My Secret Weapon for Managing OCD Urges | Ep. 411
In this podcast episode, Kimberley Quinlan dives into how to manage OCD urges effectively, breaking down why they feel so real and sharing actionable strategies to resist compulsions and regain control.
Key Points:
- Learn why OCD urges feel so real.
- Get practical tips for managing intrusive urges and reducing anxiety.
- Hear real-life examples of OCD urges and how to navigate them without giving in.
- Discover how Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) can help break the cycle of compulsions.
Content
The Secret Weapon for Managing OCD Urges: A Step-by-Step Guide
OCD urges can feel overwhelming and terrifying, often tricking us into believing we’re on the verge of acting against our values. But today, we’re diving into a game-changing approach to managing these intense experiences. This guide will unpack what OCD urges are, why they feel so real, and how to use a powerful secret weapon to respond effectively.
What Are OCD Urges?
OCD urges are intense sensations or impulses that make you feel as though you must act on certain thoughts, even when they directly contradict your values. These urges are not just thoughts; they come with a physical or emotional pull that can feel uncontrollable.
Examples of OCD urges include:
- Harm-related urges, such as the fear of hurting a loved one.
- Sexual intrusive urges, leading to guilt or shame.
- Urges to blurt out inappropriate words or phrases.
- Postpartum OCD urges, like thoughts of harming a baby.
- Command or demand obsessions, where the urge feels like a direct order, such as “Do it.”
Despite their intensity, it’s crucial to remember OCD urges are not a reflection of who you are. They happen because OCD often targets what you value most, making the stakes feel sky-high.
Why Do OCD Urges Feel So Real?
OCD urges feel real because they often involve vivid mental images or sensations that amplify the fear. They may be accompanied by:
- Anxiety, panic, or uncertainty.
- A sense of guilt or shame.
- A physical “WHOOSH” sensation, as if your body is preparing to act.
These emotions and sensations trick the brain into interpreting the urge as a genuine threat. This often leads to compulsive behaviors or mental rituals aimed at reducing the distress—strategies that may provide short-term relief but ultimately reinforce the OCD cycle.
Kimberley Quinlan’s Secret Weapon: Do Nothing
Yes, you read that right. When faced with an OCD urge, the most powerful response is to do nothing at all. This approach breaks the cycle of reacting to the urge and helps retrain your brain.
Here’s how to put this secret weapon into practice:
1. Notice the Urge
When an urge arises, name it:
“Oh, I am experiencing an urge right now.”
Labeling the experience creates a moment of awareness and distance between you and the urge.
2. Acknowledge That Feelings Aren’t Facts
Remind yourself:
“Just because this urge feels real doesn’t mean I’m in danger.”
Feelings and sensations are not evidence of actual risk.
3. Observe Without Reacting
Let the urge be present without trying to push it away or solve it.
- Imagine the urge as a wave rising and falling.
- If it feels particularly intense, challenge it by saying, “Bring it on.”
This attitude signals to your brain that the urge isn’t a threat.
4. Engage in Life
Instead of avoiding or isolating, continue with meaningful activities:
- Hold your baby with love, even while experiencing postpartum OCD urges.
- Cook dinner with your partner.
- Spend time with loved ones.
By staying engaged, you teach your brain that having an urge doesn’t make you dangerous or incapable.
The Role of ERP Therapy
Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is the gold standard for OCD treatment. ERP helps you face your fears and manage urges without resorting to compulsions. The goal isn’t to eliminate urges but to change how you respond to them.
ERP targets six types of compulsions:
- Physical
- Avoidant
- Reassurance-seeking
- Mental
- Self-punishment
- Depressive
If therapy isn’t accessible, resources like the ERP School online course can guide you through this process at your own pace.
Key Takeaways for Managing OCD Urges
- Urges Don’t Define You: Experiencing an OCD urge doesn’t reflect your character or values.
- Practice Non-Interference: Let urges come and go without judgment or reaction.
- Stay Engaged: Don’t let OCD stop you from living your life.
- Celebrate Progress: Recovery isn’t linear, but every small step matters.
Managing OCD urges takes time, practice, and patience. Each moment you resist reacting to an urge is a victory worth celebrating. And remember: Today is a beautiful day to do hard things.
For more tools and resources, check out ERP School and continue building skills for a life less controlled by OCD. 🌟
Transcription: My secret weapon for managing OCD Urges
Today, I am sharing my secret weapon for managing OCD urges.
If you’ve ever felt completely terrified of your strong, intrusive, unwanted OCD urges, this is going to be the episode that will change the game for you!
I am going to break down what an OCD urge is, why it feels so real, and, most importantly, teach you my secret weapon for improving your reaction to these urges.
“Well, hello, my friends!
My name is Kimberley Quinlan, and welcome back to Your Anxiety Toolkit, the show where we talk about compassionately managing anxiety, OCD, and all the tough emotions that come with it.
Let’s start by understanding specifically what these OCD urges are.
OCD urges are intense experiences or feelings that make you feel like you have to act on a certain thought or impulse, even though it completely contradicts your values.
In that moment, the urge makes you feel like you may completely lose control of your body.
Some people say it is an out-of-body experience, whereas others say they feel like there is a force inside them that makes them terrified they will act in ways they do not want to.
These urges could involve harm, sexual thoughts, blurting out words, while you are driving or with your kids or loved ones—whatever it is, OCD often makes these urges feel overwhelmingly real.
OCD urges feel real because OCD always targets exactly what we value most, making the stakes feel incredibly high.
In addition, these urges are often accompanied by other emotions that make them feel even more dangerous, such as high levels of anxiety, panic, uncertainty, anger, guilt, or a “WHOOSH” sensation throughout your body.
For instance, if you experience harm OCD, you may see content online about intrusive thoughts.
However, instead of just intrusive thoughts, you might experience an intense intrusive urge to harm your loved one, even though you deeply care for that person and would never want to cause harm.
The urge might also be accompanied by vivid mental images that make it feel as though you are on the brink of losing control.
These urges are incredibly distressing, often making people engage in OCD compulsions or rituals to reassure themselves they won’t act on the urge.
These compulsions might provide temporary relief but ultimately reinforce the obsession and make the cycle worse.
Another example is sexual intrusive thoughts.
A person might experience an unwanted urge involving inappropriate or taboo sexual thoughts, leading to intense guilt and shame.
They may worry that these thoughts define who they are, even though they know deep down these thoughts contradict their values.
The urge might compel them to avoid certain people or situations or engage in compulsions such as mentally reviewing actions for reassurance.
OCD urges also include blurted-out words or inappropriate phrases in public, even though the person doesn’t want to say them.
This type of OCD urge creates significant anxiety because it opposes their values of kindness and respect, making them worry about judgment or misunderstanding.
One particularly challenging type of OCD urge involves harming one’s baby, known as postpartum OCD.
New parents—both moms and dads—might have vivid urges or thoughts about harming their infant despite their deep love for their child.
Nurses, teachers, grandparents, and other caregivers can experience these urges, too.
It’s essential to know these intrusive urges say nothing about who you are as a person.
They can happen to anyone.
Similarly, someone might have intrusive urges to cheat on their partner despite having no desire to do so.
Unlike other intrusive thoughts that start with “What if I do this?” these OCD urges might feel like a direct command, such as “Do it,” which we call Command or Demand Obsessions.
These make the urge feel even more real and dangerous.
I know firsthand how real these urges can feel.
When I had a newborn, I would often have urges to throw him down the stairs.
It felt so real, like my arms had been injected with steroids, making me think I could hurl him far.
My body felt hot and prickly, and I even felt my legs tense as if preparing to act.
It was terrifying.
And here is my secret weapon for managing OCD urges: DO NOTHING AT ALL.
That’s right—do nothing.
No judging, no giving meaning to the urge, no responding with catastrophic thinking, no trying to solve why the urge is there or why it feels so strong.
Just let the urge rise and fall, and be as kind to yourself as possible while it does.
Allow it to pass naturally without interference.
Any attempt to change it, avoid it, or solve it only makes the situation worse.
Judging yourself or attributing meaning to these urges only feeds them.
Think of it as a wave that rises and falls on its own.
Let’s break this down into steps:
- Notice the urge as it arises and say to yourself, “Oh, I am experiencing an urge right now.”
- Acknowledge that just because the urge is present, it doesn’t mean there is actual danger.
- It might feel dangerous, but feelings are not facts.
- Observe the urge without trying to make it go away.
If it feels particularly strong, challenge it with “Bring it on.” - Do nothing- no interference, no intellectualizing, no overthinking.
Just allow it - Return to your life and engage in activities that matter to you.
Don’t let OCD urges stop you from living.
When working with clients, I tell them to continue engaging in activities even while the urge is present.
For example, take your child up and down the stairs, go and cook with your partner, or simply enjoy time with loved ones.
This reinforces that having an OCD urge doesn’t mean you’re dangerous or that you should stop engaging with your life.
The gold standard for OCD treatment is Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP).
This practice helps you manage the anxiety and uncertainty of having OCD urges without resorting to compulsions.
ERP targets six types of compulsions: physical, avoidant, reassurance-seeking, mental, self-punishment, and depressive compulsions.
The goal is not to reduce the urges but to change your reaction to them, training your brain to respond in a healthier way.
Remember, overcoming OCD and managing urges takes time and practice.
If you don’t have access to an ERP therapist, check out ERP School, my online course that provides step-by-step guidance.
It’s on-demand and self-led, designed to teach you skills to manage OCD urges, intrusive thoughts, and reduce the urge to engage in compulsions.
If you find yourself wondering whether your urges mean you’re a dangerous person, recognize that this is OCD trying to pull you back into mental compulsions.
The key is to embrace uncertainty and respond with kindness.
This process requires discipline, but with practice, it gets easier.
Lastly, patience is crucial.
Managing OCD urges and breaking the compulsion cycle isn’t linear, but each small victory is a step toward OCD recovery.
Celebrate those wins, and remember: today is a beautiful day to do hard things.
