Kimberley Quinlan interviews Nikki DuBose on her new book about her life and recovery from Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Binge Eating Disorder, Bulimia Nervosa and Schizophrenia
Nikki DuBose is a former model turned author, speaker, and mental health advocate. Her debut memoir, Washed Away: From Darkness to Light, speaks about her experience with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Binge-Eating Disorder, Bulimia Nervosa, Schizophrenia and child abuse.
DuBose’s memoir touched me in so many ways. As a mental health professional, one of the things that struck me the most in this book was her ability to articulate the small, yet significant details of what it is like experience Bulimia Nervosa, Binge-Eating Disorder, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Schizophrenia and sexual and physical abuse. My goal for this video interview was to explore more about DuBose’s experience with Bulimia Nervosa, Binge-Eating Disorder and Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).
During this interview, Nikki discussed the below topics:
- Nikki’s experience of having Body Dysmorphic Disorder
- What compulsions/rituals she performed related to Body Dysmorphic Disorder and her body
- What advice would Nikki give to those who have Body Dysmorphic Disorder and are seriously considering surgery (including the thought that “this is the last one!” or “I cant be happy until it’s done”)
- How to manage the expectations of our society, current marketing trends and fashion industry when having Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Binge Eating Disorder and Bulimia Nervosa.
- The major lessons in Nikki’s recovery for Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Binge Eating Disorder and Bulimia Nervosa.
- Nikki’s experience of the first few days of returning to eating without purging or binging.
- Nikki’s experience of her body now.
- Nikki’s advice for those who don’t connect with religion or spirituality in recovery.
- Nikki’s experience with child abuse.
- How child abuse and adult sexual abuse impacted Nikki’s recovery from Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Bulimia Nervosa and Binge-Eating?
- How to manage self-comparison related to eating disorders or other mental health disorders.
Below is one of my favorites passages from Nikki’s book. This is a perfect example of Nikki’s ability to articulate the mental process and physical experience of having mental illness, specifically Body Dysmorphic Disorder, child abuse and body image struggles.
“Once the mania began in isolation, I became a slave to my flesh. At all hours, I lived imprisoned in my imagination, unable to connect to reality and engage in life. One the outside, I seemed like an aloof nine-year-old, but at my core, I was an animal foaming at the mouth.
Every evening after supper, I looked for an opportunity to ditch my time with Nana; instead, I sneaked bags of candies and chips into my bedroom, then I binged and worked off the calories for hours on end. But no matter how much I exercised, I couldn’t see a pretty girl in the mirror, only a freakish creature that deserved to die.
When the new school year started, I caged myself in from the world. I lied and told Momma and Stephen that I was doing homework in my room when really, I binged and danced. The grueling routines left me exhausted, but a sinister force prompted me to press on; the evil voices controlled me, and they never let me turn my eyes away from the mirror. “The fat isn’t coming off fast enough, dumb ass. Hurry Up!” Although I was a hostage to my mind, I secretly loved it. Stephen and Momma didn’t have to abuse me anymore, I could abuse myself.”
For more information about Nikki Dubose, please visit her website here.
You can also purchase her book here