Does OCD Make You Feel Like You’re A Bad Person? (Dealing With OCD Guilt)
“Am I a bad person?” is a common question many of our clients ask themselves. When battling with intrusive thoughts it is common to question everything including your morality, identity, and self-concept.
After all, OCD has frequently been named ‘the doubting disorder’.
- Those doubts make you feel like a bad person for having those thoughts.
- They make you feel like a bad person for not being able to control those thoughts.
- They make you feel like a bad person because of the context of those thoughts.
- They also make you feel like a bad person for not being to control your compulsions in response to that doubt.
And, OCD can make you feel like a bad person for simply having this mental health disorder.
In this article, we hope to show you that this is a very common feeling among those who suffer from OCD and prove to you that this simply isn’t true.
You are not a bad person for having OCD.
What obsessive thoughts can make you feel like a bad person?
Obsessions can vary across different subtypes of OCD and present in different ways depending on the context of one’s thoughts.
What remains the same across all subtypes is that OCD is highly skilled at convincing you that there is something inherently wrong with you for not being able to control your thoughts and anxiety which can interfere with your self-concepts.
Examples within some common subtypes:
Here are some examples of obsessive thoughts within each OCD subtype:
1. Contamination OCD:
– I’m a bad person for spreading germs or diseases to others.
– I’m a bad person for exposing loved ones to contaminated objects.
2. Checking OCD:
– I’m a bad person for failing to check the locks and ensure we are all safe.
– I’m a bad person if I don’t try to prevent any accidents or disasters.
– I am a bad person if I don’t take responsibility for any negative events that might happen.
3. Harm OCD:
– I am a bad person for having thoughts of harming myself or others.
– I am a bad person for imagining graphic violent acts of harm toward a loved one or strangers.
– I am a bad person who is a potential danger to society.
4. Relationship OCD (ROCD):
– I am a bad person for not feeling the way I should feel about my partner.
– I am a bad person for doubting whether I am in the ‘right’ relationship.
– I am a bad person for having thoughts of adultery, or any feelings of attraction toward anyone other than my partner.
5. Religious or Moral OCD:
– I am a bad person for having thoughts about violating moral/religious codes.
– I am a bad person if I make any religious deviations.
– I am a bad person if I doubt my faith.
6. Pedophilia OCD:
-I am a bad person for not knowing whether or not I am attracted to children.
-I am a bad person for having inappropriate thoughts and feelings around children.
-I am a bad person for having abhorrent and unacceptable thoughts about being attracted to a minor.
6. False Memory OCD:
– I am a bad person for not being able to prevent that accident/injury/death
– I am a bad person, I think I violated someone’s boundaries
I am a bad person for lying to my mother.
I am a bad person for picking on that kid in school
– I am a bad person for not keeping my friend’s secret.
How to know if you’re dealing with OCD or if you really are a ‘bad person’?
Distinguishing between OCD-related thoughts and genuine moral concerns can be challenging, as individuals with OCD often experience intense doubt and uncertainty about their thoughts and actions.
Some may wonder how they can determine if this is OCD at play or healthy self-reflection.
The truth is, there is no such thing as a ‘bad person’.
You are a full, whole human being. There is so much more to you than you OCD obsessions and compulsions and you do not deserve to punish or criticise yourself for having them.
You deserve love and compassion.
If you’re anything like me, you never loved math. However, here is some basic math that you might be able to get on board with…
- You + the most upsetting intrusive thought = Deserving of love and self-compassion
- You + a strong intrusive feeling = Deserving of love and self-compassion
- You + the strongest, most concerning urge = Deserving of love and self-compassion
- You + the most violent intrusive image = Deserving of love and self-compassion
- You + the strangest intrusive sensation = Deserving of love and self-compassion
- You + making giant mistakes during recovery = Deserving of love and self-compassion
- You + being terrible at self-compassion = Deserving of love and self-compassion
- You + having a mental illness = Deserving of love and self-compassion
- You = Deserving of love and self-compassion
OCD and Feelings of Guilt
Guilt is a common emotion felt by those living with OCD.
OCD is able to latch on to any whiff of fear and keep us firmly in its grips because it’s so incredibly convincing.
It’s understandable then, that those who struggle with intrusive thoughts that the individual may consider as morally ‘wrong’ are swamped with the heavy weight of guilt and oftentimes, shame.
People with OCD feel so much guilt for so many reasons, many of which were mentioned in the introduction.
But here are a few more reasons:
- They feel guilty for the time they’ve lost to OCD
- They feel guilty for not being able to give their partner their full attention
- They feel guilty for feeling like a source of negativity
- They feel guilty for canceling social events for fear of any triggers
- They feel guilty for having the thoughts they are having
Guilt is normal for someone who lives with OCD.
But here’s what is important!
Just because you feel guilt, it does not mean that you’ve actually done something wrong.
Those with OCD who have these catastrophic, irrational thoughts, often feel guilt for no reason at all or degrees of guilt that are disproportionate to their actions.
This then leads to self-criticism and punishment along with painful degrees of frustration and rumination.
It is important to remember that obsessions and compulsions do not make you a bad person. As you move through recovery, you need to recognize wholeheartedly that it is not your fault you have OCD.
These intrusive thoughts must mean something about me!
One of the cognitive errors experienced by those with OCD is known as thought-action fusion (TAF). According to a study from the National Library of Medicine, TAF can be broken down into two categories:
- Likelihood TAF: The belief that having a thought about an event is more likely to make it happen. For example, if I think about swallowing the full bottle of aspirin, it’s more likely to happen.
- Moral TAF: The belief that thinking about an action or behavior is morally equivalent to actually performing that behavior. For example, if I think about hitting my girlfriend then this is as morally wrong as actually hitting her.
Those with OCD believe their thoughts to hold a lot of weight and validity.
The heightened anxious response is constantly on the lookout for potential danger and seeking to solve any areas of uncertainty within our lives.
These intrusive thoughts can feel so abhorrent and out of character, the OCD brain recognizes them as a perceived source of danger when coupled with the physiological fear response we experience in our body – such as racing hearts, tense muscles, tight chest, stomach aches, etc – all of which signifies that something is wrong.
The truth is, there is no real threat even though it feels very real.
| Here are some friendly reminders if you struggle with intrusive thoughts: – You are not your thoughts – Thoughts are not facts – You are more than your OCD – Your OCD thoughts do not define you |
How to overcome the guilt of feeling like a bad person with OCD
Treatment for OCD and Guilt
If you have been struggling with intrusive thoughts that leave you with a heavy sense of guilt, the unbearable torment of believing you are a bad person for having these thoughts and you suspect you may be battling with OCD, we would love to support you on your journey toward a life guided by your values, not your fears.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) combined have been proven to show an incredibly high success rate in recovery treatment.
And this works no matter what the content of those intrusive thoughts may be.
It is also really important that you are using self-compassion and self-care every step of the way. Guilt is a heavy emotion and when we treat clients who have OCD and guilt we must also manage the guilt along the way.
If you’re reading this article, we hope this has been helpful in showing you that ‘fear of being a bad person’ is another fear that OCD loves to play on and is not indicative of your character or desires.
But if you feel like you’d like to take this one step further, there are two ways we can support you:
- Private 1:1 therapy
If you are based in California or Arizona, our team of highly qualified mental health professionals and OCD specialists would love to guide you through your recovery. We welcome you with warmth and compassion, and without judgment.
While we understand that you may feel hesitant to reach out, we only want you to know that the best time to begin is today.
Nothing will be as hard as what you’ve already experienced, facing every day with this disorder. You’ve done the hard part!
Recovery is not easy, but it feels more achievable when you have a professional in your corner, and you begin to see and feel how life could be different.
Please submit an initial intake form here, we’d love to hear from you.
- Self-paced online program
If you are unable to access private therapy right now, we have an affordable and accessible alternative.
ERP SCHOOL was created by top OCD specialist Kimberley Quinlan to show you exactly how to manage those intrusive thoughts so they no longer ruin your life, and resist the urge to do compulsions.
You will be given the exact tools and techniques used to support private clients.
And you will understand how to apply them to your specific OCD themes.
You no longer have to feel trapped inside your mind and a slave to your intrusive thoughts. You can regain your freedom, and live life how YOU choose.
