 

The following are those 10 commonly shared characteristics that Dr. Margaret Robinson Rutherford discusses:

1. You are highly perfectionistic, with a constant, critical inner voice of intense shame. 
2. You demonstrate a heightened or excessive sense of responsibility.
3. You have difficulty accepting and expressing painful emotions.
4. You worry a great deal and avoid situations where control isn’t possible. 
5. You intensely focus on tasks, using accomplishment as a way to feel valuable.
6. You have an active and sincere concern about the well-being of others while allowing few if any into your inner world.
7. You discount or dismiss hurt or abuse from the past or the present.
8. You have accompanying mental health issues, involving control or escape from anxiety.
9. You hold a strong belief in “counting your blessings” as the foundation of well-being.
10. You have emotional difficulty in personal relationships, but demonstrate significant professional success.

Dr. Margaret Robinson Rutherford also addresses the Five C’s in the healing process for perfectly hidden depression. I think you will really resonate with the words and concepts discussed in this episode. Thank you Dr. Margaret Robinson Rutherford for your wonderful work.

https://drmargaretrutherford.com/perfectly-hidden-depression/
https://drmargaretrutherford.com/
https://drmargaretrutherford.com/selfwork/

 
OCD Gamechangers – Annual Conference
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/3rd-annual-ocd-gamechangers-tickets-82657196901
https://ocdgamechangers.com/events/
March 7 @ 10:00 am – 6:00 pm MST
Denver Turnverein, 1570 N Clarkson St
Denver, CO 80218 United States

Ep. 132: Full Circle with Andrea Barber

17 January 2020

In this beautiful episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit, I speak with the amazing Andrea Barber about her new book, Full Circle: From Hollywood to Real Life and Back Again. In this interview, Andrea shares her experience with anxiety, panic and mental wellness. She shares
why she wrote this book and her hopes for this memoir. 

In her book, Andrea Barber shares, “To fans, I’ve always been synonymous with my character, since most people don’t know me in any other role. But now, I want you to accept the real me . . . and the fact that I’m nothing like I appear on TV. To know me is to realize that I am very flawed, and I have many shortcomings and insecurities. By sharing them with you, you may recognize things in yourself, and discover that you and I are not so unalike after all. For once, it will be nice to share Andrea with the world.” 

Andrea shared what it was like having a huge support system, but still feeling completely alone with her anxiety, panic and depression. Andrea spends some time talking about how her anxiety manifests in stomach related symptoms. She also tells us about the process of accepting the application of medication in her wellness journey and her experience with the side effects of medications. 

I just adored when Andrea shared what she learned about herself since going through her mental health journey and her new reflection on mental illness and mental wellness. One of my favorite lines from her book, she shared “It’s actually very empowering to think about: I have the power to change my life”. 

One of the coolest things about Andrea Barber is her passion for speaking about suicide prevention and awareness. You will just adore the advice she gives. And finally, her most impactful message is this: “The most important thing perspective has taught me, and what I want to tell anyone out there who has been made to feel too broken to love, is that your illness does not define you.”

 Isn’t she just incredible?! 

 
Andrea’s book
https://www.amazon.com/Full-Circle-Hollywood-Real-Life/dp/0806539887
Follow Andrea on social media @andreabarber 

If you would like to apply for the 3rd annual UK OCD Camp please visit theocdcamp.com
• Applications close 19th January
• Interviews (15 mins) – W/C 27th January
• If selected payment due by 1st March

Ep. 130: You Cannot Skip the Line

3 January 2020

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit.  Today I talk about how “you cannot skip the line.” This podcast episode is about an event that happened to me a few weeks ago that blew my mind. It pretty much punched me in the gut. Yes, you read that right. It was a hard, hard day. In this episode, I speak about attending a meditation class and being given a very hard lesson. The lesson was, “You cannot skip the line”. Let me tell you more.

In this class, I asked what I thought was a simple question. Without expecting it, the teacher taught me a very important lesson that I think will impact me for quite some time. 

She responded with “There is a lesson for everyone here. It is important that you do not skip the line here. You must do the work. If you haven’t wrestled with this practice over and over, do not come to me for the answers.” 

I was embarrassed. I felt ashamed. I felt called out. I felt anger. 

But, after some time and contemplation, I asked myself, “Is there a pattern here?” And guess what?!  There was. The lesson was that you cannot skip the line to the “know” the answer. When you “skip the line”, you prevent yourself from learning the real process. Knowing will only help for the first time or two. After that, it takes practice and patience. 

In this episode, I will walk you through a 4 step process to help you lean in and do the work instead of just asking questions. 

These steps include being aware that you cannot skip the line and then catching yourself when you are doing such behavior. The steps also involve being honest with yourself when you are engaging in such behavior instead of staying in the unknown. The goal is to be as patient as you can along the way. And lastly, the most important step involves Compassion, Compassion, Compassion. 

I hope this helps you in some way to notice when you are “skipping the line.”

Sign up for our FREE weekly newsletter. Incredible tools, tips, and mental health resources! Click here for more information.

Please check out this excellent blog post by the amazing Shala Nicely, LPC on the problem with saying “I’m so OCD.”

Ep. 129: I successfully Failed 100 Times

29 November 2019

Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. In this week’s podcast, I want to talk with you about how I failed 100 times this year. Wait, What?!?! Yes, you heard right! In 2019, I made the goal to fail on purpose 100 times. The goal was to set my goals so high that I was forced to fail. And guess what? I failed 100 times. I possibly failed 1000 times. I failed so many times I lost count.
In this podcast, my hope is to share with you my personal experiment in changing the way that I feel and respond to the thought of failure. 

Here are examples of how I failed 100 times: 

•    I asked a lot of people to come on the podcast.  A lot of people said no.  I knew they would, but I figured it was worth a try.  But, do you know what I learned? I learned that a lot of people I didn’t think would say yes did.  

•    I took a course that was so hard and out of my line of skills and really struggled to complete it. 

•    I started playing the ukulele even though I was so afraid of being terrible at it (which I am). 

•    I pitched a book to a publishing company (more on this later). 

•    I said yes to being Room Mum for both of my kids (knowing I would not be the best at it).

•    I aimed to increase registration for ERP School and we did it. We reached the highest registration yet. 

But here is the thing. I also failed 100 times at things I never set out to fail at. I had to accept in many ways that I cannot push my body to do things that I simply could not do. This was the hardest part about failing. I had to stare my fear of failing at the easy stuff over and over again. 

Here are examples of how I not only failed 100 times, but gave myself permission to fail, even though it hurt so much. 

◆    Remember that course I told you about? I got so sick, I didn’t finish it. I had to drop out and this made me face imperfection and failure head-on.  

◆    I was a less than perfect therapist! I missed sessions with clients, and I double booked clients during times when I was so overwhelmed.   

◆    I gave myself permission to share the struggles I have had with friends. I was so embarrassed to do this, but I am so glad I did.  I learned that when you share your struggles, you actually feel more connected with the people around you.  

But finally, the most important example of how I failed 100 times is the decision I have made to take a month off of the podcast. After much consideration, I have decided to listen to my body and take the month of December to rest, rejuvenate and repair. I fought this decision for a long time, but I know it is what I need.

With that being said, I want to thank you for being so loyal and kind to me. I adore your support. I wish you a very Happy 2019 Holiday! I will be back in January, ready to go. Ready to fail! 

FREE anxiety video training! Learn how to become more intentional with the words you use to describe yourself, your experiences and your future.
Cbtschool.com/thinkwisely

Ep. 128: Are You Struggling with Gratitude? With Shala Nicely

22 November 2019

Are you struggling with gratitude this holiday season?  If so, this episode is exactly what you might need to hear.  In today’s episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit, I spoke with Shala Nicely about struggling with gratitude.  Together, we address why some people might be struggling with gratitude or being grateful, especially if they are also struggling with mental health.  

In this episode, Shala Nicely addresses the personal struggles she has had in the past with gratitude and some incredible tools to manage this. 

Shala so beautifully articulates three common reasons why people struggle with gratitude. The first two struggles fall under the category, that Shala calls, gratitude by comparison. This often occurs when you are supposed to be doing “better” than someone else, but you do not feel very grateful. Shala explains that gratitude by comparison can fall into two separate categories: relief-induced gratitude and guilt-induced gratitude.

The third common struggle is forced gratitude.  An example of this might be, “I should be grateful and I’m not. What’s wrong with me?” or, “You have everything going for you. Why can’t you just be thankful for what you have instead of focusing on the negative?” 

I love that Shala addresses how forced gratitude quickly becomes what we know clinically as toxic positivity. 

Some great tips if you are struggling with gratitude might be: 

            • Mindfulness 

• Practicing wonder, curiosity or beginners mind

            • Non-Judgment 

            • Give yourself permission to not practice gratitude over the holidays

BFRB SCHOOL is here!
A COMPLETE ONLINE COURSE FOR BODY-FOCUSED REPETITIVE BEHAVIORS (BFRB’s)
Trichotillomania (Hair Pulling)
Compulsive Skin Picking
Compulsive Nail Biting
https://www.cbtschool.com/bfrb-school-online-course-trichotillomania-skin-picking

Free Video Training for Anxiety! Cbtschool.com/thinkwisely

Check out these other fantastic episodes featuring Shala Nicely!

Ep.124: Emotions, Radical Acceptance and POTS

25 October 2019

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast! Do you know what POTS is? I didn’t know either until earlier this year, and my life has not been the same ever since. Let me tell you one thing, we are NOT talking about something that holds plants and something you cook spaghetti in. This episode is all about Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, also called POTS for short.

Why? Because October is Dysautonomia Awareness month and because I have recently been diagnosed with POTS. This episode is aimed at educating you about POTS and also addresses my own experience of being diagnosed with a chronic medical condition. It has been an emotional ride, and my hope is to share with you a few tools that have helped me to manage this news and the ongoing treatment that I will need to adhere to. Thank you so much for supporting me this year. Your messages and kindness has been overwhelmingly positive and I am so grateful for you all.

So, what is POTS? Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) is a condition that affects circulation (blood flow). Basically, for most people, our autonomic nervous system works to control and regulate our vital bodily functions and our sympathetic nervous system, which activates the fight or flight response.

However, if you have POTS you have what is called orthostatic intolerance. What this means is that when standing up from a reclining position, blood pools in the legs causing lightheadedness, fainting, and an uncomfortable, rapid increase in heartbeat. People with POTS have trouble regulating the blood vessel squeeze and heart rate response causing blood pressure to be unsteady and unstable.

Each case of POTS is different. Patients may see symptoms come and go over a period of years. In my case, I have probably had it my whole adult life, but it has worsened enough to need medical attention. In most cases, with proper adjustments in diet, medications and physical activity, a person with POTS will see an improvement in quality of life.

People with POTS usually suffer from two or more of the many symptoms listed below.
• High/low blood pressure
• High/low heart rate; racing heart rate
• Chest pain
• Dizziness/lightheadedness especially in standing up, prolonged standing in one position, or long walks
• Fainting or near-fainting
• Exhaustion/fatigue
• Abdominal pain and bloating, nausea
• Temperature deregulation (hot or cold)
• Nervous, jittery feeling
• Forgetfulness and trouble focusing (brain fog)
• Blurred vision
• Headaches and body pain/aches (may feel flu-like); neck pain
• Insomnia and frequent awakenings from sleep, chest pain and racing heart rate during sleep, excessive sweating
• Shakiness/tremors especially with adrenaline surges
• Discoloration of feet and hands
• Exercise intolerance
• Excessive or lack of sweating
• Diarrhea and/or constipation

Please go to the below website for more information on POTS
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/16560-postural-orthostatic-tachycardia-syndrome-pots

Ep. 122: My Goal For My 38th Year of Life – No More Rushing

11 October 2019

Welcome to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit podcast.

This week’s podcast was recorded from an RV on Pacific Coast Highway.  It was the last day of my birthday celebration and I rented and drove a 35-foot RV to the beach so I could celebrate my new year with my dear friends and dear family.  As I sat back, I reflected on what my biggest goal was for my 38th year. 

My goal for the upcoming year is NO MORE RUSHING. That’s right!  I have made a deal with myself.  NO MORE RUSHING.  No more rushing my kids.  No more rushing my family.  No more rushing my joy. No more rushing my anxiety. 

My hope for my 38th year is to slow down and really drop down into the present moment. My hope is to be present and absorb the joy that exists all around me. Since I made the goal of no more rushing, I have found that I am more aware of all of the beauty in my life and I am more present to really see the amazing people and places around me. 

On this birthday weekend, we sat on the beach and just absorbed the love that we all felt for each other.  We looked up to the horizon instead of focusing on the road and the computer screens and the phones.  We connected and I didn’t rush a thing. 

My hope for this podcast is to inspire you to take on the goal of NO MORE RUSHING and just see how much beauty that comes from this.

OCD Awareness Week, from October 13-19, is almost here!  This year’s awareness-raising campaign is focused on sharing videos of you and your friends facing your fears.  The goal is to educate the public about the realities of living with OCD and the challenge of having to face your fears on the path to recovery. To participate, the IOCDF is asking everyone to create a video or photo of themselves doing something that makes them anxious and then to post on any and all social media platforms with the hashtags #FaceYourFear and #OCDWeek.

Ep. 121: How to Live In the Present (Listener Question)

4 October 2019

Do you ever wonder how to live in the present? Is this a question you ask yourself often? Or, have you already got a good mindfulness practice, but you wonder how to live in the present when it comes to intrusive thoughts, intrusive images and strong emotions and urges? If this sounds true for you, you are not alone. I, too, am constantly on a mission to figure out how to live in the present in a more authentic and mindful way.

In this week’s episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit, we take a CBT SCHOOL listener’s question. A wonderful member of our CBT School community reached out and asked a very important question and instead of replying personally, I thought it would benefit everyone by addressing this question with you all. Considering that I am always on a mission to solve the question of how to live in the present, I thought we could all take a look at this issue together!

The listener’s question is: 
“I work hard to implement mindfulness in my life, and in many ways it makes sense and helps me. But sometimes I feel like I escape when I try to live in the present moment. It’s like my OCD tells me ‘wow, you have learned a new tool…great, but do you know what – if something is contaminated or dangerous it doesn’t matter if you try to live in the present moment. You are just kidding yourself!  You have to take care of the problems from yesterday and you have to make sure you have a future to live in. Don’t be fooled into that mindfulness stuff…’ My mind gets twisted. Do you have any thoughts that can bring some clarity?”

Before we go, I want to remind you of two wonderful awareness weeks!  BFRB Awareness week is happening NOW and ends on October 7.  You can participate by attending local events, joining the conversation online, and more.  Click HERE for more information.

OCD Awareness Week, from October 13-19, is almost here!  This year’s awareness-raising campaign is focused on sharing videos of you and your friends facing your fears.  The goal is to educate the public about the realities of living with OCD and the challenge of having to face your fears on the path to recovery. To participate, the IOCDF is asking everyone to create a video or photo of themselves doing something that makes them anxious and then to post on any and all social media platforms with the hashtags #FaceYourFear and #OCDWeek.

Ep. 98: Three Mindfulness Basics for Anxiety and Depression

26 April 2019

Three Mindfulness Basics for Anxiety and Depression

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast.

Do you ever feel like you have to go back to basics?  Maybe you feel overwhelmed with all the “tools” and strategies you need to practice to manage your anxiety, obsessions, compulsions, and emotions.   Maybe you are feeling like you need to simplify your mental health practices so that you only have a few things to manage instead of many. 

If you are feeling this way, you are not alone.  I recently realized that I had to return back to some mindfulness basics and review the tools that helped me many years ago.   In today’s episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit, I talked about the 3 mindfulness basics for anxiety and depression that you must return to when you are struggling with anxiety, stress, life events, depression, and grief.  

In this episode, we talk about how we sometimes refuse to go back to the basics because we are afraid it means we are “going backward.”  We dispel this myth and address how these 3 mindfulness basics for anxiety and depression can recharge our mental health plan and practice.

If you’d like to learn more about mindfulness skills that I teach my face-to-face clients who struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), we have an online course available on CBTschool.com called Mindfulness School for OCD. Click HERE to learn more and sign up.

Before we go, I want to remind you of two wonderful upcoming events!  The TLC Foundation will host their annual conference on Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors from May 2-4 in Virginia.  Click HERE for more information and to buy tickets.  Also, the IOCDF Annual Conference will be held in Austin, Texas, from July 19-21.  I will be speaking at this event and love seeing you there!  Click HERE for more information and to buy tickets.