If You Are in a Tough Place Right Now, This Will Change Your Life | Ep. 422

In this episode, we explore how to break free from frustration and self-judgment by shifting from stress to self-compassion using the powerful practice of loving-kindness.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• How to recognize when you’re caught in an “adult-sized tantrum” and why it keeps you stuck
• The simple mindset shift that can help you move from frustration to self-compassion
• A step-by-step loving-kindness meditation to practice in real time
• Why self-compassion isn’t just about feeling better—it’s about taking courageous action
• How to make loving-kindness your new default response to stress and overwhelm
• Practical strategies for integrating this practice into your daily life

Breaking the Cycle: How to Shift from Stress to Self-Compassion

We all have those days where nothing seems to go right. The to-do list is piling up, people need us, and frustration starts bubbling over. Before we know it, we’re caught in what I like to call an “adult-sized tantrum.”

But what if we could catch ourselves in that moment and make a different choice? Instead of spiraling into stress and self-judgment, we can pivot toward something much more powerful: loving-kindness.

In this guide, we’ll explore how to break free from reactive patterns and move toward self-compassion, using a simple yet profound practice—the loving-kindness meditation.

Let’s dive in.

Recognizing the “Adult-Sized Tantrum”

An adult-sized tantrum happens when we start collecting “evidence” for how bad things are:

• This shouldn’t be happening.
• Why is this so hard?
• Other people have it easier.
• I should be handling this better.

Sound familiar?

The problem is, this pattern keeps us stuck in frustration and blame. It doesn’t help us move forward. So how do we break the cycle?

The Power of Loving-Kindness

Loving-kindness, or Metta, is a mindfulness practice that helps us soften our inner dialogue and cultivate warmth—for ourselves and for others. It’s not about ignoring our struggles. It’s about meeting them with compassion instead of criticism.

And the more we practice, the more natural it becomes. It shifts from something we “try” to do to something that feels like second nature.

So instead of spiraling into an adult tantrum, we can pause, acknowledge the struggle, and pivot toward self-compassion.

Ready to try it? Let’s practice together.

A Guided Loving-Kindness Meditation

Find a quiet space. Get comfortable—sitting or lying down. Gently close your eyes and take a deep breath in… and out.

Now, repeat these phrases to yourself, letting each word land softly in your heart:

• May I be safe.
• May I be happy.
• May I be healthy.
• May I live with ease.

Notice any resistance? That’s okay. Just allow yourself to receive these words like a gift.

Now, picture someone you love—someone who makes you feel safe and cherished. Imagine them surrounded by warmth and light. Repeat these phrases for them:

• May you be safe.
• May you be happy.
• May you be healthy.
• May you live with ease.

Let’s expand it further. Picture a stranger—maybe a neighbor or someone you see in passing. Extend this same kindness to them.

And if you feel ready, bring to mind someone who has been difficult for you. Not to excuse their behavior, but to free yourself from resentment. Offer them these same words of kindness.

Finally, imagine this compassion expanding outward—to your community, your city, and the entire world.

• May all beings be safe.
• May all beings be happy.
• May all be healthy.
• May all live with ease.

Breathe it in. Let it settle. This kindness is always within you, ready whenever you need it.

Pivoting from Compassion to Courage

Loving-kindness is just the first step. Once we soften and acknowledge our emotions, we can take action.

Ask yourself:

• What would my future self want me to do today?
• How can I show up for myself in a way that supports my long-term well-being?
• What small step can I take, with kindness, toward the life I want?

True self-compassion isn’t just about feeling better—it’s about choosing what’s best for us, even when it’s hard.

You Deserve This Kindness—Always

Whenever you feel overwhelmed, remember:

• You are allowed to be human.
• You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy of kindness.
• You always have the power to pivot.

If you need support, check out CBTSchool.com for resources on mindfulness, anxiety, and self-compassion.

And remember, today is a beautiful day to do hard things.

Transcription: If You Are in a Tough Place Right Now, This Will Change Your Life

Welcome back to Your Anxiety Toolkit, everybody. You have caught me in a funk today.  My husband is out of town. The kids are both homesick. I had work I needed to get done. It is raining. The dogs are throwing crazy Tantrums themselves, and I caught myself starting to drop into an old default of mine, which is what I call an adult sized tantrum.

An adult sized tantrum is where you really gather. And I call it gathering. You gather all this data on how bad things are. You’re listing things off. You’re saying this is bad, and this is bad, and this is wrong, and it shouldn’t be this way, and it should be easier, and you start to blame other people, and you start to get angry, and you start to beat yourself up. 

You guys, take a breath with me. We’ve all been there. This used to be the default place of my brain,  but through practice and repetition, I have learned a new default, and that is to acknowledge And accept that things aren’t going the way I want and pivot towards loving kindness. And I’m talking about unconditional, nonstop, radical loving kindness directed towards myself and others in the moment.

And today I’m going to share with you how I do it, and we’re actually going to do it together. So let’s go. 

So you’re in a tough place right now.  and you need something to change. If that’s so,  I have exactly what you need. And the reason I know this to be true, because it’s not very often I would say I know exactly what you need because we’re all different, but I have no doubt, I’m convicted in my belief that this is something we all actually need, like air and water and food, and that is loving kindness towards ourselves. 

I know times are tough right now.  We are divided as a world.  It has been very tough here, even in California. Anxiety is at an all time high. Depression is at an all time high. And that’s for kids, adults, teens, elderly.  We are grieving. Things are hard.  And when things are hard, or you’re perceiving them to be hard, We can lean in and offer ourselves a soft, gentle place to land and acknowledge what we’re going through and practice nothing but nurturing, loving kindness.

It is such an important practice. And as I’ve said a million times before, it is something that we have to do on repeat. It is a muscle we have to strengthen. And when we strengthen it, it does become our new default. And if that sounds good to you, which I’m sure it does, because we don’t want the default of beating ourselves up and being in reactivity and resistance. 

If it sounds good to you, I’m sure that it does, let’s actually do the work together today.  What I’m going to do is instead of just telling you what to do and how to do it. I’m actually going to take you through a loving kindness meditation so you can practice it in real time. You can get a feel for how it lands and then  this will be here for you any time you need it.

So here we go. Let’s pull up our socks.  Let’s pull up our sleeves.  Let’s hold ourselves kindly and let’s do it together. 

So I want you to find a comfortable position, either seated Laying down,  whatever feels right to you, I want you to gently close your eyes  and soften your gaze. 

Take a slow, deep breath in, and exhale completely. 

Allowing yourself to settle into this moment. 

Releasing any tension that you’re holding.  With each breath,  soften, soften, soften. 

Now, loving kindness, or what we call metta,  is a practice of extending warmth and compassion,  first to ourselves,  and then to others.  As we go through this meditation, if difficult emotions arise, just acknowledge them.  With as much kindness as you can,  this practice is about nurturing the heart,  not forcing any feelings. 

Bring your attention to your heart space.  Imagine a warm, gentle light here.  A light that holds deep compassion and care.  and ease and peace. 

And as you breathe,  let this light expand, filling your body with warmth and kindness and light. 

Now, silently or softly repeat these phrases to yourself,  allowing the words to deeply land and resonate.  May I be safe. 

May I be happy. 

May I be healthy. 

And may I live with ease.  Now, if your mind wanders, that’s okay,  it’s completely normal.  Just gently return to these words,  offering them to yourself,  kind of like a gift. 

Now I want you to bring to mind somebody who you love deeply.  Someone who makes you feel safe and cherished.  Something that’s maybe an easy relationship.  And picture them in your mind’s eye, seeing them happy  and at peace  and joyful. 

As you breathe, send this warm light from your heart to theirs.  And repeat these phrases for them.  May you, lovely one, Be safe. 

May you, dear one, be happy. 

May you be healthy. 

And may you live with ease. 

Feel the warmth of this offering flowing freely from your heart to theirs. 

Now I want you to bring to mind somebody neutral.  Perhaps a neighbor, a co worker, or even a stranger that you’ve seen but you maybe don’t know that well.  And recognize that they are you. To seek this happiness and peace and ease in their life.  Imagine them surrounded by the same warmth and light and compassion.

And offer them these phrases.  May you be safe. 

May you be happy. 

May you be healthy. And now if it feels right, and if it doesn’t, that’s okay,  bring to mind somebody who maybe you’ve had difficulty with, a person that has maybe  caused some conflict or pain. 

Now, this part of the practice is not about excusing their behavior,  but it’s about softening our own heart, our own inner experience, so that we can free ourselves from anger and resentment. 

These emotions can actually cause us suffering, and so it’s actually a gift to us  to offer them loving kindness.  If this feels too difficult,  what I want you to do is just return to sending love to yourself, because that is entirely okay.  So if you’re able, gently offer these words.  May you be safe. 

May you be happy. 

May you be healthy. 

And may you live. 

Now this is my favorite part. I now want you to imagine this circle of loving kindness, this energy of compassion, this warmth of nurturing compassion,  expanding outward  over the entire earth, over every living being, over everything.  Picture your family,  your friends.  Your community,  even the people you’ve never met,  animals, insects, trees,  spreading kindness to every living being on this earth and beyond. 

Repeating these phrases, send love and peace to all. 

May all beings be safe. 

May all beings be happy. 

May we all be healthy. 

May we all live with ease.  Feel the boundless warmth  of your heart expanding,  filling the world with compassion.  and kindness. 

Feel the boundless warmth of your heart expanding,  filling the world with compassion  and kindness. 

And now gently  bringing your awareness back to your body,  feeling the ground beneath you, the rhythm of your breath, knowing that this loving kindness  that you have cultivated here today.  is always within you,  always ready to be shared and felt at any time that you need it.  This is a practice of unconditionally being there for you when things feel hard or scary.  You are deserving of this loving kindness. 

Now when you feel ready,  take a deep breath in, and slowly exhale. 

Wiggle your fingers and your toes,  and when you’re ready,  you may open your eyes. 

May you carry this sense of warmth and compassion  with you throughout your day.  May you recall on it when you need it,  knowing that it’s always there and that you always, always, always deserve it. 

So guys, that is the practice of loving kindness. That is the pivot I want you to make when things are getting really hard, when you’re stuck, when you feel yourself all wound up.  in anxiety and panic and an adult sized tantrum in my case.  It is a softening and acknowledging of what’s going on  for us  in the moment,  holding space without judgment, without criticism, without punishment, without resistance.

Just being here.  In the moment,  being kind when things get hard.  Now there is one thing I want to mention here, which is This is the one thing, right? This is the one thing. But then we pivot again into leaning into fear. We pivot again into pulling our shoulders back and holding our head high and doing what is right for us because the most compassionate act we can make is to show up and do the actions of what the long term  us would need,  right?

In, if I looked back in a year  and I was in a really good place, what is it that I would wish that I had have done in this moment?  How can I show up for myself? How can I be there and set boundaries and be brave and do the hard thing, but do it with loving kindness?  That is the next step.  If you need help with any of these things, please go to CBTSchool.

com. We have a whole array. of online courses and resources and trainings that can help you with anxiety and depression, OCD, mindfulness, panic, hair pulling and skin picking. It’s all there for you,  waiting for you if you feel called to move in that direction.  I am so grateful you’re here. I am sending you every ounce of my love.

I was thinking of you during my loving kindness metta practice today. I hope you know how much I value your time and how grateful I am to spend this time with you. We are on this journey together. I am walking right beside you, doing the work alongside you as well. I hope you have a wonderful day. As always, today is a beautiful day to do hard things, and I’ll see you in the next episode. 

Please note that this podcast or any other resources from CBTSchool. com should not replace professional mental health care. If you feel you would benefit, please reach out to a provider in your area. Have a wonderful day, and thank you for supporting CBTSchool. com.