Afraid to Fly? This Is What I Tell My Clients Before Every Flight | Ep. 439

In this episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit, Kimberley Quinlan breaks down the real reasons behind flying anxiety and offers practical, compassionate tools to help you board that plane with more confidence and calm.

What to Expect in This Episode:

• The surprising reason you’re not actually afraid of the plane itself
• How to identify your specific flying fear so you can tailor your coping tools
• The #1 mindset shift that turns anxiety into an opportunity for growth
• Creative strategies for managing panic, claustrophobia, and feeling trapped
• Why self-compassion is your secret weapon mid-flight
• Kimberley’s favorite in-flight tips—from movies to mindfulness to comfy socks

How to Manage a Fear of Flying: Tools to Help You Fly with Confidence

Summer is here, and while many people are excitedly sharing vacation plans and exotic destinations, one common stressor quietly lingers in the background: the fear of flying.

If you’ve ever felt your stomach drop just thinking about boarding a plane, this article is for you. In this episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit, Kimberley Quinlan shares the most common reasons people fear flying, along with powerful tools she gives her clients to help them fly with greater confidence, even if anxiety tags along for the ride.

Understanding Why Flying Feels So Scary

Before diving into tools and strategies, Kimberley emphasizes the importance of identifying the specific fear that is fueling your flying anxiety. It’s rarely about the plane itself. Instead, it’s about what flying represents or what it might trigger in your body.

Here are the most common flying-related fears:

• Fear of crashing (especially after recent news stories)
• Fear of losing control
• Fear of having a panic attack
• Fear of being trapped or claustrophobic
• Fear of embarrassment or “freaking out” on the plane
• Fear of going crazy and never recovering

Once you identify the root fear, you can tailor your strategy for facing it.

You’re Not Afraid of the Plane—You’re Afraid of How You’ll Feel on the Plane

A key reframe Kimberley offers is this: you’re likely not afraid of the actual airplane. You’re afraid of experiencing intense anxiety or panic while flying.

This realization can be empowering. Instead of avoiding flying, you can work on becoming more skilled at riding the waves of discomfort that anxiety brings.

The Core Mindset Shift: From Resistance to Willingness

When facing any fear, the most powerful shift you can make is to stop resisting the anxiety and instead practice willingness to feel it.

Kimberley encourages listeners to:

• Approach flying as an opportunity to practice anxiety management
• Drop the struggle and stop trying to white-knuckle your way through the flight
• Say, “This is hard, but I can handle it”
• Be kind to yourself throughout the experience

This mindset turns the flight into a valuable exposure exercise that helps retrain your brain.

Key Tools for Managing the Fear of Flying

Here are the most effective tools Kimberley shares with her clients:

1. Self-Compassion First

Before you even pack your bags, meet your fear with kindness. Say to yourself: “This is hard, but it’s okay to be scared.”

2. Take It One Step at a Time

Don’t overwhelm yourself by thinking about the entire journey. Focus only on the next step (e.g., getting to the airport, boarding the plane).

3. Drop Emotional Reasoning

Just because something feels unsafe doesn’t mean it is unsafe. This is called emotional reasoning, and it’s a cognitive distortion that anxiety loves to use.

4. Educate Yourself on How Planes Work

Learning a bit about how planes stay in the air can help reduce the fear of losing control. Choose reliable sources, and keep the research brief to avoid compulsive reassurance seeking.

5. Practice Mindfulness

When anxious thoughts arise (“What if we crash?”), gently say, “Thank you, brain,” and bring your focus back to the present moment.

6. Face Panic With Willingness

If you’re afraid of panic, practice radical acceptance: “If panic comes, I will allow it. I don’t need to fix it.” This paradoxically makes panic less intense.

7. Engage in Value-Based Activities

Focus on your values, not your fear. Ask yourself, “If I weren’t anxious, what would I be doing right now?” Then do that activity (watch a movie, read, play a game, journal).

8. Make Yourself Comfortable

This isn’t about avoiding fear—it’s about treating yourself kindly. Bring cozy socks, wear soft clothes, or bring a blanket hoodie if that helps. It’s okay to make the flight more enjoyable.

9. Talk to Your Doctor About Medication

If you’re deeply anxious, speak to your doctor about anti-anxiety medication for flights. Do not self-medicate with alcohol or recreational drugs.

10. Prepare a Script for Potential Embarrassment

If you’re afraid of what others might think, consider saying something like, “I have flying anxiety. I may cry or need to do some breathing. I’m okay—just working through it.”

Final Reminder: You’re Allowed to Be Anxious and Brave at the Same Time

You don’t need to wait until you’re anxiety-free to book that trip. Kimberley reminds us that bravery isn’t the absence of fear; it’s doing what matters even while fear is present.

Flying might never feel perfectly comfortable, but you can still go, grow, and enjoy the vacation you deserve. With practice, you can change your relationship with anxiety and begin to experience flying—and life—with more freedom.

You’ve got this.

The podcast is made possible by NOCD. NOCD offers effective, convenient therapy available in the US and outside the US. To find out more about NOCD, their therapy plans, and if they currently take your insurance, head over to https://learn.nocd.com/youranxietytoolkit

 

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Transcription: Afraid to Fly? This Is What I Tell My Clients Before Every Flight

It is summer here in the Northern Hemisphere, and everybody is going on vacation sharing about theiIt is summer here in the Northern Hemisphere, and everybody is going on vacation sharing about their amazing trip that they’re taking. There is one thing that everyone has in common or most people have in common, and the one big stressor of travel, and that is the fear of flying. So today we are going to talk about the fear of flying, and I’m going to give you some skills and the tools that.

I give my clients as they prepare for their vacation and their trips. My name is Kimberly Quinlan. Welcome to your Anxiety Toolkit podcast. This is where we give you all the virtual hugs and effective tools to help you manage anxiety, depression, and any other mental health struggles that you may have. I want to today set you up with a better understanding of specifically what’s going on for you.

If you have a fear of flying. And give you some practical skills you can put into play, even if you’re getting on a plane today. So I’m so excited. Let’s do this together. Okay. So we wanna first look at specifically what is the cause of your fear. And when I say, cause I don’t actually mean like. Why it happened, what?

You know, some people, yes, may have had a more of an experience with flying that wasn’t helpful and that we would totally understand. That is the reason why they have a fear of flying. But in this case, I wanna talk more about the specific underlying fear, the trigger that sets off this fear of flying.

’cause why is it that 200, 300 people can get on a plane? And some have no fear at all, and others do. And that’s usually because of how they’ve interpreted this flight, how the, the, the fear that they’ve placed on this flying experience. And what I wanna do is go through some of the specific fears that people have and why they are afraid of it.

So, of course, the first one I’m gonna address is the most. Obvious, which is recently in the news. We have had more news events of plane crashes now. This is terrifying. I totally get it. But that is a big one that’s coming up in my office with my clients right now. However, even before these news events, people were reporting significant anxiety about flying a significant anxiety about panicking while on a flight, and so we wanna get to the bottom of that as well because.

For many of us, the fear preceded these news events. The first one I wanna talk about here is the fear of losing control. This is a big one for people when they go on a plane, they don’t have control and it doesn’t really make sense. I know for me. When you get on an airplane and it’s this giant thing and it’s got two or 300 people on it, it doesn’t make sense in my brain how this giant thing can go up in the air and not fall out of the sky.

So in my mind, there’s sort of this feeling of being out of control, not really understanding the concept. Of how this is, you know, how this airplane got up in the sky and how it can stay in the sky. For me, when I fly home to Australia, it’s always like, how did it stay up the whole way over an ocean, like a giant ocean, a the Pacific Ocean?

How did it stay up for all that, including the fact that it’s carrying like thousands and thousands liters or gallons of gasoline or whatever it is, petrol, whatever it is that it, it has. So the first thing here I think is that we do is we consider the fact that we don’t have control and we don’t understand how it is that it’s up in the sky.

A big one for people is they will understand that, you know, there’s an equal stressor, an equal threat, an equal danger in getting in a plane. But in their mind, they have more control over that because it’s on the ground and they feel like because they’re driving, they may have more control or that they trust the person, they know the person they’re driving with.

Whereas when you’re. On an airplane, you don’t even get to meet the pilot. You don’t even know who they are, what their training is, and that feels very out of control for some people. Now, the second one is claustrophobia. The fear of claustrophobia is a definite thing. Claustrophobia is a specific type of phobia where you’re afraid of small enclosed spaces.

Now, yes. It does feel weird to be in a tube, um, that is enclosed and they lock it down and they close it down and you cannot get on and you cannot get off. That can cause specific anxiety and panic for people when they’re flying. I know a lot of people will say, it’s not only that you’re in this enclosed capsule up in the sky, it’s also that you’re enclosed in your seat.

You have to be sort of enclosed in this little area. If you’re somebody who is taller or in a larger body, that might be exacerbated by the tiny, tiny seats that they have on airplanes. We actually know that the seat size of airplanes has actually reduced over time for them to make more money. So people are feeling cramped.

They are feeling, you know, stuck in the airplane. I know for me, I just flew home to Australia. We usually book pretty late when we go to Australia, which means we usually, you know, there’s only seats way in the back. When you’re way in the back of an airplane, it can feel like you’re stuck in this long tube way in the back, right way in the back, which can increase experience of claustrophobia.

Now, one of the biggest reasons. People are afraid of flying isn’t actually about flying, it’s that they’re afraid of having a panic attack. So many people have come to me as a clinician or as a friend, and said. I’m afraid of flying. I really hate flying. I don’t wanna do it. And often the question I ask is, are you afraid of the actual airplane and the experience of flying?

Or are you afraid of the physical experience of anxiety and panic that you will have to experience because of those sort of other fears? And often it’s not the fear of flying at all. It is the fear of panic. Now that’s actually panic disorder. It’s not actually the fear of flying. It’s not actually any kind of phobia of a plane.

It’s actually the fear of panic itself, which is what we call panic disorder. And in that case, we actually treat it a little bit differently. So identifying the specific trigger or the fear associated with your flying anxiety. Is really important so that you can create a treatment plan that is specific to it.

Okay. It’s very, very important. I’ve had clients say, I actually love flying, like I love traveling. I love the food, I love the movies. I love the whole excitement of it. And they don’t know why they’re so anxious, and it’s often because they have a fear of having a panic attack. Maybe they’ve had one before or maybe they’ve heard of people having them and they’re afraid of having another one.

Um, that’s very, very common. Now another one is very similar to claustrophobia and it’s the fear of being trapped. This might be just a general feeling. You might be afraid of being trapped in a job, trapped in a relationship, but being trapped in an airplane is sort of an extension of that. Again, I know a lot of people, including loved ones of mine, who it’s not even the flying, it’s, they’re not afraid of dying.

They’re not afraid of anything, but when they know that that door is being armed. That is when they really feel like, oh, I don’t have a choice now to leave. And you’ll say, well, why would you need to leave? And they’re like, I don’t need to leave, but what if I needed it? What if I wanted to? And you’re like, do you wanna leave right now?

And they’re like, no, but what if I want to, during the flight, and this is especially more difficult when it’s a. 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 hour flight. Because their fear is the chances of them, of them wanting to leave is higher on a longer flight. Um, whereas if let’s say it was a 30 minute flight or a 45 minute flight from Los Angeles to let’s say Las Vegas, they’d be saying like, no, I could tolerate that.

I wouldn’t need to sort of escape the flight during that time. Again, that’s very common with panic. Disorder and often is associated with panic. The next one is the fear of embarrassment or the fear of freaking out or going crazy on a plane. So let’s say you already have anxiety about crashing or claustrophobia, or having a panic attack.

And now you’ve got this additional fear of, what if I have anxiety and I snap and lose control and freak out and start screaming and crying and, and you know, you sort of can imagine that sort of imagery of lo losing control and having to call the police and then they have to call, call the, you know, have the security people come.

A lot of people have the fear that. Because they have anxiety and they haven’t yet mastered their anxiety, they’re afraid that they will lose control of their body if they were to have these higher, you know, nine and 10 anxiety, you know, subscale on an airplane. Now the last one I’ve already mentioned, but I’ll mention again, which is the fear of going crazy.

Um, this is sort of its own special little one here in that you’re afraid that being on this plane, being trapped on this plane is the thing that will I. Kind of snap and make you lose control. And that maybe that you’ll never be the same. You’ll always be freaking out. You’ll never stop panicking. You’ll always feel uncomfortable.

Maybe you have derealization or depersonalization on planes and that you’re afraid that you’ll never stop having that feeling. So these are some of the specific causes of fear of flying. We’ve listed them. Fear of losing control, fear of crashing, fear of claustrophobia, fear of panic, fear of being trapped, fear of embarra, being embarrassed or freaking out.

And then the fear of, um, going crazy. These are the fears, and specifically to those fears, we want to adjust the strategies you would use to sort of help you get on that plane. Go on your vacation. It doesn’t mean you have to enjoy it. It’s okay that if it’s not a fully enjoyable experience on the airplane, but at least you get there and you’ve got to have the vacation that you wanted and you did not let fear make your decisions for you.

So that is the basis of what we’re going on there. Now, before we move on, let’s talk about a couple of things. Number one, you are not actually afraid of the plane. Let that sink in. You’re actually not afraid of planes. You’re afraid of how you feel on the plane. You’re afraid of? What will you’ll have to experience on that plane?

Because my guess is if you walked into a museum of airplanes, there’s actually one in Palm Desert or Palm Springs, I believe, and they were all there and they were like old planes and they haven’t been used. They don’t even have a motor anymore. My guess is that you may not have a anxious response. It’s more about you knowing that if you’re going to be up in that plane, you’re afraid of what you will have to experience, the anxiety you would have to endure.

And that’s often what this is about. And that’s true for so many different anxiety disorders. This often is about you not wanting to have the experience of anxiety. And for every fear we have. We always talk about that. We wanna learn how to have an experience of safety in our bodies as we experience anxiety.

Now, what I mean by that is, is that while we experience anxiety. It’s still gonna feel scary. It’s gonna be feel dangerous, it’s gonna feel risky, but you are creating a safe place for anxiety to rise and fall. You don’t beat yourself up, you don’t criticize yourself. You don’t resist it. You don’t white knuckle it, you don’t lash out.

You just create a safe place for your anxiety to rise and fall as it needs to. You are going to be gentle and kind and patient and willing. To experience that feeling and observe it until it passes and it will, it will pass. Maybe it will pass. As you board the plane, maybe you’ll pass while you’re on the plane or maybe it will pass by you exiting the plane and that’s okay.

What we wanna do here is use this as an opportunity as you fly to have a better relationship with your anxiety and your fear. Now before we move on, let me also normalize. It is completely. Normal to have a fear of flying. I have gone through stages of my life where the fear has come up higher. During some periods, there’ll be periods where I’m actually pretty good at flying.

It goes up and down. It is totally normal because in my personal mind, in my brain, my brain still cannot comprehend how this massive tube takes off. And then. Stays, as I said, stays in the sky and turns left and turns right and then goes up above the clouds if it’s turbulence and going down below the clouds if there’s turbulence.

I do not understand how the wings don’t fall off. I do not understand any part of it, even though I’ve had it explained to me, it still does not make sense in my mind. So for me personally, it is totally that losing control, like it just doesn’t make sense. And because it doesn’t make sense, it feels scary to me.

I, I’m admitting to that and that’s sort of what it is, but I’ve kind of come to accept that that’s just, there are things my brain can’t comprehend, and I’m going to just work at being a safe place for my anxiety. But I just wanna normalize for you, it is okay if you have this fear, it doesn’t make you weak or bad.

It’s okay. I don’t want you to judge yourself. I don’t want you to compare yourself to everybody else. What we wanna do here. Just do our best to use as many tools as we can, and then put our attention on that vacation or wherever it is that you’re going and the reasons that you’re going. So let’s talk about some skills.

So anytime my clients are preparing to take a flight, there are a few things. I remind each and every one of them, despite what their specific underlying fear is, number one. Always, you know what I’m gonna say? Self-compassion first. Always self-compassion first. Always. I repeat that. We always wanna meet ourselves with kindness.

We always wanna meet ourselves with validating. This is hard. This is not easy stuff, but it’s still tolerable. It’s still doable, but we wanna honor that. It’s okay that our brain is freaking out on this particular topic. The next thing I want you to do is work on your mindset. There needs to be a massive mindset shift anytime we face a fear, and that mindset shift needs to be us shifting away from resistance and hating it and negativity and saying it’s gonna suck, and saying how bad it’s gonna feel and, and how you are bad at it.

You wanna take away all those labels. And you want to have an attitudinal shift towards having a willingness to have anxiety and using it as an opportunity. Now let’s talk about the attitudinal shift of opportunity. So when, um, I know you guys have heard about this before, it’s episode 99 of your anxiety toolkit.

My husband came on and talked about his specific fear of flying. He had massive panic attacks on airplanes, and he really made that attitudinal shift. So instead of dreading the fly and saying, this is gonna suck and I don’t wanna do it. He would say, this is another opportunity for me to face my fear.

This is another opportunity for me to rewire the way my brain experiences being in the airplane or in the airport. Even that attitudinal shift of saying, I want this opportunity. I want to overcome this. I want to feel fear. Again, I’m gonna say that again because it’s so important. I want to feel this fear and, but I’m going to do it.

Instead of having fear and pushing it away and fighting it, I want to have it so I can create that safe, you know, calm in a rational way of experiencing anxiety Now. When I say calm, it doesn’t mean I’m not having anxiety. It means I am acting calm. I am, my shoulders are dropped, my jaw is relaxed, my fingers are loose.

I’m not gripping and I’m engaging in things I value, and we’ll talk a little bit more about that in a minute, but that attitudinal shift towards willingness to have anxiety and using this as an opportunity for you to grow will be instrumental. Overcoming your fear of flying. Okay, so if you are looking for effective OCD or BFRB treatment that’s covered by insurance, I’m thrilled to announce to you this week’s sponsor.

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Big hugs, and now let’s get back to the show. Now the next thing you are going to want to remind yourself is to take one step at a time. If you, your attention, if your focus is on the 12 and a half hour flight will, and how long it’s gonna be and how tired you’re gonna feel, or how anxious you’re gonna feel.

You are gonna probably make your suffering increase. However, if you can practice on just doing one step at a time, focusing on the the flight in small baby increments and focusing only on those increments, you are likely to suffer less and have less anxiety. So one step at a time, baby steps, and be very mindful of what’s happening in the present moment and focusing only on that.

Now, the last thing here to remember is just because it feels scary and unsafe, or it feels dangerous, does not mean it is. That’s actually a common cognitive distortion that we humans engage in. It’s called emotional reasoning. Emotional reasoning is when you have a feeling about something, you assume that your feelings are facts and.

Feelings are not facts. Just because you feel something is dangerous doesn’t mean it is dangerous. Just ’cause you feel like something bad might happen doesn’t mean something will be ha bad will be happening. A feeling is not a fact. Often if we have anxiety, our brain tricks us into feeling like something bad will happen or having a bad feeling about something.

That’s our anxiety’s way of trying to get you to act and avoid. But again, just because you have it doesn’t actually mean that there’s anything dangerous. In fact, we know that flying is more safe than any other form of transport, and yet we get in a car every single day. That still blows my mind. Okay.

Let’s talk about some skills that can help specific parts of this anxiety. So if you have the fear of losing control or crashing, one thing I’m going to really encourage you to do is actually learn about airplanes. Sit down, maybe go onto YouTube, search it, spend a small period of time. Don’t do this for hours.

We don’t wanna become a reassurance seeking compulsion, but. I just really start to understand how flights and planes actually get up in the sky and stay there. A lot of the time. When we understand what’s actually happening, our anxiety is much less. And I do encourage you to look at resources, especially people who are actually pilots or have a lot of education in flying so that they can explain to you the aerodynamics of planes and.

There’s a whole scientific understanding and I’m gonna strongly encourage you to at least get a basic understanding of that so that you won’t feel so out of control. Now does that mean it’s gonna take away all your anxiety? No, but it can help, and I think it’s really important. We must first get knowledge about something before we can master it.

That’s a life fact, and it’s important for us folks who have anxiety. Now, another thing to remember here if you have the fear of losing control and so forth, is can you learn to be mindful about that? Can you learn to observe the thought? I’m having a thought that we’re gonna lose control, or I’m gonna have a thought that we’re gonna crash.

And in the moment, just stay very present in what’s actually happening. And then every time your brain like skips ahead to say, but, but what about the future? You’ll say, no, no, no. Thank you brain. Thank you for that. But I’m coming back to the present and then your brain will be like, but what about this could happen?

Oh, that could happen. And you’re gonna go, thank you. Brain not tending to all of the catastrophes. I’m coming back to the present moment and then your brain’s gonna do it again. Well, what about this? And what about that? Now I’m gonna increase your heart rate and you’re gonna go, thank you brain. Thank you so much for trying to like alert me of all the potentials, but right now I’m staying very, very present and you’re gonna need to do that with all of the different types of fear as well.

Now what about if you have an actual fear of having a panic attack? Now, in this case, what we’re going to do is we are actually going to instead put our attention on willingly having panic. Now, what do we know about panic? The more you try and resist a panic attack, the more you’re probably going to have one.

And so what we wanna do here is we wanna say to your brain, it’s cool if if you panic, that’s not a problem. We’re just gonna ride it out. And we’re gonna be as kind and compassionate as we can. We are not gonna resist it, and we’re gonna let it take its time. And by doing that, often when you’re in radical acceptance, you actually will reduce your degree of panic.

It’s miraculous and paradoxical, and I know it doesn’t make any sense, but that is how we treat panic disorder. You are gripping resistant. I don’t wanna have this. Why? Why is it here? It shouldn’t be here. What if it gets worse? What if it never goes away? All of that only exacerbates a panic attack. It only makes it worse.

So we want it to, again, in an extreme way, radically. Accept whatever panic we may or may not have and ride it out and engage back in what we value on the airplane and wait it out again. If your brain is saying, but what if we have a panic attack? You can do what we did last time and say, well, that’s not happening right now.

Let’s bring our attention back to the present. Now there is another thing I want you to think about here for all of these, and when we talk about doing value-based activities on planes or value-based actions, what we mean by that is I always ask myself, if I didn’t have anxiety, what would I be doing right now?

1. How would I be engaging in this flight? Would I be watching a movie? I’ll tell you a personal story. When I’m anxious, I don’t watch movies. I can’t focus on them and I don’t wanna focus. I wanna like grip the handles and look around and be like in hyper aware, hyper alertness. Hyper hypervigilance. And so I asked myself like, if I didn’t have anxiety, what would I be doing?

I’d be watching a, a movie. So. I drop the resistance I put on a movie, maybe something lighthearted, maybe something I’ve seen before. That’s okay because again, you wanna feel some sense of control and just engage in the movie. Every time your brain goes off track again, you’ll say, I’m going to use this as an opportunity to strengthen my mindfulness skills and come back to the present.

Maybe you wanna pack some food. Or order some food. Maybe you wanna bring some fidgets or things that you can be using or hobbies like Sudoku. I love to play apps, computer apps on your phone to sort of help you, like stay engaged. Maybe you read, maybe, I love to write when I’m on an airplane and so. It’s, you know, making sure you’re prepared to have multiple things to engage in so you can cycle through those instead of cycling through the fears and anxieties that you have.

The next one here we’re gonna talk about is the fear of being trapped. So for folks first who are either very tall or in a larger body, I’m actually going to encourage you if you can, to ask for an exit seat or to if you can. Financially ask for a, you know, pay for a bigger size seat. Now, some people may argue that that’s a safety behavior or a compulsion.

You know, when it comes to the fear of being trapped, we should just expose ourselves to that and, you know, even maybe get you the smallest seat. I do not agree with that approach. I think that you deserve to be comfortable while you’re on a plane. And if you do require a bigger seat, by all means, if you can have an exit row.

Or ask for a seat that isn’t maybe in the center. You know it’s okay to adjust your seating and your environment to help you manage your fear. Again, I don’t think that’s a compulsion. I think it’s you giving yourself an opportunity to get comfortable so that you can willingly be uncomfortable with whatever.

Fear you’re feeling. So I just wanted to clarify with that because often people will say like, I am in a bigger body, is the appropriate exposure to like have the smallest seat on the plane? No. You don’t need to be uncomfortable for the sake of treatment. This, again, it’s not really about forcing yourself to be uncomfortable with.

Actual discomfort. It’s more about can you willingly be uncomfortable in the terms of having your anxiety? So I really want you to make sure that you are creating an environment on an airplane where you are comfortable. Wear your comfy socks. Wear your comfy shoes. I recently flew and I bought this amazing airplane blanket where it’s like a hoodie, but it’s a blanket.

Um, it’s kinda like a big poncho kind of thing, but it’s made outta this blanket material. It was like 30 bucks, but I swear it was like the best 30 bucks I’ve ever spent because for the 14 hour flight, it just felt delicious and I try to honor my needs and I think a compassionate act is to have delicious things when you’re doing hard.

Things. So any way you can to bring joy and comfort and love and kindness to this flight, please do so. One thing I want you to think about though, when it comes to that is that does not mean I drink alcohol because I don’t. I think that that is. A very unhelpful way to manage your anxiety. It’s okay if you need to take medication for your anxiety.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have a glass of wine if that’s what you love to do, but do not use alcohol and substances that aren’t prescribed by your doctor to try and reduce or remove your anxiety. That is not a very helpful approach, and if you’re struggling in that area and you do use a lot of substances to get through.

Your anxiety, please reach out to a mental health professional who can, you can talk to from a non-judgmental standpoint and help you manage that. Because again, sometimes that’s what we do, but we wanna make sure that we’re doing that in a way that number one, helps us move forward with our recovery and is healthy for us and our medical health.

That being said, one thing I do talk to my clients about as they move towards flying is do speak with your medical doctor about prescription medications. It’s okay to be medicated if you need assistance on these planes. Particularly if you’re going on a particularly triggering airplane flight, again, flying from one country to the other, um, flying in a very small plane.

If that’s a trigger for you, I really would encourage you. It is okay if you need medication, do speak with your medical. Professional or your gp, um, so that they can find a medication that is best suited for you. And that’s gonna be a conversation for you and your doctor. Do not Google that. Do not go on to Reddit forms to try and find the best medication.

It is so individualized. I want you to speak with your doctor so you can get the best care that you need. Now the next thing that we wanna talk about is the fear of being embarrassed. Now I get it. You’re strapped in, you’re sitting next to a stranger. Maybe it’s somebody who you wouldn’t usually feel comfortable with, and you’re afraid of freaking out and having a lot of anxiety on the plane.

Now, I want you to give yourself permission to have anxiety, and if you’re having a panic attack. Just have the panic attack. I’m a big advocate for just telling them honestly and say, listen, I have a lot of air airplane anxiety. Flying is really hard for me. I may or may not cry on this flight, and so if I do cry, don’t worry.

I’m fine. I’ve got my skills. You know, I want you to know that I’m working through it. That’s fine to say. That’s fine to say. You might even say. Hey, you might notice me taking some deep breaths. You might notice me having a hard time. I have a really difficult time flying. Please forgive me. I hope it doesn’t disturb you, but I just wanted to let you know.

Remember, when you share your own struggles, you will connect with other people, which often helps you feel less alone and less shamed. But you also might start to feel like. You’re in community with people, maybe they’ll say something lovely to validate you and you’ll actually feel really accomplished.

They might encourage you. Uh, they might say, Hey, if you need me, let me know. I will tell you a funny story is in December of last year, I took a flight where there was turbulence the entire 14 hour flight, and by about like hour eight of it, I had had enough, and I was. Pretty anxious, and I sort of grabbed the, the handle of the seat really hard, which, you know, because it was like a big drop and the lady next to me put her hand on my hand and she said, you’re, you’re okay.

You’re okay. And I’ll never forget that, that small gesture of kindness, and I could have seen that as like, oh, how embarrassing. But the truth is, I was like, this is just human and human right. Like we’re just here helping each other out, doing a beautiful human things. Um, and that made me so happy and made me feel so validated.

And I get it. Turbulence sucks. It is scary and it, in my mind, it feels like it’s, you know, the minute before the plane goes down, my mom always says that a pilot once told her that turbulence is just like riding over potholes. Um, that’s all it is. And we drive over potholes. Every day. Uh, it’s nothing to worry about that we just, we bump that, you know, when you’re driving, you go up and down over little bumps and that’s what turbulence is.

So that was really helpful for me and I hope it’s helpful for you as well. So, going back to being embarrassed, just let yourself be embarrassed. Just allow it. It’s okay. Even if they judge you, it’s okay to be judged. It’s okay to be misunderstood. Just allow them to have their thoughts about you and you take care of yourself.

Do everything that you can to be as gentle and kind and caring as you can, as you do this incredibly brave thing. So I really want you just to remind yourself of that. So for last, the fear of going crazy. I understand that your brain is telling you, you may or may not go crazy. The thing I want you to do again, remind yourself, and this is a skill you are going to need to use in so many times of your life, which is just because you think something.

Doesn’t mean it’s true. And just because it feels dangerous doesn’t mean it is. The, what you will learn here is by repetitively flying, you will get your confidence up. By repetitively taking this attitudinal shift towards using it as an opportunity to face your fears. You are gonna become more confident, you’re gonna feel like you are mastering your own experience of anxiety.

And you’re going to leave feeling like you are a badass. I was just talking with somebody the other day who had taken a flight. They did not let their anxiety stop them from taking their vacation, and they said, I have never felt more free in my entire life. I finally felt like anxiety wasn’t winning anymore, and that I had slowly started to climb out of the hole of anxiety and get my life back.

It’s so empowering. It’s so invigorating. When you have fear and you do it anyway, so we wanna remember that just because you feel like something true it might be true, doesn’t mean it is. Now what you can do in addition to that is you can also just say to yourself, maybe I will. Maybe, maybe you, this will happen.

Maybe today is the day that I go crazy. But you make a decision to face that fear. You make a decision and you say, listen. I have to make a decision on whether fear is going to run my life or I am, which 1:00 AM I willing to do right? And if I’m going to be willing to be in charge, I have to be willing to take the risk and accept the uncertainty that scary things might happen.

And you have to make a decision on whether you’re wanting the life of safety, where you let fear win, or you’re wanting the life of, um, empowerment and living your life. And. There’s safety there in that too. So it’s a decision and a a conversation you’re gonna have to have with yourself on whether you’re willing to be anxious, willing to be uncertain, and willing to ride that wave of discomfort from a place of compassion, kindness, love, encouragement.

I want you to be your biggest cheerleader. Okay, so I wish you the most beautiful flight. I hope you have the most amazing vacation, or I hope that you get to the place that you needed to get to. I hope that you are kind. I hope that you, I. Celebrate yourself. Even if you, you know, as you walk onto the airplane, you’re saying to yourself, go, you look at us, go.

We’re doing it. I want you to take those baby steps and be as gentle as you can. You’re not weak for having this fear. There’s nothing wrong with you for having this fear. I don’t want you to beat yourself up. Having the fear of flying is. So common. I can’t tell you how many clients of mine, they may be coming to me for OCD, social, anxiety, panic disorder, whatever it might be.

And then after seeing them, we then find that they have that additional fear of flying. It’s so common, so be gentle with yourself, be kind. But again, go out there, have the most amazing flight and. You know, as you say, we’ll see you on the other side. You’ll get through the flight, and then you get to enjoy the thing that you are traveling for.

I hope this has been helpful. Uh, that is all of the tools I would give my clients. I want you to, um, again, take as many of them with you as you can, and I’ll see you in the next episode.

Please note that this podcast or any other resources from cbt school.com should not replace professional mental health care. If you feel you would benefit, please reach out to a provider in your area. Have a wonderful day, and thank you for supporting cbtschool.com.

 

r amazing trip that they’re taking. There is one thing that everyone has in common or most people have in common, and the one big stressor of travel, and that is the fear of flying. So today we are going to talk about the fear of flying, and I’m going to give you some skills and the tools that.

I give my clients as they prepare for their vacation and their trips. My name is Kimberly Quinlan. Welcome to your Anxiety Toolkit podcast. This is where we give you all the virtual hugs and effective tools to help you manage anxiety, depression, and any other mental health struggles that you may have. I want to today set you up with a better understanding of specifically what’s going on for you.

If you have a fear of flying. And give you some practical skills you can put into play, even if you’re getting on a plane today. So I’m so excited. Let’s do this together. Okay. So we wanna first look at specifically what is the cause of your fear. And when I say, cause I don’t actually mean like. Why it happened, what?

You know, some people, yes, may have had a more of an experience with flying that wasn’t helpful and that we would totally understand. That is the reason why they have a fear of flying. But in this case, I wanna talk more about the specific underlying fear, the trigger that sets off this fear of flying.

’cause why is it that 200, 300 people can get on a plane? And some have no fear at all, and others do. And that’s usually because of how they’ve interpreted this flight, how the, the, the fear that they’ve placed on this flying experience. And what I wanna do is go through some of the specific fears that people have and why they are afraid of it.

So, of course, the first one I’m gonna address is the most. Obvious, which is recently in the news. We have had more news events of plane crashes now. This is terrifying. I totally get it. But that is a big one that’s coming up in my office with my clients right now. However, even before these news events, people were reporting significant anxiety about flying a significant anxiety about panicking while on a flight, and so we wanna get to the bottom of that as well because.

For many of us, the fear preceded these news events. The first one I wanna talk about here is the fear of losing control. This is a big one for people when they go on a plane, they don’t have control and it doesn’t really make sense. I know for me. When you get on an airplane and it’s this giant thing and it’s got two or 300 people on it, it doesn’t make sense in my brain how this giant thing can go up in the air and not fall out of the sky.

So in my mind, there’s sort of this feeling of being out of control, not really understanding the concept. Of how this is, you know, how this airplane got up in the sky and how it can stay in the sky. For me, when I fly home to Australia, it’s always like, how did it stay up the whole way over an ocean, like a giant ocean, a the Pacific Ocean?

How did it stay up for all that, including the fact that it’s carrying like thousands and thousands liters or gallons of gasoline or whatever it is, petrol, whatever it is that it, it has. So the first thing here I think is that we do is we consider the fact that we don’t have control and we don’t understand how it is that it’s up in the sky.

A big one for people is they will understand that, you know, there’s an equal stressor, an equal threat, an equal danger in getting in a plane. But in their mind, they have more control over that because it’s on the ground and they feel like because they’re driving, they may have more control or that they trust the person, they know the person they’re driving with.

Whereas when you’re. On an airplane, you don’t even get to meet the pilot. You don’t even know who they are, what their training is, and that feels very out of control for some people. Now, the second one is claustrophobia. The fear of claustrophobia is a definite thing. Claustrophobia is a specific type of phobia where you’re afraid of small enclosed spaces.

Now, yes. It does feel weird to be in a tube, um, that is enclosed and they lock it down and they close it down and you cannot get on and you cannot get off. That can cause specific anxiety and panic for people when they’re flying. I know a lot of people will say, it’s not only that you’re in this enclosed capsule up in the sky, it’s also that you’re enclosed in your seat.

You have to be sort of enclosed in this little area. If you’re somebody who is taller or in a larger body, that might be exacerbated by the tiny, tiny seats that they have on airplanes. We actually know that the seat size of airplanes has actually reduced over time for them to make more money. So people are feeling cramped.

They are feeling, you know, stuck in the airplane. I know for me, I just flew home to Australia. We usually book pretty late when we go to Australia, which means we usually, you know, there’s only seats way in the back. When you’re way in the back of an airplane, it can feel like you’re stuck in this long tube way in the back, right way in the back, which can increase experience of claustrophobia.

Now, one of the biggest reasons. People are afraid of flying isn’t actually about flying, it’s that they’re afraid of having a panic attack. So many people have come to me as a clinician or as a friend, and said. I’m afraid of flying. I really hate flying. I don’t wanna do it. And often the question I ask is, are you afraid of the actual airplane and the experience of flying?

Or are you afraid of the physical experience of anxiety and panic that you will have to experience because of those sort of other fears? And often it’s not the fear of flying at all. It is the fear of panic. Now that’s actually panic disorder. It’s not actually the fear of flying. It’s not actually any kind of phobia of a plane.

It’s actually the fear of panic itself, which is what we call panic disorder. And in that case, we actually treat it a little bit differently. So identifying the specific trigger or the fear associated with your flying anxiety. Is really important so that you can create a treatment plan that is specific to it.

Okay. It’s very, very important. I’ve had clients say, I actually love flying, like I love traveling. I love the food, I love the movies. I love the whole excitement of it. And they don’t know why they’re so anxious, and it’s often because they have a fear of having a panic attack. Maybe they’ve had one before or maybe they’ve heard of people having them and they’re afraid of having another one.

Um, that’s very, very common. Now another one is very similar to claustrophobia and it’s the fear of being trapped. This might be just a general feeling. You might be afraid of being trapped in a job, trapped in a relationship, but being trapped in an airplane is sort of an extension of that. Again, I know a lot of people, including loved ones of mine, who it’s not even the flying, it’s, they’re not afraid of dying.

They’re not afraid of anything, but when they know that that door is being armed. That is when they really feel like, oh, I don’t have a choice now to leave. And you’ll say, well, why would you need to leave? And they’re like, I don’t need to leave, but what if I needed it? What if I wanted to? And you’re like, do you wanna leave right now?

And they’re like, no, but what if I want to, during the flight, and this is especially more difficult when it’s a. 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 hour flight. Because their fear is the chances of them, of them wanting to leave is higher on a longer flight. Um, whereas if let’s say it was a 30 minute flight or a 45 minute flight from Los Angeles to let’s say Las Vegas, they’d be saying like, no, I could tolerate that.

I wouldn’t need to sort of escape the flight during that time. Again, that’s very common with panic. Disorder and often is associated with panic. The next one is the fear of embarrassment or the fear of freaking out or going crazy on a plane. So let’s say you already have anxiety about crashing or claustrophobia, or having a panic attack.

And now you’ve got this additional fear of, what if I have anxiety and I snap and lose control and freak out and start screaming and crying and, and you know, you sort of can imagine that sort of imagery of lo losing control and having to call the police and then they have to call, call the, you know, have the security people come.

A lot of people have the fear that. Because they have anxiety and they haven’t yet mastered their anxiety, they’re afraid that they will lose control of their body if they were to have these higher, you know, nine and 10 anxiety, you know, subscale on an airplane. Now the last one I’ve already mentioned, but I’ll mention again, which is the fear of going crazy.

Um, this is sort of its own special little one here in that you’re afraid that being on this plane, being trapped on this plane is the thing that will I. Kind of snap and make you lose control. And that maybe that you’ll never be the same. You’ll always be freaking out. You’ll never stop panicking. You’ll always feel uncomfortable.

Maybe you have derealization or depersonalization on planes and that you’re afraid that you’ll never stop having that feeling. So these are some of the specific causes of fear of flying. We’ve listed them. Fear of losing control, fear of crashing, fear of claustrophobia, fear of panic, fear of being trapped, fear of embarra, being embarrassed or freaking out.

And then the fear of, um, going crazy. These are the fears, and specifically to those fears, we want to adjust the strategies you would use to sort of help you get on that plane. Go on your vacation. It doesn’t mean you have to enjoy it. It’s okay that if it’s not a fully enjoyable experience on the airplane, but at least you get there and you’ve got to have the vacation that you wanted and you did not let fear make your decisions for you.

So that is the basis of what we’re going on there. Now, before we move on, let’s talk about a couple of things. Number one, you are not actually afraid of the plane. Let that sink in. You’re actually not afraid of planes. You’re afraid of how you feel on the plane. You’re afraid of? What will you’ll have to experience on that plane?

Because my guess is if you walked into a museum of airplanes, there’s actually one in Palm Desert or Palm Springs, I believe, and they were all there and they were like old planes and they haven’t been used. They don’t even have a motor anymore. My guess is that you may not have a anxious response. It’s more about you knowing that if you’re going to be up in that plane, you’re afraid of what you will have to experience, the anxiety you would have to endure.

And that’s often what this is about. And that’s true for so many different anxiety disorders. This often is about you not wanting to have the experience of anxiety. And for every fear we have. We always talk about that. We wanna learn how to have an experience of safety in our bodies as we experience anxiety.

Now, what I mean by that is, is that while we experience anxiety. It’s still gonna feel scary. It’s gonna be feel dangerous, it’s gonna feel risky, but you are creating a safe place for anxiety to rise and fall. You don’t beat yourself up, you don’t criticize yourself. You don’t resist it. You don’t white knuckle it, you don’t lash out.

You just create a safe place for your anxiety to rise and fall as it needs to. You are going to be gentle and kind and patient and willing. To experience that feeling and observe it until it passes and it will, it will pass. Maybe it will pass. As you board the plane, maybe you’ll pass while you’re on the plane or maybe it will pass by you exiting the plane and that’s okay.

What we wanna do here is use this as an opportunity as you fly to have a better relationship with your anxiety and your fear. Now before we move on, let me also normalize. It is completely. Normal to have a fear of flying. I have gone through stages of my life where the fear has come up higher. During some periods, there’ll be periods where I’m actually pretty good at flying.

It goes up and down. It is totally normal because in my personal mind, in my brain, my brain still cannot comprehend how this massive tube takes off. And then. Stays, as I said, stays in the sky and turns left and turns right and then goes up above the clouds if it’s turbulence and going down below the clouds if there’s turbulence.

I do not understand how the wings don’t fall off. I do not understand any part of it, even though I’ve had it explained to me, it still does not make sense in my mind. So for me personally, it is totally that losing control, like it just doesn’t make sense. And because it doesn’t make sense, it feels scary to me.

I, I’m admitting to that and that’s sort of what it is, but I’ve kind of come to accept that that’s just, there are things my brain can’t comprehend, and I’m going to just work at being a safe place for my anxiety. But I just wanna normalize for you, it is okay if you have this fear, it doesn’t make you weak or bad.

It’s okay. I don’t want you to judge yourself. I don’t want you to compare yourself to everybody else. What we wanna do here. Just do our best to use as many tools as we can, and then put our attention on that vacation or wherever it is that you’re going and the reasons that you’re going. So let’s talk about some skills.

So anytime my clients are preparing to take a flight, there are a few things. I remind each and every one of them, despite what their specific underlying fear is, number one. Always, you know what I’m gonna say? Self-compassion first. Always self-compassion first. Always. I repeat that. We always wanna meet ourselves with kindness.

We always wanna meet ourselves with validating. This is hard. This is not easy stuff, but it’s still tolerable. It’s still doable, but we wanna honor that. It’s okay that our brain is freaking out on this particular topic. The next thing I want you to do is work on your mindset. There needs to be a massive mindset shift anytime we face a fear, and that mindset shift needs to be us shifting away from resistance and hating it and negativity and saying it’s gonna suck, and saying how bad it’s gonna feel and, and how you are bad at it.

You wanna take away all those labels. And you want to have an attitudinal shift towards having a willingness to have anxiety and using it as an opportunity. Now let’s talk about the attitudinal shift of opportunity. So when, um, I know you guys have heard about this before, it’s episode 99 of your anxiety toolkit.

My husband came on and talked about his specific fear of flying. He had massive panic attacks on airplanes, and he really made that attitudinal shift. So instead of dreading the fly and saying, this is gonna suck and I don’t wanna do it. He would say, this is another opportunity for me to face my fear.

This is another opportunity for me to rewire the way my brain experiences being in the airplane or in the airport. Even that attitudinal shift of saying, I want this opportunity. I want to overcome this. I want to feel fear. Again, I’m gonna say that again because it’s so important. I want to feel this fear and, but I’m going to do it.

Instead of having fear and pushing it away and fighting it, I want to have it so I can create that safe, you know, calm in a rational way of experiencing anxiety Now. When I say calm, it doesn’t mean I’m not having anxiety. It means I am acting calm. I am, my shoulders are dropped, my jaw is relaxed, my fingers are loose.

I’m not gripping and I’m engaging in things I value, and we’ll talk a little bit more about that in a minute, but that attitudinal shift towards willingness to have anxiety and using this as an opportunity for you to grow will be instrumental. Overcoming your fear of flying. Okay, so if you are looking for effective OCD or BFRB treatment that’s covered by insurance, I’m thrilled to announce to you this week’s sponsor.

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Big hugs, and now let’s get back to the show. Now the next thing you are going to want to remind yourself is to take one step at a time. If you, your attention, if your focus is on the 12 and a half hour flight will, and how long it’s gonna be and how tired you’re gonna feel, or how anxious you’re gonna feel.

You are gonna probably make your suffering increase. However, if you can practice on just doing one step at a time, focusing on the the flight in small baby increments and focusing only on those increments, you are likely to suffer less and have less anxiety. So one step at a time, baby steps, and be very mindful of what’s happening in the present moment and focusing only on that.

Now, the last thing here to remember is just because it feels scary and unsafe, or it feels dangerous, does not mean it is. That’s actually a common cognitive distortion that we humans engage in. It’s called emotional reasoning. Emotional reasoning is when you have a feeling about something, you assume that your feelings are facts and.

Feelings are not facts. Just because you feel something is dangerous doesn’t mean it is dangerous. Just ’cause you feel like something bad might happen doesn’t mean something will be ha bad will be happening. A feeling is not a fact. Often if we have anxiety, our brain tricks us into feeling like something bad will happen or having a bad feeling about something.

That’s our anxiety’s way of trying to get you to act and avoid. But again, just because you have it doesn’t actually mean that there’s anything dangerous. In fact, we know that flying is more safe than any other form of transport, and yet we get in a car every single day. That still blows my mind. Okay.

Let’s talk about some skills that can help specific parts of this anxiety. So if you have the fear of losing control or crashing, one thing I’m going to really encourage you to do is actually learn about airplanes. Sit down, maybe go onto YouTube, search it, spend a small period of time. Don’t do this for hours.

We don’t wanna become a reassurance seeking compulsion, but. I just really start to understand how flights and planes actually get up in the sky and stay there. A lot of the time. When we understand what’s actually happening, our anxiety is much less. And I do encourage you to look at resources, especially people who are actually pilots or have a lot of education in flying so that they can explain to you the aerodynamics of planes and.

There’s a whole scientific understanding and I’m gonna strongly encourage you to at least get a basic understanding of that so that you won’t feel so out of control. Now does that mean it’s gonna take away all your anxiety? No, but it can help, and I think it’s really important. We must first get knowledge about something before we can master it.

That’s a life fact, and it’s important for us folks who have anxiety. Now, another thing to remember here if you have the fear of losing control and so forth, is can you learn to be mindful about that? Can you learn to observe the thought? I’m having a thought that we’re gonna lose control, or I’m gonna have a thought that we’re gonna crash.

And in the moment, just stay very present in what’s actually happening. And then every time your brain like skips ahead to say, but, but what about the future? You’ll say, no, no, no. Thank you brain. Thank you for that. But I’m coming back to the present and then your brain will be like, but what about this could happen?

Oh, that could happen. And you’re gonna go, thank you. Brain not tending to all of the catastrophes. I’m coming back to the present moment and then your brain’s gonna do it again. Well, what about this? And what about that? Now I’m gonna increase your heart rate and you’re gonna go, thank you brain. Thank you so much for trying to like alert me of all the potentials, but right now I’m staying very, very present and you’re gonna need to do that with all of the different types of fear as well.

Now what about if you have an actual fear of having a panic attack? Now, in this case, what we’re going to do is we are actually going to instead put our attention on willingly having panic. Now, what do we know about panic? The more you try and resist a panic attack, the more you’re probably going to have one.

And so what we wanna do here is we wanna say to your brain, it’s cool if if you panic, that’s not a problem. We’re just gonna ride it out. And we’re gonna be as kind and compassionate as we can. We are not gonna resist it, and we’re gonna let it take its time. And by doing that, often when you’re in radical acceptance, you actually will reduce your degree of panic.

It’s miraculous and paradoxical, and I know it doesn’t make any sense, but that is how we treat panic disorder. You are gripping resistant. I don’t wanna have this. Why? Why is it here? It shouldn’t be here. What if it gets worse? What if it never goes away? All of that only exacerbates a panic attack. It only makes it worse.

So we want it to, again, in an extreme way, radically. Accept whatever panic we may or may not have and ride it out and engage back in what we value on the airplane and wait it out again. If your brain is saying, but what if we have a panic attack? You can do what we did last time and say, well, that’s not happening right now.

Let’s bring our attention back to the present. Now there is another thing I want you to think about here for all of these, and when we talk about doing value-based activities on planes or value-based actions, what we mean by that is I always ask myself, if I didn’t have anxiety, what would I be doing right now?

1. How would I be engaging in this flight? Would I be watching a movie? I’ll tell you a personal story. When I’m anxious, I don’t watch movies. I can’t focus on them and I don’t wanna focus. I wanna like grip the handles and look around and be like in hyper aware, hyper alertness. Hyper hypervigilance. And so I asked myself like, if I didn’t have anxiety, what would I be doing?

I’d be watching a, a movie. So. I drop the resistance I put on a movie, maybe something lighthearted, maybe something I’ve seen before. That’s okay because again, you wanna feel some sense of control and just engage in the movie. Every time your brain goes off track again, you’ll say, I’m going to use this as an opportunity to strengthen my mindfulness skills and come back to the present.

Maybe you wanna pack some food. Or order some food. Maybe you wanna bring some fidgets or things that you can be using or hobbies like Sudoku. I love to play apps, computer apps on your phone to sort of help you, like stay engaged. Maybe you read, maybe, I love to write when I’m on an airplane and so. It’s, you know, making sure you’re prepared to have multiple things to engage in so you can cycle through those instead of cycling through the fears and anxieties that you have.

The next one here we’re gonna talk about is the fear of being trapped. So for folks first who are either very tall or in a larger body, I’m actually going to encourage you if you can, to ask for an exit seat or to if you can. Financially ask for a, you know, pay for a bigger size seat. Now, some people may argue that that’s a safety behavior or a compulsion.

You know, when it comes to the fear of being trapped, we should just expose ourselves to that and, you know, even maybe get you the smallest seat. I do not agree with that approach. I think that you deserve to be comfortable while you’re on a plane. And if you do require a bigger seat, by all means, if you can have an exit row.

Or ask for a seat that isn’t maybe in the center. You know it’s okay to adjust your seating and your environment to help you manage your fear. Again, I don’t think that’s a compulsion. I think it’s you giving yourself an opportunity to get comfortable so that you can willingly be uncomfortable with whatever.

Fear you’re feeling. So I just wanted to clarify with that because often people will say like, I am in a bigger body, is the appropriate exposure to like have the smallest seat on the plane? No. You don’t need to be uncomfortable for the sake of treatment. This, again, it’s not really about forcing yourself to be uncomfortable with.

Actual discomfort. It’s more about can you willingly be uncomfortable in the terms of having your anxiety? So I really want you to make sure that you are creating an environment on an airplane where you are comfortable. Wear your comfy socks. Wear your comfy shoes. I recently flew and I bought this amazing airplane blanket where it’s like a hoodie, but it’s a blanket.

Um, it’s kinda like a big poncho kind of thing, but it’s made outta this blanket material. It was like 30 bucks, but I swear it was like the best 30 bucks I’ve ever spent because for the 14 hour flight, it just felt delicious and I try to honor my needs and I think a compassionate act is to have delicious things when you’re doing hard.

Things. So any way you can to bring joy and comfort and love and kindness to this flight, please do so. One thing I want you to think about though, when it comes to that is that does not mean I drink alcohol because I don’t. I think that that is. A very unhelpful way to manage your anxiety. It’s okay if you need to take medication for your anxiety.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have a glass of wine if that’s what you love to do, but do not use alcohol and substances that aren’t prescribed by your doctor to try and reduce or remove your anxiety. That is not a very helpful approach, and if you’re struggling in that area and you do use a lot of substances to get through.

Your anxiety, please reach out to a mental health professional who can, you can talk to from a non-judgmental standpoint and help you manage that. Because again, sometimes that’s what we do, but we wanna make sure that we’re doing that in a way that number one, helps us move forward with our recovery and is healthy for us and our medical health.

That being said, one thing I do talk to my clients about as they move towards flying is do speak with your medical doctor about prescription medications. It’s okay to be medicated if you need assistance on these planes. Particularly if you’re going on a particularly triggering airplane flight, again, flying from one country to the other, um, flying in a very small plane.

If that’s a trigger for you, I really would encourage you. It is okay if you need medication, do speak with your medical. Professional or your gp, um, so that they can find a medication that is best suited for you. And that’s gonna be a conversation for you and your doctor. Do not Google that. Do not go on to Reddit forms to try and find the best medication.

It is so individualized. I want you to speak with your doctor so you can get the best care that you need. Now the next thing that we wanna talk about is the fear of being embarrassed. Now I get it. You’re strapped in, you’re sitting next to a stranger. Maybe it’s somebody who you wouldn’t usually feel comfortable with, and you’re afraid of freaking out and having a lot of anxiety on the plane.

Now, I want you to give yourself permission to have anxiety, and if you’re having a panic attack. Just have the panic attack. I’m a big advocate for just telling them honestly and say, listen, I have a lot of air airplane anxiety. Flying is really hard for me. I may or may not cry on this flight, and so if I do cry, don’t worry.

I’m fine. I’ve got my skills. You know, I want you to know that I’m working through it. That’s fine to say. That’s fine to say. You might even say. Hey, you might notice me taking some deep breaths. You might notice me having a hard time. I have a really difficult time flying. Please forgive me. I hope it doesn’t disturb you, but I just wanted to let you know.

Remember, when you share your own struggles, you will connect with other people, which often helps you feel less alone and less shamed. But you also might start to feel like. You’re in community with people, maybe they’ll say something lovely to validate you and you’ll actually feel really accomplished.

They might encourage you. Uh, they might say, Hey, if you need me, let me know. I will tell you a funny story is in December of last year, I took a flight where there was turbulence the entire 14 hour flight, and by about like hour eight of it, I had had enough, and I was. Pretty anxious, and I sort of grabbed the, the handle of the seat really hard, which, you know, because it was like a big drop and the lady next to me put her hand on my hand and she said, you’re, you’re okay.

You’re okay. And I’ll never forget that, that small gesture of kindness, and I could have seen that as like, oh, how embarrassing. But the truth is, I was like, this is just human and human right. Like we’re just here helping each other out, doing a beautiful human things. Um, and that made me so happy and made me feel so validated.

And I get it. Turbulence sucks. It is scary and it, in my mind, it feels like it’s, you know, the minute before the plane goes down, my mom always says that a pilot once told her that turbulence is just like riding over potholes. Um, that’s all it is. And we drive over potholes. Every day. Uh, it’s nothing to worry about that we just, we bump that, you know, when you’re driving, you go up and down over little bumps and that’s what turbulence is.

So that was really helpful for me and I hope it’s helpful for you as well. So, going back to being embarrassed, just let yourself be embarrassed. Just allow it. It’s okay. Even if they judge you, it’s okay to be judged. It’s okay to be misunderstood. Just allow them to have their thoughts about you and you take care of yourself.

Do everything that you can to be as gentle and kind and caring as you can, as you do this incredibly brave thing. So I really want you just to remind yourself of that. So for last, the fear of going crazy. I understand that your brain is telling you, you may or may not go crazy. The thing I want you to do again, remind yourself, and this is a skill you are going to need to use in so many times of your life, which is just because you think something.

Doesn’t mean it’s true. And just because it feels dangerous doesn’t mean it is. The, what you will learn here is by repetitively flying, you will get your confidence up. By repetitively taking this attitudinal shift towards using it as an opportunity to face your fears. You are gonna become more confident, you’re gonna feel like you are mastering your own experience of anxiety.

And you’re going to leave feeling like you are a badass. I was just talking with somebody the other day who had taken a flight. They did not let their anxiety stop them from taking their vacation, and they said, I have never felt more free in my entire life. I finally felt like anxiety wasn’t winning anymore, and that I had slowly started to climb out of the hole of anxiety and get my life back.

It’s so empowering. It’s so invigorating. When you have fear and you do it anyway, so we wanna remember that just because you feel like something true it might be true, doesn’t mean it is. Now what you can do in addition to that is you can also just say to yourself, maybe I will. Maybe, maybe you, this will happen.

Maybe today is the day that I go crazy. But you make a decision to face that fear. You make a decision and you say, listen. I have to make a decision on whether fear is going to run my life or I am, which 1:00 AM I willing to do right? And if I’m going to be willing to be in charge, I have to be willing to take the risk and accept the uncertainty that scary things might happen.

And you have to make a decision on whether you’re wanting the life of safety, where you let fear win, or you’re wanting the life of, um, empowerment and living your life. And. There’s safety there in that too. So it’s a decision and a a conversation you’re gonna have to have with yourself on whether you’re willing to be anxious, willing to be uncertain, and willing to ride that wave of discomfort from a place of compassion, kindness, love, encouragement.

I want you to be your biggest cheerleader. Okay, so I wish you the most beautiful flight. I hope you have the most amazing vacation, or I hope that you get to the place that you needed to get to. I hope that you are kind. I hope that you, I. Celebrate yourself. Even if you, you know, as you walk onto the airplane, you’re saying to yourself, go, you look at us, go.

We’re doing it. I want you to take those baby steps and be as gentle as you can. You’re not weak for having this fear. There’s nothing wrong with you for having this fear. I don’t want you to beat yourself up. Having the fear of flying is. So common. I can’t tell you how many clients of mine, they may be coming to me for OCD, social, anxiety, panic disorder, whatever it might be.

And then after seeing them, we then find that they have that additional fear of flying. It’s so common, so be gentle with yourself, be kind. But again, go out there, have the most amazing flight and. You know, as you say, we’ll see you on the other side. You’ll get through the flight, and then you get to enjoy the thing that you are traveling for.

I hope this has been helpful. Uh, that is all of the tools I would give my clients. I want you to, um, again, take as many of them with you as you can, and I’ll see you in the next episode.

Please note that this podcast or any other resources from cbt school.com should not replace professional mental health care. If you feel you would benefit, please reach out to a provider in your area. Have a wonderful day, and thank you for supporting cbtschool.com.