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Episode # 23: The Mindful Use of Technology with Dr. Dustin Weissman


The Mindful Use of Technology

Hi everyone!  I hope this finds you well.

This podcast is about a topic that is so important and so interesting to me.  In this episode, we speak with screen time expert, Dr Dustin Weissman about how to use technology (smart phones, tablets, internet etc) in a mindful and healthy way.  We specifically discuss how to manage Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), OCD Spectrum Disorders such as Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), and Eating Disorders.

In this episode, we discussed:

  • Does technology improve or harm our Self-Esteem?
  • How can we create a Balanced lifestyle when using technology?
  • How can Parents monitor and moderate their children’s use?
  • How can Parents practice sound and mindful discipline using technology as the reward or consequence?
  • How can we, as adults, monitor and manage our use of technology in this era of information?
  • How can we manage the compulsive use of internet/mobile devices for those with OCD and BDD?
  • How can we manage reassurance seeking behaviors related to technology use?

Special tips for those with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) and  Eating Disorders.

Earlier this year, Dr Weissman published his dissertation titled, Impacts of Playing Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games (MMORPGs) on Individuals’ Subjective Sense of Feeling Connected with Others.

 

Some links we discussed in the Podcast: 

Quality Time APP:  http://www.qualitytimeapp.com/faq/

MindSpace Meditation APP: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/mindspace/id967886308?mt=8

About Dr. Weissman: 

Dr. Dustin Weissman holds a Psychology Doctorate and works in private practice in Westlake Village, CA. He works with clients who are struggling with any form of internet addiction or problematic internet use, which include: online gaming, gambling, pornography, or smartphone addiction.

Earlier this year, he published his dissertation, Impacts of Playing Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games (MMORPGs) on Individuals’ Subjective Sense of Feeling Connected with Others. A link can be found from his personal website, DustinWeissman.com. He was recently featured as an expert on screen time in an online article and has given numerous workshops.

I hope you found this episode helpful.  I know I did!

Warmly,

Kimberley

Episode #22: “Why Not Me?” and Our Limiting Beliefs


Got something you really want to achieve? I am guessing that you most certainly do. What is holding you back from taking on this thing you want achieve?  Why can’t you reach this goal? This is the big question that I am toying with right now.  Why can’t I? Why not Me? Why not you?  It is a really tough subject, because we have to face ourselves and our possibilities, and this can be SUPER scary.

Sometimes, at least for me, when we look at our big goals, we are forces to tackle our deepest limiting beliefs.  “I am not enough.”  “I am not strong enough.” “No one cares about me anyway.”  “What’s the point.  I will only ruin everything anyway.”  These are all limiting beliefs that stop us from reaching realistic goals.

Think about it. I am guessing at least one person (or maybe millions of people) have achieved your goal, or a goal like it, already.  WHY NOT YOU?   “It’s not special if someone else has already done it.”  LIMITING BELIEF!!! “I don’t have what it takes!”   How do you know?

Thomas Edison failed 1000’s of times to make the light bulb.  That is one piece of proof that you probably can!  Persistence people!

Let’s really get to know our limiting beliefs and then be SUPER mindful about them.  Listen to hear more about how. 🙂

 

Episode #21: Listeners Ask Questions about Mindfulness for Anxiety, OCD and Other Stuff


Happy Halloween everyone!  It’s one of my favorite months and I LOVE that everyone is so willing to be afraid on this special day.   Let’s all commit to being willing to be scared/afraid/anxious every day, shall we?

This episode is a little different to the normal format.  Today, I answer questions from Your Anxiety Toolkit listeners about anxiety, OCD, Mindfulness and appropriate treatment for certain disorders.

Questions include:

  • How to manage Postpartum OCD (including thoughts of hurting our children)
  • How to help someone with Scrupulocity or Moral Obsessions (including fear of offending God or sinning)
  • How to help a son with OCD and Tic Disorder
  • How to manage thoughts about Death

GREAT, GREAT QUESTIONS!  I hope my answers were helpful

Have a wonderful day everyone!

Episode #20: Managing Anxiety When The News Is So Scary (A message from me to you)


 

Hi there guys!  I couldn’t finish the day without checking in with you and sending you my support after such a difficult day.   This podcast was not planned and I kind of threw it together at the last minute.  I hope it is helpful.

For anyone in Las Vegas or Puerto Rico or any other place where there is destruction and pain, please know that I am praying for you and I hold you in my heart.

These scary events can trigger our already high anxiety, so please listen for some tips and tools to manage your anxiety about the current events and affairs in the news.

A couple of important points:

Anger Sadness and Anxiety/Fear are all very human responses to these horrific events.

Obsessions to look out for:

  • “Will this happen to me, or a loved one?”
  • Intrusive Imagery (Mental images of people suffering from traumatic events, shootings, hurricanes, earthquakes etc)
  • Intrusive sounds (Gun shots, people crying, sobbing, screaming, sirens etc)
  • For those with Harm OCD:  “Am I capable of doing such an act?”

Compulsions to look out for

  • Mental Review or Mental Compulsions about the event or possibility of this happening to you or a loved one
  • Reassurance Seeking (checking news, checking phones, asking a loved one if they will be ok etc)
  • Avoidance (future vacations, work, school, thought blocking, etc)
  • Increase in physical behaviors/compulsions.

Episode #19: Nature just might be the ULTIMATE Mindfulness Tool (with Zoe Gillis)


 

If you are anything like me, the days go by too fast and you find yourself running through the day without stopping to take in the beauty of nature.   Is it just me?

Today, I was lucky enough to interview Zoe Gillis, who I consider to be the MASTER of combining mindfulness with a wilderness practice. She combines hiking, backpacking and camping with Mindfulness and Meditation as a way to get a deeper understanding of our self and each other.  It is BRILLIANT stuff and it makes me want to pack my bags and go camp in the dessert right now!

Zoe is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a wilderness guide who is the founder of Z Adventures.   Z Adventures thrives on the belief that we need to disconnect before we can connect and step out into the wilderness more often.

During this podcast, Zoe and I discuss:

  • Ways to introduce nature into your mindfulness practice.
  • How being in nature can help us identify how we see ourselves
  • How being in nature can help us identify our strengths and weaknesses.
  • The benefits of doing short vs. longer wilderness activities

This is possibly one of my favorite episodes so far, so check it out!

Click HERE to watch the interview on YouTube

 

You can learn more about Zoe Gillis or Z Adventures at the below links:

Zadventures.life

http://www.zoegillis.com/

https://www.facebook.com/zadventuresla/

https://www.instagram.com/z_adventures/?hl=en

Episode #17: What You Say To Yourself Matters


What You Say To Yourself Matters.

More importantly, what you say to yourself about anxiety matters!

In this podcast, I delve into the importance of accurate and mindful language, specifically related to how to experience and manage anxiety.   Believe it or not, the story you tell yourself can greatly change the way you see yourself and the world around you.

The way we talk to ourselves about our experience of anxiety can greatly affect the management of our anxiety, and can create a platform for whether we thrive or merely survive our anxiety.

To help us conceptualize this subject, I use a fictional example, Mary.  My hope is that Mary can help us understand the complexity of our negative thinking and help us to find new ways to talk to ourselves about our anxiety.

Example:

OCD Anxiety Fear Podcast Calabasas Thousand Oaks

Mary has anxiety and wakes up and feeling anxious. She immediately thinks, “I am so anxious”, “Something bad is going to happen”, “It isn’t fair that this is happening”, and “Why me?”    She goes off to work, repeating in her head, “I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do this…”

What she is telling herself:

  • Things are bad
  • Things aren’t going to get better
  • She is the victim. That she has no choices here
  • She doesn’t have coping skills/ She will not survive this event

What you can do differently:

During this podcast, I discuss four key steps you can take to improve your personal narrative about your anxiety. They steps will lead you towards more mindful and helpful approach to talking about your anxiety.

I have outlined a step-by-step plan to help you better manage your narrative related to anxiety.  We go into greater detail in the podcast, so enjoy listening!

_______________________

4-point plan to creating a more Mindful Narrative

  1. Be objective, not subjective                      See Episode #1: The Skill or Non-Judgment for more info
  2. Be in the present moment                         See Episode #8: Skill of Awareness for more info
  3. Take responsibility for your experience
  4. Practice Uncertainty                                   See Episode #6: The Beginners Mind for more info
_____________________
To help you along with practicing these steps, I have also created a fun PDF that you  can download/print and use at your leisure.
Sign up below to get access to all the Podcast Add-ons!

[embed_popupally_pro popup_id=”3″]

I challenge you to try this as much as you can and see the difference it makes. Small changes lead to large changes, so don’t be afraid to try it a little at a time. Even trying it once a day can get the ball rolling.

Enjoy!

This podcast should not replace professional mental health care. This podcast is for education purposes only. If you feel you would benefit by seeing a clinical professional, please contact a professional mental health care provider in your area.

Episode #15: Finding your Village


Hello everyone!

I am excited to share this months podcast, as we are joined by what I call a CBT SUPERSTAR, Sara Vicendese.  Sara is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) in addition to traditional PsychoDynamic therapy.

CBT HRT Finding your village Calabasas, Thousand Oaks, Encino, Los Angeles, Sara Vicendese Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast Kimberley QuinlanThis podcast is based on the phrase, “It takes a village to raise a child“.   This phrase is used often to explain the importance of community when raising a thriving and successful child.  We believe that you can create your own “micro-village” to help you along with your recovery.

Today we talk about ways to create YOUR “Village” (in whatever form you think is helpful) to help you with your on personal recovery.  We discuss how to find the correct treatment, access the most helpful resources and how to include your family members, friends or partners in your recovery, in a healthy and helpful way.

Below is a basic layout of our conversation.  Enjoy!!!

 Today we talk about ways to create YOUR “Village”.  What is the most effective form of treatment for OCD, and how do I find a therapist who provides it?

Sara talks about the difference between Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) including Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) and psychodynamic “talk” therapy, specifically focusing on:

  • How to interview your therapist: what questions to ask, how to ask them, and the importance of interviewing therapists without assuming that everyone with a degree is going to be the right fit.
  • How to know what kind of therapy you’re in.

How do you find a good ERP Therapist

  • Check out IOCDF.org for a list of therapists who are trained in CBT and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP).
  • Once in contact with a therapist, ask if they know what ERP is?
  • Ask what books they rely on when treating OCD? (This might allow you to screen them for their knowledge)
  • Ask if they have they worked with OCD before and for how long? Where did they get their training

How do you know your current therapy is or isn’t working?

Sara writes,

“A lot of dynamic therapists will stress that things can “get worse before they get better,” encouraging clients to wait months – or even years – to see the benefits of their work. It’s true that in any therapy, including ERP, you will likely feel worse before you start to feel better…but if months go by and you aren’t experiencing any reduction in symptoms OR if you notice – at any time – that you are getting significantly worse, it is likely time to move on.”

What advice do you have for those who cannot find an ERP therapist in their area? Or, for those who can only afford a therapist in-network who does not know about ERP?

 What advice do you have for those who want to start ERP treatment, but currently have a non-ERP therapist?

Sara writes:

“There are really two options here; you can leave your current therapist and start with an ERP therapist, OR you can explore the potential of seeing both at the same time.”

Sara discusses the importance of collaboration and making sure that both therapists are in regular touch with each other – to prevent each therapist from working against each other. Sara encouraged therapists to coordinate care and maintain the effectiveness of both.

help for family members and partners OCD Eating Disorders Calabasas Thousand OaksWhat advice do YOU give to the family members of those who are struggling with mental health issues such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRB’s) or Eating disorders?

Living with, and loving, someone with these disorders can be extremely challenging and it’s critical that all members of the family are as healthy as possible for everyone to thrive.

Jon Hershfield’s book is great in this situation, as psycho-education is so important. Sara discusses the importance of involving family in treatment as appropriate (assuming family is supportive and including them wouldn’t be detrimental to treatment).

Sara also discussed how she often recommends that family members seek out their own support – either through support groups or personal therapy. Kimberley discusses to use of the Family Accommodation Scale (FAC) to identify ways the family are accommodating the OCD compulsions.

Click here for a link to the Family Accommodation Scale.

Is there a kind of therapy can benefit the spouse or parent or family member of someone with OCD or other anxiety disorder, or a BFRB?

Individual therapy (and/or support groups) for the family member can be very successful. In addition, there is great benefits from continuing to be educated about the loved ones disorder and get consultation on the best ways to support them though their recovery process.

What can a sufferer do when their family member or friend is not supportive of their recovery?

This is a tough, but important, question. Being unsupportive can take many different forms, from simply not understanding / participating in treatment to (on the other extreme end) working against treatment or purposely interfering with it. Someone who is not supportive of treatment is someone who is, in some way, colluding with the illness. Maybe recovery would mean that their life will be more difficult for them, or perhaps the treatment itself is hard to tolerate.

Sara discusses how she often see families where more than one member is suffering from the disorder – however, only one is diagnosed and in treatment. If one partner is going through ERP, that can stress the relationship if the other partner has similar undiagnosed issues.

Sometimes people aren’t supportive of recovery because it is hard at first and requires more energy/work than they are willing to put in. I can think of an example where a parent consistently disrupted treatment for their child because they didn’t want to see them in distress and the increased anxiety in the household during exposures made them uncomfortable. A highly anxious parent may have as much trouble with their child’s exposures as the child – for their own reasons.

In most cases, most people get on board given enough time and education. That said, we are faced with tough decisions if our loved ones / friends interfere with treatment. Again, it is important that loved ones be brought into treatment, encouraging them to get their own support, and even the option of moving on from the relationship if it is keeping the sufferer stuck.

Sara Vicendese has a private practice in Westwood, CA.  Learn more about Sara on her website at http://saravicendese.com/

You may also see the unedited video interview here

 

Episode #11: R.A.I.N


RAIN: A four step Mindfulness tool

Welcome back and Happy New Year everyone!

Today we are discussing a very valuable mindfulness tool called RAIN. It can be a super helpful way to manage strong emotions and sensations.   RAIN can help manage anger, shame, guilt, sadness, depression and pain.   I have found this tool to be a particularly helpful tool for those experiencing anxiety or panic, but is also a very helpful tool for strong hair pulling or skin picking urges.

RAIN is an acronym. Each letter represents one step and is a part of a 4-step mindfulness tool.

R is for RECOGNIZE:

  • The first step is to recognize what is going on in this present moment.
  • Recognizing gets us to slow down, or stop.
  • Often, we are so reactive that we don’t stop to notice if there might be another solution or another was to respond.
  • An example of this might be “Oh, I am feeling hurt right now” or “Oh, I am having a thought about the possibility of me panicking very soon”
  • We stop to recognize things for how they really are.

A is for ALLOW or ACCEPT:

  • First, start by saying “YES”
  • Do not fight that this is what is happening.
  • By allowing, you are not denying it. You are making room for it in your day
  • By allowing, you are also not invested in its removal or exit. You are staying present.
  • An example of allowing and accepting is, “I am going to allow the sensations of anxiety in my body right now. They will not hurt me” or, “This urge to pull my hair is very strong, but I am going to just allow it to come and go. I wont last forever”

I is for Investigate:

  • When we investigate, we take note of what is going on
  • We become aware of the real details.
  • It is IMPORTANT to know that this does NOT mean that you should be thinking about the perceived problem. This does not mean that you should be trying to figure out the perceived problem.
  • Let me explain using a few examples

E.g. #1. Lets say you have OCD and you have had the thought “What if I go crazy and go on a shooting rampage” (a typical harm OCD thought). Before using this tool, you might immediately feel anxious, and then go into a long process of trying to get rid of that thought and find proof that you would NEVER EVER, EVER do such a thing. You might spend hours going over and over in your head if that would appeal to you or if others would think you are capable of such an act.

Using the I of RAIN, which is investigate, you would investigate what it feels like to have that thought. You would NOT investigate the validity of that thought. The goal is to investigate by saying something like, “Oh, I notice that thought makes my anxiety increase. Isn’t it interesting that my brain and body is responding to this thought this way?”

Example #2: Lets say you have an Eating Disorder such as Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa or Binge-Eating.   It is common for someone with an eating disorder to “feel fat”. When someone “feels fat”, they immediately feel fear, guilt and shame about this experience. Using RAIN, the goal would be to Recognize, “Oh, this experience is here again”. Then, one would work on allowing that experience to be present. Using I for investigate, one who experiences the feeling of “being fat” would then investigate what sensations come along with this experience? Do I feel a sense of my body that is different to normal?” or “Do I notice that this feeling immediately makes my heart begin to race?” The goal of investigate is NOT to investigate if that feeling has any validity by checking in the mirror or body fat checking. Investigate is about asking yourself, “what’s going on for me right now? “How does this feel in my body in this moment?”

N: Non-identify:

  • Non-identify is the act of not taking the experience personally.
  • When we are uncomfortable, we often identify with the emotion
  • If you felt anxiety, you might say, “I am an anxious person”
  • Instead, say, “I am anxious in this moment” or even better is. “There is a lot of anxiety here”
  • If you feel sad and depressed, you might non-identify by stating, “I notice sensations of sadness” instead of, “I am depressed”
  • A trick here is to notice if you ever label yourself as one thing. We are never one emotion or one identity. Our work is to not put ourselves in an identity

One last time, RAIN is a super helpful mindfulness tool.

RAIN

R is for recognize

A is for Allow or accept

I is for investigate

N is for Non-identify

Episode #10: Yes Mind, No Mind and Maybe Mind


 

YOUR MINDSET MATTERS: How being in “Yes Mind” can be a game changer for you!

My main goal for this podcast is to create a new approach for handling Anxiety and other difficult emotions and sensations.

During today’s podcast I am talking about being in YES mind, NO mind and MAYBE mind and what that all means in relation to how we approach anxiety and other emotions.

We will conclude with a short mindfulness meditation to help you take on some of the mindfulness skills discussed today.

Some may have heard me speak about this idea of YES NO and MAYBE, but during this podcast I am going into greater detail and discuss why this concept is so important when you live with anxiety, depression or other similar struggles such as eating disorders and BFRB’s.

In order to make this easy to understand, lets pretend you have been asked to present at the annual conference for the industry you work in and you are terrified of public speaking. You can insert your own story into this story (Contamination OCD and you have to go to the hospital for a family member, for example)

You have 3 OPTIONS:

You could say YES:

  • PRO to saying YES: You might meet new people or make new connections in your industry, it looks excellent on your resume, and MOST importantly, you are not letting anxiety make your decisions.
  • CON: You have to prepare, and have to manage and tolerate your anticipatory anxiety until the event occurs and the emotions related to worrying how it will go

You could say NO:

  • PRO: You get the relief of not adding this challenge to your plate.
    • While that is a pretty sizable PRO, given that anticipatory anxiety can be hard to manage, try to stay open minded about the fact that saying no gives your short term comfort, but leads to longer term discomforts.
  • CON: You miss out on a huge opportunity to build your public speaking skills and your reputation in your industry.   Colleagues might stop asking you to these events and not give you these opportunities in the future.
  • Biggest CON is that Anxiety wins. Anxiety makes your decisions.

You could say Maybe:

  • We end up spending the entire time mentally ruminating
  • You go back and forth, with no real relief from your emotions and feelings and no real success.
  • Its Repetitious and exhausting.

For those of you who have heard this concept before, or for those of you who are guessing, I am hoping that we can agree that of all the choices, MAYBE is the most dangerous.

For those who thought Maybe was a good choice, lets take a closer look at each option.

  • When dealing with emotions such as fear, anger, sadness or physical discomfort, even pain, when we choose NO or to be in “No Mind”, we push away our feelings as if this will allow us to move away from the “problem”.  The problem isn’t the conference.  The problem is that we are saying NO to the conference
  • There is little mental rumination or review about the decision and if this was the correct decision.
  • While saying no to going to the conference might seem harmless (no one needs to know), it is an avoidant behavior (one that is quite problematic when you have disorders like OCD, or Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety, Anorexia or other eating disorders), it saves you from having to face your fears or other emotions or sensations. The biggest problem is that your emotions make your decisions and before you know it, the emotion has won. Fear or sadness or anger or even guilt and shame decides where you go, who you meet and prevents you from having many wonderful experiences.

Saying MAYBE is SUPER problematic because it gives you ample opportunity to go BACK AND FORTH and back and forth on the pros and cons of the decision. While some may argue that this is a good thing, it is not for those with anxiety. I like to call this back and forth, “MAYBE mind”.

Maybe mind is

  • exhausting, time consuming and doesn’t encourage the skill of positive self-assurance (E.g. “I can do this”).
  • leaves us spending the entire week going over the pros and cons of saying YES to going to the party and the pros and Cons of saying NO to going to the party.
  • The truth is, when it comes to anxiety, the pros and cons are often the same, no matter what the feared event or situation is.
  • As mentioned above, the pros of saying “yes” are that you get to live your life, experience more and not let fear make your decisions. The cons are that you having to be willing to experience anxiety. The pros of saying no is that you DON’T have to feel anxiety for the short term, but the con is that you sided with fear and let fear make your decisions (log term consequence).

 

If you are wondering how this applies to you, lets take a closer look at Yes mind and see how it can help you manage fear, pain, or other uncomfortable sensations.  To use the example, saying Yes to speaking at the conference allows you to commit to a life where anxiety doesn’t make your decisions.

Being in “yes mind” doesn’t mean you just say yes to all events that scare you. It is you saying YES to anxiety in general. It is an offering to let anxiety come with you on your journey. It is the commitment to welcoming fear, which is a human experience, into our days and lots getting side tracked with its presence.  Being in “Yes Mind” is a mindset. It moves us closer to acceptance of our discomfort and improves our ability to just be in our experience, without fighting it, resenting it or pushing it onto other people.

Why is acceptance and willingness important?

  • Studies suggest that accepting your discomfort will actually reduce your perceived discomfort.
  • Some studies have even concluded that when studying patients with severe pain, the acceptance of pain resulted in reports of lower pain than those who were medicated for pain. While these studies are very complex with many complex components, the point is, acceptance works!
  • When we accepted fear, we use our energy appropriately and productively, instead of wasting energy going over and over how terrible things are (or might be). PS: Remember, this is “maybe mind”.

So, lets try to catch ourselves in NO mind and MAYBE mind.  Lets try to stay in YES mind as much as we can, OK?