How to Be Optimistic (in a Scary World) | Ep. 421
In this episode, Kimberly Quinlan shares practical strategies to help you cultivate optimism even when the world feels overwhelming, offering tools to shift your perspective and find hope.What to Expect in This Episode:
- Learn how acknowledging your struggles can be the first step toward optimism.
- Discover the power of connecting with others who are working to make a positive difference.
- Find out how focusing on what you can control can shift your mindset.
- Hear a personal story about how taking responsibility in relationships transformed Kimberly’s outlook.
- Get practical tips for spotting acts of kindness and beauty in your everyday life.
- Understand why optimism is a practice and how you can start cultivating it today.
How to Be More Optimistic When the World Feels Scary
In times of uncertainty, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed. With all the changes happening around us—whether political, environmental, or personal—it’s easy to become pessimistic. In this episode, Kimberly Quinlan, an anxiety specialist, shares practical strategies that have helped her stay optimistic, even when facing difficult situations like wildfires in Los Angeles. Let’s dive into the skills and strategies discussed in the episode to help you foster optimism even when things feel tough.
Acknowledge What You’ve Been Through
The first step in cultivating optimism is acknowledging the challenges you’re facing. Whether you’re struggling with global issues like climate change or personal concerns like health or relationships, it’s important to validate your feelings. Recognize the weight of what you’re experiencing, but also allow yourself the space to move forward.
Key Takeaway: Allow yourself to feel the difficult emotions, but don’t stay stuck in them. Acknowledging the struggle is the first step in finding a way through it.
Find Like-Minded People to Share the Struggle
When things feel dark, it can help to connect with others who are going through similar experiences. Find people who are not only experiencing the same challenges but are also actively trying to make a difference. Whether they’re volunteering, advocating, or simply offering encouragement, surrounding yourself with people who share your values can help you stay optimistic.
Action Step: Look for communities, online or offline, where people are committed to positive change and offering support. Even if they don’t fully understand your specific struggle, their shared efforts can lift your spirits.
Focus on What You Can Control
When pessimism creeps in, it’s often because we’re fixating on the things we can’t control. Kimberly emphasizes the importance of identifying what is within your control—whether it’s your thoughts, actions, or even your schedule—and focusing all your energy on those areas.
Key Takeaway: Let go of what you can’t control, and invest your energy into things that empower you. Small changes in what you do every day can lead to big shifts in how you view the world.
Take Responsibility for Your Side of the Street
In challenging situations, it’s easy to point fingers and focus on what others are doing wrong. However, Kimberly shares a personal story where shifting her attention to what she could do differently transformed her outlook. By focusing on her own actions and values, she was able to bring light back into her life.
Action Step: Ask yourself, “What can I do differently to make things better?” By focusing on your own growth and actions, you’ll feel more in control and empowered, even in difficult times.
Look for the Good in the World
One of the most powerful ways to cultivate optimism is to actively seek out the good. Kimberly challenges listeners to notice acts of kindness, beauty, and small victories in their everyday lives. Whether it’s a simple moment of kindness at the store or a stranger’s generous act, paying attention to these positives can shift your perspective.
Key Takeaway: The more you seek out the good in the world, the more you’ll see it. Optimism comes from actively choosing to focus on the positive, even when it feels hard.
Celebrate the Small Things
Sometimes, it’s the little things that make all the difference. Whether it’s appreciating the sun rising, the rain falling, or a small act of kindness, these moments can remind us that there’s goodness in the world. Kimberly shares a story of how she finds joy in something as simple as noticing lemons during her walks—proof that beauty can be found in the most unexpected places.
Action Step: Make it a practice to notice the small joys around you. Maybe it’s the smell of fresh air or the way the light hits the trees. These moments can help shift your focus from fear to gratitude.
Practice Gratitude and Joy
Optimism is not a one-time fix; it’s a practice. By choosing to focus on gratitude and joy, we can begin to train our minds to see the world through a more positive lens. Kimberly encourages listeners to start small, whether by appreciating the little things in nature or noticing kindness in others.
Action Step: Try starting each day with a gratitude practice. Write down three things you’re grateful for, no matter how small they may seem. Over time, this practice can help you build a more optimistic mindset.
Keep Watering the Seed of Optimism
Just like any new habit, optimism takes time to grow. Kimberly compares it to planting a seed: at first, you might not see much change, but with time and repetition, it will flourish. The key is to keep nurturing it—through focusing on what you can control, seeking the good, and celebrating small wins.
Key Takeaway: Be patient with yourself. Optimism doesn’t happen overnight, but with consistent practice, it will grow stronger.
Final Thoughts
No matter how scary or overwhelming the world may seem, we all have the power to shift our perspective. By acknowledging your struggles, connecting with others, focusing on what you can control, and actively looking for the good, you can foster optimism. Remember, optimism is a skill that requires practice, but with time, it will become a natural part of your mindset.
Feeling Inspired? Try implementing some of these strategies into your daily life. Whether it’s taking a moment to appreciate the beauty around you or focusing on the small things you can control, each step you take will bring you closer to a more optimistic outlook.
If you’re ready to dive deeper into managing anxiety and embracing optimism, check out Kimberly’s full episode and other resources on CBT School.
Transcription: How to Be Optimistic (in a Scary World)
If you wanna learn how to be more optimistic when the world feels so scary, this is gonna be the episode for you. These are the skills that I practiced since we’ve had all of the scary fires here in Los Angeles, I have. Relied on them and they have helped me and I hope they help you as much as they helped me.
So let’s go Welcome back to your anxiety toolkit. My name is Kimberly Quinlan. I am an anxiety specialist and today we’re talking about how to be Optimistic when the world feels so scary. Listen, I get it. The news is terrifying. The weather is terrifying So many people have talked about With all the political change and the climate change and the environmental change, relationship change, you know, there’s so much change in the world happening that their nervous system is overloaded and that they’re really struggling to stay hopeful.
I get it. It makes total sense that you feel that way. In no way do I want this episode to be, to overlook that, or to make you feel invalidated. It’s totally valid. I totally get it. Again, these are skills that I’ve had to practice over and over, particularly as we manage the risk of fires here in Los Angeles.
You know, here in Los Angeles Everyone has united because of what we’ve been through, however, there’s also this overarching, like, cloud of darkness with us too, of like, what’s this rebuild gonna look like, how are we gonna do this, there’s so much loss. So let’s talk about optimism and how we can get there.
So here is the tricks I want you to practice. When you are struggling with optimism, whether it be optimism about the future, your recovery, maybe a medical illness, maybe it’s again, you’re worried about Politics for whatever country area and a lot of people have been writing and talking about climate and how they’re really worried about that.
Maybe you’re worried about rights, your own personal rights. Our job in that moment is to never take away. or invalidate that. The first step to being optimistic is acknowledging what you’ve been through. What you’re managing. What feels heavy and strong. And if you can, one way to be optimistic is to find other people who are with you managing that thing alongside you.
Now we’re not doing that to commiserate with them all day because sometimes when we hang around with other people You can actually feel even more brought down. But what I want you to do is find the people. Who are going through what you’re going through, but willing to find a way to make a difference.
Maybe they’re volunteering. Maybe they’re advocating. Maybe they’re writing letters to their local congressman. Maybe they’re doing recovery alongside you and you need, they need an accountability buddy. Maybe it’s a loved one who maybe they won’t get your specific struggle, but they’re there to encourage you and to cheer you on as we go.
Just having someone that we share a like minded struggle with. can bring a sense of optimism. The second thing here is to identify what you actually have control on. Most of the time, when we become pessimistic, which is the opposite of optimistic, we tend to hyper focus on everything we don’t. And that in and of itself can raise depression levels, anxiety levels, uncertainty levels, senses of doom, and increase our grief.
So what we really want to do here is Identify the things that you do have control on. Maybe it’s your thoughts, or your behaviors, or how much kindness and caring you put out into the world, or your schedule, or where you spend your money, or what you spend your time doing. Identify the things that you have control over and put.
Every ounce of your being into those things. We have to let go of what’s out of our control. And with repetition, and with time, you will find that your optimism starts to grow. This will not happen overnight. This will not happen immediately. You will not do some of these actions and immediately feel optimistic about the world.
You’re going to have to be willing to be patient here. But with practice of only focusing on what you can control, you can make a massive change. Let me tell you a story about this that I have used personally. I went through a season where I, in my relationship with my husband, was starting to feel like I It was quite negative to be honest.
I mean I love my husband, he’s awesome. But I had all of these like negative views about certain things. And I spoke to my therapist about it and she said, while I can completely understand why you feel that way, again she validated me, she said, why don’t instead of focusing on what he’s not doing, why don’t you clean up your side of the street first.
And at the beginning I was like, no way, not doing it. Why should I have to do it? They should do it. Not me, them. Again, I can be really immature. I know. But I was like, no, it’s not my job to clean, you know, that’s their job. They need to fix their things. And she said, that’s a part of the problem. You’re putting all your attention on what they’re not doing right.
And you’re completely avoiding what you can be doing better at. And how you can act according to your values. Now, I was so mad at that suggestion to begin with. But let me tell you, it changed my life. Literally. It changed my relationship. It changed the way I viewed the world. It changed the way, the, just the feeling of being light in the world.
The world was very dark at that time, because I was looking at everything and what was wrong. And so much benefited by me going, Okay. Yeah, things aren’t going the way I want them to, and I have no control, and I’m really upset about that, and I’m going to validate and be gentle with myself about that. But I’m going to put my attention on what I need to do differently, and how I can show up as much according to my values as possible.
So that was huge, and I’m going to strongly encourage you, how can you make small changes? For me, with, let’s say, with the environment, it was, okay, how can I? Once a week, go around the neighborhood and pick up trash. And that’s what I do while I walk the dog. I get a Target bag, I use Target bag, and I pick up one bag of trash.
That’s what I can do, and I feel so much better about the world when I make that baby small shift. The same goes for my own recovery. Right? I could get really down on the days where it’s not going well and I have to shift my attention to what do I have control over today? How can I make this my bravest day yet?
I talked about this in previous episodes. And putting my attention on that, all of a sudden, there is a shift from being super negative and super hopeless to like, Oh, I actually have more control than I thought. And it feels so much better when we come from that place. Now the biggest thing that we can do to bring on a sense of optimism, or what we would call choose optimism, is to look for where there is good.
And I talk to my patients about this all the time. So many times I have patients and they’ll say, I hate human beings. They’re the worst in the world. They, you know, they only make trouble. They hurt people. They do mean things. They A, B and C. And I’ll say to them, your homework is to look for good. And they kind of roll their eyes and they’re like, oh, that’s such a silly idea.
Like, it’s almost like, it’s like naive to be that way. And I’ll say, it might be naive, but the way you’re seeing the world is only creating suffering. So would you prefer to risk the chance of being naive, but being somewhat optimistic and somewhat happy? Or stay in this negative place and feel like the world is disconnected and harmful and scary.
As you can imagine, they roll their eyes and reluctantly agree to the homework. But here is what I say to do, because this is how I do it. Every time I’m at a stop sign, and I think of this every time, I can’t believe that we live in a world where somebody will pause and give way to me to keep the people in my car safe.
They don’t ram into me, they don’t ram into them, they are courteous and kind and they allow me to pass. There are times when I’m at the supermarket and I go with my big car and I’m terrible with spatial awareness and I’m going too fast and someone pauses and lets me go through. That is the good of the people and I want to notice that.
There are times when the person at Starbucks says Good morning, how are you? And I know they’re being paid to do that, but they don’t have to do it. They do it because human beings are generally wonderful, kind people. There will be times when people will do small acts of kindness for each other. And when you look for that, It will change your life.
I was once going to Boba with my daughter, and someone ahead of us bought everybody in the store Boba. No one said who it was. They just shouted the whole store Boba. It was like, probably like 15 or 20 of us in there, and we got to the front, and I was like, here’s my card, and she said, no, someone about 20 minutes ago said to put 200 down and pay for everybody’s Boba.
People do that. And when you take notice of that, you start to feel a little more optimistic in the world. Now, I know it’s not every day that you get offered a free boba, but the little baby beauties are everywhere if you look for it. It might be taking note that the sun rose today. Actually stopping and going, holy moly, the sun rose.
Or, when you find that one band aid in your purse that you didn’t know was there but you really needed it for your, your shoe. And going, wow, the world does work in my favor if you’re someone who tends to think that only bad things happen to you. We want to take notice of the kind things and the wonderful things that are here.
The fact that it just rained here in Los Angeles. I could have just been like, yeah, it rained. But instead I went out into the rain and I was like, thank you for the rain. We needed the rain. We needed it so bad. This earth here in Los Angeles with all the ash and all the smoke and still fires going on, we needed that rain.
And how have we stopped and really immerse ourselves in what is going well? We get to have a little more optimism and gratitude and hope for ourselves. Now, for those folks of you who have OCD, we don’t want to do this compulsively. We’re not using this as a skill for OCD recovery or, you know, your recovery of whatever disorder you’re having.
So be careful there, I want to make sure I mention that nuance. I’m talking about your general view of the world. If you’re struggling to feel optimistic, look for the good. Look for the people who are doing the hard work and making a change. And they are everywhere. They’re everywhere. There’s a woman I follow on social media and she teaches you how to sew, but not anyone.
She teaches new mums how to sew. And she said, this is for all the mums who need. Something that’s just theirs. She brings me optimism. That there are people who are looking after the new mums. There are people who are looking after the massive, you know, amount of adopted pets that need to be adopted. I am optimistic.
And you could look at that and think, I know I’m feeling more pessimistic because I know I’m thinking about dogs that need to be adopted. But again, We have an opportunity to either focus now on what’s negative or shift to where there is hope for us. There is optimism, where the good lives. And if all of that fails, just look for beauty.
I talk about this all the time on Instagram. If all of this fails, just walk around and notice leaves. For me, it’s lemons. If I see a lemon on a walk, I’m like ah, because I love the color of lemons. That yellow feels so good to my internal nervous system. It’s just beautiful, the color of lemons. And you can see how basic this is.
It’s literally the lemony yellow. It’s so good. And I can get to that mmm delicious because I’ve practiced it. Not because I’m delusional, like I’m, not because I’m Like, shifted psychologically from a color. It’s a practice that I have learned to immerse myself in joy and beauty and goodness and kindness and optimism and hope and.
With practice, you can get there too. So I hope that’s been helpful. I know these are bigger picture concepts, but boy, do we need some optimism. And if you could please just take the risk and be willing to feel a little foolish to start with and know that with practice that that seed will grow into a flourishing tree of optimism if you just keep watering it and watering it and watering it.
I’m sending you so much love. It’s a beautiful day to do hard things. I’ll see you next week.
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