Sometimes we are so overwhelmed with all of the pressure (from work, friends, family, school, society) that we forget that the pressure we feel isn’t always mandatory. We CAN give ourselves permission to drop the pressure and just BE. I know! This might sound super impossible, but hear me out.
What would happen if you responded to the anxiety and pressure and stress with,
“I give myself permission to eat whatever I wanted”
“I give myself permission to have scary thoughts” (such as intrusive violent, sexual or scrupulous thoughts)
“I give myself permission to not only have these scary thoughts but also not solve what they mean about me”
“I give myself permission to allow this anxiety to be here”
“I give myself permission to be imperfect”
“I give myself permission to rest!”
“I give myself permission to just be ME”
This is some powerful stuff!
Giving yourself permission to listen to your body can be incredibly helpful when managing eating disorders (and disordered eating), Intrusive thoughts associated with Obsessive Compulsive (including harm, sexual, religious, contamination and symmetry obsessions to list a few), Social Anxiety, Perfectionism, low self-esteem and chronic anxiety and panic.
Listen to hear why this is such an important tool for managing anxiety and reducing the pressure we feel daily.
Are you tired of feeling like anxiety always has the reins? This tool might be exactly what you are looking for and can be a powerful complement to the work you are already doing with anxiety.
The tool is called “Shoulders Back!” and our AMAZING CBT ROCKSTAR guest is Shala Nicely!
Shala explains how she came across this tool and how she uses it, both in her own life and with her clients with anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). The reason I LOVE this tool so much is that it is easy, empowering and science-based.
Here are the links we discussed! Don’t forget to check out Shala and Jeff Bell’s E-course to help you with motivation for ERP for OCD.
Yep, you read it correctly! Today we are talking about Checking Behaviors!
Chances are, you have done these behaviors a million times
They sound like this….“Just to make sure”
“I would prefer to be certain”
“I cant handle my anxiety if I don’t….”
“Terrible things will happen if I don’t…..”
If you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you might check doors, stove knobs, hair dryers, crock pots (new for those who watched the TV show, This IS us),
For those with Health Anxiety, you might check your ailments, sores, blemishes, degree of pain etc
For those with Perfectionism, you might check emails, texts, phone messages, assignments for school etc
For those with social anxiety, you might check Evite lists on who is going to an event, check your clothing or teeth in the mirror repetitively.
Checking is an attempt to control our surroundings in hopes to avoid possible bad things from happening.We might be avoiding the uncertainty of knowing if we will get sick or not. We might be trying to eliminate entirely the chances of the house burning down or being robbed. Or, we might be trying to eradicate any chance of being seen as anything less than perfect.We might be afraid of embarrassment.
But let’s be honest!
The chances are, you are mostly just trying to eradicate THOUGHTS about these events.Or, maybe you are trying to eradicate the presence of anxiety around these topics.
I understand this conundrum.It is not uncommon to want to make sure you aren’t going to burn down the house or miss a deadline or leave the door of your house wide open.We all do checking behaviors from time to time.
However, let’s be really honest with ourselves.If you find you are doing these activities over and over, chances are that you are mostly in the fight against uncertainty….and let me let you in on a little secret.You won’t will this one.Fighting uncertainty is like trying to get a toddler out the door on time for school.The more you rush it, the longer they take.True story!
Some might say, but when I do it, after some time, I DO find relief. I get it.Some are lucky to find those moments when the anxiety is lifted and you can walk away with a sense of, “Ok. I can move on”
Listen to the episode to learn about how to work on reducing compulsive checking behaviors!
When it comes to anxiety, WE CANNOT CONTINUE WITH THIS.We must change the arm in which we are strongest.
And lets be honest.Uncertainty is all around us.It is something we have to deal with even if few don’t have anxiety.It comes in every stage of our lives. Let’s work to strengthen our ability to make space for discomfort in our lives.
Well, this week I tell you a story about the most influential moment I have experienced regarding boundary setting. It is one of my favorite stories to tell because it taught me SO MUCH about setting boundaries and helped me see that some of the beliefs I had around setting boundaries were ENTIRELY wrong!
During this podcast, we discuss FOUR steps to Boundary Setting and discuss how this can help us manage anxiety, resentment, and anger.
I hope you enjoy the story as much I as enjoy telling it!
Welcome back to the Series on Problematic Anxiety-Related Behaviors.
Today, we are talking about Mindfulness-based tools to help with Reassurance Seeking.
For those of you who don’t think this topic applies to you, stick around a little.You might find that you are employing this behavior, even in slight and tricky ways.
As mentioned in the last episode, there are behaviors that you can reduce, which will result in better outcomes when it comes to anxiety. Last Week we discussed Avoidance and how this compulsion only makes fear worse. This week, as we mentioned, we are discussing Reassurance Seeking Compulsions.
So, What is Reassurance Seeking?
Before I give a definition, let me give you some examples and you can see if you resonate with any of these.
Am I doing this right? (Common in Perfectionism)
Did you turn off the stove? Did I turn off the…….. (Common in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
Are you sure everything will be ok?
Do I look ok? (Common in Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Eating Disorders)
You still love me, right?
Do you think I will fail this test? (Common in Perfectionism)
Do you think I hurt their feelings?
Do you think they are mad at me?
Do you think I could get sick? (Common in Health Anxiety and Contamination OCD)
Did I hurt someone? Could I hurt someone? (Common in Harm OCD)
Don’t get me wrong. These are questions that I would consider “appropriate” questions.
However, the problem lies in their frequency and intention.
If you find yourself asking questions repetitively, or you find yourself asking these questions when you know they don’t have the solution/answer, it is probably Reassurance Seeking.
Also, if you find yourself asking these questions when you could be finding the solution yourself, this could be Reassurance Seeking.
And lastly, if you find yourself attempting to find certainty in a situation where there is little to NO certainty, this podcast is for you!
Reassurance Seeking is an action of removing someone’s doubts or fears.Reassurance seeking is very common (and problematic) behavior in Anxiety Disorders such as OCD, phobias, panic disorder, Generalize Anxiety Disorder. It is also common in Body Dysmorphic Disorder and Eating Disorders.
That being said, it applies to us all, in our management of our own anxiety.
The goal is to recognize that we must not reach outside ourselves to remove our doubts and fears.
Drawing other into our anxiety usually only makes it messier and creates a dynamic where you feel reliant on them to manage your anxiety.
Also, Reassurance Seeking complicates relationships and can backfire.People may not give you the response you were looking for and cause you to have even more anxiety.
Often clients report that their partner sometimes is very supportive and answers their questions very well, but over time, then the partner gets annoyed and then it creates friction. Does this sound familiar?
The goal is to acknowledge your own fears as they arise, either allow them to simply be there using your mindfulness skills or work through them on your own.
Remember, treat your fears the way you want your brain to interpret them in the future.
BIG announcement and Why You Have to Stop Avoiding
First, let me share some EXCITING news with you!
I am so excited to share with you some news about the work I am focusing on in 2018!
But first, let me tell you the back story.
Each year, I do my best to attend several conferences for OCD, Anxiety, Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRB’s) and Depression. I have had the privilege of presenting at many of these conferences over the years and I often return home in a state of joy, empowerment and determination to help those who struggle with these debilitating disorders. I love learning all about the evidence-based treatment modalities for OCD, Anxiety Disorders and Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors such as Trichotillomania and Skin Picking and using the skills to increase recovery outcomes and improve self-esteem and self-care.
However, last year, I left one of the conferences quite sad.I was sad for those sufferers who attended the conferences and then had to return home to their hometown, with very little support and no evidence-based services but licensed mental health professionals. So few therapist know how to treat OCD, BFRB’s and Anxiety Disorders using the treatment modalities that are so successful and appropriate.
From this frustration, I decided to create an online psycho-education platform where I can offer support and educational products to those who cannot access correct care.
I am so proud to announce the creation of CBTschool.com.CBTschool.com is an online platform when you can access information and online courses on how to overcome your struggles with OCD, Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRB’s), Anxiety Disorders, Panic and Depression. Each course will apply Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (hence the term CBT, in CBT School) and Mindfulness Tools.These are the exact tools I use with my clients every day in my office.
I currently have one course ready to be purchased, called Mindfulness School for OCD. I will talk more about this in coming podcasts.Keep an eye out, as there will be more to purchase very soon.
In addition to the online courses, I plan to meet at a designated time each month to join with you on Facebook Live and Instagram, to answer any questions you may have and help you along with your journey.
More exciting news is the YOUR ANXIETY TOOLKIT podcast is now a production of CBTschool.com and we will continue to provide evidence based tools for Anxiety, Depression and Emotional Dysregulation.
Lastly, if you check out CBTschool.com’s websites, you will see that there is also some awesome free PDF’s available to help you with self care and mindfulness.
I am so thrilled to share this news with you. Feel free to connect with me on FB or Instagram.
Now, onto the important stuff!
This episode is a part or an ongoing series where we discuss Problematic Anxiety Related Behaviors (also know as Compulsions).
In this episode, we will discuss a very important and problematic compulsion, which is Avoidance.
Avoidance is the withdrawal from an object, event, person or experience
Avoidance is a common behavior we employ to manage anxiety, fear, panic, obsessions and intrusive thoughts.
While our brain uses “flight” to activate us to run away from real danger and stressors, we sometime use avoidance and “flight” to avoid thoughts and fears of bad things happening.
The problem is, the more you avoid events or experiences that you perceive to be dangerous (when really they are not currently a risk to your wellbeing) the more you tell your brain that that event or experience is dangerous and the more your brain responds with physical anxiety when you go to the event or engage in the experience.
Example: What if I get sick if I touch that door handle or ATM teller?
NOTE: Sentences that begin with “WHAT if” imply that they have not happened yet.
If you were my client and this was a common fear for you, and you have been avoiding this, I would have you go and use the ATM bank teller!!
By not avoiding, we unlock the fear response cycle our brain is looped into.
This applies to fears that you are a bad person, that you will do something wrong, that awful horrible things will happen.
Trick!!! When I say that….what is the immediate thought you have?
But, Kimberley, my fear is serious!!Nope.Your fear is a thought
But Kimberley, I could ruin peoples live if I stopped avoiding the thing I am afraid of.POSSIBLY!!
Here is my questions for you.What kind of life do you want to live?Consult with your values.
Do you want to live in fear? Do you want to let anxiety make your decisions?Or even more, a thought make your decisions?
Or, do you want to strengthen courage and resilience?
This is a question we have to ask ourselves every day.How Do I want to live my life?
Take risks!Look at your life and ask yourself what you are avoiding.Try to not let anxiety win this one.
Find a way to reduce the avoidance.
Find a way to forgive yourself for avoiding it for so long.Don’t beat yourself up.
Have a wonderful week everyone! See you next week!
In this episode, we try a new meditation to help you stay present in THIS day.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It is a great guided meditation to help you stay centered on the present moment and let go of yesterdays events or tomorrows possible happenings. I recorded this meditation at the beach, as this is where I feel the most present and alive. I hope you find it helpful. It has become a daily part of my practice and I hope it brings you empowerment and peace.
Well, it’s that time of year! You know, the time where you reflect on the year and set outrageous resolutions for the upcoming year. It is when you dwell on all the things you DIDN’T do last year that you said you would.
During this podcast, I walk through a very successful way to set intentions for the upcoming Year, Month, Week, Day and even Hour! I walk you through why New Year’s Resolutions rarely work and how I use Honesty and values to set goals that will improve self compassion, self-respect and effectiveness.
I also give a few examples of how this applies to those with OCD, Eating Disorders, Social Anxiety and Panic Attacks.
Last of all, I want to with you the HAPPIEST and SAFEST New Year!
Today, I am thrilled to have guest, Alison Dotson on the Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast.
During this podcast, Alison shares her journey from not even knowing what OCD was to what helped her with her recovery. Alison and I had a fun time also managing technological hiccups, which ended up being a wonderful practice of mindfulness.
In this book, Alison shares her personal journey with obsessive-compulsive disorder and includes some of the most heart-wrenching details. Her genuine goal is to spread awareness and helping teens and young adults with OCD.
Today, we have an AMAZING guess on the podcast, Dave Trachtenberg. Dave is the Program Director at Minds Incorporated. Minds Inc. is a non-profit dedicated to empowering Washington DC-area schools by teaching mindfulness-based practices to students, educators, and parents.
During the Podcast, Dave shares how
Minds Inc. teaches students, starting in elementary school (and their educators, and parents) simple daily mindfulness practices. Dave speaks about how these teachings increase focus and attention, reduce stress and anxiety, create resilience and the capacity to handle difficult emotions, and build compassion.
As discussed in the podcast, sometimes when I get down about the state of the world, I find myself doing late night Google searches on how I can make it better. In my searches, I found Minds Inc’s website and came across Dave. Dave shared some beautiful stories about helping young children and teens and also shared his own struggles with OCD, Tic Disorder, Depression and Self-worth.
Dave answered the following questions:
Tell us about Minds Inc?
What got you involved in teaching meditation to Teachers, Students and Parents?
What is your personal experience with meditation and Mindfulness?
What at some experiences/examples of situations you have had with youth at Minds Incorporated?(successes, struggles, changes made)?
What type of meditation does Minds Inc. teach?
What special tools/practices do you use for living mindfully?
What advice do you give for those starting out with meditation?
Tell us how you manage struggles with meditation?
How can we teach our children?
This was one of my favorite conversations and I am so thrilled to share it with you. I would love to hear your feedback.
Here are the links we discussed! Don’t forget to check out Shala and Jeff Bell’s E-course to help you with motivation for ERP for OCD.
As discussed in the podcast, sometimes when I get down about the state of the world, I find myself doing late night Google searches on how I can make it better.