Daily Self‑Compassion Routine: 10 Minutes to Reduce Anxiety & Improve Resilience | Ep. 483

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In this episode, I walk you through a simple, 10-minute daily self-compassion practice that can help you change your relationship with anxiety and gently support your recovery.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

• How to quickly check in with your emotions without getting stuck in them
• The powerful difference between what actually helps vs. what keeps you stuck
• Why validation (not fixing) is the most important step in self-compassion
• How to take small, meaningful “matters to me” actions, even on hard days
• A simple way to create a pocket compassion note you can use anytime
• How to commit to staying on your own team, no matter what your mind throws at you

A Simple 10-Minute Daily Practice to Support Your Anxiety & OCD Recovery

If anxiety has been pulling you out of your life, I want to offer you something gentle, repeatable, and deeply supportive. This is a 10-minute daily self-compassion practice you can return to again and again, especially on the hard days.

This isn’t about eliminating anxiety. It’s about changing your relationship with it so you can show up as your own safe place, your own support system, and your own biggest cheerleader.

Let me walk you through it.

Why Self-Compassion Matters in Recovery

So many people wait until they’re overwhelmed before they begin caring for themselves. But real resilience isn’t built in crisis, it’s built through small, daily, consistent acts of support.

Yes, support from others is wonderful. But in recovery, we want to become our first line of defense, the person who meets ourselves with steadiness, kindness, and care when things get hard.

 

Step 1: Pause and Check In (2 minutes)

Start by slowing down.

Ask yourself:

• What am I feeling right now?
• Where do I feel this in my body?

You’re not trying to fix anything. You’re not judging. You’re simply noticing and naming.

Even brief journaling, just a few bullet points, can help you get clear on what’s actually happening inside you.

 

Step 2: What Helps… and What Doesn’t?

Next, gently reflect:

• What have I been doing that actually helps me move toward my long-term goals?
• What have I been doing that makes this harder?

This is about awareness, not judgment.

Maybe what helps is rest, connection, or taking one small step forward.
Maybe what doesn’t help is rumination, avoidance, or being unkind to yourself.

We’re simply identifying patterns so you can make more intentional choices.

 

Step 3: Validate Your Experience (2 minutes)

This is the heart of the practice.

Before solving anything, pause and say:

• “Of course I feel this way.”
• “This is hard.”
• “Anyone in my position might feel this too.”

Validation is not self-pity. It’s not exaggerating.
It’s simply acknowledging reality.

Because when you judge yourself for struggling, you don’t just have one problem, you now have two:

1. The problem itself
2. The shame or criticism about having it

And our goal here is to reduce suffering, not add to it.

 

Step 4: Choose “Matters to Me” Actions (2–3 minutes)

Now we shift toward values-based action.

Ask yourself:

What matters to me right now?

This might look like:

• Reaching out to someone you care about
• Taking care of your body
• Doing something meaningful for work or learning
• Resting when you need it
• Bringing in joy, humor, or creativity

When anxiety shows up, these are often the first things we drop. But these are exactly the things that build confidence, identity, and purpose over time.

Small actions matter. Even tiny ones.

 

Step 5: Write a Pocket Compassion Note (1 minute)

Write yourself a short, kind, believable message.

Keep it simple:

• “I’m right here with you.”
• “You don’t have to solve everything today.”
• “Keep going.”
• “I’m going to treat you with kindness today.”

If kindness feels too hard, start with respect:

• “I am a human, and humans deserve respect.”

Carry this note with you. Let it support you when things feel heavy.

 

Step 6: Commit to Staying on Your Own Team (2 minutes)

This is your daily promise.

No matter what happens today:

• No matter how loud the thoughts are
• No matter how strong the emotions feel
• No matter how many mistakes you make

You commit to:

• Staying on your own team
• Practicing kindness
• Showing yourself respect and non-judgment

This isn’t based on how you feel.
It’s a decision you make ahead of time.

Putting It All Together

Your 10-minute daily reset looks like this:

1. Check in with how you feel
2. Identify what helps and what doesn’t
3. Validate your experience
4. Choose one “matters to me” action
5. Write a self-compassion note
6. Commit to staying on your own team

And then, you go live your life.

 

Making This a Habit That Sticks

You might not feel like doing this. That’s normal.

So make it easier:

• Pair it with something you already do (brushing your teeth, morning coffee, driving)
• Set a reminder
• Keep your journal visible

Consistency matters more than perfection.

 

A Final Reminder

You’re not doing this to get rid of anxiety.

You’re doing this to:

• Be more present
• Reduce internal pressure
• Treat yourself with care
• Build a life that aligns with what matters to you

You will not do this perfectly. You might even feel like you’re “bad” at it.

That’s okay.

We’re looking for 1% shifts, small changes that add up over time.

 

You Deserve This Kind of Support

This practice is a skill. And like any skill, it strengthens with repetition.

So today, I want to leave you with this:

It is a beautiful day to do hard things.

And I’m so glad you’re here, doing this work with me.

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Transcription: Daily Self‑Compassion Routine: 10 Minutes to Reduce Anxiety & Improve Resilience

If anxiety has been pulling you out of your life, this 10 minute daily practice can gently bring you back to yourself over and over. You can use it as many times as you want. This is something that is going to be here to support you through your anxiety and OC recovery, and I’m so grateful you. By the end of this video, you are going to have a repeatable, daily self-compassion practice and routine that you can use and make it specific to your specific needs, your specific wants, how you want your daily life to go.

 

So as always, I’m gonna encourage you to get a journal and we’re gonna go through this together. Most people wait until their anxiety is completely overwhelming before they start. Self-compassion practice. Now, what I want you to know here is real resilience is built through repetitive, daily, gentle, consistent support.

 

This isn’t support coming from other people. While that’s wonderful and exactly what we want, we wanna be the first line of defense when things get hot. We wanna be a safe place for ourselves when we’re engaging in our anxiety recovery. This practice is not about getting rid of anxiety. It’s actually quite the opposite.

 

It’s about changing our relationship with the discomfort that we feel, the difficult emotions, the difficult times, and so that we can move towards being our absolute biggest supporter. And our biggest cheerleader.

 

Okay, so let’s get started. Number one is to pause and check in. This should take you no more than two minutes. When we pause and check in, we’re asking ourselves. What do we feel right now? We’re naming emotions. We’re looking and identifying where the discomfort is showing in our body, and we’re not doing this to hyperfocus on it.

 

We’re just here to acknowledge that it’s uncomfortable. We’re not trying to fix it. We’re not trying to judge it. We’re just noticing. And so what I would often encourage you to do is in your journal, sit down and just name it some scientists. Dan Siegel being one of them, has said that you’ve gotta name an emotion to tame an emotion, and so this can be a very important practice.

 

Before we move into the nuts and bolts of self-compassion, you first have to know what you’re dealing with, and so in this case, I want you just briefly, it can be bullet points. It doesn’t have to be articulate. Just write down what’s going on. What are you feeling? Then we’re going to move over to step two.

 

This is where we identify what does help and what absolutely is not helping. Often what happens is if we don’t slow down to reflect on these things, we tend to just repeat bad behaviors. We, we just keep doing things that aren’t working, and in that case, we just keep repeating and repeating and repeating, and then we get frustrated on why things aren’t.

 

Proving. What we wanna do instead is we wanna identify specifically for you, not what your Uncle Bob says, not what your cousin says, not what your neighbor says specifically for you. What helps and what doesn’t we know when it comes to the practice of self-compassion, one of the. Core questions we can ask ourselves is, what do I need?

 

This is such a beautiful and rich question that can help us identify specifically what it is that you can use to help soothe you and tend to your discomfort while you face your fears and move throughout your day. So you might ask yourself some of these questions. Number one, what have I been doing?

 

That is actually helping me towards my long-term goals. And that additional concept of long-term is so important because as you know, when you’re anxious, if you only ask yourself what it is that will help you in that moment that you’re panicking, you’re going to run away. You’re gonna engage in a lot of avoidant behaviors.

 

So we wanna ask ourselves what actually helps. That helps me meet the long-term goal or my long-term values. Another question you might ask is, what have I been doing that makes this harder? Is it beating yourself up? Is it running to somebody else and asking them to fix it? Is it throwing your phone against the wall?

 

Is it throwing a tantrum? Is it avoiding your work? Procrastinating, beating yourself up, you know, binging on food or Netflix or being on your phone. There’s nothing wrong with any of those things. We wanna know specifically whether it’s. Actually just making things harder for you. Try to leave your judgment at the door here.

 

We’re not here to judge you as good or bad. We’re just trying to identify what serves you in the long term. And examples of this might be what helps might be rest or slowing down or calling a friend or texting a funny meme to somebody and they might identify what doesn’t help. Maybe it’s rumination, maybe it’s avoidance.

 

Maybe it’s saying unkind things to yourself. What we wanna do here is we wanna focus just on the core goal of awareness, not on judgment. Now we’re gonna move over to step three. This is the greatest part here. This is my favorite, and it should take you again, no longer than two minutes. This is where before we move into any strategy.

 

We actually validate now, just this weekend I did this most beautiful q and a with the folks who bought your self-compassion toolkit, which is our online course for self-compassion, and we made a point. Before anybody asked a question and before I answered it, we worked at validating the discomfort that they felt.

 

So if someone said to me, what do I do if a, B and C happens before I even attempt to answer that before I go to solve it, I pause and I validate. How that must be painful for them, and I want you to really focus on this as a core part of what you practice in your daily self-compassion routine. If there is one thing you take away from today, it’s that we must practice validating more.

 

Now, this is not self-pity. This isn’t not, woe is me. It’s not saying things are awful and terrible. It’s just acknowledging that yeah. Things are hard. So an example of self validation might be, yeah, of course I feel this way. It makes complete sense that I feel this way, or anybody in this exact situation would feel very, very similarly, and that there’s nothing wrong with the emotions that you’re feeling.

 

This is what we do when we validate our own suffering. I cannot tell you. How often a client will come to therapy and sit down with me and say, listen, I need help with blank. I need help with going to this event this weekend, or I need help with this test, or I need help going to the doctor. Whatever it is they need help with.

 

Very soon after they admit that they need help, they will often, not always, but they will often say, I know it’s stupid. I shouldn’t be worried about this. And I’ll often pause and say, wait. Let’s use this as an opportunity to, instead of criticize and invalidate yourself, let’s use it as an opportunity to validate just how hard this is now their response.

 

And I’m guessing maybe your response might be, yeah, but it shouldn’t be this hard. Or I shouldn’t be having a hard time with this, or, this should be easier. And if that’s the case, let’s slow it down. I’m gonna ask who says, remember, anyone would probably feel this way if they had been through exactly what you’ve been through, or if they have your specific anxiety condition, your specific OCD, your specific obsession.

 

It would be hard for anyone if they had the. Symptoms that you are having. So we really want to make sure that validation is the core of your self-compassion practice. We wanna normalize your experience. We don’t wanna pathologize it, we wanna validate. ’cause that when we do that is it reduces that internal pressure.

 

It reduces the judgment. Now remember, if you have a problem. I want you to bring to mind one problem that you have today. It could be a large problem. It could be a very small problem. If you judge yourself for having that problem, now you have two problems. You have the problem and you have the negative emotions around judgment of yourself for having that problem.

 

Now, we are not in this game to add to our suffering. Remember, the whole point that I’m here to do is to help reduce your suffering. I’m not here to give you quick. Fixes. I’m not here to give you this miracle cure. I’m here to give you evidence-based skills that actually help you and where in the business you and me are in the business of reducing suffering, not making it worse.

 

So really do practice strengthening that muscle just like you do bicep curls at the gym, or just like you practice the piano. If you’re learning the piano, I want you to practice the skill of validation. Now we’re gonna move over to step number four. This is identifying what I call matters to me actions, and I’m gonna explain what that means.

 

But you’re going to give yourself about two to three minutes each day to do this. Now the more you do this, the easier this will get. So this actually may take less and less time the more you practice it, but matters to me. Actions are the equivalent of what we call value based. Actions. So when I teach the Rumination Reset, which is our online course for rumination, I teach people how to practice bringing their attention to the present moment instead of focusing on fear and dread and uncertainty and anger and guilt and shame, and all of those things that can distract us.

 

And so one, once we’ve identified that we are ruminating, then we bring our attention to the present. Then we move into an action that matters to me. We want you to practice including actions that matter to you, and a lot of the time when anxiety comes, the first thing to go. Is the actions that matter to you.

 

We end up spending too much time beating ourselves up, and avoiding and ruminating and catastrophizing and overthinking, and reassurance seeking and doing compulsions instead of engaging in the actual actions that matter. To you. Remember we talked before about like long-term recovery, what matters? What will help me in the long-term?

 

That’s the matters to me, actions. So here are some examples of what a matters to me action might be. It could be your health. It could be nature, it could be work ethic. It could be giving back. It could be education or learning something new. It could be just being still and resting. It could be humor and laughter and joy.

 

It could be simply just coffee. Right? In those moments, when we start to get hard on ourselves, we can just bring to mind something that matters to us and bring our attention to that thing.

 

Now, as you know, I have a private practice. I have six amazing therapists in Calabasas, California. However, we do not take insurance now, if you are looking for insurance covered OCD or BFRB treatment, I wanna let you know about no cd. No CD provides face-to-face live video sessions with specialized.

 

Licensed OCD therapists. Now their therapists use exposure and response prevention. We know this is the gold standard for OCD, so you can be absolutely confirmed that you’re in the right place there, and they have a clinically proven app that helps you stay connected to your therapist. And others who have OCD between sessions, so you’ll always feel supported.

 

Now the cool thing is no OCD is available in all 50 US states and even internationally, and they accept most insurance plans making it affordable and accessible. We love that. Now, if you think you might have OCD or you’re struggling to manage your symptoms, you can book a free call. Just click the link in the show notes@ocd.com.

 

I am. Honored to partner with no cd. I want to remind you that recovery is possible. Please do not forget that. Now, big hugs, and let’s get back to the show. Now, if you’re wanting to learn more about the Rumination Reset, you can head over to cbt school.com or you can click the link in the show notes.

 

It’ll take you straight to that course. It’s an on-demand course. It’s probably one of the most. Favorite courses I’ve made, although I do tend to say that about every course that I make, but I really do feel like it’s a very, very specific solution to a very, very specific problem, which is rumination. But ultimately, for the sake of this episode, the reason we do this is the kindest thing you can do.

 

Is to invest your time and attention into the things that matter to you that bring you joy, that make you feel good about yourself. Often when we beat ourselves up. When we have an anxiety disorder or we have depression, that negative critical voice in our head can be so mean, so painful. So just outright rude.

 

Right? And what happens with that is we start to lose our own sense of identity. We start to lose our confidence. We start to lose our sense of self. And what we know based on research is the more you engage in these small actions, these matters to me, actions, the more we can re improve and increase our self-confidence.

 

That is where we get the confidence from. We build it. We don’t. Build self-esteem by winning. In fact, we have lots of research to show that that is a short term relief of self-worth, real confidence, real self-esteem. Real sense of purpose comes from when we are engaging in actions, not for the outcome, but for the process, for the the learning and the growing and the expansion of our own.

 

Experience. So do make sure that you identify those matters to me, actions, and then write them down in your journal so that you can make sure you put them into practice. Now, if you know what these are, this is like a no-brainer for you. You can use this time to actually do the things that matter to you.

 

So for me, if I had three minutes and let’s say I was like, okay, part of my routine is to do a matters to me action, I would. Text somebody and say, how are you doing? ’cause that matters to me. I would, um, reach out to someone and who I wanted to maybe have a relationship with, I wanted to network with maybe for my work, because that matters to me.

 

Um, maybe I would check my bank account. If, you know, financial security mattered to me, I would maybe do that. There are so many ways in which you can. Quickly engage in matters to me activities instead of beating yourself up. Now, extra bonus points if you make it delicious, if you make it so wonderful. I have been thinking you guys are gonna laugh at me, but I did a post on this a couple of weeks ago and actually got a lot of attention, which is sometimes the kindest thing you can do.

 

Just wear nice underwear. I’m not talking about expensive underwear. I’m just talking about underwear. That doesn’t cut you at the hips. That doesn’t feel uncomfortable sometimes. That is the kindest thing you can do, so you get extra points here. If you can make your matters to me, actions absolutely delicious and, and gentle and soft and cuddly, and make you get the warm and fuzzies.

 

Okay, so do try to highlight that as you’re identifying those actions. Now we move on to number five, and this is going to be key. Now that you’ve got your journal out and you’re honor a roll, I want you to practice one of the skills that I teach in your self-compassion toolkit, which is you are going to write your pocket compassion note.

 

This should take you no more than one minute. You can take longer if you want, but I want you to write a short. Kind message to yourself. I want you to keep it simple, but I want you to keep it believable. I’m not saying you are, can believe you are the best looking person on the planet. Maybe I wouldn’t believe that, right?

 

Or you are the most intelligent human. Like I don’t believe that. So we don’t want it to be just fluff. We want it to be something that is simple and kind and believable. Now, if you are just starting out with this, and at this point you’ve been so mean to yourself that nothing is believable, you could just simply write.

 

I am a human and humans deserve respect. If kindness is too hard for you just yet to start with self-respect, meeting yourself with the same level of respect that you would meet any other human being. Examples that you could also use are, I’m right here with you. You could also say. You don’t have to solve everything today.

 

You could say, I’m gonna treat you with kindness today. You could say, you’re doing great. Keep going. You just wanna write something very gentle and kind. You’re gonna fall it up and you’re gonna put it in your pocket or your purse or whatever it is that you tend to carry around so that if you ever get stuck, you’re having a really rough day, you’re having a lot of anxiety, you can recall it.

 

You can bring it out and it’s gonna be there for you when you need it. I cannot tell you how many times I have used this. It is amazing, especially if you put some happy emoji faces or some hearts, or you put it on nice paper. And then what you can do, and this is what we do in your self-compassion toolkit, is we move up and up and up to where you write an actual letter.

 

To yourself. Now, if you wanna move straight to that, by all means do. But for the sake of this episode, we just wanted a 10 minute routine, something you could do every single day. And I want you to write a new note every single day. Think about as we did at the beginning, what’s something that’s happening today?

 

We’re gonna identify what works and what doesn’t work, right? As we did, we’re gonna validate how uncomfortable it’s gonna be. We’re gonna go through the steps, and then you’re gonna write a note to yourself on something that will help support you as you go through today, and then you’ll do this whole routine again tomorrow.

 

Number six is commit to staying on your own team. This should take no more than two minutes, but this is something I want you to do with Gusto. This is a commitment you make to yourself on how you are going to treat yourself, not based on how you feel, not based on what your thoughts are, but no matter what.

 

You are committing to yourself, pinky promise that you are going to stand by yourself no matter what. Absolutely unconditionally. It doesn’t matter how strong those intrusive thoughts come, you’re gonna stand by yourself. It doesn’t matter how much you fail, you are gonna stand by yourself. It doesn’t matter how strong the emotions are.

 

You are going to show up and commit to practicing kindness and respect and non-judgment and validation. This is something, now that we’ve practiced it a little, we’re gonna extend it into the day, but this is a commitment. I don’t want you to try this for one day and be like, ah, didn’t work. This is something you do every single.

 

Day for the rest of your life and it will get easier. There will be days when it will be hard, but overall, I promise you, it will get easier and you deserve it. You absolutely deserve this. Now let’s do a review. The 10 minute daily reset for self-compassion involves number one, you do a check-in. Number two, you identify what helps and what does not.

 

Number three, and most important, you validate your emotions and your experience no matter what. Number four, you identify your matters to me, actions. And then you write a pocket compassion note for number five. Number six, you commit to staying on your own team, and then after that. You go for it. You go at it.

 

We go and we put it into practice. Now remember, you don’t just do all this and then be like, oh, cool, I can go back to beating myself home. Then you’ve set the tone for the day, then you move it on. Now the thing I want you to remember here is you’re not gonna wanna do this. You’re gonna think it’s so much better to scroll on your phone, so make sure you have it.

 

Stack this with something that’s already a routine. Maybe you do it while you brush your teeth and you put your makeup on. Maybe you do it while you drive in the car. It doesn’t matter as long as we stack it. Science shows that habits become more solid when we stack it with events that you’ve already got as a part of your routine.

 

So do try to make sure that you put that piece into play. Set an alarm if you have to, whatever it takes. As always, I wanna remind you that nobody is perfect. You are going to suck at this. That’s what I say to all my patients. That’s what I say to all my students. You are going to suck at this, and that’s okay.

 

But with 1% improvements, you’ll be shocked at where you are this time next month, this time next week, maybe this time next year, we’re just looking for baby steps. You don’t need this to get less anxiety. We’re not doing it to make you feel, quote unquote relief from anxiety. We’re doing this so that you feel less alarm.

 

Our goal here is to be present. It’s to stay kind. It’s to stay as nonjudgmental as we can, and it’s to strengthen a skill that you deserve. This is a skill that you deserve no matter what. Now, as always, I’m so grateful for you. As you know, I am on a mission to change as many lives as I can here, so please do share this with at least one person that you think this will help.

 

Now, as always, before we leave, I have one main message for you and that is, it is a beautiful. Day to do hard things. I am so impressed that you are here doing this work with me. I’m so grateful that you’ve trusted me to do this work with you. I really know how important your time is, so thank you so much for being here.

 

I wanna remind you here. Th this podcast is here for you. I want you to remember that if something doesn’t sit well with you, if something isn’t exactly what you need to hear, trust that just because I’m saying it and I’m telling you, even that science is here to back it. I want you to get really good at identifying that.

 

Not everything is for everybody, so really listen to your body. Listen to what’s. Best for you and trust that you know what you need. I’m so grateful you’re here. I cannot wait to see you in the next episode, and I hope you have a wonderful week.

 

Please note that this podcast or any other resources from cbt school.com should not replace professional mental health care. If you feel you would benefit, please reach out to a provider in your area. Have a wonderful day, and thank you for supporting cbt school.com.