How to Stop Overthinking EVERYTHING (Even If You Can’t Control It) | Ep. 469
In this episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit, Kimberley Quinlan breaks down why overthinking feels so necessary—and shares practical, compassionate tools to help you stop ruminating and get back to living your life.
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What you’ll learn in this episode:
- Why overthinking shows up when you care deeply—and why it’s not a personal flaw
- The critical difference between helpful problem-solving and exhausting mental loops
- Six practical strategies to interrupt rumination and regain control of your attention
- How leaning into uncertainty (instead of fighting it) can actually reduce anxiety
- Why self-compassion and mindfulness are essential for long-term relief from overthinking
- How to redirect your attention without suppressing thoughts or judging yourself
How to Stop Overthinking: Six Tools to Get Out of Your Head and Back Into Your Life
If overthinking were an Olympic sport, many of us would be standing on the podium wearing gold medals.
And yet—we’d be exhausted, overwhelmed, and wondering why we even tried so hard in the first place.
Overthinking doesn’t usually make us feel safer. It makes us feel stuck, tired, and buried under the weight of our own minds.
In this article, I want to walk you through why overthinking happens, why it feels necessary even when it’s not helpful, and—most importantly—the six practical tools I teach to help you stop ruminating and start living again.
This is about learning how to relate to your thoughts differently—not trying to eliminate them.
Content
Why Overthinking Shows Up in the First Place
Let’s start with something important:
Overthinking often shows up because you care deeply.
You’re not ruminating because you’re broken. You’re ruminating because you don’t want to:
- Make mistakes
- Cause harm
- Feel regret
- Experience shame, loss, or uncertainty
Your brain is trying—desperately—to protect you.
And here’s the tricky part:
Overthinking feels responsible.
It feels productive.
It feels like the safest option.
But what it’s actually doing is keeping you stuck.
The Mud Analogy: Why Pushing Harder Doesn’t Help
Imagine you’re stuck in thick mud.
Your instinct is to push harder, fight more, and struggle your way out. But the more you push, the deeper you sink. Soon you’re exhausted, covered in mud, and no closer to solid ground.
That’s what overthinking does.
It feels like effort equals progress—but often, effort just creates more exhaustion.
Overthinking vs. Problem Solving: There Is a Difference
Thinking itself is not the problem.
The problem starts when thinking turns into:
- Mental looping
- Catastrophizing
- Endless “what if” scenarios
- Reviewing the same situation over and over
Here’s the key distinction:
Problem solving leads to action.
Overthinking leads to paralysis.
Your anxious brain tends to overestimate threat and underestimate your ability to cope. That equation fuels rumination.
And just to be very clear:
This is not your fault.
Overthinking Is a Form of Mental Avoidance
Overthinking creates the illusion of control.
It convinces you that:
- If you think long enough, certainty will appear
- If you plan every scenario, you can prevent pain
- If you find the “perfect” answer, anxiety will disappear
But many of the questions anxiety asks aren’t solvable.
And when you try to solve the unsolvable, your nervous system stays on high alert.
The Overthinking Control Trap
Overthinking is like a mental flytrap.
You enter searching for certainty—and snap. You’re stuck.
Research shows that chronic overthinking:
- Increases cortisol (stress hormones)
- Creates decision fatigue
- Reinforces fear
- Increases avoidance and procrastination
It doesn’t calm anxiety—it trains it.
Six Tools to Help You Stop Overthinking
Let’s get practical. These are the strategies I teach my clients—and use myself.
1. Name It to Tame It
The first step is awareness.
Say it clearly:
- “This is overthinking.”
- “This is rumination, not problem solving.”
Labeling what’s happening creates just enough distance to interrupt the cycle.
You’re not failing—you’re noticing.
2. Ask: Is This Productive or Am I Going in Circles?
Train your brain to recognize when reflection turns into rumination.
Ask yourself:
- Is this leading to a concrete action?
- Or am I replaying the same thoughts again?
Awareness alone won’t stop every spiral—but it’s a powerful starting point.
3. Use Scheduled Worry Time (With a Timer)
Instead of ruminating all day, contain it.
Set a timer for 3 minutes (not 10, if you can help it).
During that time:
- Work on real problems
- Take real actions
A thought is not a problem.
A hole in your shoe is a problem.
When the timer ends, you stop.
If your brain wants more time later, you can restart the clock—but only in short chunks.
4. Lean Into Uncertainty (This Is the Game Changer)
This is the heart of anxiety recovery.
You are not irresponsible for not knowing.
You are not unsafe because something is uncertain.
The goal is to build tolerance for uncertainty, not eliminate it.
I promise you: strengthening this skill will change your life.
5. Practice Mindfulness and Self-Compassion
Mindfulness isn’t about stopping thoughts—it’s about observing them without fusing with them.
And self-compassion matters deeply here.
Overthinking is hard.
Recovery is hard.
You deserve kindness—not criticism.
Harsh self-talk fuels rumination.
Gentleness helps loosen it.
6. Train Your Attention (Over and Over Again)
Once you’ve noticed you’re ruminating, your job is to redirect your attention to what matters.
You might say:
“Thank you, brain—but we’re baking a cake right now.”
And then you bring your attention back.
Again.
And again.
And again.
This is a skill—and skills get stronger with repetition.
What I Want You to Remember
You don’t need to think less.
You need to live more.
The goal isn’t to figure everything out.
The goal is to live your life even when things aren’t figured out.
And finally:
Self-compassion is the antidote to perfectionism.
You don’t need to get this perfect.
You don’t need to do it all right.
You just need to keep practicing.
A Gentle Invitation
Please don’t just consume this information.
Try one tool.
Apply one step.
Practice one moment of uncertainty.
That’s how change happens.
I’m so grateful you’re here, and I’m honored to be part of your journey. I can’t wait to keep building these skills with you—one small, brave step at a time.
The podcast is made possible by NOCD. NOCD offers effective, convenient therapy available in the US and outside the US. To find out more about NOCD, their therapy plans, and if they currently take your insurance, head over to https://learn.nocd.com/youranxietytoolkit
Transcription: How to Stop Overthinking EVERYTHING (Even If You Can’t Control It)
If overthinking, it was an Olympic sport, most of us would be standing on the podium with a gold medal we have to add. But we would be exhausted. We would be completely overwhelmed, and we would feel like. We don’t even really deserve to be here. This was a complete waste of our time. And so what we wanna do today is talk about how we can stop overthinking and understand why we do the overthinking that we do.
So number one, overthinking shows up when we care deeply. It’s often when we want to avoid a deep sensation of regret or we don’t want to do any harm, or we don’t wanna create problems. We don’t wanna make mistakes. It’s our brain desperately trying to protect us from uncertainty and shame and fear and loss, and all of the emotions that go along with that.
It feels irresponsible to not. Be engaging in rumination and it feels responsible to ruminate. It feels necessary to ruminate, and it feels productive to try and figure this thing out, but the very thing that you’re doing and trying to. Feel better about is actually keeping you stuck. Think about it. Like this image, you’re stuck, you’re bogged in the dirt, in the mud, and it feels like the best thing you can do is to push and push and push, but in many cases, you’re not getting anywhere.
It’s not effective. And before you know it, you’re dirty. You’re deeper than you thought. Everyone’s exhausted and you haven’t gotten anywhere at all. So welcome to your anxiety toolkit. This is a podcast where I teach you. Everything I know about anxiety, I’m an anxiety specialist, and I’ve been doing this for over 10 years.
I wanna teach you how to overcome anxiety so you can live your biggest, most beautiful, boldest life. Let’s talk about now what we are going to cover in this video and in this episode of your anxiety toolkit, number one, we are going to talk about why you struggle to stop overthinking because. It’s very, very common.
Number two, we’re gonna really talk about the difference between problem solving and just mental looping. We’re gonna talk about six specific strategies that I teach on how to stop ruminating and stop overthinking. And then number four, we’re gonna talk about how to make these changes long term. Now, here is the thing I want you to remember.
You do not have to. Think your way to safety. You don’t have to control every outcome to feel good and to feel calm and safe. You do not need to be perfect. There is another way to get that peace of mind that you’re looking for without all the rumination. Let’s talk about why we overthink now.
Overthinking is a form of mental avoidance. It gives the illusion of control. It gives the illusion if something is solvable, when it actually isn’t. Usually when we’re overthinking, we’re overanalyzing the, again, thinking. There’s nothing wrong with thinking, I don’t want us to, to put a bad rap or a negative spin on thinking, but the.
Overthinking is when we put too much emphasis on this idea of, of coming up with solutions and catastrophizing and go letting our brain go to that worst case scenario, and spending a lot of time giving that a lot of our attention. Now, it’s important for you to understand that our brain, especially if you’re someone who has anxiety.
That is me. I’m guessing it’s probably you two because you’re listening to your anxiety toolkit. Our brain overestimates the threat or the risk and underestimates your ability to cope. So in almost every situation when we’re overthinking, that is the equation that is happening. Now, I wanna first clarify this is not saying that it’s your fault that you’re having intrusive thoughts, or that your brain catastrophizes, or that you ruminate, or you’re doing mental compulsions, that I, this is not about blame.
It’s not about whose fault it is. It’s not about making you feel bad because none of this is your fault. You are literally doing what we have been trained and what we have evolved, and we’ll talk about that in a couple of slides. You have evolved. To overthink. In many cases it was adaptive. Adaptive means it allowed you to grow and, and become a part of the next generation and not die off as a species, right, as a human species.
But there is a limit to which we want to do this behavior because now in today’s day and age, we overthink everything. Under the illusion that we have control under the illusion that it’s our responsibility to stop mistakes and problems from happening. Now, rumination or worrying or reviewing or mental compulsions, these what if scenarios.
These are an attempt to prevent discomfort, but. If you were to imagine a rollercoaster, it’s like getting stuck on that. You’re going around and around, or like maybe like a mouse and a wheel is you’re going around and around trying to prevent discomfort, but the act of trying to prevent discomfort is creating discomfort, and the act of trying to prevent discomfort is false and not.
Important. We humans have a great capacity to feel discomfort and anxiety and uncertainty, and we actually want to increase our ability to feel that feeling not decrease it. That is maladaptive. That is a problem for us as human beings and as us as a human species. We actually want to get better at being uncomfortable.
Now, what I want you to remember here is it makes complete sense that your brain. Wants to feel prepared. It wants to feel like it knows what could happen and it can troubleshoot. I was just listening to an audio book the other day. It was actually a business audio book, and they were talking, oh, it was stressing over and over like Have an A plan B.
Have a plan B, have a plan B. Always shoot for the stars. Always take risks, but always have a plan B. And that’s good advice. But I think, and I kind of had a giggle to myself because. We’re walking around every day, always making sure we have a plan B for every scenario, and it’s exhausting. It’s just too much.
And often we don’t need a plan B for all the things. Now, as I mentioned before, you’re not broken for overthinking. You have been wired to overthink. You have been wired to ruminate, but we have to unlearn this urgency that US anxious folks have on. Solving it right away. This is in our DNA. So again, it’s nobody’s fault, but we want to stretch ourselves and have the challenge and learn and strengthen our ability to actually have uncertainty and to strength, have discomfort, and have strength in that discomfort.
Now let’s talk about the overthinking control trap. I want you to think about one of those Venus fly traps. I think that’s what they’re called. I always get the name of that wrong. It’s like that, that plant that snaps the minute the the bug goes inside it. Um, I don’t know a lot about it, but I find them absolutely fascinating.
Overthinking is just like that. So overthinking is trying to find certainty. In uncertain situations. Often clients will say, I’ve been up all night trying to figure this out and I couldn’t. And I say to them, it’s probably because it was never figureoutable in the first place. And that’s the trap we get caught into.
We get caught into this, again, illusion or this perceived ideal that. If I just think about this hard enough, I’ll come up with the perfect decision. Or if I just go over every scenario, I can prevent bad things from happening. Now, studies show that overthinking increases your cortisol levels. It increases decision fatigue, it increase.
Avoidance behaviors and procrastinations. And it actually reinforces your fear because as you’re thinking and trying to solve this scary thing from happening, you’re reinforcing that fear on your nervous system. So it’s not helping you, it’s draining you. And I know you know this. I don’t wanna be condescending or patronizing by saying that.
Um, but I also wanna make sure we’re really clear that this. Overthinking this over attention I’m trying to solve is actually pretty detrimental. Now. I have six specific tools to help you stop overthinking. Okay? So if you are looking for effective OCD or BFRB treatment that’s covered by insurance. I’m thrilled to announce to you this week’s sponsor no cd.
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Okay, so tip number one is you have to name it to tame it. Dan Siegel, an amazing author that talks about name it to tame it all the time. And what’s so important here is that you name or you label the action, you might say, this is overthinking. This is not problem solving, and so you’re identified that I’m stuck in something that’s probably unsolvable or the benefit of this time I’m spending is very small and disproportionate and isn’t really a good return on investment.
Now that can be so important. Just being able to identify it can be something that could help you stop it right there. Not for everybody, of course. That is a really, really good place to start. Now, number two is to ask yourself this question, is this productive or am I just going in circles? Now, what we wanna do here is we wanna train our brain to notice when we’ve moved from reflection.
To rumination. That’s such an important step. We wanna be able to identify the difference between is this productive or is this not productive? That in and of itself again, can be very helpful. Now, a lot of you are like, yeah, duh. I know it’s unproductive, but I can’t stop doing it anyway. If that’s you, let’s keep moving on to step number three.
Number three, give yourself a worry time. Now, we actually talk about this in our online course called the Rumination Reset. It is an online course. I made it because so many people were asking me students. Clients, people, therapists were saying we need one course that solves one problem and it’s to figure out how to reduce these mental rumination, this spiral going down the rabbit hole.
Now, this is a course that will be me walking you through exactly what I do for myself and what I teach my clients so that you can learn how to do. Deeply look at what you’re doing, what’s getting in your way and specific steps to help you reduce that. But this part is really huge. Number three, which is giving yourself worry time.
We talk about this a lot in the course. This is where we say, if you have come across an intrusive thought or a fear or a problem, you’re gonna set a timer for three to 10 minutes and you’re going to work at solving it. Now, solving it is actual actions you can take to. Solve this problem, and there has to be an actual problem.
The problem can’t be a thought you had. ’cause a thought is not a problem. It has to be like, all right, I, I have a hole in my shoe. Okay. What’s the solution to getting a hole out of my shoe? Okay. I’m gonna go, I could prepare it, I could, um. Wear extra socks, or I could go buy new shoes. Which one would I like to do?
Make a plan, go do that. Whereas if your fear is like, what if such and such happens, well, then you’re gonna have to be really aware that. Solving that is gonna take a lot more than 10 minutes, and you will be ruminating because you now, you’re just spinning off what ifs. Now, out of the three to 10 minutes, I am going to strongly, strongly advise you to stay away from 10 minutes.
I’ve given you 10 minutes. Sometimes you need 10, but I would prefer you to be spending three minute chunks or closer to three minute chunks because as you learn this skill. You’re going to find it’s very easy to fall back into that trap of rumination, so you’re gonna keep it at three. If you need more time, you can start the clock again, but you’re gonna do it in small chunks.
Number four is lean into uncertainty. This is really the golden ticket. Your job is to sort of remind yourself. It’s okay not to know everything. I’m not irresponsible for not having a solution to every single possible problem that could happen. The ability to be uncertain is key to any form of anxiety.
If you have an anxiety disorder, if you struggle with anxiety. You are going to have to practice strengthening the muscle of being able to tolerate uncertainty, and I swear to you, I promise you, you will not regret it. It will make you so strong. I cannot believe. I don’t even recognize myself compared to the younger Kimberly who had a very short window of tolerance for uncertainty.
So I’m gonna strongly encourage you to do a lot of reps of that. Now number five is mindfulness and self-compassion. Now, this is a big part of the course. I’m, I haven’t got enough time right here to go deep into this, but ultimately what we wanna be able to do is identify and observe a thought instead of fuse with it.
Um, so again, you wanna be able to go, okay, this is a thought, this is actually not a problem. That I need to solve right now. Another part is don’t fight it, don’t wrestle with it. Don’t try and, you know, suppress your thoughts. ’cause the more you suppress your thoughts, the more thoughts you’re gonna have.
Um, and that compassion piece is be super gentle with yourself. This is really, really hard. And when things are really, really hard, that’s an opportunity or like a flag to lean in with kindness. Mean criticism. Okay? We’ve talked a lot about that in all of our podcasts and all of our courses, but it’s so important when it comes to overthinking.
Don’t beat yourself up. It’s not your fault. Number six, this one is so big. It’s called attention control training. This is where you, once you’ve identified that you’re ruminating or you’re overthinking. Once you’ve brought attention, you’ve observed the thought, you’re trying not to fuse with it, then you have to learn to redirect your attention to something that actually matters.
And you are going to have to do this on repeat over and over and over and over and over, because again, our brain. Based on the DNA and our genetics, our brain’s job is to tell us of all of the potential bad things that may happen. And so your job is to go Thank you brain for that. But we are baking a cake right now.
Thank you, brain. I know you’re worried. We are baking a cake right now. Thank you, brain. I know you have extra points that you think is so important, but we’re baking a cake right now and you’re just bringing your attention over and over and over, back to what you’re doing now, this might sound. Easier said than done.
And that’s because it is. But generally that’s what this work is all about. Okay. Uh, we can go into deeper training with this, but for right now, this is the thing I want you to take away. Okay. Once again, we go way deep into this. When it comes to the rumination reset, I strongly encourage it. Head over to CBT School and check that out.
Okay, now here are the things to remember. Number one, you do not need to think less. You need to take more action. And what I mean by that is we are not saying that you shouldn’t have thoughts. Thoughts aren’t bad. You know, you could have thoughts when you’re being mindful. Thinking is a part of being alive.
So we can’t stop thinking, but we want to be in action where we’re actually. Our life, not thinking about our life. The goal isn’t to figure it all out. The goal is to live your life even if you haven’t got it figured or all out. And that is a skill and a strength that you will get over time. Now, the last piece here is self-compassion is the antidote to the pressure that you’re feeling to get everything right or to be perfect.
A lot of overthinking, a lot of rumination. Comes from this underlying theme of anxiety called perfectionism. So we wanna really practice giving ourselves slack, humbling ourselves by saying, I don’t need to be perfect. In fact, I never will achieve that. And giving yourself the capacity and the vulnerability to accept that.
Thank you so much for being here. I cannot tell you how much I am honored that you spend your valuable time with me. If you’re new here, welcome. If you’re listening to this in the podcast, please do subscribe, follow along. I love having you here. If you’re listening or watching this on YouTube. Again, please subscribe.
I want you to learn this stuff. I want you to get really, really helpful, free information so that you can go and live your best life. I have trained for this. I could do this in my sleep. I all I want is for you to. Take 1% or 10%, or preferably a hundred percent of it and apply it. Don’t just binge on this for the sake of it.
Go and put it into action, but do follow and subscribe so that we can keep building on these skills as we go. Now, again, I’m so grateful for you being here. It is truly an honor, and I cannot wait to see you next week. All right. See you then. Please note that this podcast or any other resources from cbt school.com should not replace professional mental health care.
If you feel you would benefit, please reach out to a provider in your area. Have a wonderful day, and thank you for supporting cbtschool.com.
